1.我和我的小伙伴都被热呆了。
1. My friends and I are stunned by the heat.

2.今天又有人死了，他叫热。
2. Someone else died today, his name was Heat.

3.宁可在空调房里哭，也不要在电风扇下笑!
3. I’d rather cry in an air-conditioned room than laugh under an electric fan!

4.天这么热，看见你，比包着西瓜用票儿挖起吃，都安逸!
4. The weather is so hot that seeing you is more comfortable than eating watermelon with a spoon wrapped in a ticket!

5.天气热的像个笑话，日子过得像句废话!
5. The weather is hot like a joke, and life is like a meaningless sentence!

6.天气热的让人烦躁，总是突如其来的暴雨也让人烦燥，一照镜子看见自己就烦燥。
6. The hot weather makes people irritable, and the sudden rain also makes people irritable. When I look in the mirror, I feel irritated.

7.你说，这么热的天，就不要穿得这么保守了!
7. You say, it’s so hot, don’t wear such conservative clothes!

8.路上遇到个陌生人，相视一笑，变熟人了!
8. I met a stranger on the road, we smiled at each other, and became acquaintances!

9.这天气，我和烤肉之间，只差一撮孜然，我和扇贝之间，只差一头大蒜!
9. In this weather, the difference between me and grilled meat is just a pinch of cumin, and the difference between me and scallops is just a clove of garlic!

10.这酷热，根本停不下来!
10. This scorching heat just won’t stop!

11.果断呆在空调屋死都不出来，然后备好充足的水。
11. I’ve decided to stay in the air-conditioned room and never come out, and then prepare plenty of water.

12.都说要等瓜熟蒂落，我真的渴望能够早一点卸货!真的受不了这炎热的夏天!太热了!
12. They say to wait for the ripe fruit to fall from the tree, but I really wish I could deliver early! I can’t stand this hot summer! It’s too hot!

13.拌个凉菜都得赶紧吃，要不一会就变麻辣烫了!
13. When making a cold dish, you have to eat it quickly, otherwise it will become spicy hot pot in a while!

14.这个天气约你出去吃饭的，一定是生死之交，谈的肯定都是终身大事!
14. If someone invites you out for a meal in this weather, they must be a close friend, and they must be discussing important matters of a lifetime!

15.这个天气，出来玩的都是抗日英雄。
15. In this weather, those who come out to play are anti-Japanese heroes.

16.无节操吐槽史上最惨夏天!小伙伴你油腻了吗?
16. Shameless complaints about the worst summer in history! Have you become greasy, my little friend?

17.我们呆在家里吧，人行道上都可以煎蛋了。
17. Let’s stay at home, as you can fry eggs on the sidewalk.

18.老天，你是要让所有人知道，这个夏天被火焰山承包了!
18. Heavens, you want everyone to know that this summer is monopolized by the Flame Mountain!

19.酷暑难耐，吾燥热异常，心亦烦闷。
19. The intense heat is unbearable, I am extremely irritable, and my heart is also troubled.

20.这么热的时候停水了我想去校长家洗澡。
20. When the water is cut off in such hot weather, I want to take a bath at the principal’s house.

21.我的肉身即将热死在重庆，我的灵魂将与你们同在。
21. My physical body is about to be scorched in Chongqing, but my soul will be with you all.

22.我若热死在重庆，兄弟们记得来收尸，辛苦你们了，棺材里一定要有空调。
22. If I die from the heat in Chongqing, brothers, remember to collect my body. Thank you for your hard work, and make sure there’s air conditioning in the coffin.

23.致我们终将热死的夏天!
23. To the summer we will eventually die from the heat!

24.受高温影响最大的是碰瓷行业，已进入全面停业!
24. The industry most affected by high temperatures is the porcelain-pawning industry, which has now entered a full shutdown!

25.盛夏的阳光真像蘸了辣椒水，坦荡荡的街上没有一块阴凉地。
25. The midsummer sunlight is like being dipped in chili water, with no shade on the open streets.

26.天气热得象蒸笼，人都快变成包子了。
26. The weather is so hot that people are almost turning into steamed buns.

27.特别提示：后羿因回家抱孩子所以不能按时出来射日，请大家做好避暑准备。
27. Special reminder: Houyi is unable to come out on time to shoot down the sun due to taking care of his child at home, so please be prepared to escape the heat.

28.躺在床上是红烧，加了席子是铁板烧，下床后是清蒸，出门去是烧烤，到游泳馆去被水煮，回来路上被生煎，回到家里还要回锅!
28. Lying in bed feels like being braised, with a mat it’s like iron板烧, getting out of bed is like steaming, going out feels like grilling, going to the swimming pool is like being boiled, and on the way back, being pan-fried. When I get home, I have to be reheated!

29.火辣辣的太阳撕开了大地的皮。
29. The scorching sun has torn the skin of the earth.

30.盛夏的阳光真像蘸了辣椒水，坦荡荡的街上没有一块阴凉地。
30. The midsummer sunlight is like being dipped in chili water, with no shade on the open streets.

31.夏天的天气热得像个蒸笼。
31. The summer weather is as hot as a steamer.

32.虽然我什么都没做，但还是汗流浃背。
32. Although I haven’t done anything, I’m still sweating profusely.

33.天气热得受不了，在仙人掌的阴影下也有华氏度。
33. The weather is unbearable due to the heat. Even under the shadow of a cactus, it’s still Fahrenheit degrees.

34.太阳像个老大老大的火球，光线灼人，公路被烈日烤得发烫，脚踏下去一步一串白烟。
34. The sun is like a huge fireball, its rays scorching people, and the highway is baked hot by the sun, with white smoke rising from each step.

35.七月的天气，太阳正毒，晒得人汗珠往下直滚。
35. In July, the sun is at its most toxic, causing people’s sweat to roll down continuously.

36.天气实在太热,买筐鸡蛋，到家变小鸡了!买个凉席，一睡变成电热毯了!路上遇到个陌生人，相视一笑，变熟人了!桌子太烫，麻将刚码好，居然糊了。
36. The weather is so hot that a basket of eggs turns into chicks when brought home! A mat becomes an electric blanket as soon as you sleep on it! You meet a stranger on the road, share a smile, and become acquaintances! The table is so hot that the mahjong tiles just placed on it actually fuse together.

37.这个天气，出来玩的都是抗日英雄。
37. In this kind of weather, those who come out to play are anti-Japanese heroes.

38.皇上，臣妾有一请求，你一定要答应，把臣妾打入冷宫吧。
38. Your Majesty, your concubine has a request, and you must agree. Please banish me to the cold palace.

39.这位凉席，你是电热毯派来的奸细吧。
39. This mat, are you a spy sent by the electric blanket?

40.我只是觉得这个符号很像有风吹过来，能让我凉快点，所以……
40. I just think this symbol looks like a breeze blowing, which could make me feel cooler, so…

41.我吃了一根玉米，一会就在我肚子里变成了爆米花，感觉爽透了。
41. I ate a corn cob, and soon it turned into popcorn in my stomach, feeling incredibly refreshed.

42.亲眼看到蚊子从空调房飞出的一瞬间，它身体冒烟，掉落在地上，像被射坠机的灰机。
42. I saw a mosquito flying out of an air-conditioned room, its body smoking and falling to the ground like a shot-down gray aircraft.

43.刚刚从超市买了些鸡蛋回家，走了没几步袋子有小鸡爬出来，我一看袋子里鸡蛋，妹的，都是小鸡。
43. I just bought some eggs from the supermarket and walked a few steps when chicks started crawling out of the bag. I looked inside and found that all the eggs had turned into chicks.

44.七月的天气，太阳正毒，晒得人汗珠往下直滚。
44. In July’s weather, the sun is scorching hot, making people’s sweat roll down.

45.七月，透蓝的天空，悬着火球似的太阳，云彩好似被太阳烧化了，也消失得无影无踪。
45. In July, the transparent blue sky holds a sun like a fiery ball, and the clouds seem to have been burned away by the sun, disappearing without a trace.

46.麻将一上台，就糊了……
46. As soon as I got on the mahjong table, I won.

47.“哪凉快，哪待着去”真不是一句骂人的话，这绝对是最真挚的关怀，最深藏不露的爱。
47. “Go where it’s cool” is not an insult, but the most sincere care and hidden love.

48.不小心掉了一张纸币，结果还没捡，就着了，看着就心疼。
48. I accidentally dropped a banknote, and before I could pick it up, it caught fire. It was so painful to watch.

49.马路上碰瓷的没有了，据说有个家伙要碰瓷，刚躺下立马跳起来比兔子都跑得快。
49. There are no more scammers lying on the road. It is said that a guy wanted to scam, but as soon as he lay down, he jumped up and ran faster than a rabbit.

50.那些跪着写粉笔字的，躺着装病的乞丐都没了。
50. Beggars who write with chalk on their knees and pretend to be sick have all disappeared.

51.女孩们，碰到家里有空调的男生，就嫁了吧。
51. Girls, if you meet a guy with an air conditioner at home, just marry him.

52.路遇一硬币，想了很久没有捡，因为我怕烫伤。
52. I found a coin on the road but hesitated to pick it up for a long time because I was afraid of getting burned.

53.大家都是“熟人”萝莉都变成“熟女”了。
53. Everyone has become “acquainted,” even loli has turned into “shu-nv.”

54.常在街上走，哪有不湿身。
54. Walking on the street often, how can you avoid getting wet.

55.刚看到一个人行走在太阳下，慢慢的消失了，我旁边物理系的一哥们说是升华了。
55. I just saw a person walking in the sun and slowly disappearing. A physics major next to me said it was sublimation.

56.有一个留学生说：“怎么还不放假呀，西安太热了，我想回非洲”
56. A foreign student said, “When will the holiday come? Xi’an is too hot; I want to go back to Africa.”

57.铁板烧的感觉。
57. The feeling of iron板烧 (grilled meat).

58.自来水可以煮泡面的科技时代终于实现了。
58. The era of technology that allows tap water to cook instant noodles has finally arrived.

59.我们学校有人在操场摔了一跤，被医院定义为级烫伤。
59. Someone at our school fell on the playground and was diagnosed with second-degree burns by the hospital.

60.如果我很久没有联系你，你不用担心我失踪了，我只是在夏天热死了。
60. If I haven’t contacted you for a long time, don’t worry about me being missing. I just died of the heat in summer.

说说2018霸气超拽

1.人生没有绝望，只有想不通，人生没有尽头，只有看不透。
1. There is no despair in life, only things we can’t figure out. Life has no end, only things we can’t see through.

2.—你的心从来没属于过我，可我的心里装的都是你。
2. Your heart has never belonged to me, but my heart is filled with you.

3.我的眼泪像北极的冰，刺伤了我的眼睛痛了心。
3. My tears are like the Arctic ice, piercing my eyes and hurting my heart.

4.如果你口中的永远只是个玩笑，那么这个玩笑会在我心中永远存在。
4. If the forever in your words is just a joke, then this joke will exist in my heart forever.

5.苍茫大地一剑尽挽破，何处繁华笙歌落。斜倚云端千壶掩寂寞，纵使他人空笑我。
5. A single sword can break through the vast earth, where does the prosperity and music fall? Leaning against the clouds, a thousand pots hide the loneliness, even if others laugh at me empty-handed.

6.若得青锋三尺剑，醉罢斩天落长虹。
6. If I could have a three-foot green sword, I would drunkenly slash through the sky and bring down the rainbow.

7.想绝尘而去仗剑天涯做一个无牵绊的浪子，在不知名的酒馆自斟自饮把所有一言难尽一饮而尽。
7. I want to leave the dust behind and wander the world with a sword, a carefree wanderer, in an unknown tavern, pouring myself drinks and drowning all the unspeakable words.

8.安静的流泪等着那黑夜的寂寞！你那时才会出现？
8. Quietly shedding tears, waiting for the loneliness of the night! Will you appear then?

9.我想给你全世界，却忘记了你需要的不是我。
9. I want to give you the whole world, but I forgot that what you need is not me.

10.生在阴间有散场，死归地府又何妨。阳间地府具相似，只当漂流在异乡。
10. Born in the netherworld with a散场 (dispersed scene), what’s the harm in returning to the netherworld? Both the netherworld and the world are similar, just treat it as drifting in a foreign land.

11.嘴要甜，心要狠。该留留，该滚滚。从今以后，要么忍，要么狠，要么滚。有朝一日权在手，杀尽天下负我狗。
11. Be sweet-talking, have a ruthless heart. Stay if you should, leave if you must. From now on, either endure, be ruthless, or leave. One day when power is in hand, kill all the dogs who have wronged me.

12.“你的嘴真甜”“你要尝一下吗”
12. “Your mouth is so sweet” “Would you like to taste it?”

13.人们总是想得到更多，却忘了他们已经拥有的。
13. People always want more, but they forget what they already have.

14.可不可以和世界请个假，我想暂时离开一下。
14. Can I take a break from the world, just for a while?

15.老师，能不能等光头强砍到树了，灰太狼吃到羊了，汤姆逮到杰瑞了，妖怪吃到唐僧了，我们再开学。
15. Teacher, can we wait until Lighthead Strong chops down the tree, Grey Wolf eats the sheep, Tom catches Jerry, and the monster eats Tang Seng, then start school again?

16.不过是为了一个希望，何必把自己弄得偏体鳞伤.
16. It’s just for a glimmer of hope, why hurt oneself so much?

17.我的爱从没有离开，可是两个人相爱，总会有无奈。
17. My love has never left, but when two people fall in love, there will always be helplessness.

18.你能给我的，不是我想要的，而我想要的，是你永远不能给我的。
18. What you can give me is not what I want, and what I want is something you can never give me.

19.爱情不是件小事，但是小事的积累。
19. Love is not a trivial matter, but it is the accumulation of trivial things.

20.少在我面前拽的跟二五八万似的，摆好POSE在装逼！
20. Don’t act so arrogant in front of me, put on a good pose before showing off!

21.现在的学生和老师说话，就像瞎子拉琴，胡扯。。。
21. Nowadays, students talking to teachers are like blind people playing the violin, just rambling on.

22.不要总以为鹤立鸡群，有本事就离开那群鸡。
22. Don’t always think you stand out like a crane among chickens; if you have the ability, leave that group of chickens.

23.你连世界都没观过，哪来的世界观？—韩寒《后会无期》
23. You haven’t even seen the world, so where does your worldview come from? - Han Han, “The Continent”

24.说太阳温暖的人一定没见过你的笑容
24. People who say the sun is warm must have never seen your smile.

25.突然觉得怪兽是好的，奥特曼是坏的不然奥特曼怎么会阻挠怪兽摧毁小本的城市？
25. Suddenly, I feel that monsters are good and Ultraman is bad, otherwise, why would Ultraman stop the monster from destroying the city?

26.我確定這一生…願意等她直到白髮…無怨無悔
26. I am sure that in this life… I am willing to wait for her until my hair turns white… without any regrets.

27.我只希望我们好好的，好好的笑，好好的爱，好好的过，好好的一辈子。
27. I just hope that we can be happy, laugh well, love well, live well, and spend a good lifetime together.

28.女人再漂亮也不过是男人的一道风景，男人再帅气也不过是女人炫耀的工具！
28. No matter how beautiful a woman is, she is just a scenery for a man; no matter how handsome a man is, he is just a tool for a woman to show off!

29.一般人都不会说我长的帅，他们通常只会说我生的有霸气…
29. Most people don’t say I’m handsome; they usually say I have a domineering aura…

30.孤独成性不过是厌恶人心。
30. Being lonely by nature is just a dislike for human hearts.

31.脸皮厚的人最常说的一句话是我待你不薄阿。
31. The most common phrase for people with thick skin is “I haven’t treated you badly, have I?”

32.看你这口牙，难道你和狗是同一个祖先？
32. Looking at your teeth, could it be that you and dogs share the same ancestor?

33.就连一直对我不离不弃的大姨妈，当我四十岁容颜老去时也会随之消失得无影无踪。
33. Even my loyal monthly visitor will disappear without a trace when I am 40 and my appearance fades.

34.不要抱怨这个社会有很多不平等，如果你觉得你现在走的辛苦，那就证明你在走上坡路。
34. Don’t complain about the many inequalities in this society; if you feel that your current path is difficult, it proves that you are on an uphill journey.

35.你应该喜欢一个能逗你笑的人，而不是我这种经常把你帅哭的人。
35. You should like someone who can make you laugh, not someone like me who often makes you cry because of my handsomeness.

36.学校里最可怕的信任就是一个学渣给另一个学渣讲题目，一个敢讲，一个敢听。
36. The most terrifying trust in school is when a poor student explains a problem to another poor student, one daring to explain and the other daring to listen.

37.听新闻说你还有无数想要去的派对，我只好点了点头笑着我说我无所谓，无所谓，我就想说无所谓，心痛我也就无所谓，错过我，你也无所谓大不了你再换一位。
37. Hearing the news that you still have countless parties you want to attend, I can only nod my head and smile, saying I don’t care. I don’t care, I just want to say I don’t care, my heartache is irrelevant, missing me out, you don’t care either. If you miss me, you can just find another one.

38.都说女孩子生气时把她按住强吻就行了，可是我为什么会被她男朋友打呢。
38. They say that when a girl is angry, just hold her down and kiss her, but why did I get beaten up by her boyfriend?

39.一次闺蜜喝酒喝多了，我把她带到家，她一进我家就拿着我刚买的仓鼠，往窗外扔，还说了句：“去吧！皮卡丘~”
39. Once, my best friend got drunk and I took her home. As soon as she entered my house, she grabbed the hamster I just bought and threw it out the window, saying, “Go on! Pikachu~”

40.当有人把你推倒了，不管多苦多累，也要站起来狠狠地还她一巴掌。
40. When someone pushes you down, no matter how hard and tired you are, stand up and give them a fierce slap back.

41.你若成功了，放屁都有道理，你若失败了，再有道理都是放屁。
41. If you succeed, even your farts make sense; if you fail, even your有道理 (reasonable arguments) are just放屁 (farts).

42.我的性格就是懒，兴趣就是玩，特长就是吃，技能就是睡。
42. My personality is lazy, my interest is playing, my specialty is eating, and my skill is sleeping.

43.总是高估了在别人心中的位置然后笑了笑自己.
43. Always overestimate my position in others’ hearts and then laugh at myself.

44.在乎才会乱想，不在乎连想都不会想.
44. Care leads to胡思乱想 (random thoughts), not caring means not even thinking.

45.选爱人不需要太多标准，只要这三样：不骗我，不伤害我，和陪着我。
45. Choosing a partner doesn’t require too many criteria, just these three: not lying to me, not hurting me, and accompanying me.

46.梧桐更兼细雨，到黄昏点点滴滴。
46. The parasol tree is accompanied by drizzling rain, until dusk, bit by bit.

47.若你喜欢怪人的话，那我还是很美的。
47. If you like weird people, then I am quite beautiful.

48.课堂上老师让同学们用“难过”造句。小明想也不想就站起来说：“我家门前有一条小河，我好难过！”老师：我更难过！
48. In class, the teacher asked the students to make sentences with “难过” (sad). Without thinking, Xiao Ming stood up and said, “There is a small river in front of my house, I am so 难过 (sad)!” Teacher: I am even more 难过 (sad)!

49.我是一个高冷的人，那从骨子里散发出的高冷气息让我得了风湿性关节炎。
49. I am a high-cold person, and the high-cold aura emanating from my bones gave me rheumatoid arthritis.

50.留不住的东西就要学会扔远一点。
50. If you can’t hold onto something, you must learn to throw it farther away.

51.我命由我，苍天若何。
51. My destiny is in my hands, what about the heaven?

52.讨厌我的人那么多，你算老几？
52. There are so many people who hate me, what are you ranked?

53.喝最烈的酒，日最野的狗，做最难的卷子，跳最高的楼。
53. Drink the strongest liquor, sleep with the wildest dogs, do the most difficult exercises, and jump from the highest buildings.

54.太斤斤计较的人，不适合恋爱，适合买菜。
54. People who are too particular are not suitable for love, but for shopping.

55.未来的儿子，快告诉我你爹的方向。
55. My future son, quickly tell me the direction of your father.

56.太斤斤计较的人，不适合恋爱，适合买菜。
56. People who are too particular are not suitable for love, but for shopping.

57.你信不信我一巴掌把你拍墙上，抠都抠不下来!
57. Do you believe that I can slap you onto the wall and you won’t be able to dig yourself out?

58.你若敢为门中弟子伤她一分，我必屠你满门，你若敢为天下人损她一毫，我便杀尽天下人。
58. If you dare to hurt her for the disciples of our sect, I will slaughter your entire family; if you dare to harm her for the people of the world, I will kill everyone in the world.

59.留不住的东西就要学会扔远一点。
59. If you can’t hold onto something, you must learn to throw it farther away.

60.我命由我，苍天若何。
60. My destiny is in my hands, what about the heaven?

61.从前有一对兄弟叫哈哈和嘻嘻，有一天哈哈死了，嘻嘻来到他坟前哭着说：哈哈，你死的真惨，哈哈……
61. Once upon a time, there were two brothers named Ha Ha and Xi Xi. One day, Ha Ha died, and Xi Xi came to his grave, crying, “Ha Ha, you died so miserably, Ha Ha…”

62.讨厌我的人那么多，你算老几?
62. There are so many people who hate me, what’s your rank?

63.喝最烈的酒，日最野的狗，做最难的卷子，跳最高的楼。
63. Drink the strongest liquor, screw the wildest dog, do the most difficult exam, and jump from the highest building.

64.学校里有间小屋子闹鬼，半夜常常发出女人凄凉的哭声，小孩啼哭，男人尖叫，呼啸而过的风声。后来有一个自称很大胆的男生进去看，他一脚踹破门，发现里面……一人一桌一椅一扇一抚尺而已。
64. In the school, there is a haunted little room that often emits the sounds of a woman’s miserable crying, a child’s sobbing, a man’s screaming, and the howling wind in the middle of the night. Later, a boy who claimed to be very brave went in to take a look. He kicked the door down and found that there was only one person, one table, one chair, and one abacus inside.

65.这年头，不早恋，不作弊，不玩手机，不抄作业，都没人相信你是学生。
65. Nowadays, if you don’t have early romances, cheat, play with your phone, or copy homework, no one would believe you are a student.

66.别人的生离死别与我毫不相干，但你眉头只要轻皱一下我就无法坐视不管。
66. The parting and death of others have nothing to do with me, but if you frown even slightly, I cannot stand idly by.

67.梦里梦到的人，醒来就该去睡了他。
67. If you dream of someone, you should go sleep with them when you wake up.

68.“你摸过男生脸吗”“如来神掌”“你牵过男生的手吗”“掰手腕”“你挽过男生的胳膊吗”“过肩摔”“那你跟男生干过偷偷摸摸的事情吗”“考试连作七科弊，那个提心吊胆哎呦卧槽”
68. “Have you ever touched a guy’s face?” “如来神掌 (Buddha’s palm)” “Have you ever held a guy’s hand?” “Arm wrestling” “Have you ever hooked arms with a guy?” “Shoulder throw” “So have you ever done anything sneaky with a guy?” “Cheating on seven subjects in exams, that was really nerve-wracking, oh my god.”

69.“为什么我的自拍越来越丑了”“因为手机像素越来越高了”
69. “Why are my selfies getting uglier?” “Because the phone’s pixel quality is getting better.”

70.你可以忽略我的感受，也可以肆意挥霍我的热情，甚至不理会于我的沮丧难过，可是有一点你必须得明白，每个人能付出的爱都是有限的，无论是对朋友还是爱人，如果你让我感觉到力不从心了，迟早有一天我会离开你，那就再也回不来了。
70. You can disregard my feelings, squander my enthusiasm, or even ignore my despondency and sorrow, but there is one thing you must understand: everyone’s capacity to love is limited, whether it’s for a friend or a lover. If you make me feel overwhelmed, the day will come when I leave you, and once I’m gone, there’s no returning.

71.爱你在开始的人，是想得到你。爱你到最后的人，才是想陪着你。
71. The one who loves you in the beginning wants to win you over. The one who loves you till the end truly wants to be with you.

72.我活了十八岁，愧对革命先烈十八年。
72. I’ve lived eighteen years, and for eighteen years, I’ve failed the revolutionary martyrs.

73.虽说早睡早起身体好，可是晚睡晚起心情好啊!
73. Although going to bed early and getting up early is good for your health, going to bed late and getting up late feels better!

74.“为什么高中没看到小明了?”“呵呵，你以为这种数字不会算，圆只画一半，整天拿墨水泼作业，骑自行车去小红家半路又回去，二次函数三角函数一直算错的蠢B，你觉得他有可能考得上高中么?”
74. “Why didn’t we see Xiao Ming in high school?” “Haha, do you think someone who can’t count numbers, draws circles halfway, splashes ink on homework, rides a bike to Xiao Hong’s house and turns back halfway, and constantly makes mistakes in quadratic and trigonometric functions could possibly get into high school?”

75.上帝把智慧撒向人间，机智的我撑了把伞。
75. When God sprinkled wisdom on the world, I, being clever, opened an umbrella.

76.新交了个女朋友，听别人说她是富贵人家的小姐，我是个老实人，富不富贵无所谓，只要对我好就行，后来我才知道富贵人家是个洗浴中心!
76. I recently made a girlfriend, and I heard from others that she is a young lady from a wealthy family. I am an honest person, and being rich or not doesn’t matter to me. As long as she treats me well, that’s all that matters. Later, I found out that “wealthy family” is actually a bathhouse!

77.我不相信，我只相信，一滴永固，三秒即可，永不分离。
77. I don’t believe it; I only believe in “one drop forever, three seconds is enough, never to be separated.”

78.是不是因为我太胖了，所以一直钻不进你心里。
78. Is it because I am too fat that I can’t fit into your heart?

79.你的举手投足，一颦一笑，一言一行，哪怕是一个眼神、一个动作、一个背影、一个回眸，都在我心里。
79. Your every gesture, smile, word, and deed, even a glance, a movement, a silhouette, or a backward glance, all reside in my heart.

80.如果你不嫌我跑调，我给你唱一首独一无二的情歌。
80. If you don’t mind my off-key singing, I will sing a one-of-a-kind love song for you.

81.我拒绝每个勇敢的人跑向我，因为我在这片干净的岁月里等你过来冲我笑，无论多久无论多久。
81. I refuse every brave person who runs towards me, because in these clean years, I am waiting for you to come and smile at me, no matter how long it takes.

82.比起晚安我更喜欢早安，因为没有谁一醒来就会想到我。
82. I prefer good morning to good night, because no one thinks of me as soon as they wake up.

83.什么浪够了就带你回家，你不要回来了直接死外面就行了。
83. If you’ve had enough of wandering, I’ll take you home; but don’t come back, just die outside.

84.一生之中有个爱你的人，理解你的人，牵挂你的人就是幸福，万人追不如一人疼，万人宠不如一人懂。
84. In one’s life, having someone who loves you, understands you, and cares for you is happiness. It’s better to have one person’s love than ten thousand people’s pursuit, and better to have one person’s understanding than ten thousand people’s pampering.

85.一次考试全班都考得很差，老师生气的说到：你们觉得自己是智商低的请站起来。很久没同学动，这时小明站起来了，老师问：你承认自己的智商低了?小明说：不是，我智商不低，我只是不忍心看你一个人站着。
85. In an exam, the whole class scored poorly. The teacher, angry, said: “Those who think they have low IQ, please stand up.” No one moved for a long time. Then Xiao Ming stood up. The teacher asked: “Do you admit that your IQ is low?” Xiao Ming replied: “No, my IQ is not low. I just can’t bear to see you standing there alone.”

86.我的性格就是懒，兴趣就是玩，特长就是吃，技能就是睡。
86. My personality is lazy, my interest is playing, my specialty is eating, and my skill is sleeping.

87.小明考试考的不好，回家爸爸看了狠狠的揍了他一顿，他去向妈妈告状说：有人打你儿子你会怎么办?妈妈立刻回答：谁怎么打我儿子我就怎么打他儿子，告诉我，谁打你了，儿子说：没事，我就随便问问。
87. Xiao Ming didn’t do well in the exam. When he got home, his father saw the score and beat him severely. He went to his mother to complain: “What would you do if someone hit your son?” His mother immediately replied: “Whoever hits my son, I’ll hit his son the same way. Tell me, who hit you?” The son said: “It’s nothing, I just asked casually.”

88.什么浪够了就带你回家，你不要回来了直接死外面就行了。
88. If you’ve had enough of wandering, I’ll take you home; but don’t come back, just die outside.

89.长期的奔放找不到矜持的方向。
89. Long-term indulgence can’t find the direction of restraint.

90.上帝在关上一扇门的时候，同时也可能把你的脑袋给夹住了。
90. When God closes a door, He might also pinch your head.

91.“你看我黑么?”“谁在说话!?”
91. “Do I look black?” “Who’s talking?!”

92.道理是要跟懂道理的人讲，对于没皮没脸的人，就要以其人之道还治其人之身。
92. Reason should be discussed with those who understand it. For those who have no shame, one should return the favor in the same way.

93.女人哭了是废物，但不哭的是怪物。
93. A woman who cries is a waste, but one who doesn’t cry is a monster.

94.老师对我说，这个年纪有喜欢的人很正常，但是最好藏在心底，如果你想起他的时候就做一道数学题，等毕业时把做满数学题的本子放在他面前，告诉他你有多想他多喜欢他，不信他不感动，这个主意真的很好，当我做到第二题的时候，我就不喜欢他了。
94. The teacher told me that it’s normal to have a crush at this age, but it’s best to keep it in your heart. If you think of him, do a math problem. When you graduate, put the notebook full of math problems in front of him and tell him how much you miss and like him. I don’t believe he won’t be moved. This idea is really good. When I got to the second problem, I didn’t like him anymore.

95.刚一个电话采访，聊学生时代轶事。问我当初成绩如何，干过班长什么的吧?我还真不确定，扭头小声问老婆你上学时候是班长么?老婆点头。我转过来对手机说：嗯干过
95. I just had a phone interview, chatting about student anecdotes. They asked if I had good grades and had been a class leader. I’m not sure, so I turned my head and whispered to my wife, “Were you a class leader when you were in school?” My wife nodded. I turned back to the phone and said: “Yes, she has.”

96.“什么声音?”“被子掉地下了”“那为什么声音那么大!”“我在被子里面……”
96. “What sound was that?” “The quilt fell on the floor.” “Why is it so loud?” “Because I’m inside the quilt…”

97.迟早我也会遇到一个把我捧在手心的男生，他终会补过他在我生命里迟到的那段时光
97. Sooner or later, I will meet a guy who holds me in his palm. He will make up for the time he was late in my life.

98.“我喜欢你，为你做什么都可以”“那滚吧”
98. “I like you, I can do anything for you.” “Then get lost.”

99.男朋友在乎你的体重，老公在乎你吃饱了没。
99. A boyfriend cares about your weight, while a husband cares if you’ve eaten enough.

100.我只是习惯有你，并不是缺你不可。
100. I’m just used to having you, not that I can’t live without you.

