AGAIN PIERRE was overtaken by that despondency he so dreaded. —
亲爱的皮埃尔再次被他如此害怕的绝望所淹没。 —

For three days after the delivery of his speech at the lodge he lay on a sofa at home, seeing no one, and going nowhere.
在在木屋发表讲话的三天后，他躺在家里的沙发上，不见任何人，也不出门。

At this time he received a letter from his wife who besought him to see her, wrote of her unhappiness on his account, and her desire to devote her whole life to him.
这时他收到了妻子的一封信，她恳求他和她见面，写道她因他而不幸，希望把她的一生都献给他。

At the end of the letter she informed him that in a day or two she would arrive in Petersburg from abroad.
信的结尾，她通知他她将在一两天内从国外抵达圣彼得堡。

The letter was followed up by one of the freemasons whom Pierre respected least bursting in upon his solitude. —
这封信之后，一个皮埃尔最不敬重的共济会成员闯入他的孤独。 —

Turning the conversation upon Pierre’s matrimonial affairs, he gave him, by way of brotherly counsel, his opinion that his severity to his wife was wrong, and that Pierre was departing from the first principles of freemasonry in not forgiving the penitent. —
他将对话引向皮埃尔的婚姻问题，以兄弟般的忠告告诉他，他对妻子的严厉是错误的，皮埃尔不原谅后悔者是背离共济会的第一原则。 —

At the same time his mother-in-law, Prince Vassily’s wife, sent to him, beseeching him to visit her, if only for a few minutes, to discuss a matter of great importance. —
与此同时，他的岳母、瓦西里亲王的妻子也派人给他发了个请帖，请求他去拜访她，即使只有几分钟，为了讨论一件非常重要的事情。 —

Pierre saw there was a conspiracy against him, that they meant to reconcile him with his wife, and he did not even dislike this in the mood in which he then was. —
皮埃尔意识到有人对他进行阴谋，他们打算和他的妻子和好，尽管当时他的心情并不讨厌这种情况。 —

Nothing mattered to him; Pierre regarded nothing in life as a matter of great consequence, and under the influence of the despondency which had taken possession of him, he attached no significance either to his own freedom or to having his own way be punishing his wife.
什么都不重要了；在他陷入的绝望情绪的影响下，皮埃尔对自己的自由以及通过惩罚妻子来争取自己的方式，都没有给予任何重要意义。

“No one is right, no one is to blame, and so she, too, is not to blame,” he thought. —
“没有人是对的，也没有人有错，所以她也不应该受责备，”他想。 —

If Pierre did not at once give his consent to being reunited to his wife, it was simply because in the despondent state into which he had lapsed, he was incapable of taking any line of action. —
如果皮埃尔不立即同意与妻子重归于好，那只是因为在他所处的绝望状态下，他无法采取任何行动。 —

Had his wife come to him, he could not now have driven her away. —
如果他的妻子来找他，他现在已经无法把她赶走了。 —

Could it matter beside the questions that were absorbing Pierre, whether he live with his wife or not?
除了吸引皮埃尔的问题外，他是否与妻子住在一起可能有重要性吗？

Without answering either his wife or his mother-in-law, Pierre at once set off late in the evening and drove to Moscow to see Osip Alexyevitch.
皮埃尔不回答他的妻子或岳母的问题，立刻在晚上晚些时候驾车去莫斯科看望奥西普·阿列克谢维奇。

This is what Pierre wrote in his diary.
这是皮埃尔在日记里写的。

“Moscow, November 17.—I have only just come from seeing my benefactor, and I hasten to note down all I have been feeling. —
“莫斯科，11月17日。我刚刚看望了我的恩人，我急忙记录下我所感受到的一切。 —

Osip Alexyevitch lives in poverty, and has been for three years past suffering from a painful disease of the bladder. —
奥西普·阿列克谢维奇生活在贫困中，三年来一直患有痛苦的膀胱疾病。 —

No one has ever heard from him a groan or a word of complaint. —
从早到晚，除了进食最简单的食物时，没有人听到他发出一声呻吟或抱怨。 —

