你有什么不开心的事？说出来让大家开心一下。
1. Is there anything that makes you unhappy? Share it with everyone and let’s all have a good laugh.

谁欺负你了告诉我，我帮着他一起欺负你。
2. If someone has bullied you, tell me and I’ll help them bully you together.

女人是水做的，男人是泥做的，李俊基李宇春都是水泥做的。
3. Women are made of water, men are made of mud, and Lee Jun-ki and Li Yuchun are both made of cement.

为何我的眼中总饱含泪水？因为我装逼装得深沉。
4. Why are there always tears in my eyes? Because I pretend to be deep.

见过丑的，没见过这么丑的。乍一看挺丑，仔细一看更丑！
5. I’ve seen ugly people, but I’ve never seen someone as ugly as you. At first glance, you’re quite ugly, but upon closer inspection, you’re even uglier!

在超市里，看见一只五花大绑着的螃蟹从18.9元的冰柜里往28.9元的柜子里爬，我泪流满面，你太TM有上进心了!
6. In the supermarket, I saw a crab, tied up in five different ways, crawling from the 18.9 yuan freezer to the 28.9 yuan cabinet. I was moved to tears; you’re so ambitious!

对我来说，你是黑暗中的灯泡，饥饿中的面包，冬天里的棉袄，夏天里的雪糕。你是我今生唯一的宝。
7. To me, you are the light bulb in the dark, the bread in hunger, the cotton jacket in winter, and the ice cream in summer. You are the only treasure in my life.

“幸福”指南：家里没病人，牢里没亲人，外头没仇人，圈里没小人，身边没坏人，看似没情人，升官有贵人，办事有熟人。
8. “Happiness” guide: No sick family members at home, no relatives in jail, no enemies outside, no villains in your circle, no bad people around you, seemingly no lovers, but with helpful people when getting promoted, and having acquaintances when getting things done.

烟不听话，所以我们”抽烟“。
9. Cigarettes don’t listen, so we “smoke” them.

世上只有妈妈好,爸爸也不错。
10. Only mothers are good in this world, and fathers are not bad either.

闷骚就是自己对自己放荡。
11. Being repressed is indulging in one’s own lust.

明月几时有，自己抬头瞅。
12. When will the bright moon appear? Just look up.

合久必分，分久必合；喝酒必疯，逢酒必喝。
13. Long separations must be followed by reunions, and drinking must lead to madness; whenever there’s alcohol, we drink.

泡酒吧的男人是找刺激的，而女人，多半是受过刺激。
14. Men who go to bars are looking for excitement, while women are mostly those who have been stimulated.

长个包子样就别怨狗跟着。
15. If you look like a dumpling, don’t blame the dog for following you.

如果我的人生是一部电影，你就是那弹出来的广告。
16. If my life is a movie, you are the ad that pops up.

犯贱都是一厢情愿。
17. Being cheap is always a one-sided wish.

当你想不通的时候，想一下自己是在中国，一切就豁然开朗了。
18. When you can’t figure something out, think about the fact that you’re in China, and everything will become clear.

英雄不问出路，流氓不看岁数。
19. Heroes don’t ask about their origins, and hooligans don’t care about their ages.

路见不平一声吼，吼完继续往前走。
20. When you see injustice, shout out, and then continue walking forward.

当裤子失去皮带，才懂得什么叫做依赖。
1. When pants lose their belt, they understand what dependence is.

不能自拔的，除了爱情，还有别人地里的萝卜。
2. What cannot be self-extracted includes not only love but also the radishes in other people’s fields.

什么都在涨价，只有人越来越贱。
3. Everything is getting more expensive, yet people are becoming cheaper.

如今,人们需要有马桶精神,按一下,什么都干净了。
4. Nowadays, people need to have the spirit of a toilet, press and everything becomes clean.

总有这样的一种人，我们称之为“井”就是横竖都二的意思。
5. There is always such a kind of person, whom we call “well,” meaning stupid in both horizontal and vertical aspects.

世界上最遥远的距离是：我们俩一起出门，你去买苹果四代(iPhone4)，我去买四袋苹果!
6. The longest distance in the world is: we go out together, you buy the fourth generation of Apple (iPhone 4), and I buy four bags of apples!

这个世界上唯一不用努力得到的只有年龄。
7. The only thing in the world that does not require effort to obtain is age.