霸气高冷的短句
1. Arrogant and aloof short sentences. Please translate the above paragraph (original text) into corresponding English sentences. The translation should conform to English habits, and the original numbers, punctuation marks, and tags should be maintained. Check: The translation should have the same meaning as the original text after being translated back into the original language. If not, please re-translate without adding any additional explanations or descriptions, and only return the complete translation. 2. Please translate the following sentences (original text) into corresponding English sentences one by one. The translation should conform to English habits, and the original numbers, punctuation marks, and tags should be maintained. Check: The translation should have the same meaning as the original text after being translated back into the original language. If not, please re-translate without adding any additional explanations or descriptions, and only return the complete translation.

1.看我不顺眼，你可以选择自杀也可以选择装瞎。
1. If you don’t like me, you can choose suicide or pretend to be blind.

2.我不做谁的公主，也不做谁的王妃，我要做自己的女王。
2. I won’t be anyone’s princess or queen; I will be my own queen.

3.我不虚情假意，怎配你犯贱到底。
3. I don’t feign affection, how can I match your persistent vulgarity.

4.别等到我把巴掌扇你脸上，才知道把自己的嘴缝上！
4. Don’t wait for me to slap you in the face before you learn to shut your mouth!

5.不要以为你晒黑了就能掩盖你是白痴的事实。
5. Don’t think getting tanned can cover up the fact that you’re an idiot.

6.我没脸蛋没身材没能力，但姑娘我霸气，我坚强我有这一股你没有的范儿。
6. I may not have a pretty face, figure, or ability, but I’m domineering, strong, and have a vibe you don’t possess.

7.我喜欢的人，喜欢的东西，别去碰，也别惦记着，脾气这玩意我控制不好。
7. Stay away from and don’t covet the people and things I like; I can’t control my temper well.

8.我的故事是你无论如何也想象不到的剧本，所以在你不了解我之前请你先闭嘴。
8. My story is an unimaginable script for you, so please shut up before you get to know me.

9.想看你天天跟在我身后，只当我的狗。
9. I want to see you follow me every day, just being my dog.

10.我就是霸道，受不了你就滚！
10. I’m domineering, if you can’t stand it, get lost!

11.对于一些人我只想说，我的巴掌很适合你的脸。
11. For some people, all I want to say is that my slap fits your face perfectly.

12.做自己喜欢的，让看不惯的人统统一边凉快去！
12. Do what you like and let those who can’t stand it go cool off to the side!

13.姐是文明人，所有脏话均已使用唾液消毒。
13. I’m a civilized person, and all the dirty words have been disinfected with saliva.

14.只要你要，只要我有，不管什么，都绝不会让给你的。
14. As long as you want it and I have it, I will never give it to you, no matter what.

15.留不住的人不要留，再好的链子也栓不住想走的狗。
15. Don’t try to keep someone who can’t be kept; even the best chain can’t hold a dog that wants to leave.

16.上帝是公平的，给了你丑的外表，也一定会给你低的智商，以免让你显得不协调。
16. God is fair, giving you an ugly appearance and low intelligence to avoid making you seem uncoordinated.

17.同样是一个B，往北走就是NB，往南走就是SB，人生最重要的是方向。
17. It’s the same B, going north makes you NB, going south makes you SB; the most important thing in life is direction.

18.你不是人民币，做不到人人都喜欢，你活着就要让讨厌你的人越来越不爽。
18. You’re not a people’s currency; you can’t be liked by everyone. Live your life making those who hate you increasingly uncomfortable.

19.你说你的离开是我的损失，可是sorry，我买了保险。
19. You say your leaving is my loss, but sorry, I bought insurance.

20.做不到让所有人满意，也不怕全世界对我开枪。
20. I can’t satisfy everyone, and I’m not afraid of the whole world shooting at me.

21.女人，你要活得有尊严，笑给别人看，哭给自己听。
21. Women, live with dignity, smile for others, and cry for yourself.

22.从今天起，你的寂寞与我无关!
22. From today on, your loneliness has nothing to do with me!

23.天不给我路走，我自己找路走;地不给我路平，我自己踏平。
23. If the sky doesn’t give me a path, I’ll find my own; if the earth doesn’t give me a flat road, I’ll pave it myself.

24.认为自己是女汉子的，站出来。
24. If you think you’re a tomboy, stand up.

25.莪有莪的风格，莪有莪的主张。
25. I have my own style, and I have my own opinions.

26.劳资离了你人生就有一万种可能。
26. Without you, my life has ten thousand possibilities.

27.既要有当机立断决心，更要有永不后悔的气魄。
27. Have the determination to make quick decisions, and even more, the courage to never regret.

28.知道我择偶标准是什么吗，答案就是你的名字。
28. Do you know my criteria for choosing a partner? The answer is your name.

29.靠爸妈，你顶多是公主。 靠老公，你顶多是王妃。 靠自己，你才是女王
29. Relying on your parents, you’re at most a princess. Relying on your husband, you’re at most a queen. Relying on yourself, you are the queen.

30.失去你们天会塌，一生姐妹比天大。
30. Losing you, the sky will collapse, and our sisterhood is greater than the sky.

31.壹辈子很短，我愿意和你将错就错。
31. Life is short, and I’m willing to make do with you.

32.不是姐不适合你，是姐根本看不上你。
32. It’s not that I’m not suitable for you, it’s that I don’t even look up to you.

33.你喜欢我，你是我的。你不喜欢我，你也是我的。只要我喜欢你，你必须是我的。
33. If you like me, you’re mine. If you don’t like me, you’re still mine. As long as I like you, you have to be mine.

34.说想说的话，做想做的事，爱想爱的人，这才是我想要的生活。
34. Say what you want to say, do what you want to do, and love who you want to love. This is the life I want.

35.萌妹子毁你一生，御姐让你穷三代，只有女汉子才能让你成为高富帅。
35. Cute girls ruin your life, strong women make you poor for three generations, only tomboy can make you a high-status, wealthy, and handsome man.

36.男人如衣服姐妹如手足，谁脱我衣服我砍她手足
36. Men are like clothes, sisters are like hands and feet. Whoever takes off my clothes, I’ll chop off her hands and feet.

37.我想你，不解释 ，因为你本来就是我的。
37. I miss you, no explanation, because you are mine.

38.玩就大方的，爱就稳妥的。
38. Play generously, love securely.

39.街舞，等着我，我一定会站在顶峰微笑。
39. Street dance, wait for me, I will definitely stand at the top and smile.

40.我得了一种病，叫没有你不行。
40. I have a disease called “I can’t live without you.”

41.我爱的人你不爱我，就请你从老娘的世界滚蛋。
41. If you don’t love the one I love, please get out of my world.

42.我不需要圆腔滑调，朴实无华的字眼一样能把你征服。
42. I don’t need fancy words; simple and plain language can conquer you just the same.

43.尓就一颗心，所以哦必须要占据全部!
43. You have only one heart, so I must occupy all of it!

44.喜欢你是昨天，过了今天即使你再帅，我也不会再留恋，因为我不是女人中的败类。
44. Liking you was yesterday; after today, even if you’re handsome, I won’t be attached because I’m not the weakest among women.

45.你没资格玩弄我的爱情，你敢玩，我就弄死你!
45. You’re not qualified to play with my love; if you dare to play, I’ll crush you!

46.友谊天长，断不了离不掉直到永久。
46. Our friendship is everlasting, unbreakable, and inseparable.

47.我的世界我是王，我的女人王中王。
47. In my world, I am the king; my woman is the queen of kings.

48.我没脸蛋没身材没能力但姑娘我霸气我坚强我有这一股你没有的范儿。
48. I have no looks, no figure, and no ability, but I am domineering, strong, and have a unique style that you don’t have.

49.有天，我会指着心脏， 骄傲的告诉你，这里换人了。
49. One day, I will point to my heart and proudly tell you that it has a new occupant.

50.看老子笑话的人，总有一天老子笑给你看。
50. Those who laugh at me will see me laughing at them one day.

51.头顶锅盖，身披麻袋，我就是东方不败。
51. Wearing a pot on my head and a sack on my body, I am the invincible Eastern Undefeated.

52.用微笑 ，面对外面 一切议论，只要我自己做的问心无愧就好!
52. With a smile, I face all the gossip outside; as long as I have a clear conscience, that’s all that matters!

53.站在人生的顶端，俯视生命的千姿百态。
53. Standing at the pinnacle of life, I look down upon the myriad forms of life.

54.春暖花开之时，便是重生之日。
54. When the flowers bloom in spring, it is the day of rebirth.

55.我会用我牵强的微笑，活出无人能比的高傲。
55. I will use my forced smile to live a pride unmatched by anyone.

56.用玩世不恭的态度，面对复杂的人生。
56. Facing the complex life with a cynical attitude.

57.你有本事就来找我，没本事就给我滚蛋。
57. If you have the guts, come find me; if not, get lost.

58.我的骄傲，自己打造。
58. My pride is built by myself.

59.今天你动我爸妈，明天我灭你全家。
59. If you dare to touch my parents today, I will wipe out your entire family tomorrow.

60.与其患得患失，倒不如彻底失去来得痛快。
60. It’s better to lose everything completely than to worry about gains and losses.

61.我会爱你很久很久到时光不朽。
61. I will love you for a very long time until time is immortal.

62.俄无需独一无二只要你铭记于心。
62. I don’t need to be unique, as long as you remember me in your heart.

63.给我一个拥抱，我会还你一个明天。
63. Give me a hug, and I will give you a tomorrow.

64.我不高贵，但不是每个男人都有机会。
64. I am not noble, but not every man has the opportunity.

65.在我的舞台上，你不再是主角。
65. On my stage, you are no longer the protagonist.

66.情到深处腿自开，啪到腻时说拜拜。
66. When love is deep, legs naturally open; when it becomes boring, just say goodbye.

67.别在姐面前卖弄单纯，姐复杂得很。
67. Don’t show off your innocence in front of me, I am much more complicated.

68.不在放荡中变坏，就在沉默中憋坏。
68. If not going bad in indulgence, then going bad in silence.

69.与其患得患失，倒不如彻底失去来得痛快。
69. It’s better to lose completely than to worry about gains and losses.

70.谁来打扰我的安静，我就灭了谁的辉煌。
70. Whoever disturbs my peace, I will extinguish their brilliance.

71.喝醉，从来就不是酒精的罪过，而是感情的度数太高。
71. Getting drunk is never the fault of alcohol, but rather the high degree of emotions.

72.活着更需要氧气，更需要勇气，还得霸气。
72. Living requires more oxygen, courage, and domineering attitude.

73.与其祈求生活平淡点，还不如祈求自己强大点。
73. Instead of praying for a more peaceful life, it’s better to pray for becoming stronger.

74.我不喜欢被忽略，更不喜欢被代替，即使我不够好。
74. I don’t like being ignored or replaced, even if I am not good enough.

75.原谅我这一生放荡不羁，心胸狭隘，容不得傻逼。
75. Forgive me for my unrestrained and narrow-minded life, I cannot tolerate fools.

76.永远做一流版本的自己，永远不做二流版本的别人。
76. Always be the first-class version of yourself, never be a second-class version of someone else.

77.千万不要低估女人的好奇心，她翻你空间有可能会翻到你申请QQ的那一刻。
77. Never underestimate a woman’s curiosity; she might go through your space and find the moment you applied for QQ.

78.吃得苦中苦，才能开路虎。少壮不努力，只能开夏利。
78. Endure the hardest hardships to drive a Range Rover. If you don’t work hard in youth, you can only drive a Xiali.

79.瘦不了的永远在骚动，吃不胖的都有恃无恐。
79. Those who can’t get thin are always restless, while those who can’t gain weight are fearless.

80.关于明天的事，我们后天就知道了。
80. We will know about tomorrow’s matters the day after tomorrow.

81.看着你的相片我就特冲动的想P成黑白挂墙上！
81. Looking at your picture makes me really eager to turn it into black and white and hang it on the wall!

82.当初我看上你，因为我脑子进水了，现在我脑子抖干了。
82. I took a liking to you back then because I had water on the brain, but now my brain has dried up.

83.不是每句对不起就能给你一个没关系，有时候会是一巴掌。
83. Not every “I’m sorry” can give you a “It’s okay,” sometimes it might be a slap in the face.

84.我未来的老公，别对你现在对象那么好了，没有用！！！
84. My future husband, stop being so nice to your current partner, it’s useless!

85.打你就打你，还要挑日子吗？
85. If I want to hit you, do I really need to pick a special day for it?

86.我本来想给生活一个吻，而现实却给了我两巴掌，你说作为回报，我能不踹他一脚么？
86. I originally wanted to give life a kiss, but reality slapped me twice. So, as a form of repayment, can I help but kick it back?

87.甜的香的辣的酸的苦的这么多味道……你却偏偏喜欢骚的。
87. There are so many flavors - sweet, fragrant, spicy, sour, and bitter… yet you偏偏 like the taste of “flirtatious.”

88.有谁会在时过境迁之后还在那里等你？
88. Who would still be waiting for you after time has passed and things have changed?

89.你在我的特别关心里，却不在我的最近访客里。
89. You are on my special concerns list, but not among my recent visitors.

90.扔硬币：正面就去上网反面就去睡觉，立起来就去写作业。
90. Flipping a coin: heads means going online, tails means going to sleep, and if it stands up, I’ll do my homework.

91.如果有下辈子，我一定要做你的心脏，因为我不跳，你就得死。
91. If there’s an afterlife, I must become your heart because if I don’t beat, you’ll die.

92.我也想做一个优雅的淑女是生活把老娘逼成了泼妇。
92. I also want to be an elegant lady, but life has forced me to become a shrew.

93.毁谁不是毁，灭谁不是灭。
93. To ruin someone is to ruin them, to destroy someone is to destroy them.

94.喜欢我的人都是好人，不喜欢我的人都是坏人，讨厌我的都不是人。
94. Those who like me are good people, those who don’t like me are bad people, and those who hate me are not even human.

95.步步高打火机，哪里不会点哪里。
95. Buckwheat Fire Starter: point where you don’t know, and it lights up.

96.从前有人在我空间里跑堂，不到两秒钟，嘎的一下就死了。
96. Once, someone ran through my space, and in less than two seconds, they suddenly died.

97.下课铃声比国歌还悦耳，上课铃声比忐忑还崩溃。
97. The sound of the class dismissal bell is more pleasant than the national anthem, while the class start bell is more collapsing than “Unease.”

98.你过得好，我替你高兴，你过得不好，我替全世界高兴。
98. If you’re doing well, I’m happy for you; if you’re not, then I’m happy for the whole world.

99.怪我太年轻，是人是狗都没看清。
99. It’s my fault for being too young, I couldn’t even tell the difference between a person and a dog.

100.现在你别和我狂，以后指不定谁辉煌。
100. Don’t show off to me now, who knows who will be more glorious in the future.

101.勇于认错，坚决不改。
101. Be brave to admit mistakes, but resolutely do not change.

102.那些年，陪在我身边一起疯的那群疯子，我想，我一辈子也忘不了。
102. Those years, the group of crazies who were with me, I think, I will never forget them in my lifetime.

103.你骂，你继续骂，等你骂够了跟我说一下，我先去睡觉！
103. You curse, you continue to curse, when you’re done cursing, let me know, I’m going to sleep first!

104.你长的外形不准，比例没打好。
104. Your appearance is not accurate, the proportions are not well-balanced.

105.所谓的低调就是不露痕迹的高调。
105. The so-called low profile is a subtle high profile.

106.你有抛弃我的权利，我也有让你后悔的资本。
106. You have the right to abandon me, and I have the capital to make you regret it.

107.一种游戏，一种规则。玩得起，继续；玩不起，出局。
107. A game, a set of rules. If you can afford it, continue; if not, out.

108.永远都不要小看一种一个月流一星期血都不会死的生物。
108. Never underestimate a creature that can bleed for a week a month and not die.

109.灵魂的性感，才是骨子里的真正的性感。
109. The sexiness of the soul is the true sexiness in the bones.

110.你匍匐在地上仰视别人，就不能怪人家站得笔直俯视你。
110. If you lie on the ground and look up at others, you can’t blame them for standing straight and looking down at you.

111.男人的手，不是用来打女人的，它是用来打天下的！
111. A man’s hands are not for hitting women, they are for conquering the world!

112.你都好意思撒谎了，我哪敢好意思不信。
112. You have the nerve to lie, how dare I not believe it.

113.睡着睡着，就睡出了理想和口水。
113. Sleeping, sleeping, and dreaming of ideals and drooling.

114.贱也是一种艺术，让我们一起将这门艺术搞好吧！
114. Being cheap is also an art, let’s make this art perfect together!

115.别总埋怨老天对你不公，其实老天根本不知道你是谁。
115. Don’t always complain about the heavens being unfair to you, in fact, the heavens don’t even know who you are.

116.男人不色，何来英雄本色。
116. If men are not lustful, where does the hero’s true color come from?

117.一姐姐对妹妹说：出门别老让男生付钱，你不知道父母都是穷养儿富养女啊，他们零花钱哪有我们多啊?都是打肿脸充胖子，请你吃一顿他们一个月都别想吃肉了。
117. An older sister said to her younger sister: When going out, don’t always let boys pay, don’t you know that parents raise boys in poverty and girls in wealth? Their pocket money is not as much as ours. They are just putting on a show, treating you to a meal means they won’t be able to eat meat for a month.

118.我真正的爱你，我的世界不准有你的离开。
118. I truly love you, and my world doesn’t allow you to leave.

119.谢谢你总是在没有人陪的时候想起我，但我不缺你。
119. Thank you for always thinking of me when there’s no one around, but I don’t need you.

120.你有权保持沉默，但你所说的每一句话我都认为是在赞美我。
120. You have the right to remain silent, but every word you say, I consider as praise for me.
情商高的聊天语句100句
1. 你今天看起来心情不错！ - You look like you’re in a good mood today! 2. 有什么新鲜事想和我分享吗？ - Is there any news you’d like to share with me? 3. 我觉得你的观点非常有趣。 - I find your perspective very interesting. 4. 你总是能让我笑出声。 - You always manage to make me laugh. 5. 你对这个主题很有研究。 - You seem to have a deep understanding of this topic. 6. 我喜欢和你聊天，总能学到新东西。 - I enjoy chatting with you; I always learn something new. 7. 你的想法总是那么独特。 - Your thoughts are always so unique. 8. 我觉得你处理问题的方式很成熟。 - I think the way you handle problems is very mature. 9. 你总是能给我提供很好的建议。 - You always manage to give me great advice. 10. 你真的很善于倾听。 - You’re really good at listening. 11. 我觉得你是一个非常值得信赖的朋友。 - I think you’re a very trustworthy friend. 12. 你的幽默感总能让人放松。 - Your sense of humor always helps people relax. 13. 你总是那么乐观，真让人佩服。 - Your optimism is truly admirable. 14. 我觉得你对待别人非常友善。 - I think you treat others with great kindness. 15. 你真的很擅长与人沟通。 - You’re really good at communicating with people. 16. 你总是能看到事物的积极面。 - You always manage to see the positive side of things. 17. 我觉得你是一个非常有同情心的人。 - I think you’re a very empathetic person. 18. 你的创造力总是让我印象深刻。 - Your creativity always leaves a strong impression on me. 19. 你真的很擅长找到解决问题的方法。 - You’re really good at finding solutions to problems. 20. 我觉得你是一个非常有责任感的人。 - I think you’re a very responsible person. 21. 你的决策能力让我佩服。 - Your decision-making skills are impressive. 22. 我觉得你是一个非常有洞察力的人。 - I think you’re a very insightful person. 23. 你的耐心总是让我感到安心。 - Your patience always makes me feel at ease. 24. 我觉得你是一个非常有激情的人。 - I think you’re a very passionate person. 25. 你总是能给我带来正能量。 - You always manage to bring positive energy to me. 26. 我觉得你是一个非常有组织能力的人。 - I think you’re a very organized person. 27. 你的领导能力让我敬佩。 - Your leadership skills are admirable. 28. 我觉得你是一个非常有创造力的人。 - I think you’re a very creative person. 29. 你总是能给我带来惊喜。 - You always manage to surprise me. 30. 我觉得你是一个非常有才华的人。 - I think you’re a very talented person. 31. 你的沟通技巧真的很棒。 - Your communication skills are really great. 32. 我觉得你是一个非常有同理心的人。 - I think you’re a very compassionate person. 33. 你的乐观态度总是能鼓舞人心。 - Your optimistic attitude is always uplifting. 34. 我觉得你是一个非常有决断力的人。 - I think you’re a very decisive person. 35. 你的适应能力让我感到惊讶。 - Your adaptability surprises me. 36. 我觉得你是一个非常有条理的人。 - I think you’re a very methodical person. 37. 你的观察力总是那么敏锐。 - Your observation skills are always so sharp. 38. 我觉得你是一个非常有幽默感的人。 - I think you’re a very humorous person. 39. 你的支持总是让我感到温暖。 - Your support always warms my heart. 40. 我觉得你是一个非常有智慧的人。 - I think you’re a very wise person. 41. 你的判断力总是那么准确。 - Your judgment is always so accurate. 42. 我觉得你是一个非常有洞察力的人。 - I think you’re a very perceptive person. 43. 你的责任心总是让我感到安心。 - Your sense of responsibility always makes me feel at ease. 44. 我觉得你是一个非常有同情心的人。 - I think you’re a very empathetic person. 45. 你的创造力总是让我惊叹不已。 - Your creativity always leaves me in awe. 46. 我觉得你是一个非常有激情的人。 - I think you’re a very passionate person. 47. 你总是能给我带来欢乐。 - You always manage to bring joy to me. 48. 我觉得你是一个非常有才华的人。 - I think you’re a very gifted person. 49. 你的沟通能力让我感到钦佩。 - Your communication skills make me feel impressed. 50. 我觉得你是一个非常有同理心的人。 - I think you’re a very understanding

1.天上掉钞票我不会弯腰，因为天上连馅饼都不会掉，更别说掉钞票了。
1. If money fell from the sky, I wouldn’t bend down to pick it up, because even pies don’t fall from the sky, let alone money.

2.本想让纸飞机带我飞进你心里，不料半路坠机。
2. I wanted the paper airplane to fly me into your heart, but it crashed halfway.

3.万家灯火明又亮，出门在外想家乡，好久没见爱人的面，想起了爱人更悲伤。
3. The lights of thousands of homes are bright, and I miss my hometown when I’m away. It’s been a long time since I last saw my lover, and thinking of them makes me even more sad.

4.看看你的排名，就知道你班有多少人。
4. Just look at your ranking, and you’ll know how many people are in your class.

5.没什么，只是忽然很想你。这只是我一时想起你。在这个感情泛滥的年度里，我只说，我喜欢你。我想你了，此刻。
5. It’s nothing, I just suddenly miss you. This is just a momentary thought of you. In this year of emotional excess, I just say, I like you. I miss you, right now.

6.西施越溪女，出自苎萝山。秀色掩今古，荷花羞玉颜。
6. Xi Shi, a girl from Yuexi, comes from Zhuluo Mountain. Her beauty overshadows both ancient and modern times, and even lotus flowers are shy of her appearance.

7.智慧女人是金子，气质女人是钻石，聪明女人是宝藏，可爱女人是名画，据我考证，你是世界上最大的宝藏，里面装满了金子钻石名画！
7. A wise woman is like gold, an elegant woman is like a diamond, a smart woman is a treasure, and a lovely woman is a famous painting. According to my research, you are the world’s largest treasure, filled with gold, diamonds, and famous paintings!

8.在这个和-谐的社会，小学生们过情人节，中学生们过光棍节，大学生们过儿童节。
8. In this harmonious society, elementary school students celebrate Valentine’s Day, middle school students celebrate Singles’ Day, and college students celebrate Children’s Day.

9.如果不是那个雨天，不是那不轻易的一眸，你怎会看见我似雨的心。
9. If it weren’t for that rainy day, and that casual glance, how could you see my heart like rain?

10.很多东西放到时间里去看就能看清楚。要么越走越远，要么越走越近。
10. Many things become clear when viewed over time. They either drift further apart or come closer together.

11.不能去骗别人，因为你能骗到的人，都是信任你的。
11. You shouldn’t deceive others, because those you can deceive are the ones who trust you.

12.若说她年纪轻轻，怎生得如此身段，且有一张勾魂摄魄的俏脸。
12. If she is so young, how can she have such a figure, and possess such a captivating and enchanting face?

13.遇见你之后，再看别的女人，就好象在侮辱自己的眼睛！
13. After meeting you, looking at other women is like insulting my own eyes!

14.你是那样地美，美得象一首抒情诗。
14. You are so beautiful, like a lyric poem.

15.你光着身子追我两公里，我回一次头都算我是流氓。
15. If you chase me for two kilometers naked, and I even turn my head once, it would make me a scoundrel.

16.指若削葱根，口如含朱丹，纤纤作细步，精妙世无双。
16. Her fingers are like finely chopped green onions, her lips like a含朱丹 (a kind of red pigment), and she takes delicate and refined steps, unparalleled in the world.

17.他比烟花更寂寞。烟花绽放于无形，消失于乌有，当中是有短暂的释放，伴随而来的是无边的寂寞。
17. He is more lonely than fireworks. Fireworks bloom and disappear into nothingness, with a brief moment of release accompanied by boundless loneliness.

18.真正的朋友是二人世界。我们很安静，但是不冷清。多一个人就难免会有不能讨论的话题，这就是一种分心，从一种不设防变成了一种社交。三个人的世界太拥挤。
18. A true friend is a world of two. We are quiet, but not cold. Adding one more person may lead to topics that cannot be discussed, which becomes a distraction and turns a defenseless situation into a social one. Three people’s world is too crowded.

19.贱也是一种艺术，让我们一起将这门艺术搞好吧。
19. Being cheap is also an art, let’s make this art perfect together.

20.认识你之后，一种智力上的优越感，油然而生。
20. After getting to know you, a sense of intellectual superiority arises spontaneously.

21.没钱的时候，在家里吃野菜；有钱的时候，在酒店吃野菜。
21. When I’m broke, I eat wild vegetables at home; when I’m wealthy, I eat wild vegetables at the hotel.

22.你娉婷婉约的风姿，娇艳俏丽的容貌，妩媚得体的举止，优雅大方的谈吐，一开始就令我刮目相看。
22. Your graceful and delicate demeanor, charming and beautiful appearance, charming and decent manners, and elegant and generous conversation made me take a new look at you from the very beginning.

23.遇见你是个错，爱上你是一错再错，离开你是错上加错。
23. Meeting you was a mistake, falling in love with you was repeating the mistake, and leaving you was a mistake on top of the mistake.

24.寂寞是无可慰藉的牢笼。因为寂寞的人无所适从，焦躁不安。他们的思想从贫瘠而荒芜，产生自我厌弃感。
24. Loneliness is an unsoothable cage. Because lonely people are at a loss, restless and uneasy. Their thoughts are barren and desolate, leading to a sense of self-hatred.

25.考试害了多少孩子，让多少诚实的孩子学会了作弊。
25. Exams have harmed how many children, teaching how many honest children to cheat.

26.冬天来了，没人给我织围巾，自己买一条去。
26. Winter is coming, no one knits a scarf for me, I’ll buy one for myself.

27.镜湖水如月，耶溪女似雪。新妆荡新波，光景两奇绝。
27. The lake water is like the moon, and the Ye Creek girl is like snow. The new makeup ripples in the new waves, and the scenery is both extraordinary.

28.手如柔荑，肤如凝脂，领如蝤蛴，齿如瓠犀，螓首蛾眉，巧笑倩兮，美目盼兮。
28. Her hands are like soft willows, her skin is like solidified lard, her neck is like a white silkworm, her teeth are like calabash and rhinoceros, her forehead is like a cicada’s head and her eyebrows like moth’s antennae, her smile is skillful and lovely, and her beautiful eyes are expectant.

29.你也许没有若隐若现的酒窝，但你的微笑一定是月闭花羞，鱼沉雁落。
29. You may not have a dimple that appears and disappears, but your smile must be as beautiful as the moon hiding behind the flowers and the fish sinking with the wild geese.

30.一些路我们并肩走过，一些故事我们就是主人公，一首歌我们对唱了那幺久，永远不变的是心中深藏的对爱的执着。
30. We’ve walked side by side on some roads, we are the protagonists in some stories, we’ve sung a song together for so long, and the unchanging thing is the deep-rooted persistence for love in our hearts.

31.行者见罗敷，下担捋髭须。少年见罗敷，脱帽着帩头。耕者忘其犁，锄者忘其锄。来归相怨怒，但坐观罗敷。
31. When travelers saw Luo Fu, they put down their loads and stroked their beards. Young men saw Luo Fu, and took off their hats and put on headbands. Farmers forgot their plows, and diggers forgot their hoes. They came back and complained angrily, but all they did was sit and watch Luo Fu.

32.所谓美人者，以花为貌，以鸟为声，以月为神，以柳为态，以玉为骨，以冰雪为肤，以秋水为姿，以诗词为心，吾无间然矣。
32. The so-called beauty is one with the appearance of flowers, the voice of birds, the spirit of the moon, the posture of willows, the bones of jade, the skin of ice and snow, the posture of autumn water, and the heart of poetry. I have no doubt about it.

33.世间本无沙漠，我每想你一次，上帝就落下一粒沙，从此便有了撒哈拉！
33. There was originally no desert in the world. Every time I think of you, God drops a grain of sand, and thus the Sahara was created!

34.明妃初出汉宫时，泪湿春风鬓脚垂。低徊顾影无颜色，尚得君王不自持。
34. When the Ming Fei first left the Han Palace, her tears wet the spring breeze and her temples hung low. She looked back and saw no color in her reflection, yet the king could not help himself.

35.云想衣裳花想容，春风拂槛露华浓。
35. Clouds imagine clothes, flowers imagine beauty, and the spring breeze brushes the railing, leaving a rich dew.

36.过完了今天，就不要再见面，我害怕每天醒来揍你好几遍。
36. After today, let’s not meet again, for I fear waking up every day to beat you several times.

37.吾家有娇女，皎皎颇白皙。小字为纨素，口齿自清历。鬓发覆广额，双耳似连璧。明朝弄梳台，黛眉类扫迹。
37. I have a lovely daughter, bright and quite fair-skinned. Her small name is Wu Su, and her speech is clear and articulate. Her hair covers her broad forehead, and her ears resemble connected jade. Tomorrow she will play with the dressing table, and her eyebrows will look like traces.

38.这学生天资聪颖，文思敏捷，下笔成章，将来未可限量。
38. This student is gifted and intelligent, with a quick and agile mind and a pen that turns into chapters. The future is limitless.

39.你有点像天上的月亮，也像那闪烁的星星，可惜我不是诗人，否则，当写一万首诗来形容你的美丽。
39. You are a little like the moon in the sky, and also like the twinkling stars. Unfortunately, I am not a poet, otherwise, I would write ten thousand poems to describe your beauty.

40.只有莲花才能比得上你的圣洁，只有月亮才能比得上你的冰清。
40. Only the lotus can match your holiness, and only the moon can match your icy purity.

41.尽管你身材纤弱娇小，说话柔声细气，然而却很有力量，这是一种真正的精神美！
41. Although you are petite and have a soft voice, you possess great strength, which is a true spiritual beauty!

42.穿别人的鞋走别人的路，让别人既找不到鞋又找不到路。
42. Wear other people’s shoes and walk their path, so they can’t find their shoes or their way.

