THE AWAKENING.
苏醒了。

“Shameful and stupid, horrid and shameful!” —
“可耻而愚蠢，可怕而可耻！” —

Nekhludoff kept saying to himself, as he walked home along the familiar streets. —
走在熟悉的街道上，涅赫卢多夫对自己说。 —

The depression he had felt whilst speaking to Missy would not leave him. —
在与米西说话时感到的沮丧一直没有离开他。 —

He felt that, looking at it externally, as it were, he was in the right, for he had never said anything to her that could be considered binding, never made her an offer; —
他觉得，从外部看，他是正确的，因为他从未对她说过任何可以被视为约束的话，从未向她提出过要求； —

but he knew that in reality he had bound himself to her, had promised to be hers. —
但他知道，实际上他已经和她绑定在一起，已经承诺要成为她的。 —

And yet to-day he felt with his whole being that he could not marry her.
然而，今天他从内心感受到，他不能娶她。

“Shameful and horrid, horrid and shameful!” —
“可耻和可怕，可怕和可耻！” —

he repeated to himself, with reference not only to his relations with Missy but also to the rest. —
他对自己说，不仅是在提到他与米西的关系，也包括其他事情。 —

“Everything is horrid and shameful,” he muttered, as he stepped into the porch of his house. —
“一切都是可怕和可耻的”，他嘟囔道，当进入他的房子门廊时。 —

“I am not going to have any supper,” he said to his manservant Corney, who followed him into the dining-room, where the cloth was laid for supper and tea. “You may go.”
“我不想吃晚餐了”，他对跟随他进餐厅的男仆科尼说，“你可以走了。”

“Yes, sir,” said Corney, yet he did not go, but began clearing the supper off the table. —
“是的，先生”，科尼说道，但他没有走，而是开始收拾桌子上的晚餐。 —

Nekhludoff looked at Corney with a feeling of ill-will. —
涅赫卢多夫怀着不快的情绪看着科尼。 —

He wished to be left alone, and it seemed to him that everybody was bothering him in order to spite him. —
他希望自己被留下来，并且觉得每个人都在麻烦他，好像是要刁难他。 —

When Corney had gone away with the supper things, Nekhludoff moved to the tea urn and was about to make himself some tea, but hearing Agraphena Petrovna’s footsteps, he went hurriedly into the drawing-room, to avoid being seen by her, and shut the door after him. —
当科尼带着晚餐的东西走开后，涅赫卢多夫走到茶壶旁准备给自己冲茶，但听到阿格拉芙娜·彼得罗芙娜的脚步声，他匆忙走进客厅，避免被她看到，并在他后面关上门。 —

In this drawing-room his mother had died three months before. —
在这个客厅里，他的母亲三个月前去世了。 —

On entering the room, in which two lamps with reflectors were burning, one lighting up his father’s and the other his mother’s portrait, he remembered what his last relations with his mother had been. —
当他走进房间，两盏带反光器的灯照亮他父亲和母亲的肖像，他想起了他与母亲最后的关系。 —

And they also seemed shameful and horrid. —
而且这些关系看起来很可耻和可怕。 —

He remembered how, during the latter period of her illness, he had simply wished her to die. —
他记得在她病重的最后阶段，他只是希望她去世。 —

He had said to himself that he wished it for her sake, that she might be released from her suffering, but in reality he wished to be released from the sight of her sufferings for his own sake.
他告诉自己他是为了她好，希望她能摆脱痛苦，但实际上他是希望自己能摆脱看到她痛苦的样子。

Trying to recall a pleasant image of her, he went up to look at her portrait, painted by a celebrated artist for 800 roubles. —
试图回忆起她愉快的形象，他走上前去看她的肖像，这幅画是由一位著名艺术家为800卢布而画的。 —

She was depicted in a very low-necked black velvet dress. —
她被描绘在一件非常低领的黑天鹅绒连衣裙中。 —

There was something very revolting and blasphemous in this representation of his mother as a half-nude beauty. —
这幅作品把他的母亲描绘成了一个半裸的美人，这种描绘让人感到非常令人作呕和亵渎。 —

It was all the more disgusting because three months ago, in this very room, lay this same woman, dried up to a mummy. —
更令人恶心的是，三个月前，就在这个房间，同一个女人躺在这里，变成了一具干瘪的木乃伊。 —