From morning till late at night, except at the times when he partakes of the very plainest food, he is working at science. —
除了进食的时间，他整天都在从事科学工作。 —

He received me graciously, and made me sit down on the bed on which he was lying. —
他热情地接待了我，并让我坐在他躺着的床上。 —

I made him the sign of the Knights of the East and of Jerusalem; —
我给他做了东方和耶路撒冷骑士的标志。” —

he responded with the same, and asked me with a gentle smile what I had learned and gained in the Prussian and Scottish lodges. —
他以同样的方式回应，用温和的微笑问我在普鲁士和苏格兰会所学到了什么，以及获得了什么。 —

I told him everything as best I could, repeating to him the principles of action I had proposed in our Petersburg lodge, and telling him of the unfavourable reception given me, and the rupture between me and the brothers. —
我尽力将一切告诉他，重复了我在圣彼得堡会所提出的行动原则，告诉他我受到的不友好对待，以及我和兄弟们之间的裂痕。 —

Osip Alexyevitch, after some silent thought, laid all his own views of the subject before me, which immediately threw light on all the past and all the course that lies before me. —
奥西普·阿列克谢维奇沉默了一会儿之后，向我阐明了他对这个问题的观点，这一切立即为过去和将来的道路使我明了。 —

He surprised me by asking whether I remembered the threefold aim of the order—(1) the preservation and study of the holy mystery; —
他令我惊讶地问起我是否记得会所的三重目标：（1）圣奥秘的保存和研究， —

(2) the purification and reformation of self for its reception; —
（2）为了接受它而进行的自我净化和改革， —

and (3) the improvement of the human race through striving for such purification. —
和（3）通过追求这种净化来改善人类。 —

Which, he asked, was the first and greatest of those three aims? —
他问，其中哪一个是这三个目标中的第一个也是最重要的？ —

Undoubtedly self-reformation and self-purification. —
毫无疑问，是自我改革和自我净化。 —

It is only towards that aim that we can always strive independently of all circumstances. —
只有朝着这个目标努力，我们才能独立于一切环境条件。 —

But at the same time it is just that aim which requires of us the greatest effort, and therefore, led astray by pride, we let that aim drop, and either strive to penetrate to the mystery which we are unworthy in our impurity to receive, or seek after the reformation of the human race, while we are ourselves setting an example of vice and abomination. —
但同时，正是这个目标需要我们付出最大的努力，因此，被骄傲误导，我们让这个目标消失了，要么努力探索我们不配接受的神秘，要么追求改造人类，而我们自己却是罪恶和淫秽的榜样。 —

‘Illuminism’ is not a pure doctrine precisely because it is seduced by worldly activity and puffed up with pride. —
“启蒙主义”并非纯粹的教义，正因为它受到世俗活动的诱惑并自负傲慢。 —

On this ground Osip Alexyevitch censured my speech and all I am doing. —
出于这个原因，奥西普·亚列克谢维奇批评了我的演讲和我所做的一切。 —

At the bottom of my heart I agreed with him. Talking of my domestic affairs, he said to me: —
我心底里同意他的看法。在谈到我的家庭事务时，他对我说： —

‘The first duty of a mason, as I have told you, is the perfection of himself. —
作为我告诉过你的，装饰工的首要职责就是完善自己。 —

But often we imagine that by removing all the difficulties of our life, we may better attain this aim. —
但我们经常认为通过消除生活中所有的困难，我们才能更好地实现这个目标。 —

It is quite the contrary, sir,’ he said to me: —
相反，先生，’他对我说： —

‘it is only in the midst of the cares of the world that we can reach the three great aims—(1) self-knowledge, for a man can know himself only by comparison; —
“只有在纷扰的世俗中，我们才能达到三个重要目标——（1）自我认知，因为一个人只能通过比较来了解自己；” —

(2) greater perfection, which can only be obtained by conflict; —
“（2）更高的完美，只能通过冲突来获得；” —

and (3) the attainment of the chief virtue—love of death. —
“以及（3）获得主要美德——对死亡的热爱。” —