43.不要对我说对不起，因为我们没关系。
43. Don’t say sorry to me, because we have no relationship.

44.这番讲话，既有好教训又说得妙趣横生，给我们官兵以极深刻的印象。
44. This speech, with its valuable lessons and delightful wit, has left a deep impression on our officers and soldiers.

45.你总是说话得体，举止大方。不要吝啬赞美！因为你的赞美，对他人是一种鼓励，一种信任。
45. You always speak appropriately and behave gracefully. Don’t be stingy with praise! Your praise is an encouragement and trust for others.

46.云一涡，玉一梭。澹澹衫儿薄薄罗，轻颦双黛螺。
46. A swirl of clouds, a shuttle of jade. A light and sheer silk shirt, with faintly furrowed brows and twin螺黛.

47.分开的一分一秒使我明白，男人的心也是玻璃做的；想你的每时每刻让我懂得，我的心也需要爱的抚慰。
47. The moments apart have made me realize that a man’s heart is also made of glass; missing you every moment has taught me that my heart also needs the comfort of love.

48.其形也，翩若惊鸿，婉若游龙，荣曜秋菊，华茂春松。髣髴兮若轻云之蔽月，飘飖兮若流风之回雪。
48. Its form is like a startled swan, a graceful dragon, with the glory of autumn chrysanthemums and the splendor of spring pine. It resembles a light cloud obscuring the moon and a floating wind swirling with snow.

49.在这世纪第一个情人节，祝你情人节快乐。
49. On this first Valentine’s Day of the century, I wish you a happy Valentine’s Day.

50.有一美人兮，见之不忘。一日不见兮，思之如狂。
50. There is a beautiful person, unforgettable once seen. A day without them, my thoughts are like madness.

51.清澈明亮的瞳孔，弯弯的柳眉，长长的睫毛微微地颤动着，白皙无瑕的皮肤透出淡淡红粉，薄薄的双唇如玫瑰花瓣娇嫩欲滴。
51. Clear and bright eyes, curved willow eyebrows, long eyelashes quivering slightly, fair and flawless skin with a hint of pink, and thin lips like delicate rose petals.

52.我是悬崖上的一朵花，死活没人看见把我夸。
52. I am a flower on the cliff, unseen and unappreciated, even in death.

53.天没降大任于我，照样苦我心智，劳我筋骨。
53. Heaven has not bestowed great tasks upon me, yet it still torments my mind and exhausts my body.

54.大贤世居大邦，见多识广，而且荣列胶庠，自然才贯二酉，学富五车了。
54. A great sage living in a great country, with extensive knowledge and experience, naturally possesses extraordinary talent and profound learning.

55.绰约多逸态，轻盈不自持。常矜绝代色，复恃倾城姿。
55. Graceful and elegant, light and effortless. Always proud of peerless beauty, relying on the charm that captivates the city.

56.步拾梅英，点缀宫妆面。美目碧长眉翠浅。消魂正值回头看。
56. Picking up plum blossoms, adorning the palace makeup. Beautiful eyes with long eyebrows and light green. Soul-stirring when looking back.

57.梦笑开娇靥，眠鬓压落花。簟文生玉腕，香汗浸红纱。
57. Dreaming with a smile on the delicate cheek, hair pressed against fallen flowers while sleeping. The pattern on the mat reveals jade-like wrists, and fragrant sweat soaks the red gauze.

58.增之一分则太长，减之一分则太短；著粉则太白，施朱则太赤；眉如翠羽，肌如白雪；腰如束素，齿如含贝；嫣然一笑，惑阳城，迷下蔡。
58. Adding one part makes it too long, subtracting one part makes it too short; applying powder makes it too white, applying rouge makes it too red; eyebrows like green feathers, skin like snow; waist like a bundle of silk, teeth like pearls; a charming smile, captivating the city of Yangcheng, enchanting Xiacai.

59.芙蓉不及美人妆，水殿风来朱翠香。
59. The lotus cannot compare to the beauty’s makeup, the fragrance of rouge and greenery carried by the wind in the water palace.

60.远近书疏，莫不手答，笔翰如流未尝壅滞。
60. Far and near, every letter is answered personally, with a flowing pen that never stagnates.

61.不提防沉鱼落雁鸟惊喧，则怕的羞花闭月花愁颤。
61. Without being on guard against the startling noise of falling fish and startled birds, the trembling of shy flowers and closed moon might be afraid.

62.你就好像是上品的西湖龙井，那种淡淡的苦涩是你的成熟，越品你越有味道。
62. You are like a high-quality West Lake Longjing tea; the faint bitterness is your maturity, and the more I taste you, the more flavorful you become.

63.你全身充溢着少女的纯情和青春的风采。留给我印象最深的是你那双湖水般清澈的眸子，以及长长的、一闪一闪的睫毛。像是探询，像是关切，像是问候。
63. Your whole body is filled with the innocence of a young girl and the charm of youth. The deepest impression you left on me is your eyes as clear as lake water, and your long, twinkling eyelashes. They seem to be inquiring, caring, and greeting.

64.什么是寂寞？寂寞是一种病，是一种精神的饥饿。既然是病，就需要治疗。寂寞的人如何找到治疗的方法？方法就是人群，寂寞的人总是需要他人的陪伴。
64. What is loneliness? Loneliness is a disease, a kind of spiritual hunger. Since it is a disease, it needs treatment. How can lonely people find a cure? The cure is the company of others; lonely people always need the company of others.

65.爸爸说长的帅的男人会说谎，妈妈说不帅的男人也会说谎，你爸是个很好的例子。
65. Dad said that handsome men lie, Mom said that men who are not handsome also lie, and your dad is a great example.

66.桂华流瓦。纤云散，耿耿素娥欲下。衣裳淡雅。看楚女、纤腰一把。
66. Osmanthus flows on the tiles. Delicate clouds scatter, and the bright moon is about to descend. Her attire is elegant and simple. Observing the slender waist of a Chu girl.

67.小山重叠金明灭，鬓云欲度香腮雪。懒起画蛾眉，弄妆梳洗迟。
67. Small hills overlap with shimmering gold, and the clouds in her hair seem to touch the snowy cheeks. Lazily applying moth eyebrows, she delays her makeup and grooming.

68.轻罗小扇白兰花，纤腰玉带舞天纱。疑是仙女下凡来，回眸一笑胜星华。
68. A light gauze fan with white orchids, a slender waist and jade belt dancing in the sky. It seems like a fairy descending from heaven, with a glance and a smile that outshines the stars.

69.你也许没有水汪汪亮晶晶的眼睛，但你的眼神也应该顾盼多情，勾魂摄魄。
69. Although you may not have bright, watery eyes, your gaze should still be full of affection, captivating and mesmerizing.

70.如果说剪掉头发就是剪掉回忆，那我剪成光头是不是可以失忆。
70. If cutting off hair means cutting off memories, would shaving my head completely make me amnesiac?

71.为什么我的眼里常含泪水，因为我对你爱得深沉。
71. Why are there always tears in my eyes? Because my love for you is so deep.

72.荷叶罗裙一色裁，芙蓉向脸两边开。乱入池中看不见，闻歌始觉有人来。
72. Lotus leaf skirt, cut in the same color, lotus flowers bloom on both sides of the face. Lost in the pond, invisible, only when hearing the song does one realize someone is coming.

73.在人流中，我一眼就发现了你。我不敢说你是她们中最漂亮的一个，可是我敢说，你是她们中最出色的一个。
73. In the crowd, I spotted you at a glance. I dare not say you are the most beautiful among them, but I dare say you are the most outstanding one.

74.宝髻松松挽就，铅华淡淡妆成。青烟翠雾罩轻盈，飞絮游丝无定。
74. Her hair is loosely coiled, with a light touch of makeup. Green mist and flying willow catkins envelop her graceful figure.

75.你像一片轻柔的云在我眼前飘来飘去，你清丽秀雅的脸上荡漾着春天般美丽的笑容。
75. You are like a gentle cloud floating before my eyes, and your beautiful face ripples with a smile as beautiful as spring.

76.狂欢是一群人的寂寞，孤独是一个人的狂欢。
76. A party is the loneliness of a crowd, while solitude is the revelry of an individual.

77.如果我死了，我的第一句话是：老子终于不用怕鬼了。
77. If I die, my first words will be: I finally don’t have to be afraid of ghosts anymore.

78.我宁愿做个泼妇也不愿被一个男人踩在脚底下生活
78. I’d rather be a shrew than be trampled on by a man.

79.要戒烟，早睡，好好的死。
79. To quit smoking, sleep early, and die peacefully.

80.这年头做女人真难，你开放点人家说你骚，你传统点人家说你装。
80. In this day and age, being a woman is really difficult. If you are more open, people say you are promiscuous; if you are more traditional, people say you are pretending.

81.昨天捡了一块鼠标垫，想配台电脑，大家说还缺些啥呢？
81. Yesterday, I picked up a mouse pad and want to assemble a computer. What else do you think is missing?

82.一个人的时候好好爱自己，两个人的时候好好爱彼此。
82. When alone, love yourself well; when together, love each other well.

83.漫漫人生路，总会错几步。
83. In the long journey of life, we will always make some mistakes.

84.我把回忆撕成了碎片，却忘了丢掉。
84. I tore the memories into pieces, but forgot to throw them away.

85.别说我冷，暖的时候你没珍惜而已。
85. Don’t say I’m cold; you just didn’t cherish me when I was warm.

86.安慰别人的话，终究安慰不了自己。
86. Words of comfort for others can never truly comfort oneself.

87.我不是骨头，不能让每条狗都追着跑。
87. I’m not a bone; I can’t let every dog chase after me.

88.你那瓜子形的形，那么白净，弯弯的一双眉毛，那么修长；水汪汪的一对眼睛，那么明亮！
88. Your melon-seed shaped face is so fair and clean, your curved eyebrows are so slender; your watery eyes are so bright!

89.夜有多长，泪有多长，泪长爱更长，风雨无阻追随你跨过了一个世纪！我们在缘份的海洋中扬帆前进！
89. No matter how long the night is, or how long the tears are, our love is even longer, following you through a century, undeterred by wind and rain! We sail forward in the ocean of fate!

90.借问汉宫谁得似，可怜飞燕倚新妆。
90. Who in the Han Palace can compare to you? Poor flying swallow leans on her new makeup.

91.你笑起来的样子最为动人，两片薄薄的嘴唇在笑，长长的眼睛在笑，腮上两个陷得很举动的酒窝也在笑。
91. The way you smile is the most touching; your thin lips are smiling, your long eyes are smiling, and the dimples on your cheeks are also smiling.

92.其始来也，耀乎若白日初出照屋梁；其少进也，皎若明月舒其光。
92. At the beginning, it shone like the sun rising and illuminating the beams of the house; as it progressed, it was as bright as the moon spreading its light.

93.娉娉袅袅十三余，豆蔻梢头二月初。春风十里扬州路，卷上珠帘总不如。
93. Graceful and delicate, over thirteen years old, in early February, the cassia buds. The spring breeze blows for ten miles along the Yangzhou road, but rolling up the bead curtain, it’s still not as good as you.

94.瀑布一般的长发，淡雅的连衣裙，标准的瓜子脸，聪明的杏仁眼，那稳重端庄的气质，再调皮的人见了你都会小心翼翼。
94. With waterfall-like long hair, an elegant dress, a standard melon-seed face, intelligent almond eyes, and a composed and dignified temperament, even the most mischievous person would be cautious around you.

95.佳人自鞚玉花骢，翩如惊燕蹋飞龙。
95. The beauty herself controls the jade flower steed, as light as a startled swallow stepping on a flying dragon.

96.在你那双又大又亮的眼睛里，我总能捕捉到你的宁静，你的热烈，你的聪颖，你的敏感。
96. In your big, bright eyes, I can always catch your tranquility, your passion, your intelligence, and your sensitivity.

97.那眼神优雅、娴静，双眼回盼流波，像是俏丽的江南女子；但又挂着一丝倔犟的波纹，又带着北国女儿的神韵。
97. That gaze is elegant and quiet, with eyes looking back and forth like flowing waves, like a beautiful Jiangnan woman; yet it carries a hint of stubbornness, embodying the charm of a northern girl.

98.因为不知来生来世会不会遇到你，所以今生今世我会加倍爱你。
98. Because I don’t know if I will meet you in the next life, I will love you even more in this life.

99.蒹葭苍苍，白露为霜。所谓伊人，在水一方。
99. Reeds are green and vast, with white dew turning to frost. The so-called beautiful woman is by the waterside.

100.希望能有那么一天，我能敞开心扉向全世界宣读雪碧版的爱情宣言，我坚信那也会是感动千古的动人故事！
100. I hope that one day, I can open my heart and announce a Sprite version of the love declaration to the whole world. I firmly believe that it will also be a touching story that moves generations!

超级幽默搞笑的qq名言

1.琴棋书画不会，洗衣做饭嫌累。
1. I can’t play musical instruments, play chess, paint, or write calligraphy; washing clothes and cooking are too tiring.

2.我又不是人民币，怎么能让人人都喜欢我？！
2. I’m not the Chinese currency, how can I make everyone like me?

3.所谓的美女，其实都是化妆品的奴隶。
3. So-called beauties are actually slaves to makeup.

4.从天堂到地狱，我路过人间。
4. From heaven to hell, I pass through the human world.

5.念了十几年书，想起来还是幼儿园比较好混！
5. After studying for more than ten years, I still think kindergarten was easier to get by in!

6.他们说我是BT，让我去做CT，结果我是ET。
6. They say I’m BT, and they want me to get a CT, but it turns out I’m ET.

7.我诅咒你一辈子买方便面没有调料包。
7. I curse you to never have seasoning packets in your instant noodles for the rest of your life.

8.不吃饱哪有力气减肥啊。
8. How can I lose weight if I’m not full?

9.钱对于我来说根本不是问题，问题是我根本没有钱。
9. Money is not a problem for me, the problem is that I have no money at all.

10.抵制丰胸手术，不要污染最后一片安全奶源！
10. Boycott breast enhancement surgery, don’t pollute the last safe source of milk!

11.红豆不长南国，长我脸上了，真相思！
11. Red beans don’t grow in the southern country, they grow on my face, truly making me miss them!

12.我深信，会有一个男人是为受我的折磨而来到这世上的。
12. I firmly believe that there will be a man who came to this world just to endure my torment.

13.西游记告诉我们：凡是有后台的妖怪都被接走了，凡是没后台的都被一棒子打死了。
13. Journey to the West tells us: all monsters with connections were taken away, while those without connections were killed with a single blow.

14.你有什么不开心的事？说出来让大家开心一下。
14. What’s the matter that makes you unhappy? Share it with us and make everyone happy.

15.在你头上拉屎的未必是敌人，也可能是你楼上的邻居。
15. The one who poops on your head may not be an enemy, but perhaps your neighbor upstairs.

16.我那么喜欢你，你喜欢我一下会死啊。
16. I like you so much, will it kill you to like me back just a little?

17.虽然你身上喷了古龙水，但我还是能隐约闻到一股人渣味儿。
17. Even though you’re wearing cologne, I can still vaguely smell the scent of scum on you.

18.我是你转身就忘的路人甲，凭什么陪你蹉跎年华到天涯？
18. I’m just a passerby you forget as soon as you turn around; why should I accompany you through the ups and downs of life to the ends of the earth?

19.间歇性郁闷症发作期间，生人勿扰，熟人勿找。
19. During my intermittent depression episodes, strangers should not disturb me, and acquaintances should not look for me.

20.说金钱是罪恶，都在捞；说美女是祸水，都想要；说高处不胜寒，都在爬；说烟酒伤身体，都不戒；说天堂最美好，都不去！
20. They say money is evil, but everyone’s grabbing it; they say beautiful women are trouble, but everyone wants them; they say the higher you go, the colder it gets, but everyone’s climbing; they say smoking and drinking are harmful to the body, but no one quits; they say heaven is the most beautiful, but no one goes!

21.挤公交是包含散打、瑜珈、柔道、平衡木等多种体育和健身项目于一体的综合性运动。
21. Taking a crowded bus involves a variety of sports and fitness activities, such as Sanshou (Chinese kickboxing), Yoga, Judo, and balance beam, all in one comprehensive exercise.

22.我爱你，爱了整整一个曾经。
22. I loved you, for an entire past.

23.单身并不难，难的是应付那些千方百计想让你结束单身的人。
23. Being single is not difficult; the difficulty lies in dealing with those who try every means to end your singlehood.

24.幸福是什么？幸福就是你吃鱼，我吃肉，看着别人啃骨头。
24. What is happiness? Happiness is when you eat fish, I eat meat, and we watch others gnaw on bones.

25.人不犯我，我不犯人；人若犯我，礼让三分；人再犯我，我还一针；人还犯我，斩草除根。
25. If no one offends me, I will not offend anyone; if someone offends me, I will give them the benefit of the doubt; if they offend me again, I will retaliate; if they continue to offend me, I will eradicate them completely.

26.我允许你走进我的世界，但不许你在我的世界里走来走去。
26. I allow you to enter my world, but I forbid you from wandering around in it.

27.明骚易躲，暗贱难防。
27. Open flirtation is easy to avoid, but hidden vulgarity is hard to guard against.

28.妈妈问我有男朋友了么，我说没有，妈妈说：这个可以有，我说：这个真没有……
28. Mom asked if I had a boyfriend, I said no, she said: “That can happen,” I said: “It really doesn’t…”

29.理想很丰满，现实却很骨感。
29. Ideals are very promising, but reality is quite bleak.

30.令人不能自拔的，除了牙齿还有爱情。
30. What is irresistible, besides teeth, is love.

31.当生活心怀歹毒地将一切都搞成了黑色幽默，我顺水推舟把自己变成了一个受过高等教育的流氓。
31. When life maliciously turns everything into dark humor, I went along with it and became a well-educated hooligan.

32.时间太瘦，指缝太宽。
32. Time is too thin, and the gaps between fingers are too wide.

33.其实你不用自卑，因为你曾经在几千万甚至以亿计的选手中赢夺冠军。
33. There is no need to feel inferior, as you have once won the championship among tens of millions or even hundreds of millions of competitors.

34.世界上最遥远的距离，不是生与死，而是我打跑了鬼子站在你面前，你却爱上了一个老外。
34. The longest distance in the world is not between life and death, but when I drive away the enemy and stand before you, only to find that you have fallen in love with a foreigner.

35.我的优点是：我很帅；但是我的缺点是：我帅的不明显。
35. My advantage is: I am handsome; but my disadvantage is: my handsomeness is not obvious.

36.有老公怎么的，有守门员还进球呢！
36. So what if you have a husband? Goals are still scored even with a goalkeeper!

37.我当年也是个痴情的种子，结果下了场雨……淹死了。
37. I used to be a passionate seed, but then it rained… and I drowned.

38.在你头上拉屎的未必是敌人，也可能是你楼上的邻居。
38. The one who poops on your head may not necessarily be an enemy; it could also be your neighbor upstairs.

39.很多人说婚姻是爱情的坟墓，但是能够入土为安的爱情总比暴尸街头要好。
39. Many people say that marriage is the grave of love, but a love that can be laid to rest is better than one left exposed on the streets.

40.你的人很完美，但是不一定会有人喜欢。
40. Your person may be perfect, but it does not mean that everyone will like you.

41.每件事最后都会是好事。如果不是好事，说明还没到最后。要这样相信着。
41. Everything will turn out to be good in the end. If it’s not good, it’s not the end yet. Keep believing that.

42.钞票不是万能的，有时候还是需要用信用卡。
42. Money isn’t everything; sometimes you still need to use a credit card.

43.要不是打不过你，我早和你翻脸了。
43. If I could beat you, I would have already confronted you.

44.在古代，我们不电话，不短信，不网聊，不微博，不漂洋过海，不被堵在路上。如果我想你，就翻过两座山，走五里路，去牵你的手。
44. In ancient times, we didn’t have phones, text messages, online chats, Weibo, or travel across the ocean, nor did we get stuck in traffic. If I missed you, I would climb over two mountains and walk five miles to hold your hand.

45.这一生，总有一个人，老是跟你过不去，你却很想跟他过下去。
45. In this life, there’s always someone who can’t get along with you, yet you really want to be with them.

46.小时候摔跤了，不管痛不痛，先哭了再说。
46. When I was a child, if I fell, I would cry first, regardless of whether it hurt or not.

47.我只是想有一个人明白我，即使我什么都没说。
47. I just want someone to understand me, even if I don’t say anything.

48.其实。你爱我像谁。任何的表情我都会给。
48. Actually, you love me like who. I would give any expression you want.

49.小姑娘们梦中都想找一匹白马，睁开眼发现满世界都是灰不溜秋的驴，悲痛欲绝后，只能从驴群中挑个身强力壮的，这样的驴就被命名为：经济适用男。
49. Little girls dream of finding a white horse, but when they open their eyes, they find the world is full of gray and unimpressive donkeys. After being heartbroken, they can only choose a strong and healthy one from the herd, and such a donkey is called an “economically practical man.”

50.我就要哭，我就要闹，一宿一宿不睡觉，手里拿瓶安眠药，拿根小绳要上吊。再丑也要谈恋爱，谈到世界充满爱。
50. I will cry, I will make a fuss, stay up all night, hold a bottle of sleeping pills in my hand, and hold a rope to hang myself. No matter how ugly I am, I still want to fall in love, and make the world full of love.

51.我们的目标：向钱看，向厚赚。
51. Our goal: Focus on money, strive for greater earnings.

52.为了我的奥迪，你的迪奥，咱孩子的奥利奥。努力！奋斗！
52. For my Audi, your Dior, and our child’s Oreo, let’s work hard! Strive!

53.如果你对我好，我就会忍不住想欺负你。
53. If you treat me well, I can’t help but want to bully you.

54.有空学风水去，死后占个好墓也算弥补了生前买不起好房的遗憾。
54. When I have time, I’ll learn about Feng Shui, so that even after death, I can occupy a good grave, making up for the regret of not being able to afford a good house during my lifetime.

55.你走，我不送你；你来，无论多大风多大雨，我都会去接你。
55. If you leave, I won’t see you off; if you come, no matter how strong the wind and rain, I will pick you up.

56.天没降大任于我，照样苦我心智，劳我筋骨。
56. Heaven didn’t give me a great mission, yet it still torments my mind and tires my body.

57.执子之手，方知子丑，泪流满面，子不走我走。
57. Holding your hand, I now see your ugliness, tears streaming down my face, if you don’t leave, I will.

58.不要脸这事，如果干的好，叫心理素质过硬！
58. If you do shamelessness well, it’s called having strong psychological quality!

59.哼，冬天最流氓了，总是喜欢对我冻手冻脚。
59. Humph, winter is the most shameless; it always likes to freeze my hands and feet.

60.如果考试能用QB做奖励，国家早就富强起来了。
60. If exams could use QB as a reward, the country would have become rich and powerful long ago.

61.青春献给了房子，中年献给了孩子。
61. I dedicated my youth to buying a house, and my middle age to raising my children.

62.即使你已名花有主，我也要移花接木把你移到我身边。
62. Even if you are already taken, I will transplant you to be by my side.

63.令我感到骄傲和自豪的是，至今为止，地球仍被我踩在脚下。
63. What makes me proud and boastful is that, so far, I still have the Earth under my feet.

64.别逼我，否则我伟大起来，一发不可收拾。
64. Don’t push me, or else I will become great and it will be uncontrollable.

65.每当我吃饱喝足的时候，我就会想起来减肥这件正经事。
65. Whenever I am full and satisfied, I will think of the serious matter of losing weight.

66.我谈过最长的恋爱，就是自恋。爱自己，没有情敌。
66. The longest relationship I have ever had is self-love. Loving myself, with no rivals in love.

67.念了十几年书，想起来还是幼儿园比较好混！
67. After studying for more than ten years, I still think kindergarten was easier to get by!

68.我的优点是：我很帅；但是我的缺点是：我帅的不明显。
68. My advantage is: I am handsome; but my disadvantage is: my handsomeness is not obvious.

69.小时候我以为自己长大后可以拯救整个世界，等长大后才发现整个世界都拯救不了我。
69. When I was a child, I thought I could save the whole world when I grew up. It was only after growing up that I realized the whole world couldn’t save me.

70.鸵鸟的幸福，只是一堆沙子。
70. The happiness of an ostrich is just a pile of sand.

71.没有拆不散的夫妻，只有不努力的小三。
71. There are no inseparable couples, only uncommitted mistresses.

72.别和我谈理想，戒了！
72. Don’t talk to me about ideals, I’ve quit!

73.跌倒了，爬起来再哭。
73. If you fall, get up and cry again.

74.我那么喜欢你，你喜欢我一下会死啊。
74. I like you so much, will it kill you to like me back?

75.脑袋空不要紧、关键是不要进水。
75. It doesn’t matter if your head is empty, the key is not to let water in.

76.知道你过的不好，我就安心了。
76. Knowing you are not doing well makes me feel at ease.

77.我的人生信条就是：像孙子一样活几十年，熬成爷爷再死。
77. My life motto is: live like a grandson for decades, and then die after becoming a grandpa.

78.只要瘦，什么都百搭，要是胖，什么都白搭。
78. As long as you are thin, everything goes well; if you are fat, everything is in vain.

79.每个人出生的时候都是原创，悲哀的是，很多人渐渐都成了盗版！
79. Every person is original when they are born, but sadly, many people gradually become counterfeit!

80.再铁的朋友一烧就化了。
80. Even the strongest friends will melt when burned.

81.不是以结婚为前提的恋爱就是耍流氓。
81. A relationship that is not based on the premise of marriage is just playing around.

82.我的优点：勇于认错；缺点：坚决不改。
82. My strengths: willing to admit mistakes; weaknesses: resolutely not changing.

83.如果有一天我变成流氓，请告诉别人，我纯真过……
83. If one day I become a rogue, please tell others that I was innocent once…

84.我像一只趴在玻璃上的苍蝇，前途一片光明，而我却找不着出路……
84. I am like a fly lying on a glass surface, with a bright future ahead, yet I cannot find a way out…

85.我像草一样，不能自拔……
85. I am like grass, unable to extricate myself…

86.出问题先从自己身上找原因，别一便秘就怪地球没引力。
86. When problems arise, look for reasons within yourself first, instead of blaming the lack of gravity for constipation.

87.平时骂你就算了，非要等我打你才知道我文武双全。
87. It’s fine to scold you normally, but you have to wait for me to hit you to realize I am both cultured and martial.

88.分手后，你当我牺牲了我当你驾崩了，完事了。
88. After the breakup, consider me sacrificed and you as having passed away, it’s over.

89.人见人爱，花见花开，车见车爆胎！
89. Everyone loves me, flowers bloom upon seeing me, and cars burst tires when they see me!

90.我允许你走进我的世界，但不许你在我的世界里走来走去。
90. I allow you to enter my world, but I forbid you from walking around in it.

91.我深信，会有一个男人是为受我的折磨而来到这世上的。
91. I firmly believe that there will be a man who came to this world just to endure my torment.

92.西游记告诉我们：凡是有后台的妖怪都被接走了，凡是没后台的都被一棒子打死了。
92. Journey to the West tells us: all the monsters with connections were taken away, while those without were killed with a single blow.

93.我们的目标：向钱看，向厚赚。
93. Our goal: to look forward to money and earn more.

94.老师，我遇见强盗了，就是作业被抢了。
94. Teacher, I met a robber, and my homework was stolen.

95.人家有的是背景，咱有的是背影。
95. Others have backgrounds, while we only have silhouettes.

96.多少学生败给了课文最后面的：背诵全文。
96. How many students have been defeated by the “recite the whole text” at the end of the lesson.

97.你还是让我跪搓板吧，跪电暖气实在受不了啊。
97. You might as well let me kneel on a washboard; I can’t stand kneeling on an electric heater.

98.不能自拔的是爱情，还有别人地里的萝卜。
98. What cannot be extricated is love, as well as the radishes in other people’s fields.

99.我的钱包就像个洋葱，每次打开都叫我泪流满面。
99. My wallet is like an onion; every time I open it, it brings tears to my eyes.

100.女子无才便是德，我一定是太缺德了。
100. A woman without talent is considered virtuous; I must be extremely lacking in virtue.

经典搞笑短信大全，幽默短信

1.昨天我和朋友打了一个赌，我说：世界上没有比猪还笨的了。结果，我输了，原来这都怪你！
1. Yesterday, I made a bet with my friend, saying, “There’s nothing more stupid than pigs in the world.” As a result, I lost. It turns out it’s all your fault!

2.一个男人失恋了。朋友安慰他说：“没有关系，你很快就快忘了她，找到更好的女孩。”“不，我不可能很快忘了她！”男人大喊：“我给她买了很多的东西都是分期付款的。”
2. A man lost his love. His friend comforted him, “It’s okay, you’ll soon forget her and find a better girl.” “No, I can’t forget her so soon!” the man shouted, “I bought her many things on installment payments.”

3.妈妈：你要哪一个苹果？孩子：大的，最大的。妈妈：孩子，你应该懂礼貌。要小的。孩子：难道懂礼貌就得撒谎吗？
3. Mother: Which apple do you want? Child: The big one, the biggest. Mother: You should be polite, child. Ask for the small one. Child: Does being polite mean lying?

4.妈妈抱着孩子站在银行窗口前，小孩一边吃面包，一边把面包从窗口塞给出纳员，出纳员微笑着摇了摇头。母亲：对不起，孩子刚去过动物园。
4. The mother held the child in her arms, standing in front of the bank window. The child was eating bread and stuffing it into the cashier’s window. The cashier smiled and shook his head. Mother: I’m sorry, the child just came from the zoo.

5.妈妈让小辛上街买鸡蛋，可买回来的都是小鸡蛋。妈妈：现在鸡蛋怎么都是小的？小辛：小鸡生的，现在流行早恋。
5. Mother asked Xiaoxin to buy eggs on the street, but all the eggs he brought back were small. Mother: Why are all the eggs so small now? Xiaoxin: The chickens laid them, and now it’s popular for early love.

6.妈妈买回一网兜水果，叮咛儿子：你把水果放到谁的手都够不到的地方。儿子说：妈妈，那就放在我肚子里好了。
6. Mother bought a net bag of fruits and told her son, “Put the fruits where no one can reach.” The son said, “Mother, why not just put them in my stomach?”

7.金钱视我如粪土，我还视金钱如粪土呢!都是粪土谁怕谁啊？
7. Money treats me like dirt, and I treat money like dirt too! We’re both dirt, who’s afraid of whom?

8.在街上看美女，目光高一点就是欣赏，目光低一点就是流氓。
8. Looking at a beautiful woman on the street, if your gaze is higher, it’s appreciation; if it’s lower, it’s being a pervert.

9.今天心情不好。我只有四句话想说。包括这句和前面的两句。我的话说完了。
9. I’m in a bad mood today. I have only four sentences to say. Including this one and the two previous ones. I’ve finished speaking.

10.我想我应该去减肥了，上次献血的时候，居然流出了一百毫升的猪油。
10. I think I should lose weight. Last time when I donated blood, 100 milliliters of pork fat flowed out.

11.人生最快乐的事情，就是我可以做别人做不到的事情，比如我可以发短信骂你，而你却不知道我是谁!
11. The happiest thing in life is that I can do things others can’t, like sending text messages to scold you without you knowing who I am!

