1.吃什么鱿鱼丝、墨鱼丝的，给我上点美人鱼丝。
1. Instead of squid or cuttlefish silk, bring me some mermaid silk.
2.每次写简历都会比以前更敬佩自己一些。
2. Every time I write a resume, I admire myself more than before.
3.你眼里的高压电，足够让我的手机用一年。
3. The high voltage in your eyes is enough to power my phone for a year.
4.别以为你长的稀有样我们就应该物以稀为贵。
4. Don’t think that just because you look rare, we should value you highly.
5.青春啊，你太痘了！
5. Youth, you’re so acne-prone!
6.每个宿舍都有一个磨牙的，一个说梦话的，一个打呼噜的，一个睡很晚的。
6. In every dormitory, there’s a teeth grinder, a talker in dreams, a snorer, and a night owl.
7.师太，批上老纳的袈纱后，你就是老纳的人了。
7. After you put on my cassock, you will be mine, my dear.
8.土是用来挖的，坑是用来埋你的。
8. Dirt is for digging, and pits are for burying you.
9.永远都不要跟同一个傻子争辩，因为争辩到最后，会分不清谁是傻子。
9. Never argue with the same fool, because in the end, you won’t be able to tell who the fool is.
10.你到挺有个性，个不高性格还那么不好。
10. You’re quite unique, short in height and with a bad temper.
11.别拿你弹视频的速度，来挑战哥拉黑的技术。
11. Don’t challenge my blocking skills with your speed of sending video messages.
12.狐狸不是妖、性感不是骚。
12. A fox is not a demon, and being sexy is not the same as being flirtatious.
13.各种姿势，各种招。各种澎湃，各种飘。
13. Various poses, various tricks. Various excitement, various floating.
14.喊疼的不一定是处女，但勾引男人的一定是婊子。
14. The one who cries out in pain is not necessarily a virgin, but the one who seduces men is definitely a slut.
15.女人混的好、是嫂子，混不好，是婊子。
15. A woman who succeeds is a sister-in-law, and the one who fails is a prostitute.
16.一般般的我，一般般的亮。一般般的你，我看不上！
16. I’m just average, and so is my brightness. You’re just average, and I don’t look down on you!
17.地铁上的广告：挤吗？买辆车吧！出租车上的广告：赌吗？坐地铁吧！靠，忽悠我还是怎么着！
17. Subway advertisement: Crowded? Buy a car! Taxi advertisement: Gambling? Take the subway! Damn it, are you kidding me or what?
18.知道高晓松为啥喝醉酒不？那是因为药家鑫想让他唱一首“同牢的你”。
18. Do you know why Gao Xiaosong gets drunk? It’s because Yao Jiaxin wants him to sing “The Same Cellmate as You.”
19.今天MM的生日，为了第一个送上祝福，凌晨我准时拿起手机发了一条信息：沙发。
19. Today is MM’s birthday. To be the first to send my wishes, I picked up my phone on time in the early morning and sent a message: Sofa.
20.靠山吃山，靠水吃水，今天抢劫，不许不给，谁要反抗，让他见鬼。
20. Live off the mountain if you’re near one, and live off the water if you’re near a river. Today, I’m robbing, and you must give me what I want. If anyone resists, let them meet the devil.
21.要有多大的身躯，才能撑起您那龌龊的灵魂啊！
21. How big of a body do I need to support your filthy soul!
22.你不能当饭吃，但没有你，我吃不下饭。
22. You can’t be eaten as food, but without you, I can’t eat.
23.假如生活欺骗了我，那我也去欺骗生活。
23. If life deceives me, then I will deceive life as well.
24.你让我下不了台，我让你连上台的机会都没有。
24. You make me lose face, and I will make sure you don’t even have a chance to get on stage.
25.你住在我心里，你交房租了吗？
25. You live in my heart, have you paid the rent?
26.体育老师说：谁敢穿裙子上我的课，就罚她倒立！
26. The PE teacher said: Whoever dares to wear a skirt in my class will be punished to do a handstand!
27.最尴尬的莫过于和女友去民政局登记，工作人员竟是前女友。
27. The most embarrassing thing is to go to the civil affairs bureau with my girlfriend to register, and the staff there is my ex-girlfriend.
28.不喜欢我，我就把你阉了做我妹。
28. If you don’t like me, I’ll castrate you and make you my sister.
29.我站在你的城府里大声叫到：哎哟！满深的啊！
29. I stand in your cunning city and shout: Ouch! It’s so deep!
30.第三者不是后来的那个，而是不被深爱的那个。
30. The third party is not the one who comes later, but the one who is not deeply loved.
31.车道山前必有路，有路我也刹不住。
31. There must be a way when the road is blocked by the mountain, but even if there is a way, I can’t stop.
32.在野外遇到蛇怎么办？不要惊慌，面带温润的笑容撑起一把伞，假装是许仙。
32. What to do if you encounter a snake in the wild? Don’t panic, put on a warm smile, hold up an umbrella, and pretend to be Xu Xian.
33.昨天去市里参加放鸽子比赛，结果就我一个人去了。
33. Yesterday, I went to the city to participate in a pigeon flying competition, and it turned out that I was the only one who went.
34.没心没肺，能活百岁，问心无愧，做人不累。
34. Live carefree and you can live to a hundred; have a clear conscience, and you won’t be tired as a person.
35.真怀念小时候啊，天热的时候我也可以像男人一样光膀子！
35. I really miss when I was a child, when it was hot, I could also bare my upper body like a man!
36.我看你就一专业织网的，而且专捕企鹅。
36. I see you as a professional net weaver, and you specialize in catching penguins.
37.你别总日啊日的，你家老母狗都快怀孕了。
37. Don’t keep saying “f**k” all the time, your old mother dog is almost pregnant.
38.把你家的地址说出来，我要把它改成公共厕所。
38. Tell me your home address, and I will turn it into a public toilet.
39.您别看我长得像没头脑，其实我是不高兴。
39. Don’t look at me like I have no brains; actually, I’m just unhappy.
40.早回家的男人，讲故事给老婆听;晚回家的男人，编故事给老婆听。
40. Men who come home early tell stories to their wives; men who come home late make up stories for their wives.
41.如果考试用QB做奖励，那么国家马上就会富强的。
41. If exams use QB as rewards, the country will become strong and prosperous immediately.
42.不要迷恋哥，嫂子才是传说。
42. Don’t be infatuated with me, your sister-in-law is the legend.
43.又帅又车，那是象棋，有钱有房，那是银行。
43. Handsome and with a car, that’s chess. Rich and with a house, that’s the bank.
44.上帝创造了处女，我创造了妇女。
44. God created virgins, I created women.
45.放眼过去全是货，老妹你想跟谁过。
45. Looking around, there are so many options; little sister, who do you want to be with?
46.吃，我所欲也，瘦，亦我所欲也，二者不可得兼，我了个去也。
46. Eating is what I desire, and so is being thin. I can’t have both, oh my.
47.别以为我长的帅就认为我遥不可及高不可攀，其实我是海纳百川啊。
47. Don’t think that just because I’m handsome, I’m unapproachable and unreachable. In fact, I’m as inclusive as the ocean.
48.有的人活着，她已经死了。有的人活着，他早该死了！
48. Some people are alive, but they’re already dead. Some people are alive, but they should have died long ago!
49.爱我，就给我穿上婚纱，然后再亲手扒光。
49. If you love me, put me in a wedding dress, and then take it off with your own hands.
50.避孕的效果：不成功，便成“人”。
50. The effectiveness of contraception: if not successful, it becomes a “person.”
51.谢你抢了我对象，让我知道他是人模狗样。
51. Thank you for stealing my partner, letting me know he’s just a pretender.
52.我未来的女朋友，现在在和谁谈恋爱？
52. My future girlfriend, who is she dating now?
53.你就像根苦瓜，穿得这么清凉，长得这么败。
53. You’re like a bitter melon, dressed so cool, yet looking so ugly.
54.上联：学生证准考证身份证证证没带下联：听力题阅读题作文题题题不做横批：重在参与。
54. Upper couplet: Student ID, exam ID, ID card, no ID brought. Lower couplet: Listening questions, reading questions, essay questions, no questions attempted. Horizontal scroll: Participation is key.
55.女人分结婚与不结婚两种，男人分自愿结婚与被迫结婚两种。
55. Women are divided into married and unmarried, while men are divided into voluntarily married and forcibly married.
56.天苍苍、地茫茫、物价不断长。买的起车，加不起油，公交还挺忙，有车一族终成伤。挣不来钱去买房，美女在上涨，价位不可挡，凭俺的收入，今生无希望，独叹空悲对月流，清风吹落泪两行!
56. The sky is vast, the earth is boundless, and prices keep rising. Can afford a car, but can’t afford gas; public transport is still busy, the car owners become injured. Can’t earn money to buy a house, beautiful women are on the rise, prices unstoppable, with my income, no hope in this life, sighing alone, tears streaming down in the moonlight, the breeze blowing two rows of tears!
57.结婚当然是件好事，上瘾就麻烦了。
57. Marriage is certainly a good thing, but getting addicted to it is troublesome.
58.江山如画皮，人生如梦遗。
58. The landscape is like a painted skin, life is like a forgotten dream.
59.不要说别人脑子有病，脑子有病的前提是必须有个脑子。
59. Don’t say others have brain problems; having brain problems presupposes that one must have a brain.
60.小鸟虽小，可它玩的确是整个天空。
60. Though a bird may be small, it plays with the entire sky.
61.黄瓜必须拍，人生必须嗨。
61. Cucumbers must be smashed, life must be lively.
62.爱情不过是寂寞时、扯把美丽的犊子。
62. Love is just a beautiful calf when one is lonely.
63.距离产生的不是美，而是第三者。
63. Distance doesn’t create beauty, but rather a third party.
64.小三的威力、一般人貌似抵挡不住。
64. The power of a mistress seems to be irresistible to ordinary people.
65.每个女人总会为某一个男人而下贱。
65. Every woman will eventually stoop for a certain man.
66.人生就像打电话，不是你先挂，就是我先挂！
66. Life is like making a phone call, either you hang up first or I do!
67.人不可貌相，小三不可斗量。
67. One should not judge a book by its cover, nor measure a mistress by her appearance.
68.货有过期日，人有看腻时。你在我心里，能牛逼几时。
68. Goods have an expiration date, and people can grow tired of looking at them. How long can you be amazing in my heart?