Only the corruptions of life can show us all its vanity, and strengthen our innate love for death, or rather regeneration into new life.’ —
“只有生活的堕落才能展示其虚浮，并加强我们对死亡的固有热爱，或者更确切地说是对新生命的再生。” —

These words were the more remarkable as Osip Alexyevitch, in spite of his grievous physical sufferings, is never weary of life, though he loves death, for which he does not, in spite of all the purity and loftiness of his inner man, yet feel himself prepared. —
“尽管奥西普·阿列克谢维奇忍受着巨大的身体痛苦，但他从不厌倦生活，尽管他热爱死亡，尽管他的内心纯洁高尚，他却认为自己还没有准备好面对死亡。” —

Then my benefactor explained to me fully the significance of the great square of creation, and pointed out that the third and the seventh number are the basis of everything. —
“然后，我的恩人向我详细解释了创造伟大方块的意义，并指出第三和第七个数字是一切的基础。” —

He counselled me not to withdraw from co-operation with the Petersburg brothers, and while undertaking duties only of the second order in the lodge, to endeavour to draw the brothers away from the seductions of pride, and to turn them into the true path of self-knowledge and self-perfection. —
他劝告我不要退出与彼得堡兄弟的合作，虽然我只在会堂中从事第二等的职责，但要努力将兄弟们从骄傲的诱惑中引开，引导他们走向真正的自我认知和自我完善的道路。 —

Moreover, for myself personally, he advised me first of all to keep a watch over myself, and with that aim he gave me a manuscript-book, the one in which I am writing now, and am to note down all my actions in the future.”
此外，对于我个人而言，他建议我首先要监控自己，为了这个目的他给了我一本手稿书，就是我现在正在写的这本书，将来必须记录下我所有的行动。”

“Petersburg, November 23.—I am reconciled with my wife. —
“彼得堡，11月23日。我和妻子和好了。 —

My mother-in-law came to me in tears, and said that Ellen was here, and that she besought me to hear her; —
我岳母流着泪找到我，告诉我艾伦在这里，请求我听她解释； —

that she was innocent, that she was miserable at my desertion of her, and a great deal more. —
她说她是清白的，她对于我离开她感到痛苦不堪，还说了很多。 —

I knew that if I once let myself see her, I should not be able to refuse to accede to her wishes. —
我知道如果我一旦见了她，就无法拒绝满足她的要求。 —

In my uncertainty, I did not know to whose help and advice to have recourse. —
在我犹豫不决时，我不知道该求助于谁的帮助和建议。 —

If my benefactor had been here, he would have told me what to do. —
如果我的恩人在这里，他会告诉我该做什么。 —

I retired to my own room, read over the letters of Osip Alexyevitch, recalled my conversations with him, and from all that I reached the conclusion that I ought not to refuse a suppliant, and ought to hold out a helping hand to every one, and, above all, to a person so closely connected with me, and that I must bear my cross. —
我退到自己的房间，阅读了奥西普·阿列克谢耶维奇的信件，回想起与他的谈话，从中得出结论，我不应该拒绝一个乞求者，并且应该向每个人伸出援手，尤其是与我如此紧密相关的人，我必须承担我的十字架。 —

But if I forgive her for the sake of doing right, at least let my reunion with her have a spiritual end only. —
但是，如果为了做对的事情而原谅她，至少让我与她的重聚只有一个精神上的目的。 —

So I decided, and so I wrote to Osip Alexyevitch. —
所以我决定了，并且我给奥西普·阿列克谢耶维奇写了信。 —

I said to my wife that I begged her to forget all the past, that I begged her to forgive whatever wrong I might have done her, and that I had nothing to forgive her. —
我对妻子说，我请求她忘记过去的一切，我请求她原谅我可能对她做的任何错误，而我没有什么可原谅她的。 —

It was a joy to me to tell her that. May she never know how painful it was to me to see her again! —
我告诉她这个让我很高兴。但愿她永远不会知道见到她对我有多么痛苦！ —

I have installed myself in the upper rooms in this great house, and I am conscious of a happy feeling of beginning anew.”
我已经安置在这座大宅子的上层房间里，我能感受到一种重新开始的幸福感。