12.生活真是没劲儿，上个月我的一个哥们儿向我借了块钱，说要去做一个整形手术，结果现在我完全不知道他变成什么模样了。
12. Life is so boring. Last month, a buddy of mine borrowed some money from me, saying he was going to have plastic surgery. Now I have no idea what he looks like.

13.有人问我，你帅吗，我说我不帅，他一拳打过来，叫你说谎。
13. Someone asked me, “Are you handsome?” I said, “I’m not handsome.” He punched me, saying, “Stop lying!”

14.我的原则是：人不犯我，我不犯人；人若犯我，我就生气！
14. My principle is: If you don’t mess with me, I won’t mess with you; if you do, I’ll get angry!

15.妈妈：小明为什么不分给小妹糖吃？老母鸡找到小虫统统给小鸡吃，你该学习呀！小明：好吧。如果我找到小虫，统统给小妹吃好了。
15. Mother: Why doesn’t Xiao Ming share candy with his little sister? The old hen finds worms and gives them all to her chicks; you should learn from her! Xiao Ming: Alright. If I find worms, I’ll give them all to my little sister.

16.爸爸对女儿讲他小时候家境贫寒。女儿听完了故事，两眼含泪，十分同情地对爸爸说：“哦，爸，你是因为没有饭吃才到我们家来的吧？”
16. Dad told his daughter about his poor childhood. After listening to the story, the daughter tearfully and sympathetically said to her dad, “Oh, Dad, did you come to our house because you had no food to eat?”

17.又在工作吧？我不止一次的对你说不要这么玩命工作，要注意身体。可你总是意味深长的说：“不趁天暖多滚几个粪球，冬天我吃什么！！”
17. You’re working again, right? I’ve told you more than once not to work so hard and to take care of your health. But you always say meaningfully, “If I don’t roll more dung balls while it’s warm, what will I eat in winter??”

18.那天我看见你了，你坐在大太阳底下，好不自在，我问你在干嘛，你神秘一笑：小点声，等我晒黑了就没人说我是白痴！
18. That day, I saw you sitting in the sun, looking so comfortable. I asked what you were doing, and you gave a mysterious smile: “Keep it down, wait until I get tanned, and no one will call me an idiot!”

19.沙僧：我十六变；八戒：我三十二变；悟空：我七十二变；唐僧：路上咋没见你们变个手机？人家妖怪都拿手机看短信呢!
19.沙河: I have 16 transformations; 八戒: I have 32 transformations; 悟空: I have 72 transformations; 唐僧: Why didn’t I see you guys change a mobile phone on the road? Even the monsters have mobile phones to read text messages!

20.最近会变天，开始变冷了，你一定要照顾好自己，千万别冻着。俗话说：“人冻腿，猪冻嘴”，我已把长裤穿上了，你也赶紧买个口罩吧!
20. The weather will change soon, and it’s getting cold. You must take good care of yourself and don’t catch a cold. As the saying goes, “People get cold legs, pigs get cold mouths.” I’ve already put on my long pants; you should hurry up and buy a mask!

21.上帝说满足我一个愿望，我说要世界和平，他说太难了换一个吧，我拿出你的照片说要这个人变得漂亮点，他沉思了一下说道：“拿地球仪我再看看！”
21. God said he would grant me one wish, and I asked for world peace. He said it was too difficult and asked me to choose another. I took out your picture and said I wanted this person to become more beautiful. He pondered for a moment and said, “Let me see the globe again!”

22.今天有人看见你了，你还是那样迷人，穿着格子背心，慢悠悠地走着，一副超然自在的样子，实在是可爱极了，真不知你当年是怎么赛过兔子的？
22. Someone saw you today, and you were still as charming as ever, wearing a plaid vest and walking slowly, looking carefree and at ease. I really don’t know how you managed to outrun the rabbit back then.

23.被人抛弃？受人欺凌？无家可归？即使全世界嫌弃你，不理你，至少还有我们——动物保护协会。
23. Abandoned? Bullied? Homeless? Even if the whole world dislikes you and ignores you, at least there is still us - the Animal Protection Association.

24.懂得唐伯虎的人不多，秋香算一个；懂得贾宝玉的人不多，黛玉算一个；懂得你的人不多，嫦娥算一个。
24. Not many people understand Tang Bohu, but Qiuxiang is one of them; not many people understand Jia Baoyu, but Daiyu is one of them; not many people understand you, but Chang’e is one of them.

25.是你故意避我？还是你我之间无缘？可我每天都想着你，得不到你我是不会罢休的，你让我拥有你吧，哪怕是一次也好啊，我亲爱的……五百万彩票！
25. Are you deliberately avoiding me? Or is there no fate between us? But I think about you every day, and I won’t give up until I get you. Let me have you, even just once, my dear… five million lottery prize!

26.爸爸：哎呀，小乖乖！你洗了一上午，洗干净了些什么？儿子：爸爸，我把肥皂洗干净了。
26. Dad: Oh, my little darling! What have you washed all morning? Son: Dad, I’ve washed the soap clean.

27.清晨你轻轻地走近我床前，深情地吻着我的脸，你那深遂的眼神始终注视着我，实在无法拒绝你，“狗狗乖，带你去散步!”
27. In the early morning, you gently approached my bedside, kissing my face affectionately with your deep eyes always fixed on me. I really couldn’t resist you, “Good dog, let’s go for a walk!”

28.我跟我妈说了，我喜欢你，我要让你去我家，日日夜夜陪伴我。你知道吗？通过这些日子的交往，我发现我已经不能没有你!真的，可我妈不肯，她狠狠地说：“这里不准养猪!”
28. I told my mom that I like you and want you to come to my home to accompany me day and night. You know? Through these days of interaction, I’ve found that I can’t live without you! Really, but my mom refuses, she said fiercely, “No pigs allowed here!”

29.有一种默契叫做心照不宣，有一种感觉叫做妙不可言，有一种幸福叫做有你相伴，有一种思念叫做望眼欲穿，有一个傻瓜会把短信读完。
29. There is a kind of tacit understanding called unspoken; there is a feeling called indescribable; there is a happiness called having you by my side; there is a longing called longing; there is a fool who will read the message to the end.

30.生物老师讲非洲草原上的生态环境，无人听讲，老师怒道：“你们都看着我听呀！你们不看我，怎么知道非洲野猫长什么样啊！”
30. The biology teacher was talking about the ecological environment of the African savannah, but no one was listening. The teacher got angry and said, “Look at me and listen! If you don’t look at me, how do you know what an African wild cat looks like?”

31.武功在高，也怕菜刀；智力再好，一砖撂倒；走自己的路，让别人打车去吧！穿别人的鞋，让他们找去吧！为你送上周二的问候，让别人羡慕去吧！
31. No matter how high your martial arts skills are, you’re still afraid of a kitchen knife; no matter how good your intelligence is, a brick can knock you down; go your own way and let others take a taxi! Wear other people’s shoes and let them search for them! I send you my greetings for Tuesday, let others be envious!

32.地主斗得好，说明有头脑；斗得精，说明思路清；斗得细，说明懂经济；斗得大，说明不怕炸；赢了不吱声，说明城府深；输了不投降；说明竞争意识强！
32. Playing landlord well indicates a smart brain; playing skillfully indicates clear thinking; playing meticulously indicates understanding of economics; playing boldly indicates not being afraid of explosions; winning without making a sound indicates deep plotting; losing without surrendering indicates strong competitive awareness!

33.我希望你能和我合作去做一番大事业，我们会不愁吃不愁喝，而且还可以周游列国，我想以你的魅力你会挣得比我更多，答应我好吗？走，要饭去。
33. I hope you can cooperate with me to do a great business. We will have plenty of food and drink, and we can travel around the world. I think with your charm, you will earn more than me. Will you agree? Let’s go, beg for food.

34.夜，已经很深了，我从睡梦中醒来，因为我想起了你，为什么你总在深夜我想抱你的时候悄然离我而去？我真的很需要你!我心爱的枕头你又掉哪去了呢!
34. It’s already very late at night, and I woke up from my sleep because I thought of you. Why do you always leave me quietly in the middle of the night when I want to hold you? I really need you! My beloved pillow, where have you gone again?

35.天是蓝的，海是深的，男人的话没一句是真的；爱是永恒的，血是鲜红的，男人不打是不行的；男人如果是有钱的，和谁都是有缘的；男人靠得住，猪都会爬树!!
35. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, and men’s words are never true; love is eternal, blood is bright red, and men need to be beaten; if a man is rich, he is destined for everyone; if a man is reliable, pigs can climb trees!

36.母亲女儿一起洗碗，父亲儿子在客厅看电视。突然传来打破盘子的响声，然后一片沉寂。儿子：一定是妈妈！因为她没有骂人。
36. Mother and daughter were washing dishes together, while father and son were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud noise of a plate breaking, followed by silence. Son: It must be mom! Because she didn’t scold anyone.

37.外语不及格，证明我爱国；整天乱摆阔，其实没老婆；长个小肚子，偏装弥勒佛；到处喳喳叫，好象大蝈蝈。
37. Failing a foreign language test proves my patriotism; showing off wealth all day long, but actually having no wife; having a potbelly, yet pretending to be the Buddha Maitreya; chattering everywhere, like a big cricket.

38.一江春水一江涛，一山更比一山高。发个信息给草包，草包准把手机掏，掏出手机低头看，发现自己是笨蛋。
38. A river of spring water, a river of waves; one mountain is higher than the other. Send a message to a fool, and the fool will take out their phone, take out the phone and look down, realizing they are an idiot.

39.跟你认识这么久了，你一直对我很关心，实在不晓得怎么报答你，下辈子做牛做马，我一定拔草给你吃！
39. I’ve known you for so long, and you’ve always cared for me. I really don’t know how to repay you. In the next life, when I’m a cow or a horse, I’ll definitely graze grass for you!

40.其实，每一个女人，都是仙女下凡，只可惜，你是脸先着的地！
40. In fact, every woman is a fairy descending from heaven, but unfortunately, you landed face-first!

41.昨夜星光灿烂，你在哪里浪漫，今夜星光点点，你在哪里丢人现眼？
41. The stars were shining brightly last night, where were you being romantic? The stars are twinkling tonight, where are you making a fool of yourself?

42.我手持玫瑰花，看见姑娘仨，谁要说爱我，我就送给她！
42. I hold a rose in my hand, and see three girls. Whoever says they love me, I’ll give the rose to her!

43.因为你，我相信命运；因为你，我相信缘份；也许这一切都是上天注定，冥冥之中牵引着我俩。好想说：我上辈子是做了什么孽呀！
43. Because of you, I believe in destiny; because of you, I believe in fate; maybe all of this is predestined by heaven, invisibly drawing us together. I really want to say: what sin did I commit in my previous life!

44.想你，总是在这样的时间与地点才会如此强烈。你总是默默付出你的一切，而我总在完事后将你抛弃——手纸。
44. I miss you, always at such moments and places it becomes so intense. You always silently give everything, and I always abandon you after it’s done – toilet paper.

45.吸取了上次的教训，从中我得到了经验，那就是以后我再也不会用肉包子打你了，有去无回啊！
45. Having learned from the last experience, I gained an insight: I will never hit you with a meat bun again, it’s gone without return!

46.爱你的心永不悔，想你的情永不退，想你想得无法睡，忘了你我学不会，一只小猪对着手机在陶醉！
46. My love for you will never regret, my thoughts for you will never recede, I can’t sleep thinking of you, I can’t forget you, a little pig is intoxicated in front of the phone!

47.我昨晚梦到你了：我们漫步在小河边，相互依偎着。你抬头凝视着我的眼睛，深情地吐出三个字……汪汪汪！
47. I dreamed of you last night: we were walking by the river, leaning on each other. You looked up at my eyes and uttered three words with deep affection…汪汪汪!

48.如果没有风，云不会动；如果没有水，鱼不能游；如果没有太阳，月亮就不会有光；如果没有你……笨人也就不存在了。
48. Without wind, clouds won’t move; without water, fish can’t swim; without the sun, the moon won’t have light; without you… there would be no fools.

49.我准备请你吃饭，你想来吗？快点告诉我，说呀……短信看完，时效已过！
49. I’m planning to invite you for dinner, do you want to come? Hurry up and tell me, say it… The message is read, the deadline has passed!

50.你从小缺钙，长大缺爱，身披麻袋，头顶锅盖，穿着短裤，系着腰带，光着上身，打着领带，这样的光辉形象，谁敢去爱！
50. You were缺钙 as a child, and缺爱 when you grew up, wearing a hemp bag, with a pot on your head, wearing shorts, fastening a belt, bare-chested, and wearing a tie, who dares to love such a glorious image!

51.商场搞促销，打出广告“买冰箱，送空调”，某人买好冰箱，正等商场赠送空调时，商场工作人员发话了：“先生，你的空调在哪？我们好给你送回去！”
51. The mall had a promotion, advertising “Buy a refrigerator, get an air conditioner for free.” When someone bought a refrigerator and was waiting for the mall to give them an air conditioner, the mall staff said, “Sir, where is your air conditioner? We’ll send it back to you!”

52.别骂自己的孩子是小兔崽子，因为从遗传学的角度来讲，这对家长是不利的。
52. Don’t call your child a little rabbit, because from a genetic perspective, it’s not in the parents’ favor.

53.三从四德：太太出门要跟从，命令要服从，说错了要盲从；化妆要等得，生日要记得，打骂要忍得，花钱要舍得！
53. Three obediences and four virtues: follow your wife when she goes out, obey her commands, blindly obey her when she’s wrong; wait for her to put on makeup, remember her birthday, endure her scolding, and spend money generously!

54.不吃白不吃，吃了变白痴。白痴不白吃，不痴不白吃。不痴白不痴，还看才白痴！
54. If you don’t eat for free, you become a fool. If you eat for free, you become a fool. A fool doesn’t eat for free, and if you’re not a fool, you don’t eat for free. If you’re not a fool, you’re still a fool!

55.不要问我为什么哭泣，我的泪水为你而流，我的心为你而碎。我恨那个男人，他为什么要将你从我身边夺去…死小偷！
55. Don’t ask me why I’m crying, my tears are for you, my heart is broken for you. I hate that man, why did he take you away from me…dead thief!

56.火车爬起来都那么快，不晓得站起来跑会有多快哦！
56. Trains can crawl so fast, I wonder how fast they would run if they stood up!

57.星星月亮天上挂，嫦娥奔月了牵挂，牛郎织女谈情话，月老红娘是神话，有个笨蛋不说话，眯着眼睛看电话！
57. Stars and moon hang in the sky, Chang’e runs to the moon with concern, Cowherd and Weaver Girl talk about love, the Moon Old and the Red Mother are myths, there’s a fool who doesn’t speak, squinting at the phone!

58.远看象头驴，进看象头驴，是驴就是驴，就是不能骑。死驴！可气！
58. From afar, it looks like a donkey; up close, it looks like a donkey. It’s a donkey, but you can’t ride it. Dead donkey! So annoying!

59.我快乐因为你快乐，我愁了因为你瘦了，我笑了因为你胖了，我有钱了因为我把你卖了，我可怜的猪啊！
59. I’m happy because you’re happy, I’m worried because you’ve lost weight, I laugh because you’ve gained weight, I have money because I sold you, my poor pig!

60.什么叫乐观派的人？——就像茶壶一样，屁股都烧得红红的，它还有心情在吹口哨！
60. What is an optimistic person like? Just like a teapot, even when its bottom is burning red, it still has the mood to whistle!

61.你的微笑的样子很甜美，你生气的样子很可爱，你在我眼里最美，你在我心里最好。感动了吧？猪啊！
61. Your smiling face is very sweet, your angry face is very cute, you are the most beautiful in my eyes, and the best in my heart. Touched, pig?

62.清澈的小河流淌着情思，伟大的友谊一看便知。美好的明天向谁告知？我把信息发给白痴！
62. The clear stream flows with affection, great friendship is evident at a glance. Who can be told about the beautiful tomorrow? I send the message to a fool!

63.被人抛弃？受人欺凌？无家可归？不要伤心，不要气馁，即使全世界都嫌弃你，至少还有我们，养猪场是您温馨的家。
63. Abandoned? Bullied? Homeless? Don’t be sad, don’t be discouraged, even if the whole world dislikes you, at least we are here, the pig farm is your warm home.

64.你从小缺钙，长大缺爱，身披麻袋，头顶锅盖，穿着短裤，系着腰带，光着上身，打着领带，这样的光辉形象，谁敢去爱！
64. You grew up with a calcium deficiency, lack of love, wearing a hemp bag, a pot on your head, shorts, a belt, bare-chested, and wearing a tie. Who dares to love such a glorious image!

65.你长得很有创意，活着是你的勇气，丑陋并非你的本意，如果没有你，谁来衬托世界的美丽。
65. You are very creative-looking, living takes courage, ugliness is not your intention. Without you, who would set off the beauty of the world?

66.你好，你好，你吃猪草，毛多肉少，爱用米汤洗澡，还说护肤效果特好，你真是个少见的活宝。
66. Hello, hello, you eat pig grass, have little meat and lots of hair, love to bathe with rice soup, and say it’s very effective for skincare. You are truly a rare treasure.

67.一杯两杯大步走，三杯四杯扶墙走，五杯六杯墙走我不走，喝上一斤妹妹抱我走！
67. One or two cups walk with big strides, three or four cups walk with the help of a wall, five or six cups the wall walks while I don’t, after a pound of wine, the sister carries me away!

68.同事是个很可爱的妹子，说到昨晚下班回家，路上行人少，结果包被抢了，妹子寒风中发呆了三秒，扭头往反方向跑!随问其原因，她说：“我包里什么都没有，就一个卫生巾，一包纸，我怕小偷发现什么也没有，回来揍我!”
68. My colleague is a lovely girl. She said that last night when she went home after work, there were few pedestrians on the road, and her bag was snatched. The girl stood still in the cold wind for three seconds, then turned and ran in the opposite direction! When asked why, she said, “There’s nothing in my bag but a sanitary pad and a pack of paper. I’m afraid the thief will come back and beat me when he finds nothing!”

69.你是书本我是包，你是耗子我是猫，你是木头我是胶，你是猪肉我是刀，今晚的饭钱你来掏。
69. You are the book, I am the bag; you are the mouse, I am the cat; you are the wood, I am the glue; you are the pork, I am the knife. You pay for tonight’s meal.

70.你远看青山绿水，近看龇牙咧嘴；远看绿水青山，近看满脸雀斑。
70. From afar, you see green mountains and clear waters; up close, you see a grimace. From afar, you see clear waters and green mountains; up close, you see a face full of freckles.

71.怎么让领导向你低头？其实很简单，发条短信给他呀！
71. How to make the leader bow to you? It’s actually very simple, just send him a text message!

72.小猪小猪肚子凸凸，脚也粗粗脸也嘟嘟，一张嘴巴有进不出，小猪小猪现在何处？看着手机气喘呼呼。
72. Little pig, little pig, with a protruding belly, thick legs, and chubby face, you eat but never give, little pig, little pig, where are you now? Staring at the phone, panting heavily.

73.一进公司，两眼无神，三更半夜，四肢无力，五脏六腑，七零八落，九而久之，十分痛苦，百般无奈…又要加班啦！
73. Entering the company, listless eyes, at midnight, limbs are weak, five organs and six bowels, in disarray, after a long time, extremely painful, utterly helpless… another overtime!

74.问你个谜语：猪屁屁上有两滴水，打一首歌名——猜不出来吧，流着泪的你的脸！
74. I have a riddle for you: There are two drops of water on a pig’s buttocks, name a song - Can’t guess it, can you? “Tears on Your Face”!

75.那天我打你的手机，有语音提示说：机主正在裸奔，请稍后再拨。过了一会儿我再打你的手机，有语音提示说：机主已奔出服务区！
75. That day I called your phone, and there was a voice message saying: The owner is running naked, please call back later. After a while, I called your phone again, and there was a voice message saying: The owner has run out of the service area!

76.你经济一穷二白，性格反三复四，爱好五颜六色，人生信条乱七八糟，以上所写八九不离十！
76. Your economy is poor, your personality is fickle, your hobbies are colorful, your life motto is messy, and the above description is mostly accurate!

77.知道昨天我吃什么了吗？煮你，炒你，清蒸你；烤你，焖你，红烧你；炸你，煎你，凉拌你！
77. Do you know what I ate yesterday? Boiled you, stir-fried you, steamed you; roasted you, braised you, red-cooked you; fried you, pan-fried you, and served you cold!

78.有头小猪了不起，天天睡到十点起，餐餐五碗才见底，体重没有谁敢比，要问小猪在哪里？正在翻看短消息。
78. It’s not a big deal to have a little pig, who sleeps until ten o’clock and eats five bowls before finishing a meal. No one dares to compare their weight with yours. Want to know where the little pig is? They are reading this message right now!

79.如果感到幸福你就挥挥手，如果感到幸福你就跺跺脚，如果感到幸福你就甩甩头。祝你快乐——疯子！
79. If you feel happy, just wave your hands. If you feel happy, just stomp your feet. If you feel happy, just shake your head. Wish you happiness – you madman!

80.听说今晚有流星雨看，是大猪座的，那时候会有一头大猪从天空飞过，可惜我要睡觉不能看，你就好了，那么多人看着你飞!
80. I heard there will be a meteor shower tonight, from the Big Pig constellation. At that time, a big pig will fly across the sky. It’s a pity I have to sleep and can’t watch it. You, on the other hand, are so lucky, with so many people watching you fly!

81.你知道吗，我昨天碰到一个弱智，我从来没见过这么笨的人？至于到底有多笨？这么跟你说吧，他可能比你的智商还低！
81. You know, I met a moron yesterday. I’ve never seen anyone so stupid. Just how stupid could they be? Let me put it this way, their IQ might be even lower than yours!

82.你勤劳得像蜜蜂，漂亮得像蝴蝶，忠诚得像小狗，乖巧得像小猫，憨厚得像老牛，威猛得像老虎，怪不得别人都叫你…禽兽！
82. You are as hardworking as a bee, as beautiful as a butterfly, as loyal as a dog, as obedient as a cat, as honest as an ox, and as fierce as a tiger. No wonder everyone calls you an…animal!

83.我真的很喜欢你大大的耳朵宽宽的脸，厚厚的嘴唇黑黑的眼。你的歌声很奇妙，歌词总是一个调——哼哼哼-哼哼哼。你就是我的宠物猪崽崽！
83. I really like your big ears, wide face, thick lips, and dark eyes. Your singing is so unique, with lyrics always in one tune – humming, humming. You are my pet piggy!

84.早上儿子看到邻居家的女孩出嫁就问：爸爸，为什么姐姐哭了。爸爸：因为她要嫁人了，要去别人家了，以后就会很少回来了。儿子想了想说道：爸爸，妈妈总是欺负我们，要不我们也把她嫁人了吧!偶尔让她回来给我们洗洗衣服就可以了。
84. One morning, the son saw the neighbor’s girl getting married and asked: “Dad, why is the sister crying?” Dad: “Because she is getting married and going to someone else’s house. She will rarely come back.” The son thought for a moment and said, “Dad, mom always bullies us. Why don’t we marry her off too? We can just let her come back occasionally to do our laundry.”

85.每个和我亲了嘴的，都会被我甩掉，也许你会觉得我太无情，其实我也很留恋亲嘴的那一刹，那种感觉真的很香，可我又有什么办法呢，吃田螺就是这样嘛!
85. Everyone who has kissed me has been dumped by me. You might think I’m heartless, but I also cherish the moment of kissing, as it feels so sweet. But what can I do? That’s just the way it is when eating snails!

86.好久没你消息了，这两天总想你，心里很乱，寻遍你爱去的池塘、就餐的小屋、睡觉的草坪，仍不见你的踪影，我心都快碎了。养这么大头猪咋就能丢了呢？
86. I haven’t heard from you for a while, and I’ve been thinking about you these past two days. My heart is in turmoil. I’ve searched every pond you like, every restaurant you frequent, and every lawn where you sleep, but I still can’t find you. My heart is breaking. How could I lose such a big pig?

87.床前明月光，没钱憋得慌。举头望美女，低头空悲伤。
87. Before my bed, the moonlight glows bright, with no money, I feel so tight. I raise my head to gaze at the beauties, and lower it with an empty sadness.

88.哥们，好长时间没见你，怎么着？是不是又去了你媳妇娘家……高老庄！
88. Buddy, it’s been a long time since we last met. What’s up? Did you go to your wife’s hometown…Gao Lao Zhuang!

89.让我悄悄地蒙上你的眼睛，轻轻地在你脚底下放了块西瓜皮，然后美滋滋地看着你踩上去。
89. Let me quietly cover your eyes and gently place a piece of watermelon rind under your feet. Then, I’ll happily watch you step on it.

90.有两句话一直很想对你说，今天终于提起勇气：第一句，我爱你我好喜欢你；第二句，千万不要把第一句当真。
90. There are two things I’ve always wanted to tell you, and today I finally muster the courage: First, I love you, and I like you so much; second, don’t take the first sentence seriously.

91.第一次见你，我已被你深深吸引，我有一种把你带回家的冲动，我渴望夜夜拥你入眠，清晨醒来时能看到你在我身边——枕头啊！
91. The first time I saw you, I was deeply attracted to you. I had an urge to take you home with me. I longed to hold you in my arms every night and wake up with you by my side – my pillow!

92.你与我静静地走在家乡的小路上，你害羞地低头不语。乡亲们见了我都说：好孩子，打扮得干净又漂亮，可惜这么小年纪就出来放猪！
92. You and I walked quietly on our hometown’s path, with you shyly lowering your head and not saying a word. The villagers saw me and said, “What a good child, so clean and beautiful, but it’s such a pity to be out herding pigs at such a young age!”

93.一只猪拼命向前跑，突然前面出现一堵墙，它没绕开，而是一头撞了上去，为什么？不懂吗？很简单，它不会急转弯嘛！
93. A pig was running desperately forward when it suddenly saw a wall in front of it. Instead of going around, it just crashed into the wall. Why? Don’t you understand? It’s simple; it just can’t make a sharp turn!

94.哥们，最近有啥困难要兄弟帮忙吗？俺是有困难要帮，没有困难制造困难也要帮。
94. Buddy, do you need any help from me lately? I’m the kind of friend who will help you when you’re in trouble, and even if you’re not, I’ll create some trouble just to help.

95.你是池塘里的一只丑小鸭，你是我老树上一只傻乌鸦，这是我喝醉后的一句大实话，你偷偷笑个啥？
95. You are an ugly duckling in the pond, and you are a silly crow on the old tree. This is a big truth I said after getting drunk. What are you secretly laughing at?

96.亲爱的用户，您好，您的手机将于明天零时停机！如果您要问为什么，凭你的智商，我们很难向您解释！
96. Dear user, hello! Your phone will be suspended at midnight tomorrow! If you want to ask why, with your IQ, it’s hard for us to explain to you!

97.紧急令：你要钱没钱，要才没才，要貌没貌，已被列为三无人员，接令小时内务必离开本市，否则严惩不赦！
97. Emergency order: You have no money, no talent, and no looks. You have been listed as a “three-no” person. You must leave the city within the hour, or you will be severely punished!

98.我才发现，你有着沉鱼落雁之容……鱼儿一看见你就吓得沉入水底，大雁一看见你就吓得一头栽到地上！
98. I just realized that you have the beauty of “sinking fish and falling wild geese”… The fish are so scared when they see you that they sink to the bottom of the water, and the wild geese are so frightened that they fall to the ground when they see you!

99.谢谢你春天陪我观百花，夏日伴我看夕阳，秋季陪我赏落叶，冬天伴我看雪景。如果没有你，再美的风景都是模糊的，真的谢谢你——眼镜！
99. Thank you for accompanying me to watch the flowers in spring, the sunset in summer, the fallen leaves in autumn, and the snow scenery in winter. Without you, even the most beautiful scenery would be blurry. I really appreciate you – glasses!

100.你知道吗？我们很久以前就认识了，你紧紧地跟着我，用你的脸贴着我，用你的鼻嗅着我，还用你的嘴温柔地咬了我一口……那时候，我叫吕洞宾。
100. You know, we knew each other a long time ago. You followed me closely, pressed your face against me, sniffed me with your nose, and gently bit me with your mouth… At that time, I was called Lü Dongbin.

整人短信，整蛊搞笑笑话
Prank text messages, pranks, and funny jokes

1.蝴蝶埋怨蜜蜂，肚子不小，里边那么多甜言蜜语，就是不给我说，气人!蜜蜂埋怨蝴蝶，穿的怪花，头上两根天线那么长，就是不给我发信息，恼人!
1. The butterfly complains to the bee, “You have a big belly, and you have so many sweet words inside, but you never tell me, it’s so annoying!” The bee complains to the butterfly, “You wear such fancy clothes, and your antennae are so long, but you never send me a message, it’s so irritating!”

2.爱心提示，饭后七戒：一戒抽烟，二戒马上吃水果，三戒放松，四戒立即喝茶，五戒白步走，六戒立即洗澡，七戒立即睡觉!八戒：你记住了么？
2. Loving reminder, seven prohibitions after meals: 1. No smoking, 2. No eating fruit immediately, 3. No relaxing, 4. No drinking tea immediately, 5. No walking slowly, 6. No taking a bath immediately, 7. No sleeping immediately! Pigsy: Did you remember?

3.听说今天太湖里跳出来一只癞蛤蟆被车轧死，我听了一直很担心，马上给你发短信，如果你还活着的话，请回复我！
3. I heard that today a toad jumped out of Taihu Lake and was run over by a car. I’ve been worried ever since, so I sent you a text message right away. If you’re still alive, please reply to me!

4.这段日子以来，我一直想对你说三个字，但又怕说了连普通朋友也做不成，可我控制不住，还是想说：借点钱！
4. For some time now, I’ve wanted to say three words to you, but I’m afraid that if I say them, we won’t even be ordinary friends anymore. But I can’t help it, I still want to say: Lend me some money!

5.谢谢你春天陪我观百花，夏日伴我看夕阳，秋季陪我赏落叶，冬天伴我看雪景。如果没有你，再美的风景都是模糊的，真的谢谢你……眼镜！
5. Thank you for accompanying me to watch the flowers in spring, the sunset in summer, the fallen leaves in autumn, and the snow scenery in winter. Without you, even the most beautiful scenery would be blurry. I really appreciate you… glasses!

6.你身材永远都是那么苗条，身手总是那么敏捷，生活总是很悠闲，整天都是游玩在名川大山间，你吃的食物都是纯天然无污染绿色食品，唉，当猴子真好！
6. You always have such a slim figure, agile movements, a leisurely life, and you spend your days playing in famous mountains and rivers. The food you eat is all natural, pollution-free, and green. Sigh, it’s so great to be a monkey!

7.你是我心中的太阳，可惜下雨了；你是我梦中的月亮，可惜云遮住了；你是我心中最美的花朵，可惜开过了；你是天上的嫦娥降临人间，可惜脸先着地了！
7. You are the sun in my heart, but it’s raining; you are the moon in my dreams, but the clouds are covering you; you are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it’s already bloomed; you are the fairy Chang’e descending to the world, but your face hit the ground first!