69.当有人在装酷时，姐都会低下头。不是姐修养好，姐只是在找砖头。
69. When someone is acting cool, I always lower my head. It’s not because I have good manners, but because I’m looking for a brick.
70.年少时的你我因为没有学好爱情这门功课而变出了错误百出的答卷。
70. In our youth, you and I made countless mistakes in the exam of love because we didn’t learn it well.
71.感情的傻子，不会介意爱一个疯子。
71. A fool in love won’t mind loving a madman.
72.如果世界上真的有像小说里一样的男主角，那世界，就真的玄幻了！
72. If there really were a male protagonist like in the novels, the world would be truly fantastical!
73.如果我的考试成绩能像房价涨得那么快，那么这个世界该有多可爱。
73. If my exam scores could rise as quickly as housing prices, how lovely the world would be.
74.广告看的好好的，突然蹦出个电视剧来…郁闷…
74. I was watching a commercial just fine when suddenly a TV drama popped up… So frustrating…
75.世上最美的事，就是吃饱了睡觉有空调。
75. The most beautiful thing in the world is to eat your fill, sleep, and have air conditioning.
76.胸大未必嫁潘安，胸小也能钓彦祖。
76. Big breasts don’t necessarily marry Pan An, and small chests can still hook Yan Zu.
77.整天看《还珠格格》，我都有点同情容嬷嬷了。
77. After watching “My Fair Princess” all day, I feel a bit sympathetic towards Rong Ma.
78.空山新雨后，自挂东南枝，欲穷千里目，自挂东南枝，天生我材必有用，各种自挂东南枝。
78. After the rain in the empty mountains, hang oneself from the southeast branch; to see a thousand miles, hang oneself from the southeast branch; I am born to be useful, hang myself from the southeast branch in various ways.
79.上课可以治疗同学们的失眠。
79. Attending class can cure students’ insomnia.
80.被傻子喜欢也是总炫耀。
80. Being liked by a fool is also a boast.
81.似花似水似你妈，倾国倾城倾你爸。
81. Like flowers, like water, like your mom; captivating the nation, captivating the city, captivating your dad.
82.我厌恶骨子里的优柔寡断。
82. I despise the indecision ingrained in my nature.
83.私奔的缩写是SB，AV在键盘后面跟的还是SB。
83. The abbreviation for eloping is SB, and AV followed by SB on the keyboard.
84.今天吃饭前照常看了一下菜，天啊！今天没有肉。
84. As usual, I checked the dishes before eating today, oh my! There’s no meat today.
85.我算不算个性，当然。
85. Am I unique? Of course.
86.你抓着你的鸡爪指着我干嘛知不知道我喜欢泡椒味的不喜欢人渣味的。
86. Why are you pointing at me with your chicken claws? Don’t you know I like the taste of pickled peppers, not the taste of scum.
87.上学最开心听到的一句话就是：今天班主任不在。
87. The happiest thing to hear at school is: The headteacher is not here today.
88.每次你说我不够独立的时候、我都选择沉默。我很想告诉你、当我不再依赖你、就是你该滚的时候了。
88. Every time you say I’m not independent enough, I choose to stay silent. I really want to tell you that when I no longer rely on you, it’s time for you to leave.
89.男人最大的本事，就是把自己的女朋友放纵到别的男人都受不了。
89. A man’s greatest skill is to spoil his girlfriend so much that no other man can stand her.
90.别要不要分白天黑夜的在我面前犯贱。
90. Don’t be shameless in front of me, whether it’s day or night.
91.生活就像新闻联播，不是换台就能逃避的了的。
91. Life is like the news broadcast, you can’t escape it by just changing the channel.
92.我是个特别的人，我是个平凡的人，所以我是个特别平凡的人。
92. I am a special person, I am an ordinary person, so I am a particularly ordinary person.
93.妈妈说：就算吃醋也要装的跟喝了酱油似的，不能让别人瞧不起。
93. Mom said: Even if you are jealous, you should pretend as if you just drank soy sauce, and not let others look down on you.
94.完美的男友：不吸烟，不喝酒，不欺骗。不存在！
94. The perfect boyfriend: doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t lie. He doesn’t exist!
95.你讲我坏话时能不能别添油加醋，以为炒菜啊。
95. When you gossip about me, can you stop exaggerating, thinking you’re stir-frying?
96.我没时间去讨厌那些讨厌我的人，因为我在忙着爱那些爱着我的人。
96. I don’t have time to hate those who hate me because I am busy loving those who love me.
97.上床这么纯洁的事情，别被爱情玷污了。
97. Sleeping together is such a pure thing, don’t let love tarnish it.
98.有些话，你想说自然会说，不想说，听到的也只是假话。
98. Some words, if you want to say them, you will; if not, all you hear are lies.
99.因为我什么都不怕，所以我什么都不能输。
99. Because I am afraid of nothing, I cannot lose at anything.
100.有些人那么谦虚，有些人那么骄傲，却没有一个人实事求是。
100. Some people are so humble, some are so arrogant, yet no one is being realistic.
1.“你怎么这么矮。”“因为我一直在迷你啊！”
1. “Why are you so short?” “Because I’ve been miniaturizing myself!”
2.都说聊天止于呵呵，我就不相信，昨天给男神发消息说：好喜欢你。他说：呵呵。我回答道：呵呵尼玛个壁。于是和他对骂了一个晚上。
2. They say conversations end with “hehe.” I didn’t believe it. Yesterday, I sent a message to my crush: “I really like you.” He replied: “Hehe.” I responded: “Hehe your mom’s wall!” So we ended up cursing each other all night.
3.我吻过你的脸，都是隔离霜、bb霜、防晒霜，感觉一口吃了好多钱。
3. I’ve kissed your face, which is covered in foundation, BB cream, and sunscreen. It feels like I’ve eaten a lot of money in one bite.
4.“我胸小你介意吗”“不介意，我喜欢青梅竹马的感觉”“什么意思”“从小玩到大”。
4. “Do you mind if my chest is small?” “No, I like the feeling of childhood sweethearts.” “What does that mean?” “Growing up together.”
5.在餐厅偶遇初中女同学，但是她不记得我了，我便提醒她说：“你还记得初中时候，因为和你在小树林亲嘴被处分的那个男生吗？”她小脸一红，有些激动的说：“难道你就是当时那个……”我惭愧一笑：“没错，我就是当时告密的那个人！”
5. I bumped into a female classmate from junior high in a restaurant, but she didn’t remember me. I reminded her: “Do you remember the boy who was punished for kissing you in the woods during junior high?” Her face turned red, and she excitedly said: “Are you the one…” I smiled shamefully: “Yes, I’m the one who snitched!”
6.“一整个披萨你要切8块还是12块？”“8块吧，12块我吃不下。”
6. “Do you want to cut the whole pizza into 8 or 12 slices?” “8 slices, please. I can’t eat 12 slices.”
7.刚刚被吵醒，就听见小区里有个男人大喊：打死，打死，往死打，反了，反了。这是要出大事的节奏啊!看看怎么回事，我赶紧起床，跑到窗前……我去，一个男人指挥媳妇倒车呢！
7. I was just woken up by a commotion and heard a man in the community shouting: “Beat it, beat it, hit it hard, it’s rebelling, it’s rebelling!” Thinking something serious was happening, I quickly got up, ran to the window… Oh, it was just a man directing his wife to reverse the car!
8.我对象很好，象对我也很好，而且我对马，兔子，狗都很好。
8. My boyfriend is very good, elephants are also good to me, and I’m good to horses, rabbits, and dogs.
9.如果以后全世界都没有人要你，一定要记得还有我，我也不要你。
9. If no one in the world wants you in the future, remember that I also don’t want you.
10.和闺蜜出去旅游，累了在树下休息。突然几滴鸟屎滴到我脸上了，我还没反应过来，闺蜜就拿手帮我抹匀，边说，你的防晒霜没摸匀呢。
10. While traveling with my best friend, we got tired and rested under a tree. Suddenly, a few drops of bird poop fell on my face. Before I could react, my friend helped spread it evenly with her hand, saying, “You didn’t apply your sunscreen evenly.”
11.“警察叔叔，我的包丢了”“放心吧，包在我身上”“那你还我！”
11. “Officer, I lost my bag.” “Don’t worry, I’ve got it on my back.” “Then give it back to me!”
12.有旳人活着，他已经死了。有的人活着，他早该死了。
12. Some people are alive, but they’re already dead. Others are alive, but they should have died long ago.
13.什么叫寂寞？就是五十块的话费居然用了三个月还没用完……三个月啊！
13. What is loneliness? It means that a 50-yuan phone bill has lasted for three months and hasn’t run out yet… three months!
14.一直听别人说，开房怎么怎么爽，终于有一天我忍不住去开房了……还真是爽啊，一个人睡这么大一张床！
14. I always heard that having a good time in a hotel room was amazing. Finally, one day, I couldn’t resist going to a hotel room… and it was indeed amazing, having such a big bed all to myself!
