1、知道自己有多恶心吗，当你妈妈第一次感觉到你的存在时……她吐了！
1. Do you know how disgusting you are? When your mother first sensed your existence… she threw up!

2、李白乘舟将欲行，忽闻岸上踏歌声。动次大次切克闹，悠悠最炫民族风……
2. Li Bai was about to embark on a boat when he suddenly heard the singing on the shore. The rhythm was catchy, like the most dazzling ethnic style…

3、必须要换笔记本了——开机需要5分钟，电池只支持到3分钟！
3. I really need to change my laptop - it takes 5 minutes to start up, and the battery only lasts for 3 minutes!

4、悟空，柴火不够，多拿点经书来。悟净，你去看看八戒熟了没。
4. Wukong, we don’t have enough firewood, bring more scriptures. Wujing, go check if Bajie is cooked.

5、孙悟空三打白骨精的故事告诉我们，女人太善变会被男人一棒子打死……
5. The story of Sun Wukong fighting the White Bone Spirit three times tells us that women who change too much will be killed by men with a single blow…

6、不努力的女人只有两种结果 穿不完的地摊货和逛不完的菜市场。
6. Women who don’t work hard only have two outcomes: endless cheap goods to wear and endless vegetable markets to visit.

7、高中老师说，这个不用懂，大学会讲的，大学老师说，这个不讲了，高中老师讲过了。
7. High school teachers say, “You don’t need to understand this, it will be taught in college,” while college teachers say, “We won’t cover this, it was taught in high school.”

8、对你发火的人，你永远不会知道他忍了你多少次？一点点语录网
8. You’ll never know how many times someone who gets angry at you has endured your behavior. A little bit of quotations website.

9、昨晚看泰坦尼克号首映的唯一亮点，就是Rose脱了一半快完时镜头突然被切换，全场异口同声的那句：草！
9. The only highlight of watching the Titanic premiere last night was when Rose’s half-naked scene was suddenly cut off, and everyone in the audience shouted in unison: “Damn it!”

10、“我当年“”我一朋友”＂我一同学＂并称三大无法超越的神人。
10. “My past,” “My friend,” and “My classmate” are known as the three unattainable legends.

11、小姐不好意思，这个男人是我的，请你管好自己的大腿和春心。
11. Excuse me, miss, this man is mine. Please mind your own thighs and romantic feelings.

12、长得漂亮还不是靠爸妈，活的漂亮才是真本事。
12. Being beautiful is thanks to your parents; living beautifully is a real skill.

13、小时候难过会哭,长大后难过会笑。
13. When you’re young, you cry when you’re sad; when you grow up, you laugh when you’re sad.

14、假如女人是本书，很多女人只有3页：一页画着车子，一页画着房子，一页画着票子。
14. If women were books, many would have only three pages: one with a car, one with a house, and one with money.

15、MM扣扣签名：“满身大汉，热死了。”
15. MM’s QQ signature: “Covered in sweat, it’s so hot.”

16、为什么猩猩鼻孔大？因为它手指头很粗……
16. Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because their fingers are thick…

17、不要让人轻易得到你，不然你会很容易被忘记。
17. Don’t let people get you easily, or you’ll be easily forgotten.

18、天空中最微弱的星 也有权利争取最美的灿烂。
18. The faintest star in the sky also has the right to strive for the most beautiful brilliance.

19、青春就像蒲公英，看似自由，却身不由己。
19. Youth is like a dandelion, seemingly free but uncontrollable.

20、如果我死了，我的第一句话是：终于不用怕鬼了。
20. If I die, my first words will be: Finally, I don’t have to be afraid of ghosts anymore.

21、生命中最公平的一件事就是每个人都会死。
21. The most fair thing in life is that everyone will die.

22、口袋里钞票的颜色决定今天的心情。
22. The color of the money in your pocket determines your mood for the day.

23、夜深人静的时候，我常常问自己，当初决定来地球，到底是对是错。
23. In the dead of night, I often ask myself, was it right or wrong to come to Earth?

24、这年头上线和隐身是一样的——都不会有人找你聊天。
24. Nowadays, being online and being invisible are the same - no one will chat with you.

25、中分看鼻子，齐刘海看脸型，斜刘海看气质，无刘海看五官。我适合蒙面！
25. A center parting shows the nose, a full bang shows the face shape, a side bang shows the temperament, and no bang shows the facial features. I guess I’m suited for wearing a mask!

26、找对象、不要看对方人又多好、而是看对方对你有多好。
26. When looking for a partner, don’t just see how good the person is, but see how good they are to you.

27、男人苦点没关系 别苦了跟你一辈子的女人。
27. It’s okay for a man to suffer a bit, but don’t let the woman who spends her whole life with you suffer.

28、早知道找个女朋友这么难，我就定娃娃亲了。
28. If I had known finding a girlfriend would be so difficult, I would have arranged a childhood marriage.

29、昨天看电视说“吸烟导致猝死”吓的我心里哆嗦！我一咬牙一跺脚下定决心！“以后不看电视了。”
29. Yesterday, I watched TV and it said “smoking leads to sudden death,” which scared me to death! I gritted my teeth, stamped my foot, and made up my mind! “I won’t watch TV anymore.”

30、现在有不少非主流女生喜欢在聊天时把“我”写成这个“莪”，其实，这是在暗示着什么……
30. Nowadays, many non-mainstream girls like to write “I” as “莪” in chats. In fact, this is hinting at something…

31、孩子。改天你家电脑中病毒了。就说明你长大了。
31. Kid, the day your computer gets a virus, that means you’ve grown up.

32、黑丝泛滥的季节，让我们这些粗腿情何以堪？
32. In the season of rampant black silk, how can we deal with our thick legs?

33、“泰坦尼克”给了我15年的时间，我却没能找到陪我去看它的人。
33. “Titanic” gave me 15 years, but I couldn’t find someone to watch it with me.

34、你穿得很危险，但长得很安全。
34. You dress dangerously, but you look safe.

35、老天，我以后再也不叫你爷了。你压根就不爱我这个孙女。
35. God, I won’t call you “grandpa” anymore. You obviously don’t love me, your granddaughter.

36、用时间和心看人，而不是用眼睛。
36. Use time and heart to see people, not just your eyes.

37、如果一个星期放五天假两天上课，那样就没人会去旷课。
37. If we had five days off and only two days of classes per week, no one would skip class.

38、甲：哇…好烫！乙：什么烫？甲：水。乙：慢点喝。甲：洗脚水……
38. A: Wow… it’s so hot! B: What’s hot? A: The water. B: Drink it slowly. A: It’s my foot-washing water…

39、都说字如其人。我看了病历本。都不敢想象医生的样子了。
39. They say handwriting reflects one’s character. After looking at the medical record, I can’t even imagine what the doctor looks like.

40、以后，我要拍一部“那些年，我们这些没人追的女孩”，我就不信不红。
40. In the future, I want to make a movie called “Those Years, We Girls Who No One Chased.” I don’t believe it won’t become popular.

41、昨天参加市里的放鸽子比赛，结果就我一个人去了……
41. Yesterday, I participated in the city’s pigeon flying contest, and it turned out that I was the only one who went…

42、全校停水俩天，第二天我发现班里好多女生我都不认识了。
42. The whole school had no water for two days, and on the second day, I found that I didn’t recognize many girls in my class.