And he remembered how a few days before her death she clasped his hand with her bony, discoloured fingers, looked into his eyes, and said: —
他记得在她去世前几天，她用枯瘦、发黑的手指紧紧握住他的手，凝视着他的眼睛说： —

“Do not judge me, Mitia, if I have not done what I should,” and how the tears came into her eyes, grown pale with suffering.
“米夏，如果我没有做应该做的事情，请不要责怪我。”她的眼睛因为痛苦而变得苍白，流出了眼泪。

“Ah, how horrid!” he said to himself, looking up once more at the half-naked woman, with the splendid marble shoulders and arms, and the triumphant smile on her lips. —
“啊，太可怕了！”他自言自语地看着那半裸的女人，带着辉煌的大理石肩膀和手臂，以及唇角的胜利微笑。 —

“Oh, how horrid!” The bared shoulders of the portrait reminded him of another, a young woman, whom he had seen exposed in the same way a few days before. —
“哦，太可怕了！”肖像的裸露肩膀让他想起了另一个，一个少女，几天前以同样的方式暴露在他眼前。 —

It was Missy, who had devised an excuse for calling him into her room just as she was ready to go to a ball, so that he should see her in her ball dress. —
那是米西，她编造借口让他进入她的房间，正好在她准备去舞会时，这样他就能看到她穿着舞会礼服的样子。 —

It was with disgust that he remembered her fine shoulders and arms. —
他回想起她精美的肩膀和手臂时充满了恶心。 —

“And that father of hers, with his doubtful past and his cruelties, and the bel-esprit her mother, with her doubtful reputation.” —
“她的父亲，那个过去可疑的人，他的残暴行为，以及她的母亲，那个被质疑名誉的美丽灵魂。” —

All this disgusted him, and also made him feel ashamed. —
这一切让他感到恶心，也让他感到羞愧。 —

“Shameful and horrid; horrid and shameful!”
“可耻而可怕；可怕而可耻！”

“No, no,” he thought; “freedom from all these false relations with the Korchagins and Mary Vasilievna and the inheritance and from all the rest must be got. —
“不，不，”他想，“必须摆脱一切这些与科尔恰金家、玛丽·瓦西里耶夫娜、遗产以及其他东西的虚假关系。 —

Oh, to breathe freely, to go abroad, to Rome and work at my picture!” —
哦，可以自由呼吸，去国外，去罗马，专心做我的画作！” —

He remembered the doubts he had about his talent for art. “Well, never mind; —
他想起自己对艺术天赋的怀疑。“嗯，没关系； —

only just to breathe freely. First Constantinople, then Rome. Only just to get through with this jury business, and arrange with the advocate first.”
只是为了自由呼吸。先去君士坦丁堡，然后去罗马。只是要结束陪审团的事情，先和律师商量好。”

Then suddenly there arose in his mind an extremely vivid picture of a prisoner with black, slightly-squinting eyes, and how she began to cry when the last words of the prisoners had been heard; —
突然，他脑海中出现了一个极为生动的画面，一个黑眼睛微微斜视的囚犯，以及她在听完其他囚犯最后的话后开始哭泣； —

and he hurriedly put out his cigarette, pressing it into the ash-pan, lit another, and began pacing up and down the room. —
他匆匆熄灭烟头，按进烟灰缸，点了一支新的烟，开始在房间里踱步。 —

One after another the scenes he had lived through with her rose in his mind. —
他的脑海中一个接着一个地浮现出与她一起度过的场景。 —

He recalled that last interview with her. —
他回忆起与她最后的那次会面。 —

He remembered the white dress and blue sash, the early mass. —
他记得那件白色连衣裙和蓝色腰带，早晨弥撒。 —

“Why, I loved her, really loved her with a good, pure love, that night; I loved her even before: —
“为什么，那个晚上我真正爱她，真诚地爱她; 甚至在之前我与姑姑们一起生活，写我的作文时，我就爱她了。” —

yes, I loved her when I lived with my aunts the first time and was writing my composition.” —
他回想起那时的自己。 —

And he remembered himself as he had been then. —
“是的，我真的爱过她。” —

A breath of that freshness, youth and fulness of life seemed to touch him, and he grew painfully sad. —
他仿佛感受到了那种新鲜、年轻和充满生命的气息，他变得痛苦地悲伤起来。 —

The difference between what he had been then and what he was now, was enormous–just as great, if not greater than the difference between Katusha in church that night, and the prostitute who had been carousing with the merchant and whom they judged this morning. —
他当时和现在的差别巨大–就像卡杜莎在教堂的那天晚上和那个和商人狂欢的妓女之间的差别一样大，而他们今早对她进行了评判。 —