15.据说今年夏天全国各地如今都在追悼一个叫热的家伙——“热死了！”
15. It is said that this summer, people all over the country are mourning a guy named “Heat” – “Heat is dead!”
16.讲课时女老师裤子拉链开了，一女生站起来提醒：老师，你门没关!老师一摆手：不管它一会儿教导主任要来参观。
16. During a lecture, a female teacher’s pants zipper was open. A female student stood up to remind her: “Teacher, your door is open!” The teacher waved her hand: “Never mind, the principal will come to visit later.”
17.低调闷骚的高调，高调被打的征兆。
17. Being low-key and showy in a high-profile way is a sign of being beaten up.
18.你要是鲜花，以后牛都不敢拉屎了。
18. If you were a flower, cows would be too scared to poop.
19.女人装比那叫资本，男人装比那叫变态。
19. Women showing off is called capital, while men showing off is called perversion.
20.不怕喝敌敌畏，就怕开盖有惊喜，畅享多一瓶。
20. I’m not afraid of drinking dichlorvos, but I’m afraid of the surprise inside when I open the cap. Enjoy an extra bottle!
21.春天来了，绿意盎然，他也来了，一身绿装！md，连帽子也是绿色的！
21. Spring has arrived, with greenery everywhere, and he also came, dressed in green! Damn it, even his hat is green!
22.人们喜欢春风，厌恶寒风，其实寒风是无辜的，是温度在使坏！
22. People like the spring breeze but dislike the cold wind. In fact, the cold wind is innocent; it’s the temperature that’s causing trouble!
23.电脑是愤怒者的麦克风，深夜它传播着我们的骂声！
23. The computer is the microphone for the angry, spreading our cursing in the deep night.
24.那个叫珍妮的女孩我不喜欢，我喜欢那个叫玛尼的！
24. I don’t like the girl named Jenny; I like the one named Manny.
25.一美女说：第一次牵我手的人是给我看手相的那个先生。
25. A beautiful woman said: The first person who held my hand was the man who read my palm.
26.不是你不滚，是我不够狠。
26. It’s not that you don’t leave; it’s just that I’m not ruthless enough.
27.三鹿奶粉，后妈的选择。
27. Sanlu milk powder, the choice of stepmothers.
28.走人民币的路，让人民无路可走！
28. Take the path of the Renminbi, leaving the people with nowhere to go!
29.分手多没意思，有本事咱俩玩离婚！
29. Breaking up is so boring; if you have the guts, let’s play divorce!
30.吉尼斯纪录：全世界最大的茶几面积为960万平方千米，可放置13亿杯具。
30. Guinness Record: The world’s largest coffee table has an area of 9.6 million square kilometers, capable of holding 1.3 billion cups of tragedy.
31.自爱，必先自私，唯有自私，才能大爱。
31. To love oneself, one must first be selfish; only through selfishness can one achieve great love.
32.一些人，总要出卖他所有的，去换取他所没有的。
32. Some people always have to sell everything they have in exchange for what they don’t have.
33.在学校是那钱混日子，现在是拿日子混钱！
33. In school, I spent money to pass the days; now, I spend my days to make money!
34.考试考得好，全靠同桌好。
34. I did well in exams, all thanks to my good deskmate.
35.本人鄙视那些，常用表情聊天的人。
35. I despise those who often use emojis to chat.
36.有心才会累，无心者无所谓。
36. Only those with a heart get tired; the heartless don’t care.
37.做男人的最高境界不是你去泡妞，而是让妞来泡你。
37. The highest state of being a man is not about chasing girls, but letting them chase you.
38.这么不要脸，这么没心没肺，你的体重应该会很轻吧？
38. How can you be so shameless and heartless? Your weight should be very light, right?
39.路上见一车，车后贴着六个字：着急你飞过去。
39. I saw a car on the road with six words on its rear: If you’re in a hurry, fly past!
40.我说过做人要低调。可你非要给我掌声和尖叫。
40. I said that one should be low-key, but you insist on giving me applause and screams.
41.女人是招商银行，男人则是建设银行。
41. Women are like Merchants Bank, and men are like China Construction Bank.
42.其实人活着的时候就是一个躯壳，死了就变成一堆骨灰。
42. In fact, when people are alive, they are just a shell, and when they die, they become a pile of ashes.
43.我对你的心，比钻石还坚硬。。。。。。不会是心结石吧？
43. My heart for you is harder than diamond… It’s not kidney stones, is it?
44.你发神经的时候，就像猪上树一样让人吃惊。
44. When you go crazy, it’s as surprising as a pig climbing a tree.
45.话说动物园有一只猴子，奇丑无比，人见人吐！第二天我去看了，我吐了！第三天你去了，猴子吐了！
45. There was a monkey in the zoo, incredibly ugly, making people vomit upon seeing it! The next day, I went to see it, and I vomited! The third day, you went, and the monkey vomited!
46.人生就像一块破铜烂铁，把它扔进火里，敲敲打打，也能炼出一副精品！
46. Life is like a piece of scrap metal; throw it into the fire, hammer and beat it, and you can still forge a fine piece!
47.观摩了你的生活，我终于找到了活下去的勇气。
47. After observing your life, I finally found the courage to go on living.
48.时间过的真快，刚起床就天黑了。
48. Time flies so fast, it’s dark as soon as I get up.
49.化学老师问，煤气泄露要怎么办？别慌，点根儿烟，冷静一下。
49. The chemistry teacher asked, what should you do in case of a gas leak? Don’t panic, light a cigarette and calm down.
50.说好了不要让我流泪，可你TM的拿洋葱熏我。
50. You promised not to make me cry, but you TM used onions to fumigate me.
51.我这么好一姑娘，你都不喜欢，少年莫非你喜欢男生。
51. I’m such a good girl, and you don’t like me; do you like boys instead, young man?
52.老板，帮我理一个忧伤点的发型！谢谢！
52. Boss, please give me a more melancholic hairstyle! Thank you!
53.你信仰基督教，还是公鸡叫。
53. Do you believe in Christianity or the rooster’s crow?
54.你走你的阳光道，我走我的地下道。
54. You take your sunshine path, and I’ll take my underground passage.
55.起的比鸡早，睡的比猫晚，赚的比秃子的毛还少。
55. Waking up earlier than a rooster, sleeping later than a cat, and earning less than a bald man’s hair.
56.装成熟、是往老里打扮的行为。
56. Acting mature is a behavior of dressing old.
57.忽然发现自从我配了眼镜就不敢出门了。
57. Suddenly, I found that I dare not go out since I got my glasses.
58.好寂寞，连欲望都被我挣脱。
58. So lonely, even my desires have been broken free by me.
59.名人名言，你得先是名人了那才是名言，别人的屁都是名屁！你能比吗？
59. Famous quotes are only famous if you are a celebrity; otherwise, it’s just someone else’s fart! Can you compare?
60.青年靠什么混日子？头等青年靠出身，二等青年靠关系，三等青年靠天资，四等青年靠努力，五等青年耍文艺，六等青年打游戏，穷游，看美剧。
60. What do young people rely on to get by? First-class youths rely on their background, second-class on connections, third-class on talent, fourth-class on effort, fifth-class on artistic pursuits, sixth-class on playing games, traveling, and watching American TV series.
61.只有能力强会被当成纯技术人员；而光会社交拍马又会被认为没有真才实学；所以，要想在单位中脱颖而出，最重要的是有关系。
61. Only those with strong skills will be considered as mere technical experts; while those who are good at socializing and flattering will be regarded as lacking real talent. Therefore, to stand out in an organization, the most important thing is to have connections.
62.问：你遇到过哪些代沟？答：小学语文题关联词填空：60后：他宁可牺牲生命，也不出卖组织。70后：他害怕牺牲生命，所以出卖组织。80后：他与其牺牲生命，不如出卖组织。90后：他即使牺牲生命，也要出卖组织。00后：他白白牺牲生命，忘了出卖组织。
62. Q: What generation gaps have you encountered? A: Elementary school Chinese language topic on correlative conjunctions: Post-60s: He would rather sacrifice his life than betray the organization. Post-70s: He was afraid of sacrificing his life, so he betrayed the organization. Post-80s: He would rather betray the organization than sacrifice his life. Post-90s: Even if he sacrifices his life, he will still betray the organization. Post-00s: He sacrificed his life in vain, forgetting to betray the organization.
63.你长的很爱国很敬业很有骨气，你不会在背后说别人坏话，不会陷害别人，你是全世界最不龌龊的人，你品德高尚，你从不会倒打别人一耙，你诚实善良美丽多姿。原谅我刚才说了违心的话啊。
63. You look very patriotic, dedicated, and have backbone. You don’t gossip about others behind their backs, nor do you frame them. You are the most decent person in the world. You have a noble character, and you never turn against others. You are honest, kind, beautiful, and charming. Forgive me for speaking insincerely just now.
64.如果命运抓住了伱的喉咙，伱就挠命运嘚胳肢窝。
64. If fate grabs you by the throat, you should tickle its armpits.
65.我的未来不是梦，我的未来是做恶梦！
65. My future is not a dream, but a nightmare!
66.我觉得你真的不是个合格的朋友，你还是改行做我老婆吧！
66. I think you are really not a qualified friend; you should change your career and become my wife!
67.哥脸上的那绝对不是痘，那叫青春。
67. What’s on my face is not acne, it’s called youth.
68.如果你在大街上大吼一声”贱人“绝对比叫一句美女回头率来的高!