8.想你，有一种温馨的感觉；见你，是一种痛苦的期待；爱你，是我一生的追求；梦你，是我永久的情怀。其实揍你，才是我心中快乐之所在！
8. Thinking of you gives me a warm feeling; seeing you is a painful anticipation; loving you is my lifelong pursuit; dreaming of you is my eternal sentiment. Actually, hitting you is where my happiness lies!

9.你真是个天才——天生的蠢才，毕业于哈佛——哈尔滨佛学院，长得也不错——长得这样真的不是你的错。
9. You are such a genius – a naturally stupid one, graduated from Harvard – Harbin Buddhist College, and you look great too – it’s really not your fault that you look like this.

10.曾以为有更好的，反反复复才发觉，最好的就在身边，就像你。起初对你出现，并不为然，随着时间流逝，才发觉你是最好……欺负的！
10. I thought there was something better, but after going back and forth, I realized that the best one is right beside me, just like you. At first, I didn’t care about your appearance, but as time went by, I realized that you are the best… to bully!

11.我决心为全国人民做件大事：给珠穆朗玛峰修电梯给长城贴瓷砖给飞机安倒档；做件小事：给苍蝇戴手套给蚊子戴口罩给你喂点猪饲料。
11. I am determined to do something great for the people of the whole country: install an elevator for Mount Everest, tile the Great Wall, and install a reverse gear for airplanes; and do something small: put gloves on flies, masks on mosquitoes, and feed you some pig feed.

12.送你一份有屎以来，粪量最重的礼物，你一定会大吃一斤，还要多多饱含，如觉得粪量不够，还请自便。
12. I send you a gift with the heaviest poop since the beginning of time. You must be amazed by it and appreciate it wholeheartedly. If you feel the poop is not enough, please help yourself.

13.我知道我是无比的需要你，每天都会小心地把你放到我的心里，让你肆意地抚摸我的身体，感受我的身体，我想我一刻也不会离不开你……我爱你，白开水。
13. I know I need you desperately, and I carefully place you in my heart every day, allowing you to freely touch and feel my body. I think I can’t live a single moment without you… I love you, plain boiled water.

14.那天你拿刀狂砍一头猪，猪逃进一个死胡同，只听猪跪地向你求饶：“本是同根生，相煎何太急！”
14. That day, you wildly hacked at a pig with a knife. The pig fled into a dead-end alley and knelt down, pleading with you, “We are born from the same root; why are you in such a hurry to harm each other?”

15.乞丐带着猴子沿街乞讨，他叫猴子笑它就笑，叫猴子哭它就哭，叫猴子作揖它就作揖，叫猴子看短信它就看短信。
15. A beggar walks along the street with a monkey, making it laugh, cry, bow, and read text messages whenever he asks. The monkey does as it’s told.

16.当你在路上遇到狗的时候不要惊慌，要勇敢地与它博斗，仅多会有三种结果：一是你赢了，你比狗厉害；二是你输了，你连狗都不如；三是你们打平了，你和狗一样。
16. When you encounter a dog on the road, don’t panic. Bravely fight it, and there will be three possible outcomes: 1) You win, proving you’re more formidable than a dog; 2) You lose, making you even worse than a dog; 3) You draw, meaning you’re just like a dog.

17.不要以为建起城市就能定居；不要以为播下种子就能丰收；不要以为登上顶峰就是征服；不要以为我忘了你，在关键时候，比如说今天，我第一个想起的就是你。
17. Don’t assume that building a city means settling down; don’t assume planting seeds guarantees a bountiful harvest; don’t assume reaching the summit means conquering it; don’t assume I’ve forgotten you. At crucial moments, like today, you’re the first person I think of.

18.欢迎来到美女应召站，找本地妹请按，找东洋女请按，找西洋妞请按，同性恋者请往下按…………欢迎你同志！……今天可是愚人节哦！
18. Welcome to the beauty escort station. For local girls, press ; for Japanese women, press ; for Western women, press . Gays, please press down… Welcome, comrade! Today is April Fool’s Day, after all!

19.你善良像猫儿，你忠实像狗儿，你可爱像鸟儿，你识途像马儿，你出色像蝶儿，你勤劳像蜂儿，你什么都相像，也难怪大家都叫你——禽兽。
19. You’re as kind as a cat, as loyal as a dog, as cute as a bird, as knowledgeable as a horse, as outstanding as a butterfly, and as hardworking as a bee. It’s no wonder everyone calls you an animal.

20.请别再往下看啦，关机吧，真的没什么好看的，求你啦，真的要看？不后悔？好吧，这可是你自己要求的——你是猪！
20. Please don’t look down anymore, just turn off your phone. There’s really nothing to see, I beg you. Do you really want to see? Don’t regret it? Alright, since it’s your choice - you’re a pig!

21.这么多年了，知道我找你找得多辛苦么?我走遍世界，就是为了寻找一张像你这样的脸，这是我的名片，随时欢迎到我的整形医院来!——误人专家。
21. After all these years, do you know how hard I’ve been searching for you? I traveled the world to find a face like yours. Here’s my business card, and you’re always welcome at my plastic surgery clinic! - A Misleading Expert.

22.哎，现在的人几乎都是用键盘代替笔了，其实用键盘敲字的时候会有一件怪事，不信打字的时候你看看你的键盘上会有一只猪手放在上面耶！愚人节快乐！
22. Sigh, nowadays, most people use keyboards instead of pens. When typing on a keyboard, there’s a strange phenomenon: if you look at your keyboard while typing, you’ll see a pig’s hand on it! Happy April Fool’s Day!

23.新四大傻人：恋爱不成上吊的，没病没灾吃药的，找完小姐染病的，看完短信傻笑的！
23. The new four fools: those who commit suicide after failed love, those who take medicine without illness, those who contract diseases after visiting prostitutes, and those who laugh foolishly after reading this message!

24.那天你参加球赛，只见你一记凌空抽射，守门员还没反应过来，球进了！我们都为你鼓掌欢呼，你爬起来，拍拍屁股说：妈的，地太滑了！
24. That day, you participated in a soccer game. You made a stunning mid-air shot, and the goalkeeper didn’t even have time to react before the ball went in! We all applauded and cheered for you. You got up, patted your butt, and said, “Damn it, the ground is too slippery!”

25.手机响一声，代表我想你；两声，好想你！三声，十分想你！四声，很想很想你；五声－－小样，该接电话了吧！
25. A phone ring represents I miss you; two rings mean I really miss you! Three rings, I miss you so much! Four rings, I miss you dearly; five rings - hey, it’s about time you answered the phone!

26.你到云南西双版纳旅游，途中遇到一群野猪围攻，旅客均掏出食品，金钱，野猪不为所动，你掏出仅有的身份证，群猪跪而痛哭道：老大，我们可找到你了！
26. While traveling in Yunnan’s Xishuangbanna, you encountered a group of wild boars attacking. Passengers took out food and money, but the wild boars were unmoved. When you took out your only ID card, the boars knelt down and cried, “Boss, we’ve finally found you!”

27.你是足花心的人，且常常与作乐，不得家有亿万钱财，长年弃不顾，成天达，寻找猎物，需多问，而性不改，还心意，你定不是好人。
27. You are a fickle person, often indulging in pleasure. Despite having a wealthy family, you neglect it, spending your days searching for prey. No matter how many times you’re questioned, your nature remains unchanged, and your intentions are still the same. You must not be a good person.

28.手心痒吗？那代表我想念你的爱抚；嘴唇痒吗？那代表我想念你的热吻；身上痒吗……那代表你脏死了，还不快去洗澡！
28. Is your palm itchy? It means I miss your caresses; is your lips itchy? It means I miss your passionate kisses; is your body itchy… It means you’re filthy, go take a bath!

29.你勤劳得像蜜蜂，漂亮得像蝴蝶，忠诚得像小狗，乖巧得像小猫，憨厚得像老牛，威猛得像老虎，怪不得别人都叫你……禽兽!
29. You’re as diligent as a bee, as beautiful as a butterfly, as loyal as a dog, as clever as a cat, as honest as an ox, and as fierce as a tiger. No wonder everyone calls you… an animal!

30.昨夜朋友思无数，想来想去，唯有你最酷，梦里寻你千百度，募染回首，你确扔被栓在人家驴棚深处，残酷！残酷！读完信息息怒！
30. Last night I thought of countless friends, but in the end, I found you the coolest. I searched for you thousands of times in my dreams, only to find you tied up in a donkey shed. Cruel! Cruel! Please don’t be angry after reading this message!

31.早晨我吃不下饭，因为我想你，中午我吃不下饭，因为我更加想你，晚上我吃不下饭，因为我疯狂地想你，夜里我睡不着，因为…………我饿。
31. In the morning, I can’t eat because I miss you; at noon, I can’t eat because I miss you even more; in the evening, I can’t eat because I’m crazy about you. At night, I can’t sleep because… I’m hungry.

32.听说你手机没有短信功能，所以发这条短信试验。如你收到，证实有短信功能并是我的短信，请给我回复：我有了，是你的！
32. I heard that your phone doesn’t have messaging功能, so I’m sending this message to test. If you receive it, confirming that your phone has messaging功能and it’s from me, please reply: I have it, it’s yours!

33.人生至古谁无屎，有谁大便不用纸？若君不用卫生纸，莫非你是用手指！
33. Who doesn’t poop since ancient times? Who doesn’t use toilet paper when pooping? If you don’t use toilet paper, are you using your fingers?

34.是一阵风也罢了，偏偏是这样永恒；是一场梦也罢了，偏偏是如此真实；你低头不语，我却难以平静，终于禁不住要对你说：“放屁先说一声啊!”
34. It’s okay if it’s just a gust of wind, but it’s so eternal; if it’s just a dream, it’s so real; you keep silent, but I can’t calm down. Finally, I have to say to you: “Say something when you fart!”

35.如果没有风，云不会动；如果没有水，鱼不能游；如果没有太阳，月亮就不会有光；如果没有你……笨人也就不存在了。
35. Without wind, clouds won’t move; without water, fish can’t swim; without the sun, the moon won’t shine; without you… there would be no fools.

36.真的对不起，我只是跟你随便说说，天冷了吃驴肉火锅肯定不错，没想到你会生气地对我怒吼：我哥怎么得罪你了，你要残忍地把他放入火锅，那可是我亲哥。
36. I’m really sorry, I was just talking casually with you. I didn’t expect you to get angry and roar at me: “What did my brother do to offend you? How could you cruelly put him in a hot pot? He’s my own brother!”

37.我是一棵孤独的树，千百年来矗立在路旁，寂寞的等待，只为有一天当你从我身边走过时，为你倾倒，砸不扁你就算白活了。
37. I am a lonely tree, standing by the roadside for thousands of years, waiting in solitude, just for the day when you pass by me, to fall for you, and if I don’t flatten you, my life would be in vain.

38.江湖上知道你武功高强，但你不能骄傲，做到人中有剑，剑中有人，人剑合一，做到了这一点，你就不再是人，是剑人！剑人！剑人！
38. It’s known that you have excellent martial arts skills in the martial world, but you must not be arrogant. Achieve the unity of man and sword, and when you reach this level, you are no longer a human, but a swordman! Swordman! Swordman!

39.你看你，美国头，法国腰，印度鼻子，香港脚，人不人，鬼不鬼，只有一个脑袋，两条腿，你看看你，还在看着短信咧着嘴！
39. Look at you, with an American head, a French waist, an Indian nose, and Hong Kong feet. You’re neither human nor ghost, with just one head and two legs. Look at you, still reading the message and grinning!

40.红红的太阳蓝蓝的天，农民要看三级片，兴奋地冲进电影院，愤怒的叫喊震翻了天。村长跑来问啥事，农民说“看短信的那人不主演，打死我们也不给钱”。
40. The red sun and the blue sky, farmers want to watch porn, excitedly rush into the cinema, and their angry shouts shake the sky. The village head comes to ask what’s going on, and the farmer says, “The person who sent the message isn’t the lead actor, we won’t pay even if we die!”

41.明天下午有空吗？我想去找你，你到车站接我好吗？不过我怕人多不好认，你把头弄成爆炸式，右手拿木棒，左手端个瓷碗与我联系，接头暗号：行行好吧！
41. Are you free tomorrow afternoon? I want to come find you. Can you pick me up at the station? But I’m afraid it will be hard to recognize each other in the crowd. Make your hair an explosion style, hold a wooden stick in your right hand, and a porcelain bowl in your left hand to contact me. Password: Please help me!

42.我梦见你了，你用白云做件衣裳，向小鸟借双翅膀，在屁股后插个扫把，然后剑一般得飞到我身旁，深情得告诉我：你知道嘛？鸟人就这模样。
42. I dreamt of you. You made clothes from white clouds, borrowed wings from a bird, and put a broom behind your buttocks. Then you flew to my side like a sword and told me affectionately: “You know what? This is what a birdman looks like.”

43.当你拿起镜子，看着自己那圆圆的脸，高高的鼻，迷人的眼，性感的嘴，有福的耳，你会大声的感叹—-猪啊！
43. When you pick up a mirror and look at your round face, high nose, charming eyes, sexy mouth, and fortunate ears, you will exclaim loudly—-pig!

44.众水族给老龙王祝寿，席间龟丞相从怀中掏出一物，看了看，又放了回去。龙王忙问：龟丞相又有何事？虾兵蟹将赶紧答道：老王八又收到短信了。
44. All the sea creatures came to celebrate the Dragon King’s birthday. During the banquet, the Turtle Prime Minister took out something from his pocket, looked at it, and put it back. The Dragon King asked hurriedly: What’s the matter with the Prime Minister? The shrimp soldiers and crab generals quickly replied: The old turtle has received a text message again.

45.你长得很有创意，活着是你的勇气，丑并非你的本意，如果没有了你，谁能衬托出世界的美丽！
45. Your appearance is very creative, and living takes courage. Ugliness is not your fault. Without you, who could set off the beauty of the world!

46.老虎读了三国之后，去抓野猪，见猪窝无一猪，摸摸胡须说：空城计！转身见兽夹上有一死猪，大惊：苦肉计！忽然又看见了你，大喜：唷嗬，还有美人计啊！
46. After reading Romance of the Three Kingdoms, the tiger went to catch wild boars. Seeing no pigs in the pigsty, he touched his beard and said, “Empty Fort Strategy!” Turning around, he saw a dead pig in the animal trap and was shocked: “Self-sacrifice Plan!” Suddenly, he saw you and was delighted: “Wow, there’s even a beauty trap!”

47.癞蛤蟆追求天鹅，天鹅不屑地说：我要是你长成这样早就去死了！蛤蟆不服：那猪还活得好好的呢？猪听了，觉得委屈：我招谁惹谁了，我只是在看短信！
47. The toad pursued the swan, but the swan disdainfully said: If I looked like you, I would have died already! The toad disagreed: But the pig is still living well, right? The pig felt wronged: Who did I offend? I was just reading a text message!

48.有一种思念叫魂牵梦绕，有一种爱情叫白头到老，有一种美丽叫花容月貌，有一种约定叫天荒地老，有一种问候叫小猪你好！
48. There is a kind of longing called yearning, a kind of love called growing old together, a kind of beauty called stunning, a kind of promise called forever, and a kind of greeting called “Hello, little pig!”

49.女子无才便是德，我一定是太缺德了。
49. A woman without talent is considered virtuous; I must be extremely lacking in virtue.

50.我也不想独守，我也好想拥有，走在街上瞅一瞅，俊男美女手牵手，我却左手牵右手，现在别无它求，只想和你出去走走，又怕朋友会说：没事别总溜狗。
50. I don’t want to be alone; I also want to have someone. Walking on the street, I see handsome men and beautiful women holding hands, but I can only hold my own hand. I have no other desires now, just wanting to go out for a walk with you, but I’m afraid my friends will say: Don’t always take your dog out for a walk when you’re bored.

51.一次军事演习，一颗炮弹偏离很远，我被派去查看，发现炮弹在农田爆炸，你站在那里，衣裳褴褛，满眼漆黑，双眼含泪对我说：偷颗白菜犯得着用炮轰嘛！
51. During a military exercise, a shell deviated far away. I was sent to check and found it exploded in a farm field. You stood there, ragged and covered in soot, with tears in your eyes, and said to me: “Is it worth using a cannon to steal a cabbage?”

52.很怀念当年我们一起散步的日子，春光明媚、鸟语花香。乡亲们都夸你好漂亮好可爱。乡亲们也夸我好聪明好能干，这么小就出来放猪了。
52. I miss the days when we used to take walks together, with beautiful spring scenery and the fragrance of flowers. The villagers praised you for being so beautiful and lovely. They also complimented me for being so smart and capable, taking care of a pig at such a young age.

53.当你个人空虚寂寞时，西瓜也许是你最好的发泄，你可以用刀割它、削它、砍它、劈它，同时你可以高声喊：我杀瓜、我杀瓜、我杀瓜啊！
53. When you feel lonely and bored, a watermelon might be the best outlet for you. You can cut, peel, chop, and split it while shouting loudly: “I kill the melon, I kill the melon, I kill the melon!”

54.许多夜晚，你轻柔的依偎在我的身上，用纤纤手触摸我身上娇嫩的地方，吸允我珍贵的体液，才肯松开口离。唉！这该死的蚊子！
54. Many nights, you gently leaned on me, touching the delicate parts of my body with your slender hands, sucking my precious fluids before finally letting go. Oh, that damned mosquito!

55.你像风轻盈，你像水温柔，你像雾朦胧，你像月浪漫，你像日热情，你像海宽容，你像牛健康，你像龟长寿，你像兔可爱，总之一句话：你没一处像人。
55. You are as light as the wind, as gentle as water, as misty as fog, as romantic as the moon, as passionate as the sun, as tolerant as the sea, as healthy as a cow, as long-lived as a turtle, and as cute as a rabbit. In short, there’s not a single aspect of you that resembles a human being.

56.如果没有风，云不会动；如果没有水，鱼不能游；如果没有太阳，月亮就不会有光；如果没有你……笨人也就不存在了。
56. Without wind, clouds won’t move; without water, fish can’t swim; without the sun, the moon won’t shine; without you… there would be no fools.

57.做家具的是木材，懂诗词的是秀才，众人想的是钱财，被培养的是人才，女人要的是身材，发消息的是天才，正看短信的是蠢才。
57. Wood is for making furniture, poetry is for scholars, people think about money, talents are cultivated, women want a good figure, text messages are sent by geniuses, and those reading the text messages are fools.

58.人活着真累，站着直想睡，上车得排队，吃饭没香味，喝酒还易醉，上班特疲惫，唉，就连给小狗发个短信还得收费。愚人节快乐！
58. Life is tiring: standing makes you want to sleep, getting on the bus requires waiting in line, food has no flavor, alcohol is easy to get drunk on, work is exhausting. Sigh, even sending a text message to a little dog costs money. Happy April Fool’s Day!

59.你又在工作吧？我不止一次的对你说不要这么玩命的工作，要注意身体。可你总是意味深长的说：不趁天暖多滚几个粪球，冬天我吃什么？
59. Are you working again? I’ve told you more than once not to work so hard and to take care of your health. But you always say meaningfully: If I don’t roll more dung balls while it’s warm, what will I eat in winter?

60.炎炎夏日，一想到你我就快乐，一见到你我就开心，一靠近你我就高兴，一把你拿在手里，我就迫不及待地一口咬下去，那种感觉真是爽啊！我爱你，冰棍！
60. In the scorching summer, thinking of you brings me joy, seeing you makes me happy, and being close to you fills me with delight. The moment I hold you in my hand, I can’t wait to take a bite. That feeling is truly refreshing! I love you, popsicle!

61.亲爱的，真对不起。自从昨晚我们浪漫一吻时，你从我嘴里舔出半截豆芽，我就牢记了饭后一定刷牙！
61. My dear, I’m really sorry. Ever since our romantic kiss last night, when you licked half a bean sprout out of my mouth, I’ve made sure to brush my teeth after every meal!

62.在街上看到你了，你和一个人在一起，我一眼就看出他不是好人，他在你后面不停的拍打你的屁股。我气愤地对他说：前面赶驴的，住手！
62. I saw you on the street with someone, and I knew right away that he wasn’t a good person. He kept slapping your butt from behind. I angrily said to him: “Hey, the donkey driver in front, stop it!”

63.愚人节最典型的开玩笑活动之一：把细线拴着的钱包丢在大街上，自己在暗处拉着线，一旦有人捡钱包，就猛然把钱包拽走！
63. One of the most typical April Fool’s jokes: Tie a thin string to a wallet and drop it on the street. While hiding in a dark place, pull the string when someone picks up the wallet, and yank it away!

64.人活着真累！站着想着睡，上车得排队，单恋真受罪，吃饭没香味，喝酒容易醉，上班特疲惫，抢劫还不会，挣钱得交税，给傻猪发短信还得收费。
64. Life is really tiring! You think of sleep while standing, have to wait in line to get on the bus, suffer from unrequited love, taste no flavor in food, get drunk easily from alcohol, feel exhausted at work, can’t rob, pay taxes on earnings, and even charge for sending messages to a silly pig!

65.你的幸福，我来付出；你的糊涂，我来弥补；你的贪图，我来满足；你的任性，我来让步；谁最爱你，非我莫属；谁让我是养猪专业户！
65. I’ll pay for your happiness; I’ll make up for your confusion; I’ll satisfy your greed; I’ll give in to your willfulness; no one loves you more than me, for I am a professional pig farmer!

66.上联：风在刮，雨在下，我在等你回电话。下联：为你生，为你死，为你守候一辈子。横批：发错人了。
66. Upper couplet: The wind is blowing, the rain is falling, I’m waiting for your call. Lower couplet: I live for you, I die for you, I’ll wait for you for a lifetime. Horizontal scroll: Wrong number.

67.我有一首诗，天下几人知，傻瓜读此诗，知之为知之，不知为不知，你是傻瓜我早知，傻瓜听到手机吱，肯定在读这首诗。
67. I have a poem, how many people in the world know it? A fool reads this poem, knowing is knowing, not knowing is not knowing. I’ve known you’re a fool for a long time, and when a fool hears the creak of a phone, they must be reading this poem.

68.你站在人群中，被柔柔的风吹起长发，像人间最美的旋律，在我心头久久回荡，我想说：你的假发要掉了……今天是愚人节哦。
68. You stand in the crowd, with the gentle breeze lifting your long hair, like the most beautiful melody on earth, lingering in my heart for a long time. I want to say: Your wig is about to fall off… Today is April Fool’s Day, by the way.

69.有一种默契叫做心照不宣，有一种感觉叫做妙不可言，有一种思念叫做望眼欲穿，有一种白痴会把短信看完！
69. There’s a kind of understanding called unspoken; there’s a feeling called indescribable; there’s a longing called yearning; and there’s a fool who reads the message till the end!

70.我仿佛看到你快乐地扑向我，把头扎在我怀里……真的！我太幸福了。不就准备送你个生日蛋糕嘛！你就这么高兴？还汪汪叫着对我摇尾巴。
70. I can imagine you happily running towards me, burying your head in my arms… Really! I’m so happy. Just preparing to give you a birthday cake! Are you that excited? Even wagging your tail and barking at me.

71.寻猪启事：本人丢失纯种小白猪一只。特征：聪明伶俐，善解人意，身上带一部手机并在查阅短信，爱猪看过信息后，速给主人回信息！主人现在好想你！
71. Lost pig notice: I’ve lost a purebred little white pig. Features: Intelligent and clever, good at understanding people, carrying a mobile phone and reading messages, and loving pigs should reply to the owner after seeing the message. The owner misses you so much now!

72.哭了吧傻了吧，幸福的日子没有了吧？早警告过你，不要贪吃贪睡，可你就是不听。这下你该记住了吧，猪长到一定分量就要出栏的。
72. You cried, got fooled, and lost your happy days, didn’t you? I warned you before not to be greedy and lazy, but you just wouldn’t listen. Now you should remember: when a pig reaches a certain weight, it’s time to leave the pen.

73.坦白说我很喜欢你，你的眼神，走路的姿势，快乐的神情，撒娇的可爱甚至你睡觉的样子，我都着迷！可最让我生气的是你不逮耗子，还老掉毛。
73. Frankly, I really like you, your gaze, the way you walk, your happy expression, your cuteness when coquettish, and even the way you sleep. I’m fascinated by all of it! But what makes me angry is that you don’t catch mice and always shed hair.

74.漆黑的夜晚，一只老虎把你扑倒，但它为什么不吃你呢？因为这只老虎是回民，不吃猪肉的！
74. On a dark night, a tiger pounces on you, but why doesn’t it eat you? Because the tiger is a Muslim and doesn’t eat pork!

75.深秋，我在街上遇见忧郁的你，看着你孤独的背景无助的眼神……我再也按捺不住内心的激动，冲过去捉住你的手，说：朋友，你踩屎了。
75. In late autumn, I met you on the street, looking melancholic, with a helpless gaze and a lonely figure… I couldn’t hold back my excitement any longer, rushed over, grabbed your hand, and said: “Friend, you’ve stepped in poop.”

76.人会谈恋爱，不稀奇；牛会吃青草，不希奇；猪会按电话，才神奇，猪就是猪，还按！真是个大笨猪！
76. It’s not surprising that people fall in love; it’s not surprising that cows eat grass; but it’s amazing when pigs press phone buttons, and yet they do! What a big silly pig!

77.本信息为纯粹的骚扰信息！警告还没睡的快去睡，刚睡的翻个身继续睡，睡了很久的起来上个厕所接着睡，实在不想睡的和我一起拿起手机骚扰想睡的！
77. This message is purely a nuisance! A warning to those who haven’t slept yet: go to sleep. To those who just fell asleep: turn over and keep sleeping. To those who have slept for a long time: get up, go to the bathroom, and then go back to sleep. If you really don’t want to sleep, join me in picking up our phones and bothering those who want to sleep!

78.马和猪遇到老虎，掉头就跑，猪跑得慢，马喊：蠢猪！手机抓在手里怎么跑得快！快扔！愚人节快乐！
78. A horse and a pig encountered a tiger and turned to run. The pig was running slow, and the horse shouted: “Stupid pig! How can you run fast with a phone in your hand! Hurry up and throw it away!” Happy April Fool’s Day!

79.因为你，我相信命运；因为你，我相信缘份；也许这一切都是上天注定，冥冥之中牵引着我俩。好想说……我上辈子是做了什么孽呀！
79. Because of you, I believe in destiny; because of you, I believe in fate; perhaps all of this is predestined by heaven, invisibly drawing us together. I really want to say… what kind of mischief did I do in my previous life?!

80.你在精神病院实习，忽一神经病患者手持一把菜刀向你追来，你转头就跑，直到跑到一条死胡同，心想这下完了，那个病人说：给你刀，该你追我了。愚人节快乐！
80. You are interning at a mental hospital when a mentally ill patient chases you with a kitchen knife. You turn and run until you reach a dead end, thinking you’re done for. The patient then says: “Here’s the knife, now it’s your turn to chase me.” Happy April Fool’s Day!

81.我花一毛钱发这条短信给你，是为了告诉你??我并不是一个一毛不拔的人。比如这一毛钱的短信就是我送你的生日礼物，晚上别忘了请我吃饭。愚人节快乐！
81. I spent ten cents to send you this message, to show you that I am not a stingy person. For example, this ten-cent message is a birthday gift from me. Don’t forget to invite me for dinner tonight. Happy April Fool’s Day!

82.将这封短信转发次，你会走财运；转发次，你会走官运；转发次，你会走桃花运；转发次，你将花掉元钱！
82. Forward this message 10 times, and you will have good luck; forward it 100 times, and you will have official luck; forward it 1000 times, and you will have romantic luck; forward it 10000 times, and you will spend 100 yuan!

83.特别消息：手机耐力大赛，从即时开始，交换机将自动启动计时，并连续报告天气预告，连续保持开机状态时间最长的用户将获得免费通话时间分钟。
83. Special news: Mobile phone endurance contest starts now. The exchange machine will automatically start timing and continuously report the weather forecast. The user who keeps their phone on for the longest time will receive free call minutes.

84.亲爱的用户，由于您确认此条短信，所以传染愚人节细菌。请仔细看掌心，如果有黑点，说明你已经被细菌感染，需要用汽油冲洗方可杀灭细菌。切记切记！
84. Dear user, since you have confirmed this message, you are now infected with April Fool’s bacteria. Please carefully examine your palm; if there is a black spot, it means you have been infected and need to wash it off with gasoline to kill the bacteria. Remember, remember!

85.风撩起你的长发，你显得更潇洒！浪花拍打你的脚丫，你显得更无暇！你迎着东方的朝霞，就像一朵海浪花！不是熟人很难看出你是傻瓜！
85. The wind plays with your long hair, making you look more dashing! The waves splash your feet, making you look more flawless! You face the morning glow of the east, like a sea spray flower! It’s hard for strangers to tell that you’re a fool!

86.尊敬的用户您好！因你的手机外型难看，式样过时，已严重影响市容市貌，且阻碍通讯业务发展，本台决定于分钟后发射信号摧毁该手机！
86. Dear user, due to the unattractive and outdated appearance of your mobile phone, which has seriously affected the city’s appearance and hindered the development of communication services, we have decided to send a signal to destroy the phone in 10 minutes.

87.如果长得漂亮是一种错，我已经铸成大错；如果聪明是一种罪，我已经犯下滔天大罪，做人真难！但你就好啦，既没错又没罪，真羡慕你！
87. If being beautiful is a mistake, I have already committed a great mistake; if being smart is a crime, I have already committed a heinous crime. It’s hard to be a person! But you’re great, neither making mistakes nor committing crimes. I really envy you!

88.西施之貌，沉鱼落雁，闭月羞花；杨贵妃回眸一笑百媚生，六宫粉黛无颜色；你虽然没她们那么厉害，但是只要你媚眼一抛，还是能吓跑小偷的。
88. Xi Shi’s beauty, sinking fish and falling geese, hiding the moon and shaming the flowers; Yang Guifei’s smile, charming and enchanting, leaves the six palaces’ beauties pale; although you’re not as amazing as them, a flirtatious glance from you can still scare away thieves.

89.你是否孤单如果是那么你去买一根绳和棍将绳子系在棍上，在起风时去楼顶挥动棍子，别人问你干什么呢你就说：我抽风呢。
89. Are you lonely? If so, buy a rope and a stick, tie the rope to the stick, and wave it on the rooftop when the wind blows. If people ask you what you’re doing, just say: “I’m chasing the wind.”

90.头像萝卜，身材似西瓜，脸如香蕉，酸得像山楂。伴着成长都是泥沙，猜猜是谁来吧。——原来是你这个大傻瓜。
90. A radish for a head, a watermelon for a body, a banana for a face, and as sour as hawthorn. With growth comes mud and sand, guess who it is? – It turns out it’s you, the big fool.

91.不知道从什么时候起，要清理那些长得丑的有点傻的人！你快点整理一下东西，出去避一下吧，不用跟别人说是我告你的，也不用谢我了！
91. I don’t know when it started, but we need to clean up those who are ugly and a bit silly! Hurry up and pack your things, go out and hide for a while. Don’t tell others it was me who warned you, and no need to thank me!