Then he was free and fearless, and innumerable possibilities lay ready to open before him; —
当时他是自由和无畏的，无数的可能性摆在他面前； —

now he felt himself caught in the meshes of a stupid, empty, valueless, frivolous life, out of which he saw no means of extricating himself even if he wished to, which he hardly did. —
现在，他感到自己被困在一生荒诞、空洞、毫无价值、轻佻的生活中，即使他想要，他也看不到任何摆脱的办法。 —

He remembered how proud he was at one time of his straightforwardness, how he had made a rule of always speaking the truth, and really had been truthful; —
他记得自己曾经为自己的正直感到自豪，他总是讲真话，真的是真诚的； —

and how he was now sunk deep in lies: in the most dreadful of lies–lies considered as the truth by all who surrounded him. —
现在，他沉浸在谎言中：在那些周围所有人都认为是真理的最可怕的谎言中。 —

And, as far as he could see, there was no way out of these lies. —
就他所见，这些谎言没有出路。 —

He had sunk in the mire, got used to it, indulged himself in it.
他沉浸在泥潭中，习惯了，沉溺其中。

How was he to break off his relations with Mary Vasilievna and her husband in such a way as to be able to look him and his children in the eyes? —
他要如何结束与玛丽-瓦西里耶夫娜和她丈夫的关系，以至于可以直视他和他的孩子们呢？ —

How disentangle himself from Missy? How choose between the two opposites–the recognition that holding land was unjust and the heritage from his mother? —
他要如何摆脱米西？要作出选择，选择正义的持有土地和母亲的遗产之间的两个对立面？ —

How atone for his sin against Katusha? This last, at any rate, could not be left as it was. —
要怎样赎回对卡杜莎的罪过？至少这最后一点不能就这样了。 —

He could not abandon a woman he had loved, and satisfy himself by paying money to an advocate to save her from hard labour in Siberia. —
他不能抛弃一个他曾经爱过的女人，并满足于支付金钱给律师来挽救她免于西伯利亚的苦役。 —

She had not even deserved hard labour. Atone for a fault by paying money? —
她甚至没有值得被判苦役。通过支付金钱来赎罪？ —

Had he not then, when he gave her the money, thought he was atoning for his fault?
那时，当他给她钱的时候，他难道不是认为自己在赎回自己的罪过吗？

And he clearly recalled to mind that moment when, having caught her up in the passage, he thrust the money into her bib and ran away. —
他清楚地回想起那一刻，当他抓住她在走廊里，将钱塞进她的围裙口袋，然后逃走。 —

“Oh, that money!” he thought with the same horror and disgust he had then felt. “Oh, dear! —
“哦，那笔钱！”他内心惊恐和厌恶，就像那时他所感到的一样。“哦，亲爱的！ —

oh, dear! how disgusting,” he cried aloud as he had done then. —
哦，亲爱的！多么恶心啊，”他像当时一样大声呼喊。 —

“Only a scoundrel, a knave, could do such a thing. And I am that knave, that scoundrel!” —
“只有恶棍、无赖才会做这种事。而我就是那个无赖，那个恶棍！” —

He went on aloud: “But is it possible?”–he stopped and stood still–“is it possible that I am really a scoundrel? —
他继续大声说道：“但这可能吗？”——他停下来站在原地——“真的可能么，我真的就是一个无赖吗？ —

… Well, who but I?” he answered himself. “And then, is this the only thing?” —
…好吧，除了我还有谁呢？”他自己回答。 “那么，这就是唯一的事吗？” —

he went on, convicting himself. “Was not my conduct towards Mary Vasilievna and her husband base and disgusting? —
他继续说，指责自己。“对玛丽娅·瓦西里耶芙娜夫妇的态度是低劣和恶心的吗？ —

And my position with regard to money? To use riches considered by me unlawful on the plea that they are inherited from my mother? —
以及我对金钱的态度？使用我认为是不合法的财富，借口是继承自我母亲？ —

And the whole of my idle, detestable life? And my conduct towards Katusha to crown all? —
还有我整个肆意、可憎的生活？最后再加上我对卡图莎的行为？ —

Knave and scoundrel! Let men judge me as they like, I can deceive them; —
无赖和恶棍！让人们如何评价我，我能欺骗他们； —

but myself I cannot deceive.”
但我却无法欺骗自己。”