68. If you shout “bitch” on the street, it will definitely get a higher turn rate than calling someone beautiful.
69.现在的花心，是因为当初的比任何人都用心。
69. The current infidelity is due to the fact that I was more dedicated than anyone else at the beginning.
70.有一种态度叫有情犯贱，有一种状态叫没事找抽。
70. There is an attitude called being unreasonably affectionate, and there is a state called asking for trouble.
71.神州行我看行，我不缴费看你行不行。
71. China Mobile works for me, let’s see if it works without payment.
72.我觉得打电话挺好的，这样说的每句话都是值钱的。
72. I think making phone calls is great, as every word spoken is valuable.
73.其实我很宅，只是宅在谁家里的问题。
73. In fact, I am quite a homebody, it’s just a matter of whose house I am staying in.
74.白驼山壮骨粉，挨一刀涂一包，包你想挨第二刀…
74. Baituoshan Strong Bone Powder, apply one bag after a cut, and you’ll want a second cut…
75.你现在过得好吗？如果你过得不好我也就安心了。
75. How are you doing now? If you are not doing well, I will be relieved.
76.新时代的女性，上的了厅堂，翻的了围墙，斗的了小三，打的了流氓，就是下不了厨房。
76. Modern women can enter the hall, climb walls, fight with mistresses, beat up hooligans, but they can’t enter the kitchen.
77.谁他二大爷的告诉我诺基亚能砸核桃，现在黑屏了。
77. Who the hell told me that Nokia phones can crack walnuts? Now the screen is black.
78.人生苦短，必须性感。
78. Life is short, so one must be sexy.
79.听君一席话，省我十本书!
79. Listening to your words has saved me from reading ten books!
80.不在课堂上沉睡，就在酒桌上埋醉。
80. If not dozing off in class, then getting drunk at the bar.
81.吃，我所欲也，瘦，亦我所欲也，二者不可得兼，我了个去也。
81. Eating is what I desire, and so is being thin. However, I cannot have both, so I’ll just go with the flow.
82.我在学校的生活仅仅能做的三件事，看学霸秀成绩，看情侣秀恩爱，看土豪炫富;更惨的是：看土豪秀成绩，看学霸秀恩爱，看情侣炫富。
82. The only three things I can do in school are: watch top students show off their grades, watch couples show off their love, and watch the wealthy flaunt their riches. What’s worse is: watching the wealthy show off their grades, the top students show off their love, and the couples flaunt their wealth.
83.锄禾日当午，上班好辛苦。上完一上午，还要上下午。不上没钱花，心里更痛苦。为了好日子，辛苦就辛苦!
83. Hoeing the field under the midday sun, working is so exhausting. After working in the morning, I still have to work in the afternoon. If I don’t work, I have no money to spend, and it’s even more painful in my heart. For a better life, hard work it is!
84.做为一只禽兽，我深感压力很大…
84. As an animal, I feel the pressure is immense…
85.我不是优乐美，我只是敌敌畏，你想把我捧在手心么。
85. I’m not an elegant and joyful beauty, I’m just a pesticide like DDT. Do you want to hold me in the palm of your hand?
86.幸福就是，你吃素我吃肉，让你知道要奋斗；你骑车我坐车，要你身体健康多；你睡地我睡床，地利人和帮你忙；你花钱请我客，赚钱引擎需预热；你喝水我喝汤，平淡也有好时光；你劳碌我清闲，光荣传统你承传。
86. Happiness is when you eat vegetables while I eat meat, motivating you to strive; you ride a bike while I ride in a car, wishing for your good health; you sleep on the ground while I sleep in a bed, helping you with the advantages of the situation; you spend money to treat me, as the engine of making money needs to warm up; you drink water while I drink soup, enjoying the simple times; you work hard while I’m leisurely, carrying on the glorious tradition.
87.完了，想你想得快完了，半夜眼睛都蓝了，买东西都忘给钱了，猪肉炖粉条都不馋了，1+1=3都不难了，赵本山都看成孙楠了，哭得人民币都变成美元了。
87. I’m almost done for, thinking of you so much that my eyes turn blue in the middle of the night, forgetting to pay when shopping, no longer craving pork stewed with vermicelli, 1+1=3 is not difficult anymore, I see Sun Nan in Zhao Benshan, crying so hard that the renminbi turns into US dollars.
88.漫漫人生路，谁不错几步，家里要保住，情人还得处；家里有个做饭的，单位留个好看的，外面养个可爱的，远方有个想念的；保住二，守住一，发展三四五六七！
88. In the long journey of life, who doesn’t make a few mistakes? Keep the family stable, and still have a lover; have a cook at home, a pretty face at work, a lovely one outside, and a memorable one far away; maintain the second, hold on to the first, and develop the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh!
89.工资全部上交，包括计划外的；剩饭全部承包，包括馊了的；家务活全干，包括岳母家的；思想天天汇报，包括一闪念的。
89. Hand over all the salary, including the unplanned ones; take responsibility for all the leftovers, even the sour ones; do all the housework, including my mother-in-law’s; report my thoughts every day, including the fleeting ones.
90.今天表白遭拒绝，女孩拒绝的理由：“咱俩不是一个世界的人，咱俩不合适。”我想说：“难道我TM是火星来的？跟地球人不合适？”
90. Today, I was rejected when confessing my love. The girl’s reason was, “We are not from the same world, and we are not suitable.” I want to say, “Am I from Mars? Am I not suitable for people on Earth?”
91.我最大的本事就是把便宜的东西用出昂贵的效果来。比如相机，话筒，自己。
91. My biggest skill is using inexpensive things to create the effect of luxury. For example, cameras, microphones, and myself.
92.能用钱解决的问题都不是问题，可问题是我是穷人。
92. Problems that can be solved with money are not problems, but the problem is that I am poor.
93.鸡的反抗是让自己的肉变得不好吃。
93. The chicken’s resistance is to make its meat taste bad.
94.以为隐身别人就找不到我，没有用的，象我这么拉风的女人，无论在哪里，都象黑夜中的萤火虫一样耀眼。
94. Thinking that by going invisible, others won’t find me is useless. A woman as dazzling as me, no matter where I am, shines like a firefly in the dark night.
95.别对我用美男计，否则我将计就计。
95. Don’t use the handsome man trick on me, or I’ll turn the tables on you.
96.算命先生说我会在八十岁的时候遇到一生中就重要的女人，她叫孟婆。
96. The fortune teller said that I would meet the most important woman in my life when I am 80 years old. Her name is Meng Po.
97.不要和我比懒，我懒得和你比。
97. Don’t compete with me in laziness, as I am too lazy to compete with you.
98.万水千山总是情，给点分数行不行？人间自有真情在，给个满分也是爱！
98. Mountains and rivers are always filled with love, can you give me some points? True love exists in the world, giving a full mark is also love!
99.如果婚姻是爱情的坟墓，那么相亲是为坟墓看风水，表白是自掘坟墓，结婚是双双殉情，移情别恋是迁坟，第三者是盗墓！
99. If marriage is the grave of love, then matchmaking is looking for the best grave site, confessing love is digging one’s own grave, getting married is a double suicide, falling in love with someone else is moving the grave, and the third party is the grave robber!
100.上课时我老低头，老师问我为什么，我淡定的回答，低头思故乡！
100. During class, I always keep my head down. When the teacher asked me why, I calmly replied, “I’m thinking of my hometown while bowing my head!”
1.其实，我以前个子挺高的只不过后来经常洗澡缩水了而已。
1. Actually, I used to be quite tall, but then I shrank from taking so many baths.
2.“我好喜欢你头像”“干嘛还带后面俩字”。
2. “I really like your avatar” “Why do you have to add those two words at the end?”
3.要命的夏天来了，谁要是能给我们班教室装台空调，我们就把班主任嫁给他。
3. The deadly summer is coming. If anyone could install an air conditioner in our classroom, we would marry our headteacher to him.
4.千万别跟我求婚，一求婚我就会答应。
4. Please don’t propose to me, because I will agree as soon as you do.
5.有些事情无须抬杠，表面服从偷偷反抗。
5. There’s no need to argue about some things; just appear to comply while secretly resisting.
6.我喝酒是想把痛苦溺死，但这该死的痛苦却学会了游泳。
6. I drink to drown my sorrows, but the damn thing learned how to swim.
7.若不弃，此生不离，若嫌弃，死一边去。
7. If you don’t abandon me, we’ll be together for life; if you despise me, go die somewhere else.
8.上帝给了我们七情六欲，我们却把它们变成了色情和暴力。
8. God gave us seven emotions and six desires, but we turned them into pornography and violence.
9.遇到你之前，我的世界是黑白的，遇到你之后，哇塞！全黑了……
9. Before I met you, my world was in black and white, but after meeting you, wow! It’s completely dark…
10.现在的社会，插队都得排队。
10. In today’s society, you have to wait in line to cut in line.
11.三人行必有我妻，选其美者而取之。
11. Among every group of three people, there must be my wife; I’ll choose the prettiest one and take her.
12.穷耐克，富阿迪，流氓一身阿玛尼。
12. Poor people wear Nike, rich people wear Adidas, and gangsters wear Armani.
13.苹果最光荣的一刻就是砸在了牛顿的头上。
13. The most glorious moment for an apple was when it hit Newton’s head.
14.我不需要你理解，只需要你闭嘴。
14. I don’t need you to understand; I just need you to shut up.
15.祖国的花朵，开一朵我踩一朵。
15. The flowers of our motherland: for every one that blooms, I’ll stomp on it.
16.要不是老师说不能乱扔垃圾，不然我早把你扔出去了。
16. If it weren’t for the teacher saying not to litter, I would have thrown you out long ago.
17.傻与不傻，要看你会不会装傻。
17. Whether you’re stupid or not depends on whether you know how to pretend to be stupid.
18.偷吃不是我的错，是我嘴巴的寂寞。
18. It’s not my fault that I偷吃; it’s just the loneliness of my mouth.
19.除了清明节，中国人能把所有的节日都当成情人节！
19. Except for the Qingming Festival, Chinese people can turn all other holidays into Valentine’s Day!
20.我有时在想，是不是因为我太胖了，所以钻不进你的心房。
20. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because I’m too fat that I can’t fit into your heart.