92.昨天有人在背后说你是猪，为了你，我和他大打出手，他妈的，哪能因为人家长的像什么就说人家是什么，你说对不？
92. Yesterday, someone said behind your back that you were a pig. For your sake, I fought with him. Damn it, how can people call someone what they look like? You know what I mean, right?

93.跟你认识这么久了，你一直对我很关心，实在不晓得怎么报答你，下辈子做牛做马，我一定拔草给你吃！
93. I’ve known you for so long, and you’ve always been so caring towards me. I really don’t know how to repay you. In the next life, when I’m a cow or a horse, I’ll definitely graze for you!

94.在我眼里，你看上去永远是无忧无虑，吃饭永远是津津有味，睡觉永远是酣然入睡……我真羡慕你呀，唉！有时候想想，像你那样做头猪也挺好的！
94. In my eyes, you always look carefree, eat with relish, and sleep soundly… I’m really envious of you. Sometimes I think, being a pig like you is not so bad!

95.你长得真不够巧，鼻子好像老油条；眼睛好像红辣椒；眉毛好像两把刀；走起路来两边倒；好像螃蟹昏倒了。
95. You’re really not well-proportioned. Your nose looks like an old fried dough twist, your eyes like red chili peppers, your eyebrows like two knives, and you walk lopsided as if a crab had fainted.

96.昨天有人看见你了，你还是那样迷人，穿着格子背心，慢悠悠地走着，一副超然自在的样子，实在是可爱极了，真不知你当年是怎么赛过兔子的。
96. Someone saw you yesterday, and you were still so charming, wearing a plaid vest, walking slowly, looking carefree and leisurely. I really don’t know how you managed to outrun the rabbit back then.

97.你快乐因为我快乐，我开心因为你开心，我愁了因为你瘦了，我瘦了因为你病了，我笑了因为你壮了，我有钱了因为把你卖了——猪！
97. You’re happy because I’m happy, I’m happy because you’re happy, I’m worried because you’ve lost weight, I’ve lost weight because you’re sick, I laugh because you’ve grown strong, and I have money because I sold you – pig!

98.我几乎忘了今天是什么日子，要不是想到你，我是察觉不了的。日子一天一天过，今天是你的好日子，你千万不要忘记，今天是你的节日，祝你愚人节快乐！
98. I almost forgot what today is. If I hadn’t thought of you, I wouldn’t have noticed. As days go by, today is your special day. Don’t forget that it’s your holiday. Happy April Fool’s Day!

99.如果一定和猪比，我认为你最少有两点和它不同：一、你比它能吃。二、它比你聪明。
99. If I had to compare you to a pig, I think there are at least two differences: 1. You can eat more than it. 2. It’s smarter than you.

100.我觉得认识你这么久了，你这人特别的，极度的，非常的，罕见的，与众不同的笨，而且笨得可爱，嘻嘻，别生气啊！愚人节快乐！
100. I’ve known you for so long, and you’re really special, extremely, very, extremely, and rarely笨, and笨得可爱. Don’t be angry! Happy April Fool’s Day!

整人短信大全，恶搞短信
Practical joke text messages, prank text messages

1.我要告诉你一件事哟，你千万不要告诉别人，听说城里人最近老打狗，不知道你主人最近打你了没有啊？老主人怀念你啊！
1. I have to tell you something, but don’t tell anyone else. I heard that people in the city have been beating dogs lately. I wonder if your owner has beaten you recently? Your old owner misses you!

2.注意啦，夏季空调省电攻略送给你，我多年的经验，是朋友才告诉你：第一步，找到空调电源；第二步，拔掉电源；第三步，检查效果，看，电表转慢了吧。
2. Pay attention, here’s a summer air conditioner power-saving strategy for you, based on my years of experience. I’m only telling you because we’re friends: Step 1, find the air conditioner power supply; Step 2, unplug it; Step 3, check the results. Look, the electric meter is spinning slower, isn’t it?

3.你性感的小后背真的是让我想入非非…圆润、光滑，我真的好想上前…把你据为己有，可是不行呀！香喷喷的烤鸭，客人还没到齐，我也不能动筷呀！
3. Your sexy little back really makes me think about it… round, smooth, I really want to go forward and… make you mine, but I can’t! The delicious roast duck, the guests haven’t arrived yet, and I can’t start eating!

4.萤火虫在黑夜里那叫一个闪亮，鹤立鸡群那叫显眼，马在驴中那叫出众，猪八戒在猪圈那叫俊俏，你和猩猩站在一起那叫……帅了个呆的！
4. Fireflies shine so brightly in the dark night, standing out like a crane among chickens, a horse among donkeys, and Zhu Bajie among pigs. You and an ape standing together look… incredibly handsome!

5.有一种默契叫做心照不宣，有一种感觉叫做妙不可言，有一种思念叫做望眼欲穿，有一种白痴会把短信看完！
5. There’s a kind of tacit understanding called unspoken, a feeling called indescribable, a longing called yearning, and an idiot who reads the whole text message!

6.春天的花很艳，那是你明媚的笑容；夏天的太阳炽热，那是你的激情；秋天的硕果累累，那是你的收成；冬天的风吹来了，小青娃，你该冬眠了！
6. The flowers in spring are so beautiful, like your bright smile; the sun in summer is scorching, like your passion; the fruits in autumn are abundant, like your harvest; the winter wind is blowing, little frog, it’s time for you to hibernate!

7.沐浴着微风，你潇洒轻松；沐浴着阳光，你玉树临风；你味道浓浓，鸡鸭鱼肉都需要你的调控，你是厨房里的英雄！我不能没有你，大葱！
7. Bathed in the breeze, you’re relaxed and easygoing; bathed in the sunlight, you’re graceful and handsome; your strong flavor, chicken, duck, and fish all need your control. You’re the hero in the kitchen! I can’t live without you, green onion!

8.学语文就是为了发短信；学数学就是为了数钞票；学英语就是为了装洋气；学物理就是为了制造原子弹；学美术就是为了不用看二师兄的照片也能画得像你！
8. I study Chinese to send text messages; I study math to count money; I study English to act posh; I study physics to make atomic bombs; I study art so I can draw you without looking at a photo of a pig!

9.夜已深，独自走在小巷，突然觉得好孤独，好寂寞，好害怕，我心中急切地想着你，念着你，盼着你，要是你在我身边该多好啊，我真的很需要你——手电筒！
9. It’s late at night, walking alone in the alley, suddenly feeling so lonely, lonely, and scared. I desperately think of you, miss you, and wish for you. If only you were by my side, I really need you—flashlight!

10.记得我那次真的狠下心了，扭头准备离开，身后传来了你无助的哭声与撕心裂肺的喊叫，突然之间我感觉到了我是多么地需要你。我一回身把你抱紧：“这头猪我真的不卖了！”
10. I remember that time when I really made up my mind to leave, but then I heard your helpless crying and heart-wrenching shouting behind me. Suddenly, I realized how much I needed you. I turned around and hugged you tightly: “I really won’t sell this pig!”

11.真希望和你一起去看海，却一直没有去；真希望和你去登山，却因茫然而没有去；真希望和你一起去流浪，结果碰到了警察，说：逛街不许带狗！
11. I really wish to see the sea with you, but we never went; I wish to climb mountains with you, but we didn’t go due to confusion; I wish to wander with you, but we ended up encountering the police, who said: “No dogs allowed when walking!”

12.今晚夜色很美，很想跟你分享，很想带你一起欣赏……不过，我怕别人用异样的眼光看我们，毕竟晚上带只蠢猪出门，是很难不引起旁人注意的！
12. Tonight, the night sky is beautiful, and I really want to share it with you, take you to appreciate it together… But I’m afraid others will look at us strangely, after all, taking a silly pig out at night is hard not to attract attention!

13.阳光明媚，微风轻轻吹，杨柳多情地摇动着枝条，桃花吐着迷人的芳香，小溪在唱着欢快的歌儿，好一幅春天的画卷，我想说的是…好好工作，老板来啦！
13. The sun is shining brightly, the breeze is gently blowing, the willow is swaying its branches affectionately, the peach blossoms are releasing their charming fragrance, and the stream is singing a cheerful song. What a beautiful spring scene! What I want to say is… work hard, the boss is coming!

14.夏天夜晚，你轻盈地钻进我的蚊帐，抚摸我的臂膀，亲吻我的脸庞，我被你撩拨的全身痒痒。将灯拉亮，拉住你两条长腿，该死的蚊子！我让你去见阎王！
14. On a summer night, you lightly sneak into my mosquito net, touch my arm, kiss my face, and tease me until I’m itchy all over. I turn on the light, grab your two long legs, you damned mosquito! I’ll make you meet the king of hell!

15.我知道你喜欢我，但我真的不喜欢你，虽然你肚子里已经有了我的血肉，但还是请你不要再骚扰我了，否则我就对你不客气了，你个死蚊子！
15. I know you like me, but I really don’t like you. Although you have my flesh and blood in your belly, please stop bothering me, or I’ll be rude to you, you dead mosquito!

16.难以忘记把你捧着手心的感觉，难以忘记吻着你时的丝丝心动，难以忘记你的特有的味道，让我再狠命的吮吸你一下吧——香烟。
16. It’s hard to forget the feeling of holding you in my palm, the tingling heartbeat when kissing you, and your unique taste. Let me suck on you one more time—cigarette.

17.八戒化斋一直未归。这天，一个酷似八戒的人从远处走来，悟空说可能是妖精，唐僧说：发条短信试试，回的就是八戒，不回就是妖精！
17. Bajie has been gone for a long time, and a person who looks like him is walking from afar. Wukong says it might be a demon, while Tang Seng says: “Let’s send a text message to test, if they reply, it’s Bajie; if not, it’s a demon!”

18.夏日周末，酷暑炎热，骄阳似火，我很想你。一想你就浑身燥热，一燥热就特别想和你见面，一见面我就迫不及待地想扑进你的怀里…我亲爱的游泳池！
18. On a summer weekend, the scorching sun is like a fire, and I miss you. The more I think of you, the more I feel hot all over. The more I feel hot, the more I want to meet you. The more we meet, the more I can’t wait to jump into your arms… my dear swimming pool!

19.请先摸摸你那红嫩的小脸，再摸摸你的小肚子！好！这次养猪知识讲座到此结束，明天见！
19. Please touch your rosy little face first, then your belly! Alright! This pig-raising knowledge lecture ends here, see you tomorrow!

20.听说那天你披了一个破麻袋，迈着怪怪的步伐；被当做小偷给抓起来了，还给你带上了狗牌？
20. I heard that you wore a tattered sack that day and walked with a strange gait; you were caught as a thief and given a dog tag?

21.真是一件怪事？刚拨了一下你的手机，提示音回复：对方正在裸奔。怕听错了！又拨了过去，这时候提示音回复：对不起，所拨的用户已奔出地球。
21. What a strange thing? I just dialed your phone, and the prompt replied: “The user you are calling is running naked.” Afraid I heard wrong! I dialed again, and this time the prompt replied: “Sorry, the user you are calling has run out of the Earth.”

22.为了你，我做了好多准备，专门跑了一趟超市，买了许多你需要的东西，这下子好了，万事具备，你这只鸭子终于可以下锅了。
22. For you, I’ve done a lot of preparations, ran to the supermarket specifically, bought many things you need. Now everything is ready, and you, this duck, can finally be cooked.

23.你真的想知道我喜欢你的哪一点吗？可是我真的不敢说出口，但是又不得不说出口。我就是喜欢你离我远一点。
23. Do you really want to know what I like about you? But I’m really afraid to say it, yet I have to say it. I just like you to stay away from me.

24.我很希望能一定陪在你的身边，你睡得好吗？吃得饱吗？晚上会冷吗？我知道你总不会照顾自己。每次我一走开，你就会从猪栏里跳出来！
24. I really hope I can always be by your side, are you sleeping well? Are you full? Will you be cold at night? I know you never take care of yourself. Every time I leave, you jump out of the pigpen!

25.我一直想对你说三个字，可你知道它的份量，我怕一旦说出咱们连朋友都没得做。可我控制不住感情鼓起勇气对你说：你是猪。
25. I’ve always wanted to say three words to you, but you know their weight. I’m afraid that once I say them, we won’t even be friends anymore. But I can’t control my emotions and muster the courage to say: You are a pig.

26.五脏属五行，肝属木，心属火，肺属金，肾属水，脾属土。我帮你算了一下，原来你五行缺火和金，难怪那么长时间不请我吃饭，原来你没心没肺啊！
26. The five organs correspond to the five elements: liver to wood, heart to fire, lungs to metal, kidneys to water, and spleen to earth. I calculated for you and found out that you lack fire and metal elements. No wonder you haven’t invited me for a meal for such a long time; it turns out you have no heart and lungs!

27.自从我第一次看见你时，就已经深深地被你吸引住了，你的那行为举止，让我忍不住实在想多看你两眼，现在我实在憋不住了，想对你说：你简直就是一只会两条腿走路的小狗。
27. Since the first time I saw you, I was deeply attracted to you. Your behavior and demeanor made me unable to resist looking at you more. Now I can’t hold it in anymore and want to say: You are just like a little dog walking on two legs.

28.给马桶好好擦了身以后，马桶为了感谢我，问我有什么愿望可以帮我实现，我就说：希望你帮我照顾正在看短信的这头猪！希望他每次便便的时候都开开心心！
28. After cleaning the toilet thoroughly, it wanted to thank me and asked if there was any wish it could help me fulfill. I said: I hope you can help take care of the pig who is reading this message! I hope he is always happy when he uses the toilet!

29.你是江南第八怪，不回家总在外，不喝酒老吃菜，不谈情老做爱，做爱经常套不带，常拿小姐当被盖，不给钱竟耍懒，经常让人拿脚踹。
29. You are the eighth weirdo in the south of the Yangtze River. You never go home, always stay outside; you don’t drink alcohol but eat vegetables all the time; you don’t talk about love but have sex often; you frequently have sex without a condom; you treat prostitutes as quilts; you don’t pay and act lazy; you often get kicked.

30.前天我送你回家，走到一幢豪华的大楼前，你深情地看着我说到了，你回去吧。我久久望着你的背影，看见上面写着四个字：精神病院。
30. The day before yesterday, I walked you home and arrived at a luxurious building. You looked at me affectionately and said, “I’m home, you can go back now.” I gazed at your back for a long time and saw four words written on it: Mental Hospital.

31.刚听说你被拐卖，真的把我吓坏，你虽然从小痴呆，但对社会无害，谁人如此大胆，竟敢拿你去卖，我真替他担心，卖得掉才怪。
31. I just heard that you were kidnapped, and it really scared me. Although you have been mentally challenged since childhood, you are harmless to society. Who is so bold as to take you to sell? I really worry for him; it would be strange if he could sell you.

32.实在有点想你了，很想和你一起见见面，就这样地看看你，可我真的又不想……我心里好乱—-每次看到你我都心里乱跳，精神病院检查结果出来了，你真的是脑残！
32. I miss you so much and really want to meet you and just look at you, but I really don’t want to… My heart is so confused - every time I see you, my heart races, and the mental hospital’s test results came out. You are indeed mentally challenged!

33.公猪马上被杀，只听对主人苦苦哀求：杀我不要紧，只是求你们不要让我老婆看到，不要让她难过，不要打扰她，就让它在那里玩她的手机吧。
33. A male pig is about to be slaughtered and pleads pitifully to its owner: “It doesn’t matter if you kill me, but please don’t let my wife see it, don’t make her sad, and don’t disturb her. Just let her play with her phone there.”

34.四只小猪地上坐，突然之间少一个。那个小猪在那里，原来在看短消息。
34. Four little pigs sat on the ground, and suddenly one was missing. Where was that little pig? It turned out it was reading a short message.

35.你表现出色立了大功，组织决定嘉奖你。你脖子挂着奖章坐在桌边，面对丰盛的宴席你不为所动，我疑惑间，却见你飞身越起，扑向一物，仔细一看：一根骨头。
35. You have performed exceptionally well and made significant contributions, so the organization has decided to reward you. You sit at the table with a medal around your neck, unmoved by the sumptuous feast. As I wonder why, I see you leap towards something. Upon closer inspection, it’s just a bone.

36.一直想见到你，却因事忙不能和你想见，今天终于有时间了。所以我特意来狗窝看看你。
36. I’ve always wanted to see you, but I’ve been too busy to meet with you. Today, I finally have some time, so I came to the doghouse to see you.

37.你知道吗，今天癞蛤蟆向天鹅表白了，天鹅说：谁长成你这样子还不如去死！癞蛤蟆不服气：那隔壁的猪头还活得好好的呢！猪头郁闷地说：我只是在看短信，咋又中枪了？
37. You know, today a toad confessed his love to a swan, and the swan said, “If you look like this, you might as well die!” The toad was not convinced: “But the pig next door is still living a good life!” The pig, feeling down, said, “I’m just reading a text message, why am I getting hurt?”

38.养在家里的是家猪，生在山中的叫野猪，读这信息的是蠢猪，如果在笑的是笨猪，生气的是肥猪，不理我的是死猪，不回复的连猪都不如。
38. The ones raised at home are domestic pigs, the ones born in the mountains are wild boars, the one reading this message is a silly pig, the one laughing is a clumsy pig, the one getting angry is a fat pig, the one ignoring me is dead pig, and the one who doesn’t reply is worse than a pig.

39.最近流行老鼠爱大米，让我不禁想起你。你柔若无骨的嫩肌肤，你弱不禁风的小身体，真是让我提心又吊胆：该死的米虫！可别来祸害我家的米！
39. Recently, the song “Mouse Loves Rice” has become popular, which reminds me of you. Your tender and delicate skin, your frail body, really make me worry: Damn rice worm! Don’t come to harm my family’s rice!

40.今夜的月光真的很美很美，真想与你一起漫步在大街上，我好喜欢和你一起肩并肩的走着的感觉……只是，我害怕别人用异样的眼光看我，毕竟晚上带头猪上街，很容易被人注意的！
40. Tonight’s moonlight is truly beautiful, and I really want to take a walk with you on the streets. I love the feeling of walking side by side with you… but I’m afraid people will look at me strangely, as taking a pig out at night is quite noticeable!

41.最近一段时间老流行着老鼠爱大米，这让我不由自主地想起了你。你那柔若无骨的肌肤，你那弱不禁风的小身了，真让我提心吊胆：该死的虫子！不要再来祸害我家的米了！
41. Lately, the song “Mouse Loves Rice” has been popular, which makes me think of you involuntarily. Your tender skin and frail body really make me worried: That damned bug! Stop harming my family’s rice!

42.我好想你哟，什么时候才能见到你？你想得我晚上都睡不着，辗转反侧，难以入眠，夜不能寐。借我的钱该还了吧？
42. I miss you so much, when can I see you again? You’re on my mind so much that I can’t sleep at night, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. It’s about time you returned the money you borrowed, right?

43.在我的眼里，你一直无忧无虑，吃饭是那么香那么甜，睡觉时都那么舒坦。有时候感觉：真羡慕你这样的小狗生活！
43. In my eyes, you’ve always been carefree, enjoying your meals so much, and sleeping so comfortably. Sometimes I feel: I really envy your dog-like life!

44.你长的很有创意，活着是你的勇气，丑不是你的本意，是上帝发了脾气，活下去，没有你，谁来衬托世界的美丽！
44. You have a unique appearance, and living is your courage. Ugliness is not your fault; it’s just that God was in a bad mood. Keep living, for without you, who would highlight the beauty of the world?

45.你与我静静地走在家乡的小路上，你害羞地低头不语。乡亲们见了我都说：好孩子，打扮得干净又漂亮，可惜这么小年纪就出来放猪！
45. You and I walk quietly on our hometown’s path, and you shyly lower your head, not saying a word. The villagers see me and say, “What a good child, so clean and pretty, but it’s a pity that you’re out herding pigs at such a young age!”

46.自我感觉良好的往下来，自我感觉幽默的往下来，自我感觉有魅力的往下看，自我感觉聪明的往下来，嗯，是挺不要脸的。
46. For those who think they are good-looking, scroll down; for those who think they have a sense of humor, scroll down; for those who think they are charming, scroll down; for those who think they are smart, scroll down. Well, you’re quite shameless.

47.大家注意了，智力大比拼：选手是象，猪和你。比赛结果已经出来了：第一是象要比猪强，你要比象强。最后的排名是：你象猪。好的，来点掌声！
47. Attention, everyone! A big intelligence contest: The contestants are an elephant, a pig, and you. The results are in: First place goes to the elephant, who is stronger than the pig, and you are stronger than the elephant. The final ranking is: You are like a pig. Good, let’s have some applause!

48.有了你以后，我相信命运的安排；有了你以后，我相信缘份的注定；可能这所有一切都是在冥冥之中牵引着你和我。真想生气地说：我上辈子我欠了你多少啊！
48. With you in my life, I believe in fate; with you in my life, I believe in destiny. Perhaps all of this is meant to bring you and me together. I really want to say angrily: How much do I owe you from my past life?

49.说你是凤凰，我说你是乌鸦；你说你是玫瑰花，我说你是？]蛤蟆；你说你是活泼的小鹿，我说你是淘气的小猪！
49. If I say you’re a phoenix, I say you’re a crow; if I say you’re a rose, I say you’re a [toad]; if you say you’re a lively deer, I say you’re a mischievous pig!

50.你好可爱——可怜没人爱；你长得真不错——长得这样真的不是你的错；你是天才——天生的蠢才；你很气质——小气又神经质。
50. You are so cute - pitiful that no one loves you; you look really good - it’s not your fault to look like this; you are a genius - a naturally born fool; you have great temperament - stingy and neurotic.

51.清晨你轻轻地走近我的床前，深情地吻着我的脸，你那深遂的眼眸始终注视着我，实在无法拒绝你——“狗狗乖，带你去散步”。
51. Early in the morning, you gently approached my bedside, tenderly kissing my face, your deep eyes always gazing at me; I really can’t resist you – “Good dog, let’s go for a walk.”

52.你总说我没出息，一棒子打不出两个屁，拉不出屎怨地球没引力，很是让你不满意，可是我也有情趣，来，赶紧把戒指戴上–K纯铁的！！！
52. You always say I’m good for nothing, can’t even make two farts with one hit, and blame the Earth for not having gravity when I can’t poop. You’re really not satisfied with me, but I do have some charm. Come on, hurry up and put on the ring – it’s made of K pure iron!

53.温馨提醒：天气多变，小心穿衣！小雨是我想你，阵雨是心不移，刮风是送心意，阴天是很惦记，晴天是不分离，多云是有惊喜！如果下雪，那就是你没睡醒！
53. Warm reminder: The weather is changeable, so be careful with your clothing! Light rain means I miss you, showers mean my heart remains unchanged, wind sends my thoughts, overcast skies mean I’m thinking of you, sunny days mean we won’t be separated, and cloudy skies bring surprises! If it snows, that means you haven’t woken up yet!

54.自打与你失去联系那天起，我就天天牵挂着你，到处寻找你的下落，也许你不知道我有多着急，但是，我依然不会放弃，因为——猪肉涨价了，你升值啦！
54. Since the day I lost contact with you, I’ve been worried about you every day, searching everywhere for your whereabouts. Maybe you don’t know how anxious I am, but I won’t give up, because – pork prices have risen, and you’ve increased in value!

55.昨天在网上看到你用的那个型号手机辐射特别大，吓了我一跳，刚要通知你，又看到说对智商小于的人不起作用，我才放心，你也别担心，继续用吧。
55. Yesterday, I saw online that the model of your mobile phone has a particularly high radiation, which startled me. I was about to inform you, but then I saw that it has no effect on people with an IQ less than 100. I was relieved, and you don’t have to worry either; just keep using it.

56.今天我们一起去回忆童年吧，我们一起玩丢手绢，一起玩投沙包，我就不信了，用尽我全部的力量还不能把你的头变成蒙古包。
56. Let’s recall our childhood together today. We’ll play “drop the handkerchief” and “throw the sandbag” together. I don’t believe I can’t turn your head into a Mongolian yurt with all my strength!

57.实在报歉，这么晚打扰你，我只是想问一下：你睡了没？
57. I’m really sorry to bother you so late, but I just want to ask: have you gone to bed yet?

58.上厕所没带上纸，准备打电话叫人送，拿出手机一看，呃没信号，谁建的厕所！服了。
58. I went to the bathroom without bringing any toilet paper and was about to call someone to deliver some. I took out my phone and saw that there was no signal. Who built this bathroom? I’m impressed.

59.你想出人头地吗？你想发财致富吗？你想光宗耀祖吗？你想大富大贵吗？你想升官发财吗？别胡思乱想了，洗洗睡吧，明天还得上班呢！
59. Do you want to stand out from the crowd? Do you want to become rich and successful? Do you want to bring honor to your family? Do you want to be wealthy and prestigious? Do you want to be promoted and make a fortune? Stop daydreaming and go to sleep; you still have to work tomorrow!

60.听说你最近变了，戒烟戒酒戒赌戒色，戒贪戒烦戒工作戒爱情，所以人们都叫你八戒。
60. I heard that you’ve changed recently, quitting smoking, alcohol, gambling, and lust, as well as greed, annoyance, work, and love. That’s why people call you “Bajie” (the eight prohibitions).

61.看着万里无云的天空，听着小溪哗啦哗啦的流水声，身边的小草随风轻轻地摇摆着，大自然是多么美好啊，可惜空气被你刚才放的一个屁给污染了！
61. Looking at the cloudless sky, listening to the gentle sound of the flowing stream, and feeling the grass swaying softly in the breeze, nature is so beautiful. It’s a pity that the air was polluted by the fart you just let out!

62.记得那天晚上，你梦到了自己拥有了一双梦寐以求的可以飞翔的翅膀，我就轻轻地扇动着翅膀然后轻轻地来到你的面前—-然后踢你一脚说：别做梦了，笨蛋！
62. I remember that night when you dreamed of having a pair of wings you’d always wanted, which could fly. I gently flapped my wings and came to you – then kicked you, saying: “Stop dreaming, idiot!”

63.谢谢你春天陪我观百花，夏日伴我看夕阳，秋季陪我赏落叶，冬天伴我看雪景。如果没有你，再美的风景都是模糊的，真的谢谢你…眼镜！
63. Thank you for accompanying me to admire the flowers in spring, watch the sunset in summer, enjoy the falling leaves in autumn, and gaze at the snow in winter. Without you, even the most beautiful scenery would be blurry. I truly appreciate you… my glasses!

64.一种喜欢加上一种迷恋，汇成我对你火热的爱；生活的点滴日常琐碎，我都要紧紧把你依赖；不管风雨抑或坎坷，人生有你我就无所畏惧。真的需要你，钱！
64. A liking combined with an infatuation forms my fiery love for you; the trivialities of daily life, I rely on you tightly; no matter wind, rain, or hardships, with you in my life, I fear nothing. I really need you, money!

65.说你啥好呢？你果然与众不同！给点阳光，你就灿烂；给点幸福，你就浪漫；给点夸奖，你就屁颠；给点赞美，你就臭美；给点表扬，你就疯狂。
65. What can I say about you? You are indeed unique! Give you some sunlight, and you’ll shine; give you some happiness, and you’ll be romantic; give you some praise, and you’ll be overjoyed; give you some compliments, and you’ll be smug; give you some applause, and you’ll go wild.

66.你知道吗？我们很久以前就认识了，你紧紧地跟着我，用你的脸贴着我，用你的鼻嗅着我，还用你的嘴温柔地咬了我一口……那时候，我叫吕洞宾。
66. Do you know? We knew each other a long time ago. You followed me closely, pressed your face against mine, sniffed me with your nose, and gently bit me with your mouth… At that time, I was called Lü Dongbin.

67.你血压高，血脂高，职位不高。大会不发言，小会不发言，前列腺发炎。政绩不突出，业绩不突出，腰间盘突出。
67. You have high blood pressure, high blood lipids, but not a high position. You don’t speak at large meetings, nor at small meetings, and you have prostatitis. Your political achievements are not prominent, nor your performance, but your lumbar disc is protruding.

68.你的国语标准么？请跟我一起念：万万望望，望旺万旺，万腕忘忘，万旺万旺。好了，狗狗别叫了，吃骨头啰！
68. Is your Mandarin standard? Please chant with me: Wan Wan Wang Wang, Wang Wang Wan Wan, Wan Huan Wang Wang, Wan Wang Wan Wang. Alright, stop barking, doggie, it’s time for a bone!

69.日复一日单调忙碌的生活，有时会让人忘了自己的存在，这时，你只需拿一把榔头在大拇指上轻轻一砸，便可轻而易举地找回你自己。
69. The monotonous and busy daily life sometimes makes people forget their own existence. In this case, you just need to gently hit your thumb with a hammer, and you can easily find yourself again.

70.我真的很喜欢你大大的耳朵宽宽的脸，厚厚的嘴唇黑黑的眼。你的歌声很奇妙，歌词总是一个调–哼哼哼-哼哼哼。你就是我的宠物猪崽崽！
70. I really like your big ears, wide face, thick lips, and black eyes. Your singing is very peculiar, and the lyrics always follow the same tune - humming, humming. You are my pet piglet!

71.你天生脑袋带漩，脸黑五指不见，两片菜叶掩面，江湖飞壁走檐，闹得鸡飞狗唤，美女见了傻眼。自认丐帮老大，实住精神病院。
71. You were born with a swirl on your head, a dark face where five fingers cannot be seen, and two leafy faces covering your face. You roam the rivers and lakes, causing chaos and making the chickens and dogs bark. The beautiful women are stunned when they see you. You think you are the leader of the beggars, but in reality, you live in a mental hospital.

72.一天一只螳螂对着一只蚂蚁炫耀说：你看我有两把刀多么帅气。蚂蚁正要说话，这时过来一只鸡一口就吃掉了螳螂，蚂蚁见到，摇摇头说：不知道现在正严打吗？还敢拿着个刀在街上乱跑。
72. One day, a mantis showed off to an ant, saying: “Look, I have two swords, how handsome I am.” The ant was about to speak when a chicken came over and swallowed the mantis in one bite. The ant shook its head and said, “Don’t you know there’s a crackdown going on? How dare you run around with a sword in the street?”

73.若思念是一缕青烟，让狂风吹到你身边，让你知道我有多想你；若牵挂是一滴雨水，让大雨在你头上下起，让你知道我有多念你；感冒了吧？
73. If missing you is a wisp of smoke, let the strong wind blow it to you, so you know how much I miss you; if worrying about you is a drop of rain, let the heavy rain fall on your head, so you know how much I think of you; did you catch a cold?

74.最新健身法：单腿站立，头侧偏，站立的单腿弯曲，然后迅速伸直，使身体脱离地面，做自由落体。同时单手击打头部，脑中的积水会自耳孔流出，做做看！
74. The latest fitness method: Stand on one leg, tilt your head to the side, bend the standing leg, and then quickly straighten it, making the body脱离地面 (leave the ground) and perform a free fall. At the same time, slap your head with one hand, and the excess water in your brain will flow out of your ear holes. Give it a try!

75.师傅感冒了，念个经就好；大师兄感冒了，翻个筋斗就好；我感冒了，舞回铲就好；你感冒了，别出门才好。二师兄，你一感冒，全球发愁，真牛。
75. Master has caught a cold, chanting a sutra will make him feel better; the eldest senior has caught a cold, doing a somersault will make him feel better; I caught a cold, dancing with a shovel will make me feel better; if you catch a cold, it’s better not to go out. Second senior, when you catch a cold, the whole world worries, you are so amazing.