And, suddenly, he understood that the aversion he had lately, and particularly to-day, felt for everybody–the Prince and Sophia Vasilievna and Corney and Missy–was an aversion for himself. —
突然间，他明白了最近尤其是今天他对每个人—王子、索菲亚·瓦西里耶芙娜、科尔尼和米西—所感到的反感是对自己的反感。 —

And, strange to say, in this acknowledgement of his baseness there was something painful yet joyful and quieting.
令人奇怪的是，在承认自己卑鄙时，有一种令人痛苦却又喜悦和平静的感觉。

More than once in Nekhludoff’s life there had been what he called a “cleansing of the soul.” —
尼赫鲁多夫一生中不止一次发生过他所谓的“灵魂净化”。 —

By “cleansing of the soul” he meant a state of mind in which, after a long period of sluggish inner life, a total cessation of its activity, he began to clear out all the rubbish that had accumulated in his soul, and was the cause of the cessation of the true life. —
他所谓的“灵魂净化”是指，在长时间的懒惰内心生活以及真正生活的中断后，他开始清理在灵魂中积累的所有垃圾，这是造成真正生命停滞的原因。 —

His soul needed cleansing as a watch does. —
他的灵魂就像手表一样需要清洁。 —

After such an awakening Nekhludoff always made some rules for himself which he meant to follow forever after, wrote his diary, and began afresh a life which he hoped never to change again. —
在这样的觉醒之后，涅赫留多夫总是给自己制定一些规则，他打算永远遵守，写下日记，并开始一种他希望永远不会改变的生活。 —

“Turning over a new leaf,” he called it to himself in English. —
他自己用英语称之为”翻开新的一页”。 —

But each time the temptations of the world entrapped him, and without noticing it he fell again, often lower than before.
但每当世俗的诱惑困扰他时，他在不知不觉中再次堕落，往往比以前还要糟糕。

Thus he had several times in his life raised and cleansed himself. —
因此，他几次在生活中重新振作起来，变得清洁。 —

The first time this happened was during the summer he spent with his aunts; —
第一次这种情况发生是当他与他的姑姑们一起度过的夏天； —

that was his most vital and rapturous awakening, and its effects had lasted some time. —
那是他最重要、最狂喜的醒悟，其影响持续了一段时间。 —

Another awakening was when he gave up civil service and joined the army at war time, ready to sacrifice his life. —
另一个觉醒是当他放弃了文职，参军服役，在战争期间，准备牺牲自己的生命。 —

But here the choking-up process was soon accomplished. —
但这里的阻碍过程很快就完成了。 —

Then an awakening came when he left the army and went abroad, devoting himself to art.
离开军队，出国后，他开始专心于艺术，就有了一次觉醒。

From that time until this day a long period had elapsed without any cleansing, and therefore the discord between the demands of his conscience and the life he was leading was greater than it had ever been before. —
从那时起到现在，已经过了很长一段时间，没有任何净化，因此他的良心要求与他过着的生活之间的不和谐比以往任何时候都要大。 —

He was horror-struck when he saw how great the divergence was. —
当他看到分歧是多么大时，他感到恐惧。 —

It was so great and the defilement so complete that he despaired of the possibility of getting cleansed. —
分歧如此之大，污秽如此之深，使他对得到净化的可能性感到绝望。 —

“Have you not tried before to perfect yourself and become better, and nothing has come of it?” —
“你以前没有试图完善自己变得更好吗，什么效果都没有吗？” —

whispered the voice of the tempter within. “What is the use of trying any more? —
诱惑者的声音在内心低语道。“再试也没有什么用了吧？ —

Are you the only one?–All are alike, such is life,” whispered the voice. —
你是唯一的吗？–所有人都一样，生活就是这样。” 低语声道。 —

But the free spiritual being, which alone is true, alone powerful, alone eternal, had already awakened in Nekhludoff, and he could not but believe it. —
但是，已经在涅赫鲁多夫心中觉醒的自由精神，唯一真实的，唯一强大的，唯一永恒的，不得不相信它。 —

Enormous though the distance was between what he wished to be and what he was, nothing appeared insurmountable to the newly-awakened spiritual being.
尽管他希望成为的人和他现在的自我之间的巨大距离，对于这位新觉醒的精神实体来说，并没有什么看似不可逾越。