21.每次看你吃猪肉的时候我都感慨万分，本是同根生相煎何太急。
21. Every time I see you eating pork, I feel deeply moved. We are born from the same root, why rush to harm each other?
22.又把老婆惹毛了，道歉了也没用，她气呼呼地在家里转圈：“哼！我要去买个贵的东西！”我一听，有转机！花钱消灾呗！马上说：“好啊!我陪你去买。”然后我们一起去了小商品市场买了个搓衣板回来……
22. I annoyed my wife again, and apologizing didn’t help. She huffed and puffed around the house, saying, “Humph! I’m going to buy something expensive!” Hearing this, I saw a turning point! Spend money to eliminate the disaster! I quickly said, “Great! I’ll go with you to buy it.” Then we went to the small commodity market and bought a washboard…
23.我恨秦始皇，他烧书，竟然没有烧完。
23. I hate Emperor Qin Shi Huang. He burned books but didn’t finish the job.
24.去买水，老板说两块，我说瓶子上写着建议零售价一块五啊？老板说：“我不接受他的建议！”
24. When buying water, the boss said it would cost two yuan. I said the suggested retail price on the bottle is 1.5 yuan, right? The boss replied, “I don’t accept his suggestion!”
25.学校塌了，便是晴天。
25. If the school collapses, it’s a sunny day.
26.神啊！如果没办法把我变瘦的话！就把我的朋友们变胖吧！
26. God! If you can’t make me thin, then make my friends fat!
27.女孩为男孩做可乐鸡翅，男孩尝了一口说真好吃，女孩也吃了一口说，骗子，根本没熟。男孩温柔的说，傻瓜，你做什么我都觉得好吃。几天后，男孩和女孩禽流感死了。这个故事告诉我们，秀恩爱，死的快！
27. A girl made cola chicken wings for a boy. After taking a bite, the boy said they were delicious. The girl also took a bite and said, “Liar, they’re not cooked at all.” The boy gently said, “Fool, I think everything you make is delicious.” A few days later, the boy and girl died of bird flu. This story tells us that showing off love leads to a quick death!
28.天将降大任于斯人也，必先关其手机，停其流量，盗其账号，拔其网线，方能告别学渣，修成学霸。
28. Heaven will bestow great responsibilities on this person, but first, they must turn off their phone, cut off their data, steal their account, and unplug their internet cable, so as to bid farewell to being a poor student and become a top student.
29.夏天的时候，洗澡简直像是在帮蚊子洗菜。
29. In summer, taking a shower feels like helping mosquitoes wash vegetables.
30.这个夏天出门就是进烤箱，走路就是麻辣烫，坐下就是铁板烧，还是别下雨了，下雨就成水煮鱼。
30. This summer, going out is like entering an oven, walking is like eating hot pot, sitting is like iron板烧, and it’s better not to rain, or it’ll become boiled fish.
31.忽然发现，霍去病和辛弃疾是情侣名。
31. Suddenly, I realized that Huo Qubing and Xin Qiji are couple names.
32.独自一人坐在价值千万的车上却丝毫没有幸福的感觉，司机开着车一路飞奔，我无心欣赏沿途风景，心事浩寥，思绪万千：人活着到底为了什么？财富有这么重要吗？民主和GDP对于一个国家孰重孰轻？法治到底何时能实现，自己是不是太操之过急了？正沉思着，一抬头：我靠，高铁又坐过站了……
32. Sitting alone in a car worth tens of millions, I don’t feel happy at all. The driver speeds down the road, and I’m not in the mood to appreciate the scenery along the way. I’m lost in thought: what’s the purpose of living? Is wealth that important? Which is more important for a country, democracy or GDP? When will the rule of law be realized, and am I too impatient? As I ponder, I look up and exclaim, “Damn it, I missed my stop on the high-speed train…”
33.这年头，不早恋，不犯贱，不作弊，不叛逆，不抄作业，不玩手机，都没人相信你是学生。
33. Nowadays, if you don’t fall in love early, commit adultery, cheat, rebel, copy homework, or play with your phone, no one believes you’re a student.
34.老师没收了我的游戏机，期末还给我时，我发现游戏全部通关了。
34. The teacher confiscated my game console and returned it to me at the end of the term. I found that all the games had been completed.
35.我觉得对陌生人应该友善一点，像路上碰到金融保险、英语培训、留学服务、情趣酒店、相亲中介、不孕不育的产品推销和调查问卷，我从来都是耐心和气地答完填上前男友的姓名住址电话。
35. I think we should be kinder to strangers. When I encounter financial insurance, English training, study abroad services, love hotels, matchmaking agencies, and product sales or survey questionnaires, I always patiently and politely answer and fill in my ex-boyfriend’s name, address, and phone number.
36.肉啊肉，有本事别冲腿来、冲胸来！
36. Meat, meat, if you have the guts, don’t come for my legs or chest!
37.时间就像是乳沟，挤一挤，总还是会有的！
37. Time is like a cleavage; if you squeeze it, there’s always some there!
38.下辈子我要当男人，娶一个像我这么好的女人。
38. In my next life, I want to be a man and marry a woman as wonderful as myself.
39.家长会和小三的性质一样，都是破坏家庭和谐的！
39. Parent-teacher conferences are like mistresses, both disrupting family harmony!
40.有一次我问一个快递小哥他是什么通，他说“通通通通通通你就知道通我都给你送了半年快递了你居然还问我是什么通人家是韵达韵达韵韵达韵达韵达啦！”
40. Once, I asked a courier what company he was from, and he said, “Delivery, delivery, delivery, delivery, you know I’ve been delivering packages to you for half a year, and you still ask me what company I’m from? I’m from Yunda, Yunda, Yunda, Yunda, Yunda!”
41.便秘后陈医生给我开了一个疗程的电钻。
41. After suffering from constipation, Dr. Chen prescribed me a course of electric drills.
42.班主任的课，同桌趴在桌上睡觉，班主任大怒，给我使眼色，我立即领会，然后在众目睽睽之下脱掉外套，披在同桌身上，多体贴的班主任啊！
42. During the head teacher’s class, my deskmate was sleeping on the desk. The head teacher was furious and gave me a meaningful look. I immediately understood and, in front of everyone, took off my coat and covered my deskmate with it. How considerate the head teacher was!
43.问：你为女人哭过吗？答：哭过。问：谁？答：我妈，被打的老惨了，哭得嗓子都哑了。
43. Q: Have you ever cried for a woman? A: Yes. Q: Who? A: My mom, she was beaten so badly that she cried until her voice was hoarse.
44.电风扇是人类最好的朋友，我问电风扇我长的丑吗？风扇默默地摇了一晚上的头。
44. The electric fan is humanity’s best friend. I asked the fan if I’m ugly, and it silently shook its head all night.
45.“以我的颜值要是在古代，我能撑起整个青楼！”“你是说你长得像柱子吗？”
45. “With my appearance in ancient times, I could have supported an entire brothel!” “Are you saying you look like a pillar?”
46.邻居家一小正太，今年4岁，上幼儿园，整天在学校丢文具。那天他爸火了：“就你整天丢，也没见你往回拿…”结果第二天，一回家就往沙发倒了一堆铅笔、本子……
46. A young boy in the neighborhood, 4 years old, goes to kindergarten and loses his stationery all the time. One day, his father got angry: “You keep losing things but never bring any back…” The next day, as soon as he got home, he dumped a pile of pencils and notebooks onto the sofa…
47.闺蜜最近几天老来我家蹭饭，而且每次都吃的挺少，我就问：“怎么不多吃点？”闺蜜：“我每次减肥，又控制不住自己的嘴的时候，就想来你家蹭饭。毕竟，没有人做的饭像你做的这样，吃了第一口就不想吃第二口。”我：“你给我出去……”
47. My best friend has been coming to my house for meals lately, and she always eats very little. I asked, “Why don’t you eat more?” She replied, “Every time I try to lose weight and can’t control my mouth, I come to your house for a meal. After all, no one cooks like you do; after the first bite, I don’t want to eat a second.” Me: “Get out…”
48.生活很讨厌，还好我很可爱。
48. Life is annoying, but fortunately, I am adorable.
49.“你在干啥”“我在照镜子，”“那你闭着眼睛干啥”“我在看我睡觉的样子”。
49. “What are you doing?” “I’m looking in the mirror.” “Then why are your eyes closed?” “I’m trying to see what I look like when I sleep.”
50.岁月不饶人，首先饶不了女人;机会不等人，首先等不了男人。
50. Time shows no mercy to people, especially women; opportunities never wait for anyone, especially men.
51.爱情有时很像醉酒的感觉，头脑明明是清醒的，但行为就是不受控制。
51. Love sometimes feels like being drunk - the mind is clear, but the actions are uncontrollable.
52.别说一辈子，别说永远，谁能对未来承诺呢？我们能把握的，无非是当时当地的感情。但一辈子，也是无数个现在组成的，努力好了每个瞬间，也就是永远了。
52. Don’t talk about a lifetime or forever; who can make promises about the future? What we can grasp is the feelings of the moment. If we strive to do well in every instant, that’s eternity.
53.为中华而努力读书！一包中华好多钱啊！
53. Work hard for China! A pack of Zhonghua cigarettes costs a lot!
54.和谐校园里，骑自行车的也许是位博导，而开奔驰的则可能是个后勤。
54. In a harmonious campus, the person riding a bicycle might be a professor, while the one driving a Mercedes could be a maintenance worker.
55.新婚次日一大早，新娘痛苦地从洞房走出，一手扶着墙壁，一手捂着下身，大骂：骗子！真是个骗子!结婚前说有三十年的积蓄，我还以为是钱呢！
55. The morning after the wedding, the bride painfully walked out of the bridal chamber, holding the wall with one hand and her lower body with the other, cursing: “Liar! What a liar! He said he had thirty years of savings, and I thought he meant money!”
56.要珍惜你身边长得黑的人，因为有一天煤矿车经过，你可能就在也看不到他了。
56. Cherish the dark-skinned people around you, because one day, when a coal truck passes by, you might never see them again.