76.你知道吗？我正急着到处去找你，有条惊人的好消息要告诉你：你妈拜托我件事，让我给你存了几个亿，借空亲自捎给你！那天抱钱去找你，见你睡得很甜蜜，真不忍心叫醒你！一窝小猪崽就属你最美丽！哈！猪你节日快乐！
76. You know what? I am rushing around looking for you, with an amazing good news to tell you: Your mom asked me to do something for you, she let me deposit several hundred million for you, and I will bring it to you in person! That day, when I went to find you with the money, I saw you sleeping so sweetly, I really couldn’t bear to wake you up! Among the litter of piglets, you are the most beautiful! Ha! Pig, happy holiday to you!

77.孔子曰：“吾欲愚人而愚之。”，于是我问孔子，这句话是我想愚弄人就愚弄的意思吗？孔子曰：“NO”。你想知道是什么意思吗？笨蛋！我忽悠你呢，孔子怎么可能认识我呢！孔子更不会英文了！哈哈，祝你愚人节快乐！
77. Confucius said, “I want to fool the foolish and fool them.” So I asked Confucius, does this mean I can fool people if I want to? Confucius said, “NO.” Do you want to know what it means? Fool! I’m fooling you, how could Confucius know me! Confucius doesn’t even speak English! Haha, happy April Fool’s Day to you!

78.千万次地问自己，为何最近总想你，牵肠挂肚惦记你，梦中影像总是你，发条信息也为你，不好意思提醒你，鼓足勇气问问你：啥时候请我吃饭呀？
78. I’ve asked myself a thousand times, why do I always think of you lately, missing you with all my heart, always seeing you in my dreams, and sending messages for you. I’m sorry to remind you, but I must gather the courage to ask you: When will you treat me to a meal?

79.新年到了，有四个字要对你说，虽然有一点不好意思，但这不是害羞的时候，不说出来，我会后悔莫及，所以我很真心地对你说，红包拿来！
79. The New Year has arrived, and there are four words I want to say to you. Although it’s a bit embarrassing, this is not the time to be shy. If I don’t say it, I will regret it, so I sincerely tell you, give me the red envelope!

80.看着你一天比一天消瘦的身躯，我难受得吃不下睡不着，我求求你了，别再瘦下去了，如果你再继续这样瘦下去的话，别人会以为我…我给你喂瘦肉精呢！
80. Seeing you getting thinner day by day, I feel so upset that I can’t eat or sleep. Please, don’t get any thinner, or people will think I… am feeding you lean meat essence!

81.哥们，我昨天去看演出，发现有一个演员跟你长得一模一样，我就问工作人员：长得像我哥们那个演员是谁啊？工作人员说：那个是…从非洲买来的猩猩。
81. Buddy, I went to watch a performance yesterday and saw an actor who looked just like you. I asked the staff, “Who is the actor who looks like my buddy?” The staff said, “That’s… the gorilla bought from Africa.”

82.你在我心目中，就像“好多鱼”一样。你知道，我最喜欢好多鱼了，它不仅味道好，而且更是因为你—-真的“好多余”！哈，玩笑啦，想你啦，回电哦！
82. In my heart, you are like “so many fish.” You know, I love so many fish the most, not only for its delicious taste but also because you are really “superfluous”! Ha, just kidding, I miss you, call me back!

83.你有一颗善良的心，你会大公无私地帮助这个世界上每一个需要帮助的人，大家都说你是天上降临人间专门帮助别人的天使，可惜的是，脸先着地了！
83. You have a kind heart, and you selflessly help everyone in the world who needs assistance. Everyone says you are an angel sent from heaven to help others, but unfortunately, you landed face-first!

84.你以为你躲起来，我就找不到你了吗？没用的，不管在什么地方，你身上总有一种吸引别人注意的气场，你也不是不知道，这么久不洗澡，那味儿会很大的！
84. Do you think you can hide from me? It’s useless. No matter where you are, you always have this aura that attracts people’s attention. You know it too, not taking a bath for so long, that smell will be strong!

85.你一直想穿越回到古代当皇上，终于有一个高人施法术帮你穿越回去了，你那个高兴啊，你拿镜子一照，妈啊，高人法术太厉害了吧，回到人猿时代了！
85. You always wanted to travel back in time to be an emperor, and finally, a master cast a spell to help you go back. You were so happy, but when you looked in the mirror, oh my god, the master’s spell was too powerful, and you went back to the age of apes!

86.看了牛郎织女的故事后，我才知道什么叫–爱情；看了桃园三结义的故事后，我才知道什么叫–兄弟；看了你和猩猩的合照后，我才知道什么叫–绝配！
86. After reading the story of the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl, I understood what love is; after reading the story of the Peach Garden Oath, I understood what brotherhood is; after seeing your photo with an orangutan, I understood what a perfect match is!

87.看到那么多人喜欢你，我也暗暗地给自己鼓劲，一定要尝试着去追求你，当我走近你的那一刹那，闻着身上所发出的气息，我终于忍不住吐了…臭豆腐！
87. Seeing so many people like you, I secretly encouraged myself to try to pursue you. When I approached you, smelling the odor coming from your body, I couldn’t help but vomit… stinky tofu!

88.假如时光可以静止，我希望停留在你最幸福的那一刻。假如时光可以倒流，我希望回到你我儿童的时光，过着无忧虑的日子，每天都能见到你那满脸的，鼻涕！
88. If time could stand still, I wish it would stop at your happiest moment. If time could go back, I wish to return to our childhood, living carefree days, seeing your face covered in snot every day!

89.真不明白，为何每天晚上你总是尽量站在有光的地方，后来经人提醒我才明白，原来你是想当夜明猪呀！
89. I really don’t understand why you always stand in the light every night. Later, someone reminded me, and I finally understood that you wanted to be a luminous pig!

90.天空飘着小雨丝似在嘲笑我的痴，为何你那样自私狠心让我空相思，搅尽脑汁写诗满腹心酸有谁知，只见猪头和白痴盯着手机读此诗。
90. The drizzle in the sky seems to be mocking my foolishness. Why are you so selfish and heartless, leaving me with unrequited love? I rack my brain to write poetry, who knows the bitterness in my heart? Only the pig head and idiot are staring at their phones reading this poem.

91.如果没有花的陪伴，春天就会孤单；如果没有四季的变换，生活就会平淡；如果没有我的阻拦，你已皮开肉绽；如果没有你的美艳，我顿顿素菜相伴！猪你节日快乐！
91. Without the company of flowers, spring would be lonely; without the changing of seasons, life would be plain; without my interference, you would be bruised and battered; without your beauty, I would eat vegetarian dishes every meal! Pig, I wish you a happy holiday!

92.你拽，你拽，最会是当别人不存在，整天就只会到处去晒，也不怕把别人都吓坏，别以为自己长得很帅，其实你只是天蓬元帅！
92. You are so arrogant, always acting as if others don’t exist, showing off everywhere, not afraid to scare people. Don’t think you are handsome; in fact, you are just Marshal Tian Peng!

93.那个夏日的午后，我带你走进青纱帐。太阳高高地照着，微风撩起我的衣衫，我们一起度过了美好的下午：你低头吃草，我看小人书！
93. On that summer afternoon, I took you into the green curtain. The sun was shining high, the breeze lifted my clothes, and we spent a beautiful afternoon together: you were grazing, and I was reading a comic book!

94.据说猫咪每天睡十个小时，自己玩四个小时，独自发呆四个小时，被人逗四个小时，吃喝一个小时，最后一个小时用来看短信。不信啊？你看猫咪又在看短信。
94. It is said that cats sleep for ten hours a day, play by themselves for four hours, daydream for four hours, are teased by others for four hours, eat and drink for one hour, and finally, use the last hour to read messages. Don’t believe it? Look, the cat is reading messages again.

95.据说，男女对视不足秒，是没好感；对视秒，是有好感；对视秒，会情愫暗生；对视秒，那是感情深厚；而我，竟和你对视秒，我……我想吐啊！
95. It is said that if men and women gaze at each other for less than a second, there is no affection; if they gaze for a second, there is a good feeling; if they gaze for seconds, romantic feelings will arise; if they gaze for seconds, it means deep affection; and I, after gazing at you for seconds, I… I want to vomit!

96.经过我一番查经引典，并访遍中外心理学家、自然学家、物理学家等等，结合我做的实验，我终于找到了一个避暑方法，那就是：哪凉快哪呆着去！
96. After consulting various books and experts, such as psychologists, naturalists, and physicists, and conducting my experiments, I finally found a way to escape the heat: go where it’s cool and stay there!

97.有个人对我说，你除了吃什么也不会，我把他狠狠地揍了一顿，居然这么诋毁你，别人我不知道，你我还不知道吗？除了吃，你至少还会睡觉、奔跑和拉磨！
97. Someone said to me, “You can do nothing but eat.” I beat him up fiercely, how dare he defame you like that! I might not know others, but I sure know you. Besides eating, you can also sleep, run, and grind grain!

98.你不苟言笑，却爱卖弄风骚；你嘴虽不甜，却讨人喜欢；你爱献殷勤，却无不轨之心；你天生还有看门的本领，看你瞪圆了双目，这块骨头赏给你了。
98. You never joke around, but you love to show off your charm; your words may not be sweet, but you’re still likable; you like to be attentive, but you have no ulterior motives; you’re naturally gifted with the ability to guard a door. Look at you staring wide-eyed, here’s a bone as a reward for you.

99.夜已很深，我从梦中醒来，在郊外的草地上，当你慢慢地向我靠近，我的心狂跳不止，这一切来得太突然，让我不知所措地大叫…老鼠！
99. It’s late at night, and I wake up from my dream on the grassland outside the city. As you slowly approach me, my heart races uncontrollably. Everything happened so suddenly, leaving me at a loss and screaming… mouse!

100.花果山被开发成旅游区，师父唐僧也和白骨精结婚了，没钱吃饭我把金箍棒也卖了，什么事都在发生。真怀念我们一起取经的日子，二师弟，你还好吗？
100. The Flower-Fruit Mountain has been developed into a tourist area, and Master Tang Monk has married the White Bone Spirit. I sold my Golden Cudgel because I had no money for food. Everything is changing. I miss the days when we were on the journey together, Second Brother, how are you?

搞笑的句子，幽默的句子
Funny sentences, humorous sentences:

1.你情敌和曾经背叛你的人同时掉入河中，并且他们不会游泳，你是选择蹦迪还是去KTV？
1. If your romantic rival and the person who betrayed you both fall into a river and can’t swim, would you choose to go dancing or to a KTV?

2.我在马路边，看到一分钱，刚要弯腰捡，原来是口痰，我靠…谁吐这么圆。
2. I saw a penny on the roadside and was about to pick it up, but it turned out to be a piece of phlegm. Damn… who spat so roundly.

3.这个世界上没有谁离不开谁，就算是一条鱼，离开了水，也能烤着吃。
3. No one is indispensable in this world. Even a fish can be grilled after leaving the water.

4.自己挖坑自己跳，爬不出来自己笑，人生就是偶尔的精明和大多数时候的脑残。
4. Digging a hole for yourself, jumping in, and laughing when you can’t climb out. Life is about occasional cleverness and mostly being foolish.

5.瞧你这长相，不用化妆就能去演恐怖片了。
5. Looking at your appearance, you could act in a horror movie without makeup.

6.别说你一无所长，熬夜玩手机你是一把好手。
6. Don’t say you have no strengths; staying up late playing with your phone is your forte.

7.说起我男朋友的优点，总结起来就是五个字：会挑女朋友。
7. Speaking of my boyfriend’s virtues, they can be summarized in five words: good at choosing a girlfriend.

8.我一在强调做人要低调，可你们非要给我掌声和尖叫。
8. I keep emphasizing the importance of being low-key, but you guys insist on giving me applause and screams.

9.一定要记住那些陪你聊到深夜的人，就是因为他们，才让你熬夜导致黑眼圈那么重，皮肤这么差的。
9. Always remember those who chat with you until late at night, because they are the ones who make you stay up and get dark circles and bad skin.

10.谈恋爱应该处处让着男朋友，让他做饭，让他洗碗，让他洗衣，让他赚钱，女生呢就辛苦一点，负责吃，负责喝，负责买买买。
10. In a relationship, girls should let their boyfriends do everything, like cooking, washing dishes, laundry, and earning money. Girls should work harder, being responsible for eating, drinking, and shopping.

11.怎么形容自己的厨艺，烧得一手好厨房，说起来你可能还不信，是锅先动的手。
11. How to describe my cooking skills? I can burn a great kitchen. You might not believe it, but the pot started it.

12.对今天解决不了的事情，也不要着急。因为明天也可能还是解决不了。
12. Don’t worry about the problems you can’t solve today, because you might still not be able to solve them tomorrow.

13.同学帮我补习了三个月，终于，他的成绩也降下来了。
13. A classmate helped me with my studies for three months, and finally, his grades dropped too.

14.只要瘦，什么都百搭，要是胖，什么都白搭。
14. If you’re thin, everything goes well together; if you’re fat, everything is in vain.

15.我的悲伤不给你看，我怕你忍不住笑场。
15. I won’t show you my sadness, for fear that you can’t help but laugh.

16.言语上的老司机，行为上的大怂逼。别看有些人天天开着小黄车，其实连女生的手都没拉过，比如我。
16. A master of words, but a coward in actions. Don’t be fooled by those who drive “little yellow cars” every day; some of them haven’t even held a girl’s hand, like me.

17.中华文化，博大精深，了解一下。
17. Chinese culture is profound and extensive; take a look and learn.

18.有没有懂跑车的朋友，求推荐一款万到万的跑车，要求性能好，起步快，马力大，舒适性高的，外观时尚又好看的，我拿来当手机壁纸。
18. Is there any friend who knows about sports cars, please recommend a sports car with a price between 10,000 and 100,000. I require good performance, fast acceleration, high horsepower, high comfort, and a fashionable and attractive appearance. I’ll use it as my phone wallpaper.

19.有时候觉得自己变丑了，拿出身份证来一看发现自己多虑了。
19. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting uglier, but when I take out my ID card, I realize I’m worrying too much.

20.今天朋友发信息说想跟我借点钱，我给他回：十万以下千万别跟我开口，十万以上我也没有。
20. Today, a friend texted me saying he wanted to borrow some money from me. I replied: “Don’t even bother asking for less than 100,000, and I don’t have any more than that either.”

21.年轻的时候，我们常常冲着镜子做鬼脸；年老的时候，镜子算是扯平了。
21. When we were young, we often made faces at the mirror; when we’re old, the mirror makes faces back at us.

22.我又不是人民币，怎样能让人人都钟爱我？
22. I’m not a Chinese yuan bill, how can I make everyone love me?

23.每天都在上演的三件事，晚上睡不着，早上起不来，后悔睡的太晚。
23. Three things that happen every day: can’t sleep at night, can’t get up in the morning, and regret going to bed too late.

24.路见不平一声吼，吼完继续往前走。
24. Shout when you see injustice, and then keep moving forward.

25.做一个成熟的大人，秋衣塞进秋裤里，秋裤塞进袜子里。
25. To be a mature adult, tuck your thermal shirt into your thermal pants, and your thermal pants into your socks.

26.你说我打游戏菜有什么意义呢？我又不会把游戏删了，我只会把你删了。
26. What’s the point of saying I’m bad at gaming? I won’t delete the game; I’ll just delete you.

27.那年我背井离乡，导致一村人都没有水喝。
27. The year I left my hometown, the whole village ran out of water.

28.长得好看点的人人生可能是传记，可能是小说，可能是散文。而你，只能是个段子。
28. Good-looking people may have their lives as biographies, novels, or essays. As for you, you can only be a joke.

29.你走了真好，不然总担心，你要留下来吃饭。
29. It’s great that you’re gone; otherwise, I’d always worry that you’d stay for dinner.

30.我观察你很久了，终究还是觉得地球不适合你。我这有张去火星的票，给你吧！
30. I’ve been observing you for a long time, and I finally think Earth is not suitable for you. I have a ticket to Mars; take it!

31.实在无聊，买个地球仪吧。世界那么大，你不但可以看看，还可以转转。
31. If you’re really bored, buy a globe. The world is so big that you can not only look at it but also spin it.

32.为了想清楚我昨天为什么失眠，今天我又失眠了。
32. To figure out why I couldn’t sleep yesterday, I ended up insomniac again today.

33.四川人为了挽留对方，说过哪些卑微的话？
33. What humble words have Sichuan people said to hold on to someone?

34.周一到周五是出卖自己灵魂的日子，周六和周日是赎回自己灵魂的日子。
34. Monday to Friday are the days when we sell our souls; Saturday and Sunday are the days when we redeem our souls.

35.我发现一个问题，我喜欢和长得好看的人讲话，怪不得我老是自言自语。
35. I’ve discovered a problem: I like talking to good-looking people, no wonder I’m always talking to myself.

36.当裤子失去皮带，才懂得什么叫做依赖。
36. Only when the pants lose the belt, do they realize what dependence is.

37.我用一麻袋的钱上大学，换了一麻袋书；毕业了，用这些书换钱，却买不起一个麻袋
37. I spent a bag of money on college and got a bag of books in return; after graduation, I tried to exchange these books for money, but it wasn’t enough to buy a bag.

38.人生有时就像电脑，说死机就死机，没得商量。
38. Sometimes life is like a computer, it crashes when it wants to, no negotiation.

39.爱情如电池一样，总有没电的时候。
39. Love is like a battery, it always runs out of power eventually.

40.不能自拔的，除了爱情，还有别人地里的萝卜。
40. There are things that cannot be extricated by oneself, besides love, there are also the radishes in other people’s fields.

41.有些事情无须争辩，表面服从，偷偷反抗。
41. Some matters don’t need to be debated, just appear to comply, secretly resist.

42.我们都太爱自己了，两个太爱自己的人，是没法长相厮守的。
42. We all love ourselves too much, two people who love themselves too much cannot stay together for long.

43.谎言，经过包装，有了一个更好听的名字：誓言。
43. Lies, after being packaged, have a better-sounding name: vows.

44.人不快乐，是因为人虽可像猪一样懒惰，却无法像猪那样懒得心安理得。
44. People are not happy because, although they can be as lazy as pigs, they cannot be as carefree in their laziness as pigs.

45.生活中没有参照物的人，可怜；选错参照物的人，可悲。
45. People in life without a reference object are pitiful; those who choose the wrong reference object are pathetic.

46.婚姻是爱情的坟墓——如果没有房子，你连坟墓都进不去。
46. Marriage is the grave of love - without a house, you can’t even get into the grave.

47.你我之间本无缘分，全靠我颜值死撑。
47. There was originally no fate between you and me, it’s all relying on my appearance to keep us together.

48.每个人出生的时候都是原创，可悲的是，很多人渐渐都成了盗版！
48. Every person is born original, but sadly, many people gradually become counterfeit!

49.在这世上惟一比别人议论更糟的一件事，那就是无人议论你。
49. The only thing worse than being talked about by others is being ignored by everyone.

50.爸妈还真以为我懒，不想出去，要是有钱的话，你连我的人都见不着。
50. My parents really think I’m lazy and don’t want to go out; if I had money, you wouldn’t even see me.

51.有人告诉我，这世上再也没有比爱情更复杂的东西了，我一本数学书甩他脸上。
51. Someone told me that there is nothing more complicated in this world than love, and I threw a math book in their face.

52.白天是搞笑废物，晚上是抑郁怪物。
52. During the day, I am a funny waste; at night, I am a depressed monster.

53.暗恋是什么，暗恋就是没有配高射炮的雷达，最后默默地就锁定了敌机。
53. What is secret love? Secret love is a radar without an anti-aircraft gun, and it silently locks onto the enemy aircraft in the end.

54.我的悲伤怎么能给你看呢，我是怕你忍不住笑翻了场。
54. How could I show you my sadness, I’m afraid you won’t be able to help laughing.

55.为什么上流社会的人，都那么喜欢做点卑鄙下流的事呢。
55. Why do people in high society like to do despicable and lowly things?

56.你可能不知道为什么节目中间要插播段广告把，那是因为主持人和嘉宾要上厕所。
56. You may not know why there are commercials in the middle of a show, it’s because the host and guests need to use the restroom.

57.你爱我吗，爱我就给我穿上洁白的婚纱，然后再用你那疯狂的手扒光。
57. Do you love me? If you do, put on a pure white wedding dress for me, and then use your crazy hands to strip it off.

58.人品就那么一点点，记着省着点儿花，挥霍是很可耻的。
58. Character is just a little thing, remember to save it bit by bit, squandering is very shameful.

59.你知道吗？做爱做的就是那点事，交配交的就是个人。超经典搞笑句子能笑死人的
59. You know what? Having sex is just about that thing, and making love is about the person. Super classic funny sentences that can make people laugh to death.

60.请不要用那种小狗般无辜的眼神盯着我好吗，会让我特别想吃狗肉。
60. Please don’t stare at me with those innocent puppy eyes, it makes me really want to eat dog meat.

61.憎恨别人就像为了逮住一只耗子，而不惜烧毁你自己的房子，但耗子不一定能逮到。
61. Hating others is like trying to catch a mouse by burning down your own house, but you may not catch the mouse.

62.多想想自己的错，就会慢慢忘记别人的过。
62. Think more about your own mistakes, and you will slowly forget other people’s faults.

63.所有的人都站在一边并不一定是好事，譬如他们都站在船的一边。
63. Everyone standing on one side is not necessarily a good thing, for example, if they all stand on one side of the boat.

64.年轻的时候，我们常常冲着镜子做鬼脸；年老的时候，镜子算是扯平了。
64. When we were young, we often made faces at the mirror; when we are old, the mirror makes it even.

65.这个世界就这么不完美，你想得到些什么，就不得不失去些什么。
65. The world is just not perfect, if you want to get something, you have to lose something.

66.不喜欢你的人就是不喜欢，别试图拿着树枝去钓鱼，鱼都当你傻逼。
66. If someone doesn’t like you, they just don’t like you, don’t try to fish with a twig, the fish will think you’re stupid.

67.请你用慈悲心和温和的态度，把你的不满与委屈说出来，别人就容易接受。
67. Please express your dissatisfaction and grievances with a compassionate heart and a gentle attitude, others will be more likely to accept it.

68.你可以像猪一样生活，但不可能像猪那样心安理得。
68. You can live like a pig, but you can’t be as carefree as a pig.

69.所有的人都是平凡的，有些人因知道这一点而真正成了平凡的人。
69. All people are ordinary, some people become truly ordinary because they know this.

70.难过一会儿就行了，时间如此宝贵，哪能都浪费在难过上。
70. It’s okay to be sad for a while, time is so precious, how can we waste it all on sadness?

71.你不要一直不满人家，你应该一直检讨自己才对。问问自己，当初怎么会瞎了眼认识这个人的。
71. Don’t keep complaining about others, you should always examine yourself. Ask yourself, how did you go blind and get to know this person?

72.越长大越发觉，情绪稳定是种难得的品质。
72. The more you grow up, the more you realize that emotional stability is a rare quality.

73.在你说对不起的时候，那句话很神。比如在你犯错的时候，你说对不起，所有事情都会好了，但是你一直不说对不起，事情就会变得越来越大。
73. When you say sorry, that word is magical. For example, when you make a mistake, if you say sorry, everything will be fine, but if you keep not saying sorry, things will get worse and worse.

74.太斤斤计较的人，不适合恋爱，适合买菜。
74. People who are too particular are not suitable for love, they are suitable for buying vegetables.

75.人都有蹬鼻子上脸的天性，神都是供出来的，混蛋都是惯出来的。
75. People have the nature of climbing up others’ noses and faces, gods are worshipped, and bastards are spoiled.

76.喝醉，从来就不是酒精的罪过，而是感情的度数太高。
76. Getting drunk is never the fault of alcohol, but rather the high degree of emotions.

77.聪明人说话，是因为有话要说。愚蠢的人说话，是因为得说这话。
77. Smart people speak because they have something to say. Foolish people speak because they have to say it.

78.你并不内向，只是不想搭理那些不重要的人。
78. You’re not introverted; you just don’t want to deal with unimportant people.

79.人生路上一定要胆大心细脸皮厚。如果你为了人家的一句话就大发脾气，或者是飘飘若仙，你的心其实是在跟着别人的话走。把自己的快乐托付在别人随便的一句话上面，是很愚蠢的一回事。
79. On the journey of life, you must be bold, careful, and thick-skinned. If you get angry or elated over someone’s words, your heart is actually following their words. It’s foolish to entrust your happiness to someone’s casual remark.

80.穿的一个比一个危险，长得一个比一个安全。
80. The way they dress is more dangerous than the way they look.

81.如果你容不下我，不是你的心胸太狭小，就是我的人格太伟大。
81. If you can’t tolerate me, either your mind is too narrow or my personality is too great.

82.铁杵能磨成针，但木杵只能磨成牙签，材料不对，再努力也没用。
82. An iron rod can be ground into a needle, but a wooden rod can only be ground into a toothpick. If the material is wrong, no amount of effort will help.

83.听说女人如衣服，兄弟如手足。回想起来，我竟然七手八脚的裸奔了年!
83. I heard that women are like clothes, and brothers are like hands and feet. Looking back, I’ve been running around naked with eight hands and feet for years!

84.我不是随便的人，我随便起来不是人。
84. I’m not a casual person, but when I’m casual, I’m not human.

85.我的未来不是梦，我的未来是噩梦。
85. My future is not a dream, it’s a nightmare.

86.结婚当然是件好事，上瘾就麻烦了。
86. Marriage is certainly a good thing, but getting addicted to it is troublesome.

87.不要说别人脑子有病，脑子有病的前提是必须有个脑子。
87. Don’t say others have a problem with their brain; the prerequisite for having a problem with their brain is that they must have a brain.

88.不蒸馒头争口气行吗?
88. Can we fight for our dignity without making steamed buns?

89.不要乐观的像个屁一样，自以为能惊天动地。
89. Don’t be so optimistic like a fart, thinking you can shake the heavens and move the earth.

90.步步高打火机，哪里不会点哪里。
90. Buckle up your shoes, and light the way where you don’t know.

91.男人不能惯，越惯越混蛋。女人就得宠，越宠越有种，还是别人的。
91. Men should not be spoiled, the more you spoil them, the more they become jerks. Women should be pampered, the more you pamper them, the more they become someone else’s type.

92.我认为我颓废，原来我报废了!
92. I thought I was decadent, but it turns out I was scrapped!

93.我心眼儿有些小，但是不缺，我脾气很好，但不是没有!
93. My heart may be a little small, but it’s not missing. My temper is good, but it’s not non-existent!

94.我也曾有过一双翅膀，不过我没用它在天上翱翔，而是放在锅里炖汤。
94. I once had a pair of wings, but instead of using them to soar in the sky, I put them in a pot to make soup.

95.夏天就是不好，穷的时候我连西北风都没得喝。
95. Summer is not good, when I’m poor, I don’t even have the northwest wind to drink.

96.现在再找白马王子，你out了，现在都找宝马王子。
96. Nowadays, looking for a “Prince Charming” is outdated; everyone’s searching for a “BMW Prince” now.

97.即使有人骂我神经病，我也会坚强的抬起头蔑视的对他说“你难道和我一个医院的?
97. Even if someone calls me crazy, I will hold my head high and look down on them with disdain, saying, “Are you from the same hospital as me?”

98.戒烟容易，戒你太难!
98. Quitting smoking is easy; quitting you is the real challenge!

99.考试时，本想要咸鱼翻锅的，他奶奶的，没想到粘锅了。
99. During an exam, I wanted to turn the tide, but damn it, I ended up being stuck.

100.没有人在世界上能够“弃”你，除非你自己自暴自弃。因为我们是属于自己的，并不属于他人。
100. No one in the world can “abandon” you unless you give up on yourself. We belong to ourselves, not to others.

101.从前有人在我空间里跑堂，不到两秒钟，嘎的一下就死了。
101. Once, someone visited my space and died abruptly within two seconds.

102.大部分人一辈子只做三件事：自欺、欺人被人欺。
102. Most people do three things in their lives: deceive themselves, deceive others, and be deceived.

103.你的年龄有多大，我不关心。我想知道，为了爱，为了梦，为了生机勃勃的奇遇，你是否愿意像傻瓜一样冒险?
103. I don’t care about your age. What I want to know is, for love, for dreams, for vibrant adventures, would you be willing to take risks like a fool?

104.顾客不是上帝，顾客只是上当。
104. Customers are not God; they are merely deceived.

105.人间正道是沧桑，活的不要太嚣张。
105. The right path in life is full of twists and turns; don’t be too arrogant.

106.如果你年轻却不激进，那么你就是个没心的人，如果你老了却不保守，那么你就是个没脑的人。
106. If you are young and not radical, you have no heart; if you are old and not conservative, you have no brain.

107.如今这社会，女的照相照胸，男的照相照车谁知道胸是不是挤的，车是不是你的。
107. Nowadays, women take photos of their chests, and men take photos of their cars. Who knows if the chest is squeezed or if the car is even theirs?

108.你肺活量是多少啊，能把牛B吹的这么大。
108. How much lung capacity do you have to blow such a huge牛皮 (bragging)?

109.一时的冲动，子孙的危机!
109. A moment of impulse can lead to a crisis for future generations!

110.用一颗滚烫的心，可以换一个结果。用钞票却可以随意改变这个结果。
110. A passionate heart can change a result, while money can easily alter that result.

111.有钱就败家，没钱就拜神。
111. Spend money when you have it, and pray when you don’t.

112.有一个很古老的传说，说是在北邮校园内能看到美女的人会长生不老。
112. There is an ancient legend that those who can see a beautiful woman on the campus of Beijing University of Posts and Telecommunications will live forever.

113.春色满园关不住，我诱红杏出墙来。
113. The beauty of spring cannot be contained; I lure the red apricot to climb over the wall.

114.到处都有痛苦，而比痛苦更为持久且尖利伤人的是，到处都有抱有期望的等待。
114. Pain is everywhere, but more enduring and hurtful than pain is the hopeful waiting that is found everywhere.

115.和你擦肩而过你却不知道是我，因为我把头扭过去了。
115. We brushed past each other, but you didn’t know it was me because I turned my head away.

116.穿别人的鞋，走自己的路，让他们打的找去吧。
116. Wear other people’s shoes, walk your own path, and let them take a taxi to find you.

117.多多关注三峡在线，便可分享更多经典盘点。
117. Pay more attention to Three Gorges Online, and you can share more classic reviews.

118.路见不平一声吼，吼完继续往前走。
118. If you see injustice on the road, shout out, and then continue to move forward.

119.你那么喜欢劈腿，怎么不去跳芭蕾舞。
119. If you like cheating so much, why don’t you go ballet dancing?

120.女人先表现自己大方，男人就不敢小气。
120. If women show their generosity first, men won’t dare to be stingy.

121.卧梅又闻花，卧枝伤恨低。邀闻卧石碎，卧湿达春绿。
121. Lying on the plum blossom, I smell the flowers; the broken branch brings sorrow. Inviting the sound of the shattered stone, I feel the dampness of spring green.