“At any cost I will break this lie which binds me and confess everything, and will tell everybody the truth, and act the truth,” he said resolutely, aloud. —
“不惜一切代价，我要打破束缚我的谎言，坦白一切，告诉每个人真相，并实行真相，”他坚决地大声说道。 —

“I shall tell Missy the truth, tell her I am a profligate and cannot marry her, and have only uselessly upset her. —
“我要告诉米丝真相，告诉她我是个放荡者，不能与她结婚，只是毫无意义地使她沮丧。 —

I shall tell Mary Vasilievna… Oh, there is nothing to tell her. —
我要告诉玛丽亚·瓦西里耶夫娜……哦，她根本没有什么可说的。 —

I shall tell her husband that I, scoundrel that I am, have been deceiving him. —
我要告诉她的丈夫，我这个无赖一直在欺骗他。 —

I shall dispose of the inheritance in such a way as to acknowledge the truth. —
我会以一种方式处理遗产，承认真相。 —

I shall tell her, Katusha, that I am a scoundrel and have sinned towards her, and will do all I can to ease her lot. —
我将告诉她，卡秋莎，我是一个恶棍，对她有过罪行，我会尽我所能来减轻她的困境。 —

Yes, I will see her, and will ask her to forgive me.
是的，我会去见她，并请求她原谅我。

“Yes, I will beg her pardon, as children do.” … He stopped—“will marry her if necessary.” —
“是的，我会请求她的原谅，就像小孩子一样。” … 他停了下来—“如果必要的话，会和她结婚。 —

He stopped again, folded his hands in front of his breast as he used to do when a little child, lifted his eyes, and said, addressing some one: —
他再次停下来，将双手合拢在胸前，就像小时候一样，抬起眼睛，对着某个人说： —

“Lord, help me, teach me, come enter within me and purify me of all this abomination.”
“主啊，帮助我，教导我，进入我内心，并净化我所有的邪恶。”

He prayed, asking God to help him, to enter into him and cleanse him; —
他祈祷着，请求上帝帮助他，进入他并净化他; —

and what he was praying for had happened already: —
他所祈求的早已发生： —

the God within him had awakened his consciousness. —
他内心的上帝已经唤醒了他的意识。 —

He felt himself one with Him, and therefore felt not only the freedom, fulness and joy of life, but all the power of righteousness. —
他感觉自己与祂合而为一，因此感受到了不仅是生命的自由、充实和喜悦，还有一切正义的力量。 —

All, all the best that a man could do he felt capable of doing.
他感觉可以做到一个人所能做到的一切。

His eyes filled with tears as he was saying all this to himself, good and bad tears: —
当他自言自语时，他的眼睛湿润了，既有好的眼泪： —

good because they were tears of joy at the awakening of the spiritual being within him, the being which had been asleep all these years; —
好的是因为这是因为他因为内心的神灵被唤醒而感到喜悦的泪水，这个神灵已经在他内心沉睡了这么多年； —

and bad tears because they were tears of tenderness to himself at his own goodness.
坏的是因为这是因为他因为自己的善良而对自己感到温柔而留的眼泪。

He felt hot, and went to the window and opened it. The window opened into a garden. —
他感到发热，走向窗口打开了窗户。这扇窗户通向一个花园。 —

It was a moonlit, quiet, fresh night; a vehicle rattled past, and then all was still. —
这是一个月光灿烂、宁静清爽的夜晚；一辆车驶过，然后就一片寂静。 —

The shadow of a tall poplar fell on the ground just opposite the window, and all the intricate pattern of its bare branches was clearly defined on the clean swept gravel. —
一棵高大杨树的影子倒映在地面上，它光秃的树枝复杂的图案清晰地显现在清洁的石子路上。 —

To the left the roof of a coach-house shone white in the moonlight, in front the black shadow of the garden wall was visible through the tangled branches of the trees.
向左是马厩屋顶在月光下闪闪发光，正前方花园墙的黑影透过纠结的树枝可见。

Nekhludoff gazed at the roof, the moonlit garden, and the shadows of the poplar, and drank in the fresh, invigorating air.
尼克露道夫凝视着屋顶、月光下的花园和杨树的影子，深呼吸着清新、令人振奋的空气。

“How delightful, how delightful; oh, God, how delightful” he said, meaning that which was going on in his soul.
“多么令人愉悦，多么令人愉悦；哦，上帝，多么令人愉悦，”他说，指的是他内心正在经历的。

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