57.比尔盖茨要存钱买辆兰博基尼，1秒，2秒，3秒，4秒，5秒，哈哈存够了。李嘉诚要存钱买辆博兰基尼，1小时，2小时，3小时，4小时，5小时，哈哈存够了。当地首富要存钱买辆博兰基尼，1个月，2个月，3个月，4个月，5个月，存够了。我要存钱买辆博兰基尼，1辈子，2辈子，3辈子。。。
57. Bill Gates wants to save money to buy a Lamborghini: 1 second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds, 4 seconds, 5 seconds, haha, enough. Li Ka-shing wants to save money to buy a Lamborghini: 1 hour, 2 hours, 3 hours, 4 hours, 5 hours, haha, enough. The local richest man wants to save money to buy a Lamborghini: 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, enough. I want to save money to buy a Lamborghini: 1 lifetime, 2 lifetimes, 3 lifetimes…
58.别问我缺什么，我现在就缺个对象。
58. Don’t ask me what I’m missing; I’m just missing a partner now.
59.我今天心情不好，只想讲四句话，包括前两句，我的话讲完了。
59. I’m in a bad mood today and only want to say four sentences, including the previous two. I’ve finished my speech.
60.英雄不问出路，流氓不看岁数！
60. A hero doesn’t care about his origin; a hooligan doesn’t care about his age!
61.从猴子变成人需要成千上万年，从人变回猴子只用一瓶酒。
61. It takes thousands of years for monkeys to evolve into humans, but it only takes a bottle of alcohol for humans to devolve into monkeys.
62.你鱼肉百姓，百姓就人肉你。
62. If you exploit the common people, they will turn against you.
63.男人靠征服世界来征服女人！女人靠征服男人来征服世界！
63. Men conquer the world to win over women! Women conquer men to conquer the world!
64.这个世界不公平就在于：上帝说：“我要光！”于是有了白天。美女说：“我要钻戒！”于是她有了钻戒。富豪说：“我要女人！”于是他有了女人。我说：“我要洗澡！”居然停水了。
64. The unfairness of this world lies in the fact that: God says, “I want light!” and there is daylight. A beauty says, “I want a diamond ring!” and she gets it. A rich man says, “I want a woman!” and he gets her. I say, “I want to take a bath!” and there’s a water outage.
65.自从我变成了狗屎，就再也没人踩到我头上。
65. Ever since I became dung, no one has stepped on me.
66.老板，来一碗泪流满面。
66. Boss, bring me a bowl of tears.
67.有钱的人怕别人知道他有钱，没钱的人怕别人知道他没钱。
67. Rich people fear others knowing they have money, while poor people fear others knowing they have no money.
68.广告就是告诉别人，他的钱还可以这么花。
68. Advertising is about telling others how they can spend their money.
69.我问她：”你以前交过男朋友吗？”她说：”高中的时候有交过。”我明知故问：”是河南的么？”她大惊：”当然是和男的啦!”
69. I asked her, “Have you ever had a boyfriend?” She said, “I had one in high school.” Knowing the answer, I asked, “From Henan?” She was surprised, “Of course, with a guy!”
70.男：山外青山楼外楼，恋爱婚姻都自由。女：万水千山只等闲，还不赶快去赚钱。
70. Man: Beyond the green mountains, there are more buildings, love and marriage are free. Woman: Mountains and rivers are just a casual wait, hurry up and make money.
71.哥是文明人，所有脏话均已使用唾液消毒。
71. I am a civilized person, all dirty words have been disinfected with saliva.
72.如果我死了，我的第一句话是：老子终于不用怕鬼了。
72. If I die, my first words will be: I am finally not afraid of ghosts anymore.
73.人生三愿：一是吃得下饭，二是睡得着觉，三是笑得出来。
73. Three wishes in life: to be able to eat, sleep, and laugh.
74.我身在江湖，江湖却没有关于我的传说。
74. I am in the world of martial arts, yet there are no legends about me.
75.男女调情的时候，诞生了最具特色的汉字：凹凸。
75. When men and women flirt, the most distinctive Chinese character is born:凹凸 (concave-convex).
76.早知道他不是好东西，就是忘了说了。
76. I knew he was no good, I just forgot to mention it.
77.让女孩变成女人是作为男人最基本的责任和义务。
77. Turning a girl into a woman is a man’s most basic responsibility and duty.
78.女人无所谓正派，正派是因为受到的引诱不够，男人无所谓忠诚，忠诚是因为背叛的筹码太低。
78. Women are not virtuous by nature; they are virtuous because the temptation is not enough. Men are not loyal by nature; they are loyal because the stakes for betrayal are too low.
79.你你你这个小妖精，令我中了你的爱情毒却迟迟不肯给我解药！小坏蛋！哦，我快要不行了！救救我吧！办法很简单：给我你的爱！
79. You little demoness, you made me fall in love with you but won’t give me the antidote! You little rascal! Oh, I can’t take it anymore! Save me! The solution is simple: give me your love!
80.感觉不到痛苦的爱情不是真正的爱情，感觉不到幸福的婚姻必是悲哀的婚姻。
80. Love without pain is not true love, and a marriage without happiness is a miserable one.
81.穿着恒源祥的毛衣，提着脑白金的礼盒，拿着三精葡萄酸钙，嘬着太极急支糖浆，哪儿人多奔哪儿去这就算行为艺术了吧。
81. Wearing a sweater from Hengyuanxiang, carrying a Naobaijin gift box, holding Sanjing grape acid calcium, and sipping Taiji urgent support syrup, running towards crowded places could be considered performance art.
82.长大了，娶唐僧做老公，能玩就玩一玩，不能玩就把他吃掉。
82. When I grow up, I want to marry Tang Seng as my husband, play with him if possible, and eat him if not.
83.不该看的不看，不该说的不说，不该听的不听，不该想的不想，该干什么干什么去。
83. Don’t look at what you shouldn’t, don’t say what you shouldn’t, don’t listen to what you shouldn’t, don’t think about what you shouldn’t, and just do what you’re supposed to do.
84.别跟我谈感情，谈感情伤钱。
84. Don’t talk to me about emotions; talking about emotions hurts money.
85.我这一生一共做错两件事，其一是生出来，另一是活下去。
85. In my life, I’ve made two mistakes: being born and living.
86.我们只是路人甲乙丙丁，在这花花世界集体游戏。无论你输我赢，到最后咱们都会一起GameOver！
86. We are just passers-by, playing a collective game in this colorful world. No matter who wins or loses, we will all end up with a game over!
87.别在我面前摆POSE，我真怕忍不住想摔相机。
87. Don’t pose in front of me; I’m afraid I’ll be tempted to drop the camera.
88.和你分手，因为，你连牵手都不配！
88. I broke up with you because you don’t even deserve to hold hands.
89.有一天小三哭了，因为出现了小四！
89. One day, the mistress cried because the fourth lover appeared!
90.上帝给了我们七情六欲，我们却把它们变成了色情和暴力。
90. God gave us seven emotions and six desires, but we turned them into pornography and violence.
91.你没事儿老梦我干吗，我忙你不知道吗?
91. Why do you keep dreaming about me when I’m busy? Don’t you know I’m busy?
92.当我为我容貌深深自卑的时候，我想，没事，等我有钱了，和谁都有缘。等我有钱了之后，我就去整容了，医生看了看我说，钱不是所有问题都能解决的。
92. When I felt deeply insecure about my appearance, I thought, “It’s okay, once I have money, I’ll be有缘 (有缘) with everyone.” After I became wealthy, I went to get plastic surgery. The doctor looked at me and said, “Money can’t solve all problems.”
93.每天很早来学校，表面是爱学习，可有几人知道，我们是来抄作业的。
93. We come to school early every day, seemingly because we love learning, but who knows that we are actually here to copy homework.
94.吃货都是善良的，因为每天只想着吃，没时间去算计别人。
94. Foodies are kind-hearted because they only think about eating and have no time to scheme against others.
95.他跟我说分手，我刚想回话，他却说发错人了。
95. He told me he wanted to break up, but just as I was about to reply, he said he had sent the message to the wrong person.
96.“你的拿手好菜是什么，”“我烧的白开水还不错”。
96. “What’s your signature dish?” “My boiled water is pretty good.”
97.“从小到大，有没有一个人想起来让你心里又甜又酸的？”“有啊，我家门口卖糖葫芦那个大叔。”
97. “Has there ever been someone who makes you feel both sweet and sour when you think of them?” “Yes, the uncle who sells sugar-coated haws outside my house.”
98.一个漂亮的妹纸问我说：嗨，你有女朋友吗？我心里一激动说：没有。妹纸拎起裙脚原地转了一圈说：你看漂亮吗？我心跳加速的说：漂亮。妹纸接着说：恩，我也这么觉得，这是男朋友送我的。
98. A pretty girl asked me, “Hey, do you have a girlfriend?” I got excited and said, “No.” The girl lifted her skirt and spun around, asking, “Do you think I’m pretty?” My heart raced as I said, “Yes, you are.” She then said, “Well, I agree, this skirt was a gift from my boyfriend.”
99.有人说走路玩手机容易出车祸，卧槽吓得我开始跑着玩。
99. Some people say that using your phone while walking can lead to accidents. Damn, that scared me into running while using my phone.
100.有时候你不努力一下，你都不知道什么叫绝望。
100. Sometimes, if you don’t try hard, you won’t know what despair feels like.
1.不在放荡中变坏，就在沉默中变态。
1. Either go bad in dissipation or become perverted in silence.
2.以后不要在我面前说英文，OK？
2. Don’t speak English in front of me anymore, OK?
3.如果男人不帮你穿上婚纱，你就送他件袈裟。
3. If a man doesn’t help you put on a wedding dress, just give him a kasaya.
4.我可没说你不要脸，我是说不要脸的都是你这样的。
4. I didn’t say you have no shame; I’m saying those who have no shame are like you.
5.装逼只是瞬间，不要脸才是永恒。
5. Pretending is just a moment, but having no shame is eternal.
6.让暴风雨来得更猛烈些吧，反正我是卖伞的！
6. Let the storm come even stronger, since I sell umbrellas!
7.你还是让我跪搓板吧，跪电暖气实在受不了啊！
7. You might as well let me kneel on the washboard; I can’t stand kneeling on the electric heater!
8.“捷克斯洛伐克”！我叫JACK，我老婆总这样抱怨我。
8. “Check your socks!” My name is Jack, and that’s what my wife always complains about.
9.高中时每人发个胸牌。一次来检查前，班主任跑到教室大声喊，大家快把胸罩戴起来，来检查的啦…全场鸦雀无声…
9. In high school, everyone was given a badge. Once, before an inspection, the headteacher ran into the classroom and shouted loudly, “Everyone, put on your bras, the inspectors are coming…” The whole room fell silent.
10.如果有一天全世界的男人来月经了，我会去卖卫生经。
10. If one day all men in the world get their periods, I will sell sanitary pads.
11.有时解释是不必要的，敌人不信你的解释，朋友无须你的解释。
11. Sometimes explanations are unnecessary, as enemies won’t believe your explanations, and friends don’t need them.
12.一张文凭、二国语言(精通英文)、三房一厅、四季名牌、五官端正、六六(落落)大方、七千月薪、八面玲珑、九(酒)烟不沾、十分老实。
12. A diploma, two languages (proficient in English), three bedrooms and one living room, four seasons of designer brands, good-looking features, generous and elegant, a monthly salary of 7,000, and being tactful in all situations. No (cigarette) smoking or drinking, and being very honest.
13.我们产生一点小分歧：她希望我把粪土变黄金，我希望她视黄金如粪土！
13. We have a minor disagreement: she wants me to turn dirt into gold, while I want her to treat gold like dirt.
14.师太，你就从了老衲吧！…很久很久以后…师太，你就饶了老衲吧！
14. Nun, just comply with me! … A long time later… Nun, please spare me!
15.男人膝下有黄金，我把整个腿都切下来了，连块铜也没找着！
15. There is gold beneath a man’s knees; I’ve cut off my whole leg but can’t find even a piece of copper!
16.人不能低下高贵的头，但捡钱时例外。
16. One cannot lower their noble head, except when picking up money.
17.小时候我以为自己长大后可以拯救整个世界，等长大后才发现整个世界都拯救不了我。
17. When I was young, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. But when I grew up, I realized the world couldn’t save me.
18.如果朋友可以出卖，每个值五块的话，我也能发笔小财了。
18. If friends could be sold, and each was worth five dollars, I could make a small fortune.
19.世界上我只相信两个人，一个是我，另一个不是你。
19. In this world, I only trust two people: one is me, and the other is not you.
20.电话费透支90万的判无期，撞死人的判3年，自动取款机恶意取款17万判无期，贪污几千万判10年。
20. A 900,000 phone bill deficit leads to life imprisonment, killing someone results in a 3-year sentence, a 170,000 malicious withdrawal from an ATM leads to life imprisonment, and embezzling tens of millions results in a 10-year sentence.
21.我们可以躲开大家，却躲不开一只苍蝇。生活中使我们不快乐的常是一些芝麻小事。
21. We can avoid everyone, but not a single fly. It is often the trivial matters in life that make us unhappy.
22.有一种人只做两件事：你成功了，他妒嫉你，你失败了，他笑话你。
22. There is a kind of person who only does two things: when you succeed, he envies you; when you fail, he laughs at you.
23.哥吸烟、是因为它伤肺，不伤心。
23. I smoke because it hurts my lungs, not my heart.
24.花有百样红，人与狗不同。
24. Flowers come in various shades of red, but people are different from dogs.
25.喜欢我的人都是好人。不喜欢我的人都是坏人。讨厌我的都不是人。
25. Those who like me are good people. Those who don’t like me are bad people. Those who hate me are not even human.
26.说谎是男人的特权，被骗是女人的专利…
26. Lying is a man’s privilege, and being deceived is a woman’s patent…
27.如果你对目前的工作不太满意，觉得事业发展到了一个瓶颈，那么就去进修一个更高的学历吧，这样的话，毕业以后你就会明白，之前的失败跟学历似乎没什么关系。
27. If you are not satisfied with your current job and feel that your career has reached a bottleneck, then go and pursue a higher degree. After graduation, you will realize that your previous failures seem to have nothing to do with your education.
28.富翁接受采访说，你很难想象我年轻时候吃过多少苦，当过黄牛，搞过搬运，做过走私……记者：我们都看到这些历练让你走向成功了。富翁说，不是，后来我终于娶了一个有钱的老婆。
28. A millionaire said in an interview, “You can’t imagine how much hardship I experienced when I was young, working as a scalper, a porter, and even engaging in smuggling…” The reporter replied, “We can see that these experiences have led you to success.” The millionaire said, “No, it was when I finally married a wealthy woman.”
29.只要你每天坚持自习，认真刻苦，态度端正，忍受孤独，最终的胜利肯定是属于那些考场上发挥好的人。
29. As long as you study diligently every day, work hard, maintain a proper attitude, and endure loneliness, the ultimate victory will surely belong to those who perform well on the exam.
30.好友谈恋爱两个月，网名改成”蓝色”。最近我才知道，蓝色直译为中文叫”不撸”。
30. A good friend has been dating for two months and changed their online nickname to “Blue.” Recently, I found out that “Blue” translates to “No Wank” in Chinese.
31.你们现在谈恋爱已经晚了，大学就应该全身心读书。。。。。。这个问题。应该初中高中就解决了。
31. It’s too late for you guys to start dating now; you should have focused on studying during college… Actually, this issue should have been resolved in middle or high school.
32.未来要和我结婚的那位：也不知道你现在给谁谈恋爱呢。别给人家浪费感情了、找个时间咱俩认识一下呗。
32. To the person who will marry me in the future: I don’t know who you’re dating right now. Don’t waste your feelings on them; find a time for us to get to know each other.
33.今天听到一个八岁的小姑娘唱，两只老虎，两只老虎，谈恋爱，谈恋爱。两只都是公的，两只都是公的，真变态，真变态。
33. Today, I heard an eight-year-old girl singing, “Two tigers, two tigers, in love, in love. Both are male, both are male, how perverted, how perverted.”
34.就算再挫也要谈恋爱，谈到世界充满爱！
34. Even if you’re not good enough, you should still be in a relationship to fill the world with love!
35.我谈过最长的恋爱，就是自恋，我爱自己，没有情敌。
35. The longest relationship I’ve ever had is with myself; I love myself and have no rivals in love.
36.看到有篇微博说道你自己是否愿意和自己谈恋爱。我纠结了很久，最后还是选择了不愿意。瞬间我再也不怪那些抛弃我的人了。
36. I saw a Weibo post asking if you would date yourself. I hesitated for a long time and finally chose not to. In that moment, I stopped blaming those who abandoned me.
37.你出来一下，我有事想跟你谈谈。”“谈什么?”“恋爱。”
37. Come out for a moment, I want to talk to you about something. “What about?” “Dating.”
38.一个妇女从超市回来，忿忿地抱怨：”如果顾客永远是对的，为什么不是一切都免费。
38. A woman came back from the supermarket and complained angrily, “If the customer is always right, why isn’t everything free?”
39.春有百花秋有月，夏有凉风冬有雪。若无烦事挂心头，便是人间好时节。
39. Spring has a hundred flowers, autumn has the moon, summer has a cool breeze, and winter has snow. If you have no worries in your heart, every season is a good time in the world.
40.没有人能预测未来，所以总有人后悔当初。
40. No one can predict the future, so there will always be people who regret their past decisions.
41.只有不可替代，你才不会被炒掉，但一直不可替代，就不会被提拔。
41. Only the irreplaceable will not be fired, but always being irreplaceable means you won’t be promoted.
42.寂寞就是有人说话时，没人在听，有人在听时，你却没话说了！
42. Loneliness is when there is someone talking, but no one is listening; and when there is someone listening, you have nothing to say.
43.比遇见一个泼妇更让人头痛的是……同时遇见两个泼妇。
43. What’s worse than encountering a shrew is… encountering two shrews at the same time.
44.我想把我的一生浓缩成一句笑话。
44. I want to condense my whole life into a joke.
45.如果跟导师讲不清楚，那么就把他搞胡涂吧！
45. If you can’t explain it to your mentor, just confuse him.
46.你不是黄蓉，你只是蝗虫，你为嘛要靖哥哥？你真不要脸。
46. You’re not Huang Rong; you’re just a locust. Why do you want Jing Ge? You’re really shameless.
47.昨天是历史，今天是开始，明天谁都不好使！
47. Yesterday is history, today is the beginning, and tomorrow nobody can rely on!
48.最近神马开始变驴腿了，浮云变雨水了！
48. Recently, mythical horses have turned into donkeys, and floating clouds have turned into rain.
49.我只顾着往后看，却没有在意前面的路有多长。
49. I was only looking back, without paying attention to how long the road ahead was.
50.不怕神一样的哥们，就怕狗一样的朋友。
50. Don’t be afraid of god-like friends; be afraid of dog-like friends.
51.老师本想对同学们说把掌声送给自己，可不小心说成把巴掌送给自己。说完，一同学”啪”“啪”就给了自己两耳光。
51. The teacher wanted to tell the students to give applause to themselves, but accidentally said to give slaps to themselves. After saying it, a student “clap” “clap” gave themselves two slaps.
52.考题再复杂，终究没有我这心情复杂。
52. No matter how complex the exam questions are, they are not as complex as my emotions.
53.谁说水火无情，当你快要被口水淹死的时候，你却火了。
53. Who says water and fire are merciless? When you’re about to be drowned by saliva, you’re on fire.
54.眉毛上的汗水，眉毛下的泪水，你总得选一样。
54. Sweat on the eyebrows, tears under the eyebrows, you have to choose one.
55.思想就像内裤，要有，但不能逢人就证明你有。
55. Thoughts are like underwear; you have to have them, but you can’t prove it to everyone.
56.为什么你坐在那儿，看上去就像一个没写地址的信封？
56. Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without an address?
57.君子报仇，十年不晚，小人报仇，从早到晚。
57. A gentleman seeks revenge in ten years; a petty person seeks revenge from morning to night.
58.我一定要出现你家户口本上，做不了你老公，也做你小爹。
58. I must appear on your household registration book, if not as your husband, then as your father-in-law.
59.又帅又车，那是象棋，有钱有房，那是银行。
59. Handsome and with a car, that’s chess; rich and with a house, that’s a bank.
60.没有强大的主人，别以为你是狗就可以乱咬人！
60. Don’t think you can bite people randomly just because you’re a dog without a strong master!
61.枕着打印机睡，就能打印出一整夜的梦吧？
61. Sleeping with a printer, you can print out an entire night’s worth of dreams, right?
62.系好安全带，前方也许有场爱情正等着你。
62. Fasten your seatbelt, there might be a love story waiting for you up ahead.
63.小明：“爸爸我是不是傻孩子啊？”爸爸：“傻孩子，你怎么会是傻孩子呢？”
63. Xiao Ming: “Dad, am I a silly child?” Dad: “Silly child, how could you be a silly child?”
64.人生就像一场旅行，在乎的不是目的地。而是沿途的“NB”，以及对付“NB”时的心情！
64. Life is like a journey, it’s not about the destination. It’s about the “NB” along the way and the mindset when dealing with “NB”!
65.站在岁月的岸边，向自己的过往打个水漂吧……
65. Standing on the shore of time, let’s skip a stone across our past…
66.有时候老天下一场雨，是因为世界需要洗一洗，有时候眼睛下雨了，是因为心需要洗一洗！
66. Sometimes the world needs a wash, that’s why it rains; sometimes our hearts need a wash, that’s why our eyes tear up.
67.我是穷人，请勿盗墓！
67. I am poor, please do not rob my grave!
68.别以为你比我年轻，你就能多蹦跶几天，棺材装的是死人不是老人！
68. Don’t think that just because you are younger than me, you can bounce around for more days. A coffin carries the dead, not the old!
69.我要瘦成一道闪电，照亮所有猥琐的死胖子。
69. I want to become a lightning bolt thin, shining upon all the creepy fat people.
70.每次临时抱佛脚的时候。佛总是给我一脚。
70. Every time I try to seek help from Buddha at the last minute, Buddha always gives me a kick.
71.天上终不会掉陷饼，它只会掉陷阱。
71. Heaven won’t drop pie, it only drops traps.
72.白色加白色就是黑色，因为双重否定就是肯定。
72. White plus white equals black, because a double negative is a positive.
73.我对你的感情就像雷锋对于穷人的怜悯。
73. My feelings for you are like Lei Feng’s compassion for the poor.
74.要说别人脑子有病，脑子有病的前提是必须有个脑子。
74. To say someone has a problem with their brain, they must have a brain in the first place.
75.扔硬币，正面就去上网，反面就是睡觉，立起来就去写作业。
75. Flip a coin, if it’s heads, go online; if it’s tails, go to sleep; if it stands up, do your homework.
76.我是你的风筝，线在你手上，可陪伴我的只有风。
76. I am your kite, the string is in your hands, but all I have is the wind for company.
77.拍脑袋决策，拍胸脯保证，拍屁股走人。
77. Make decisions with a slap on the head, guarantee with a thump on the chest, and leave with a slap on the butt.
78.人生就像卫生纸，没事的时候，尽量少扯!
78. Life is like toilet paper, use it sparingly when there’s no need!
79.当初我看上你，因为我脑子进水了，现在我脑子抖干了。
79. I fell for you because my brain was soaked, now my brain is dried up.
80.早上刚一起床，就有一股睡午觉的冲动。
80. As soon as I get up in the morning, I have an urge to take a nap.
81.腾讯的“正在输入”，给了多少人希望，又给了多少人失望。
81. Tencent’s “Typing…”, has given hope to many, and disappointment to just as many.
82.现在的人喝点酒也很装Bi。动不动就说。我现在喝酒就是白的一斤半啤的随便干。我想问下你的胃是下水道吗？
82. Nowadays, people who drink a little alcohol act so pretentious. They always say, “I can drink a pound and a half of white liquor and beer however much I want.” I’d like to ask, is your stomach a sewer?
83.连起床这么难的事情你都做到了，接下来的一天还有什么能难倒你！
83. If you can accomplish something as difficult as getting out of bed, what else in the day can stop you?
84.大金链子，小手表。一天三顿小烧烤。青春献给小酒桌。醉生梦死就是喝。社会小酒天天喝。早晚死在小饭桌。
84. Big gold chains, small watches. Three meals a day of barbecue. Youth is dedicated to the small drinking table. Drunkenness and dreams are all about drinking. Socializing with alcohol every day. Sooner or later, you’ll die at the small dining table.
85.家里有钱，开一13开门的凯迪拉克。一听声音就知道是好机器，德国进口的，“突突突突”。一开起来，半个北京城冒黑烟。
85. If you have money at home, you drive a 13-door Cadillac. You can tell it’s a good machine just by the sound, imported from Germany, “thud thud thud thud.” When you start it up, half of Beijing City emits black smoke.
86.你像风轻盈，你像水温柔，你像雾朦胧，你像月浪漫，你像日热情，你像海宽容，你像牛健康，你像龟长寿，你像兔可爱，总之一句话：你没一点像人！
86. You are as light as the wind, as gentle as water, as hazy as the fog, as romantic as the moon, as passionate as the sun, as tolerant as the sea, as healthy as an ox, as long-lived as a turtle, as cute as a rabbit. In short, you don’t have a single human trait!
87.你知道男人这一生最痛苦的事情是什么吗？是没媳妇。那你知道男人更痛苦的事情是什么吗？有媳妇，跟别人跑了。
87. Do you know the most painful thing in a man’s life? It’s not having a wife. And do you know what’s even more painful for a man? Having a wife who runs away with someone else.
88.听君一席话，自挂东南枝。
88. After listening to your words, I’d rather hang myself from the southeast branch.
89.曾经相信能把日子过成段子，如今只盼别把日子变成案子。
89. I once believed that I could turn life into a joke, but now I just hope my life doesn’t turn into a case.
90.任何一条消息在经过官方否认之前都不能相信。
90. You cannot believe any news before it is officially denied.
91.“如果你老婆和你情人同时掉进水里，请问你是再找一个丰满型的还是娇小型的?”“还找不会游泳的。”
91. “If your wife and your lover fall into the water at the same time, would you look for a voluptuous or petite one?” “I’d still look for one who can’t swim.”
92.本人口儿重，拟禁绝可乐，改喝急支糖浆。
92. I have a heavy taste, so I plan to quit cola and switch to drinking urgent support syrup.
93.路上看见一对情侣亲热。于是我跑过去，对那个男孩纸说：哥哥，今天的这个姐姐没有昨天的那个漂亮……
93. I saw a couple being intimate on the road. So I ran over and said to the boy, “Brother, today’s sister is not as pretty as yesterday’s…”
94.某男走到收费站口！看见美女收费员甚是漂亮！男直视，女抬头说：小心肝！男大喜，说：小宝贝。女又说：小心肝。男快答：小宝贝！正在此刻，只听咣一声！收费站停车杆落下！砸的直出血。女鄙视说：活该！让你小心杆、小心杆你不听！还他妈的小宝贝，咋不砸
94. A man walked up to the toll booth! Seeing the beautiful toll collector, he couldn’t help but stare. The woman looked up and said, “Be careful, liver!” The man was delighted and replied, “Little treasure.” The woman said, “Be careful, liver.” The man quickly answered, “Little treasure!” At that moment, the parking杆 at the toll booth fell with a bang! It hit him and made him bleed. The woman looked down on him and said, “You deserved it! I told you to be careful with the pole, but you didn’t listen! You even called me little treasure, why didn’t you get hit?”
95.死你呢？
95. Why don’t you die?
96.一对男女在亲热，男的十分卖力，女的却毫无反映，男的生气的问道：“你就不能有点反映吗？连床也不会叫！”女的听后连忙大叫：“床！！床！！”
96. A couple was being intimate, and the man was working very hard, but the woman had no reaction. The man asked angrily, “Can’t you show some reaction? You won’t even make a sound!” After hearing this, the woman quickly shouted, “Bed! Bed!”
97.算命先生与小姐对白：“你命不好。”“为什么？”“因为你身上带有凶兆。”“那我把胸罩脱了行吗?”“不行，你一脱了凶兆，就会出现人生的两个大波。
97. Fortune teller’s dialogue with a young lady: “You have bad luck.” “Why?” “Because you have a bad omen on you.” “Can I take off my bra then?” “No, if you take off the bad omen, you’ll face two great challenges in life.”
98.皇上，臣妾有一事相求，恳请皇上将臣妾打入冷宫，臣妾受不鸟了，这天气太热了。
98. Your Majesty, your concubine has a request. I beg Your Majesty to banish me to the cold palace, for I can’t stand this hot weather any longer.
99.我以前很瘦，未来也很瘦，所以我现在先胖个一段时间，不然人生不圆满。
99. I used to be very thin, and I will be thin in the future, so I’ll be fat for a while now, otherwise, my life won’t be fulfilling.
100.“发射的英文是什么”“biu～”。
100. What is the English word for “launch”? “Biu～”.
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