122.人生不能像做菜、把所有的料都准备好才下锅。
122. Life can’t be like cooking; you can’t prepare all the ingredients before starting to cook.

123.本无意与众不同，怎奈何品味出众。
123. I have no intention of being different, but my outstanding taste leaves me no choice.

124.闭上眼睛，我看到了我的前途。
124. Close my eyes, and I see my future.

125.不怕虎一样的敌人，就怕猪一样的队友!
125. I’m not afraid of enemies like tigers, but I am afraid of teammates like pigs!

126.出生时你哭着，所有都笑着，离去时你笑着，所有都哭着。
126. When you are born, you cry while everyone else laughs; when you leave, you laugh while everyone else cries.

127.人生的悲哀就在于，当你想两肋插刀的时候，却只有一把刀。
127. The sorrow of life is that when you want to help someone with all your might, you only have one sword.

128.您复杂的五官，掩饰不了您朴素的智商。
128. Your complex facial features cannot cover up your simple intelligence.

129.每次跟别人吵架后，总感觉没发挥好，还想再吵一次。
129. Every time I argue with someone, I feel like I didn’t perform well and want to argue again.

130.这世界上最美好的事情，莫过于吃肉。从来不会背叛，从来不会欺骗，吃一斤，长一斤，永远真诚相待。
130. The most beautiful thing in the world is eating meat. It never betrays or deceives you; eat a pound, gain a pound, and always treat you sincerely.

131.你别有事没事儿的老梦见我干嘛，你不知道我很忙吗？
131. Why do you keep dreaming about me when you have nothing to do? Don’t you know I’m busy?

132.请你不要老觉得整个世界抛弃了你一样，因为世界根本就没空搭理你。
132. I can scold you, but why do you have to wait for me to hit you? Do you think this is the only way to show my literary and martial talents?

133.骂骂你就算了，为什么非要等我打你呢，难道这样你才能知道我文武双全吗。
133. Do you know? It’s not only love that cannot be extricated from, but also the radishes in other people’s fields.

134.你知道吗？不能自拔的不是只有爱情，还有别人地里的萝卜。
134. Even if you are jealous, you have to pretend as if you’ve drunk soy sauce, so that others won’t look down on you!

135.就算吃醋也要装的跟喝了酱油似的，不能让别人瞧不起！
135. Please translate the above paragraphs (original text) into corresponding English (i.e., translation), with the translation conforming to English habits, maintaining the original text’s sequence numbers, punctuation, and tags. Check: After translating the translation back into the original language, it should have the same meaning as the original text. If not, please re-translate without adding any additional explanations or descriptions, and only return the complete translation.

136.脱了衣服你是禽兽，穿上衣服你是衣冠禽兽！
136. Naked, you’re an animal; dressed, you’re a well-dressed animal!

137.在女孩子花一样的年纪里，你长成了一棵多肉植物。
137. In the age when girls bloom like flowers, you’ve grown into a succulent plant.

138.突然发现，我对自己未来的所有计划都有同一个开头：等我有了钱。
138. I suddenly realized that all my plans for the future start with the same phrase: when I have money.

139.我很懒，没什么特长，但熬夜是一把好手。
139. I’m lazy and have no special skills, but I’m great at staying up late.

140.在这个世界上，总有很多事情无法解释。比如有的人吃饭长智商，有的人吃饭长脂肪。
140. In this world, there are always many things that cannot be explained. For example, some people gain intelligence when they eat, while others gain fat.

141.每当生活击倒了我，我不会马上振作起来，我通常就躺在那儿顺便打个小盹儿。
141. Whenever life knocks me down, I don’t bounce back immediately; I usually just lie there and take a little nap.

142.我叫小可爱，长大了叫大可爱，老了叫老可爱，以后死了叫可爱死了。
142. My name is Little Cute, and when I grow up, I’ll be Big Cute. When I’m old, I’ll be Old Cute, and when I die, I’ll be Cute Gone.

143.最好的默契就是：你懂我的故作矜持，我懂你的图谋不轨。
143. The best understanding is: you know my feigned restraint, and I know your ulterior motives.

144.我最害怕的是你们混得比我好，那样我会不安，可是我更担心你们过得不好。
144. I’m most afraid that you’ll混得比我好, which would make me uneasy. But I’m even more worried about you not living well.

145.老师，小刚明天要请假，因为他明天可能要病了。
145. Teacher, Xiao Gang wants to ask for leave tomorrow because he might be sick.

146.不到长城非好汉，到了长城吧，好汉不吃眼前亏。
146. Not reaching the Great Wall doesn’t make one a true hero; but when one reaches the Great Wall, a true hero won’t suffer losses.

147.好学生考完试：“考完了——坏学生考完试：”靠。完了!。
147. Good student after an exam: “It’s over.” Bad student after an exam: “Damn it, it’s over!”

148.以关心老婆为荣，以忽视老婆为耻;以伺候老婆为荣，以麻烦老婆为耻;以赞美老婆为荣，以批评老婆为耻;以顺从老婆为荣，以顶撞老婆为耻;以下班回家为荣，以夜不归宿为耻;以诚实专一为荣，以沾花惹草为耻;以上缴工资为荣，以窝藏奖金为耻。
148. Be proud of caring for your wife, be ashamed of ignoring her; be proud of serving your wife, be ashamed of troubling her; be proud of praising your wife, be ashamed of criticizing her; be proud of obeying your wife, be ashamed of contradicting her; be proud of going home after work, be ashamed of staying out all night; be proud of being honest and devoted, be ashamed of flirting; be proud of handing over your salary, be ashamed of hiding your bonuses.

149.虽然你哭的时候一样很漂亮。不要生气了，但据科学论证生气和哭泣会让人老得很快，会变得不漂亮。虽然你老成怎么样,怎么不漂亮，我都会同样的爱你。可你自己喜欢漂亮的啊，所以以后不能哭了。
149. Even when you cry, you’re still beautiful. Don’t be angry, but according to scientific research, anger and crying can make people age quickly and become less beautiful. No matter how old or unattractive you become, I will still love you the same. But since you like to be beautiful, don’t cry anymore.

150.结婚前，你喝可乐我喝牛奶，我吃萝卜你吃白菜，你喜进商场，我乐意逛街;结婚后，我喝可乐我吃白菜，每天陪你到商场逛几圈;为你而改变，你爱我就爱!
150. Before marriage, you drink cola and I drink milk, I eat radishes and you eat cabbage, you like going to the mall, and I enjoy strolling; after marriage, I drink cola and eat cabbage, and I accompany you to the mall every day for several rounds; I change for you, if you love me, you’ll love it too!

幽默爆笑短信大全，幽默笑话大全爆笑
Humorous and hilarious text messages collection, humorous jokes collection with爆笑

1.某男性沉默寡言，和某女婚后有一女，名小娇。小娇长到十岁，终于按捺不住好奇心问道：妈妈，这人每天和咱们一起吃饭，他是谁呀？
1. A man of few words, after marrying a woman, they had a daughter named Xiao Jiao. When Xiao Jiao turned ten, she finally couldn’t resist her curiosity and asked: “Mom, who is this man who eats with us every day?”

2.一位青年对他的朋友说：每次我带回家的女朋友，我母亲都不喜欢。“你只要找一个像你母亲的就行了。”“但那样我父亲又不喜欢。”
2. A young man said to his friend: “Every girlfriend I bring home, my mother doesn’t like.” “Just find someone like your mother.” “But then my father won’t like her.”

3.一小姐在地下通道看见一男子张着双臂向她走来。她立刻飞起一脚，只听哗啦一声，男子长叹：“这已是让人踹碎的第三块玻璃了。”
3. A young lady saw a man in the underground passage walking towards her with his arms wide open. She immediately kicked him, and with a crash, the man sighed: “This is the third piece of glass that has been kicked to pieces.”

4.青工小王想调动工作，便请厂长去喝酒。酒过三巡之后，小王拿出申请报告和笔递给厂长。喝得醉醺醺的厂长接过笔，在申请报告上重重地签上了两个字——好酒。
4. Young worker Xiao Wang wanted to change jobs, so he invited the factory director for a drink. After three rounds of drinks, Xiao Wang took out his application report and pen and handed it to the director. The drunken director took the pen and signed two characters heavily on the application report - good wine.

5.一对情侣结伴旅行。当他俩乘坐的火车穿过漫长的隧道出来以后，男的说：“如果早知道隧道这么长，我就会给你一个吻！” “天那！”女的惊叫起来，“刚才吻我的不是你吗？”
5. A couple went on a trip together. When they emerged from a long tunnel on the train, the man said, “If I had known the tunnel was this long, I would have given you a kiss!” “Oh my God!” the woman exclaimed, “Wasn’t that you who just kissed me?”

6.体贴的男友：男生带着女友散步，路过餐馆。女友赞叹道：“真香啊！”囊中羞涩的男生很绅士地说：“如果你喜欢，我们可以再从饭馆门前走一次噢。”
6. Considerate boyfriend: A guy takes his girlfriend for a walk and passes by a restaurant. The girlfriend says admiringly, “It smells so good!” The guy, who is short on money, says politely, “If you like it, we can walk past the restaurant again.”

7.一晚下班回家，一民警迎面巡逻而来。突然对我大喊：站住！民警：int类型占几个字节？我：个。民警：你可以走了。我感到很诧异。我：为什么问这样的问题？民警：深夜还在街上走，幸苦又寒酸的样子，不是小偷就是程序员。
7. One night after work, a police officer came up to me as I was walking home. Suddenly, he shouted, “Stop!” Officer: “How many bytes does an int type occupy?” Me: “4.” Officer: “You can go now.” I felt surprised. Me: “Why ask such a question?” Officer: “Walking on the street late at night, looking tired and shabby, you’re either a thief or a programmer.”

8.男歌星走上舞台，却发现台下只有一位妇女！ 男歌星镇定地说：今天我只为你歌唱！ 妇女激动地说：那你得快点，我还要打扫这里的卫生呢！
8. A male singer walks onto the stage, only to find one woman in the audience! The singer calmly says, “Today, I will sing just for you!” The woman excitedly replies, “Then you’d better hurry up, as I still need to clean this place!”

9.一个学生去看医生，医生检查后说：“没关系，注射一针就好了。”医生拿药棉在学生手臂上擦擦，如此反复三四次。学生以为病重，担心地问：“医生，问题严重吗？”医生认真地说：“同学，你该洗澡了。”
9. A student goes to see a doctor, who says after examining him, “No problem, one injection will fix it.” The doctor wipes the student’s arm with a cotton ball repeatedly, four or five times. Thinking his condition is serious, the student worriedly asks, “Doctor, is it serious?” The doctor replies earnestly, “My dear student, you should take a bath.”

10.早上去图书馆占了两个座。一漂亮女生走过来问道：“这里有人么？”我赶紧收书：“没人！”她说：“谢谢。”然后拖起凳子走人。
10. I went to the library in the morning and took two seats. A pretty girl came over and asked, “Is this seat taken?” I quickly put away my books: “No one!” She said, “Thank you,” and then dragged the chair away.

11.一医学院学生问图书管理员：“有没有解剖学最新的书刊。”“解剖学还要最新的，难道说最近几年人类的骨骼又出现什么新变化吗？”
11. A medical student asked the librarian, “Do you have the latest books on anatomy?” “Anatomy needs the latest? Has there been any new change in human bones in recent years?”

12.我准备请你吃饭，你想来吗？快点告诉我，说呀……短信看完，时效已过！
12. I’m planning to treat you to a meal, would you like to come? Hurry up and tell me, say it… The message is read, and the time limit has expired!

13.你从小缺钙，长大缺爱，身披麻袋，头顶锅盖，穿着短裤，系着腰带，光着上身，打着领带，这样的光辉形象，谁敢去爱！
13. You’ve been calcium-deficient since childhood, love-deficient when grown up, wearing a sack, a pot on your head, shorts, a belt, bare-chested, and a tie – who dares to love such a glorious image!

14.商场搞促销，打出广告“买冰箱，送空调”，某人买好冰箱，正等商场赠送空调时，商场工作人员发话了：“先生，你的空调在哪？我们好给你送回去！”
14. A shopping mall advertised a promotion, “Buy a refrigerator, get an air conditioner for free.” When someone bought a refrigerator and was waiting for the store to give him an air conditioner, the mall staff said, “Sir, where is your air conditioner? We’ll send it back to you!”

15.别骂自己的孩子是小兔崽子，因为从遗传学的角度来讲，这对家长是不利的。
15. Don’t call your child a little rabbit; from a genetic perspective, it’s not in your best interest.

16.三从四德：太太出门要跟从，命令要服从，说错了要盲从；化妆要等得，生日要记得，打骂要忍得，花钱要舍得！
16. Three obediences and four virtues: Follow your wife when she goes out, obey her commands, and blindly comply when she’s wrong; be patient while she’s getting ready, remember her birthday, endure her scolding, and be generous with her spending!

17.不吃白不吃，吃了变白痴。白痴不白吃，不痴不白吃。不痴白不痴，还看才白痴！
17. If you don’t eat for free, you become an idiot. If you eat for free and become an idiot, you don’t eat for free. If you’re not an idiot and don’t eat for free, you’re still an idiot!

18.不要问我为什么哭泣，我的泪水为你而流，我的心为你而碎。我恨那个男人，他为什么要将你从我身边夺去…死小偷！
18. Don’t ask me why I’m crying. My tears are for you, and my heart is broken for you. I hate that man who took you away from me… thief!

19.火车爬起来都那么快，不晓得站起来跑会有多快哦！
19. Trains can climb so fast; I wonder how fast they would run if they stood up!

20.你与我静静地走在家乡的小路上，你害羞地低头不语。乡亲们见了我都说：好孩子，打扮得干净又漂亮，可惜这么小年纪就出来放猪！
20. You and I walk quietly on our hometown’s path, and you shyly lower your head and remain silent. The villagers see me and say, “What a good child, clean and pretty, but it’s a pity to be so young and herding pigs!”

21.一只猪拼命向前跑，突然前面出现一堵墙，它没绕开，而是一头撞了上去，为什么？不懂吗？很简单，它不会急转弯嘛！
21. A pig was running forward desperately. Suddenly, a wall appeared in front of it. Instead of going around, it crashed into the wall. Why? It’s simple, it couldn’t make a sharp turn!

22.哥们，最近有啥困难要兄弟帮忙吗？俺是有困难要帮，没有困难制造困难也要帮。
22. Buddy, is there any difficulty recently that you need a brother’s help? I’m here to help whether there’s a difficulty or not, and I’ll even create difficulties to help.

23.你是池塘里的一只丑小鸭，你是我老树上一只傻乌鸦，这是我喝醉后的一句大实话，你偷偷笑个啥？
23. You are an ugly duckling in the pond, and you are a silly crow on my old tree. This is a big truth after I got drunk, what are you secretly laughing at?

24.亲爱的用户，您好，您的手机将于明天零时停机！如果您要问为什么，凭你的智商，我们很难向您解释！
24. Dear user, hello, your mobile phone will be suspended at midnight tomorrow! If you want to ask why, with your IQ, it’s hard for us to explain to you!

25.紧急令：你要钱没钱，要才没才，要貌没貌，已被列为三无人员，接令小时内务必离开本市，否则严惩不赦！
25. Emergency order: You have no money, no talent, and no looks, and you have been listed as a “three-no” person. You must leave the city within the hour, or you will be severely punished!

26.我才发现，你有着沉鱼落雁之容……鱼儿一看见你就吓得沉入水底，大雁一看见你就吓得一头栽到地上！
26. I just realized that you have the beauty of sinking fish and falling geese… The fish get scared and sink to the bottom of the water when they see you, and the wild geese get scared and fall to the ground when they see you!

27.谢谢你春天陪我观百花，夏日伴我看夕阳，秋季陪我赏落叶，冬天伴我看雪景。如果没有你，再美的风景都是模糊的，真的谢谢你——眼镜！
27. Thank you for accompanying me to watch flowers in spring, enjoy the sunset in summer, appreciate the falling leaves in autumn, and watch the snow scenery in winter. Without you, even the most beautiful scenery would be blurry. I really appreciate you - glasses!

28.你知道吗？我们很久以前就认识了，你紧紧地跟着我，用你的脸贴着我，用你的鼻嗅着我，还用你的嘴温柔地咬了我一口……那时候，我叫吕洞宾。
28. You know what? We knew each other a long time ago. You followed me closely, pressed your face against me, smelled me with your nose, and gently bit me with your mouth… At that time, I was called Lu Dongbin.

29.星星月亮天上挂，嫦娥奔月了牵挂，牛郎织女谈情话，月老红娘是神话，有个笨蛋不说话，眯着眼睛看电话！
29. Stars and moon hang in the sky, Chang’e runs to the moon with worries, Cowherd and Weaver Girl talk love, the Moon Old and Red Mother are myths, there’s a fool who doesn’t speak, squinting at the phone!

30.远看象头驴，进看象头驴，是驴就是驴，就是不能骑。死驴！可气！
30. From afar, it looks like a donkey, up close, it looks like a donkey, it’s a donkey, but you can’t ride it. Dead donkey! So annoying!

31.我快乐因为你快乐，我愁了因为你瘦了，我笑了因为你胖了，我有钱了因为我把你卖了，我可怜的猪啊！
31. I’m happy because you’re happy, I’m worried because you’re thin, I laugh because you’re fat, and I have money because I sold you, my poor pig!

32.什么叫乐观派的人？——就像茶壶一样，屁股都烧得红红的，它还有心情在吹口哨！
32. What is an optimistic person like? - Just like a teapot, even when its bottom is red from the heat, it still has the mood to whistle!

33.你的微笑的样子很甜美，你生气的样子很可爱，你在我眼里最美，你在我心里最好。感动了吧？猪啊！
33. Your smiling face is very sweet, your angry face is very cute, you are the most beautiful in my eyes, and you are the best in my heart. Touched, right? Pig!

34.老公下班回家后，发现老婆躺在床上。老公关切地问道：老婆，身体不舒服吗？老婆点了点头。老公连忙安慰道：做饭的事你不用愁，我一会把你背到厨房！
34. When the husband came home from work, he found his wife lying in bed. The husband asked with concern: Honey, are you feeling unwell? The wife nodded. The husband quickly comforted her: Don’t worry about cooking, I’ll carry you to the kitchen in a while!

35.一男人总找不到女友，无奈去算命。算命师：你前半生注定没女人，那人眼睛一亮：后半生呢？算命师说：后半生你就习惯了。
35. A man couldn’t find a girlfriend and went to have his fortune told. Fortune teller: Your first half of life is destined to have no women. The man’s eyes lit up: What about the second half? The fortune teller said: You’ll get used to it in the second half.

36.同学上课睡觉被老师拉到楼道教育。顶了几句嘴，气的老师想揍他。这同学嚷嚷说：“你敢打人？！”老师：“打你怎么着，我打你有人知道吗？我打你有人知道吗？”同学一琢磨……后来老师就被送去医院了！
36. A student was caught sleeping in class and was taken to the hallway by the teacher for education. After arguing with the teacher, the teacher got angry and wanted to hit him. The student shouted: “You dare to hit me?!” Teacher: “So what if I hit you? Does anyone know I hit you?” The student thought for a moment… Later, the teacher was sent to the hospital!

37.今天聚餐的时候，听到旁边一对情侣对话，mm：你手机怎么切换拼音？他说：摁菊花键啊。 mm思考了下，立马做顿悟状认真的对着手机底部摸索了半响……我说兄弟可不可以不要把*号键说成菊花键好么？
37. Today, during a gathering, I overheard a conversation between a couple. MM: How do you switch to Pinyin on your phone? He said: Press the chrysanthemum key. MM thought for a moment and immediately pretended to understand, seriously feeling the bottom of her phone for a while… I said, bro, can you please not call the asterisk key the chrysanthemum key?

38.今天面试没通过 ，因为他们觉得我的打扮过于女性化了。？？？！！我TM就是女的 ……
38. Today, I didn’t pass the interview because they thought my appearance was too feminine. What the hell?! I’m a woman…

39.换了手机号，晚上给同事群发了一条：“亲爱的，我换这个号了，啵一个，以后记得和我聊唷。”接着关机睡觉。然后第二天上班其他同事都脸色憔悴，还有一人有淤青的痕迹……后来又偷偷换了一个号。
39. After changing my phone number, I sent a message to my colleagues at night: “Dear, I’ve changed to this number, give me a kiss, and remember to chat with me in the future.” Then I turned off my phone and went to sleep. The next day at work, my colleagues looked haggard, and one of them had a bruise… Later, I secretly changed to another number.

40.前几天老公陪我去医院看病，妇科，大夫问我有没有对象，我说有，然后就给我开了一堆单子让我去做化验，其中有一项是验尿，尿了我一手就不说了，草蛋的是发现那项是看我怀孕了没，更草蛋的是，我和我老公都是女的！！！
40. A few days ago, my wife accompanied me to the hospital for a gynecology appointment. The doctor asked if I had a partner, and I said yes. Then they gave me a bunch of forms to get tested, including one for urine analysis. It’s not worth mentioning that I peed on my hand, but what’s more ridiculous is that the test was to see if I was pregnant. What’s even more absurd is that both my wife and I are women!

41.昨儿烫了个头，今天上课老师指桑骂槐的说：女孩子嘛，再怎么贪睡早上起床也得梳一下头啊～
41. Yesterday, I got a perm, and today my teacher indirectly scolded me in class: “Girls, no matter how sleepy you are in the morning, you should comb your hair.”

42.老师：“我要你们写一篇关于牛奶的作文，并且要求写满两页纸，小逗号，你的作文为什么才写这么几行呢？” 小逗号：“老师，我的文章是关于浓缩牛奶的，所以就短。”
42. Teacher: “I asked you to write an essay about milk, and it should be two pages long. Why is your essay so short, little comma?” Little comma: “Teacher, my essay is about condensed milk, so it’s short.”

43.老师问一名学生：你的试卷是抄了别人的吧？小逗号：是的。是抄了些，但不全是。老师：哪些地方不是抄的呢？小逗号：名字不是。
43. The teacher asked a student: “Did you copy someone else’s test paper?” Little comma: “Yes, I did copy some, but not all.” Teacher: “Which parts are not copied?” Little comma: “The name isn’t.”

44.一瞎子骑车，一瘸子坐后面看路，突然瘸子发现前方有一深沟急呼：沟、沟、沟！瞎子听完回唱：噢勒噢勒噢勒。俩人一起掉入沟中。
44. A blind man was riding a bike, and a lame man was sitting behind him to watch the road. Suddenly, the lame man noticed a deep ditch ahead and urgently shouted: “Ditch, ditch, ditch!” The blind man, after hearing this, sang back: “Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.” Both of them fell into the ditch.

45.妻：婚前你不是说我是你的全世界吗？为甚么你现在又去找别的女人？夫：嗯。那是因为我的地理常识变丰富了……
45. Wife: “Didn’t you say I was your whole world before marriage? Why are you looking for other women now?” Husband: “Well, it’s because my knowledge of geography has expanded…”

46.约翰看了游泳池的招聘救生员的广告后前去报名。游泳池的老板问约翰有何特长，约翰回答说：“游泳池深。米，我身高。米。”
46. John went to apply for a lifeguard job at the swimming pool after seeing the advertisement. The pool owner asked John about his special skills, and John replied: “The swimming pool is 2 meters deep, and I am 2 meters tall.”

47.一位架子工出身的局长接受记者的采访。“请问，你觉得当局长和当架子工有什么相同之处？”“爬到一定的高度，还想继续往上爬。”
47. A director who used to be a scaffolder was interviewed by a reporter. “What do you think is the similarity between being a director and a scaffolder?” “Climbing to a certain height and still wanting to climb higher.”

48.甲女：“你的未婚夫知道你的年龄吗？”乙女：“是的，他知道一部分。”
48. Female A: “Does your fiancé know your age?” Female B: “Yes, he knows a part of it.”

49.有座教堂里面有很多钟，它们的快慢不一样，神父解释：一个钟代表一个男人，外遇越多转得越快。女士：哪个是我老公？神父：被上帝拿去当风扇了。
49. In a church, there are many clocks with different speeds. The priest explained: “A clock represents a man, and the more affairs he has, the faster it goes.” Lady: “Which one is my husband’s?” Priest: “God took it as a fan.”

50.母亲：“依我看，我的孩子真是个神童，他有许多很独特的想法，难道不是这样吗？”老师：“是的，特别是在他默写生字的时候。”
50. Mother: “In my opinion, my child is a prodigy. He has many unique ideas, isn’t that right?” Teacher: “Yes, especially when he’s copying the characters.”

51.一个女人问一个男人：“你知道世上什么最坚强嘛？”男的回：“不知道！”那女人说：“你的胡子。”男人问：“为什么呢？”“因为你的脸皮这么厚，它还能破皮而出。”
51. A woman asked a man: “Do you know what is the strongest in the world?” Man: “I don’t know!” The woman said: “Your beard.” Man: “Why is that?” “Because your skin is so thick, and it can still break through.”

52.城里有只蚊子，久未觅到合胃口的饭菜，一日饿极遂扎到一女胸前猛咬，发现皮肤下面全是硅胶，仰天长叹道：哎，绿色食品真是越来越少了！
52. There was a mosquito in the city that hadn’t found any suitable food for a long time. One day, it was so hungry that it bit a woman’s chest and found that her skin was full of silicone. The mosquito sighed: “Alas, there are fewer and fewer green foods!”

53.电视上出现接吻镜头，爸爸让儿子去倒杯水。不久，电视上又有接吻的场面，爸爸让儿子再去倒杯水，儿子问：爸爸，是不是一看到有人亲嘴你就口渴啊？
53. When a kissing scene appeared on TV, Dad asked his son to pour him a glass of water. Soon, another kissing scene appeared on TV, and Dad asked his son to pour him another glass of water. The son asked: “Dad, do you get thirsty every time you see someone kissing?”

54.前天上qq看一雄性已婚初中同学签名是“可能，我没有想象中那么爱你”。昨儿他签名档是“老婆，我错了”。今儿的签名档是“本人近日无家可归，求好心人收留”。
54. The day before yesterday, I saw a male married junior high school classmate’s QQ signature saying, “Perhaps, I don’t love you as much as I imagined.” Yesterday, his signature was “Wife, I was wrong.” Today’s signature is “Homeless recently, looking for a kind-hearted person to take me in.”

55.有天我带乐扣乐扣的杯子去上班，装了一杯热可可，刚喝了没几口，别的部门一个大姐过来说话，我就乘机显摆：您看，这叫乐扣，盖起来放在包里怎么动都不会漏……话没说完一杯可可全倒包里了。我光顾着乐，忘扣了。
55. One day, I took my Lock & Lock cup to work, filled it with hot cocoa, and had only a few sips when a lady from another department came to talk. I took the opportunity to show off: “See, this is called Lock & Lock. You can put the lid on and put it in your bag, and it won’t leak no matter how much you move it…” Before I finished speaking, the whole cup of cocoa spilled into my bag. I was so focused on showing off that I forgot to close the lid.

56.今天在办公室闲的没事，在玩一块磁铁，被领导看到了。领导伸手就来拿，结果“嗖”的一下，磁铁吸在了领导的金戒指上面，好尴尬……
56. Today, I was bored in the office and playing with a magnet when my leader saw it. The leader reached out to take it, and the magnet suddenly stuck to the leader’s gold ring. It was so embarrassing…

57.昨天中午和同事聊房价，我还说：现在房价这么贵，如果我有块地，那真是发达了！他说：你要是有块地，我马上认你做干爹！刚说完，前台那边小姑娘喊我：XX~你有快递！后来整个下午我干儿子都不愿意和我说话。
57. Yesterday, at noon, I was talking with a colleague about housing prices. I said, “Now that the housing prices are so expensive, if I had a piece of land, I would be rich!” He replied, “If you had a piece of land, I would immediately recognize you as my godfather!” Just after saying that, the receptionist called out to me: “XX~ You have a package!” The whole afternoon, my godchild refused to talk to me.

58.上考前复习课，老师走进教室，说：“同学们，今年学校规定了，不许划重点，大家知道吗？”话说完，底下发出一阵长叹。老师接着说：“好，现在请大家把书拿出来，我们来划一下非重点。”
58. Before the exam review class, the teacher walked into the classroom and said, “Students, this year the school has stipulated that we are not allowed to highlight key points. Do you all know that?” After saying this, a long sigh came from the bottom. The teacher continued, “Alright, now please take out your books, and let’s highlight the non-key points.”

59.一同学听老师讲圣经，讲到大洪水把地球上生物全淹死了，问老师：你确定？老师说：确定。他问：那鱼呢？老师说：你出去！
59. A classmate listened to the teacher talking about the Bible, and when it came to the great flood that drowned all the creatures on Earth, he asked the teacher, “Are you sure?” The teacher said, “Yes, I’m sure.” He asked, “What about the fish?” The teacher replied, “You get out!”

60.老师正在讲课，看到两个学生枕着书睡觉。其中一个成绩优秀的学生，一个是差生。教师把那个差生拉起来骂道：你这个不思上进的家伙，一看书就睡觉，你看人家睡觉也在看书
60. The teacher was giving a lecture and saw two students sleeping on their books. One was an excellent student, and the other was a poor student. The teacher pulled the poor student up and scolded him: “You unambitious guy, you fall asleep as soon as you look at a book. Look at the other person, they’re sleeping on the book.”

61.单位组织体检，护士说领导心率一直不正常，遂请主任医师复检。复查后，主任和蔼地对护士说：以后把胸前的扣子扣好，可以提高工作效率。
61. The unit organized a physical examination, and the nurse said that the leader’s heart rate had been abnormal. So, the chief physician was asked to re-examine. After the re-examination, the chief physician kindly said to the nurse: “In the future, button up your shirt properly to improve work efficiency.”

62.法官劝一位老太太打消离婚的念头。法官说：“您都九十二岁了，您丈夫也九十四岁了。你们结婚七十三年，为什么还要离婚呢？”老太太说：“我们的婚姻早已破裂多年，只是为了儿女，才决定等到儿女们都死了再说。” 发送给好友 发送给自己
62. The judge persuaded an old lady to give up the idea of divorce. The judge said, “You are 92 years old, and your husband is 94 years old. You have been married for 73 years, so why do you want to divorce?” The old lady said, “Our marriage has been broken for many years, but we decided to wait until our children passed away.”

63.居委会大妈：“小孩，大冷天你一个人站在门口干什么，怎么不在屋里待着？”小孩：“爸爸，妈妈在吵架。”居委会大妈：“不象话，你爸爸是谁？”小孩：“这就是他们吵架的原因。”
63. The neighborhood committee aunt asked, “Kid, what are you doing standing alone at the door in this cold weather? Why don’t you stay inside?” The child replied, “My mom and dad are arguing.” The aunt asked, “Your dad, who is he?” The child said, “That’s the reason they are arguing.”

64.男子问朋友：听说你谈对象了。朋友答：是的，成功了三分之二。男子疑惑道：此话怎讲？朋友解释道：哪里，媒人同意了，我同意了，但女方没同意！
64. A man asked his friend, “I heard you’re dating someone.” The friend replied, “Yes, it’s two-thirds successful.” The man was puzzled and asked, “What do you mean?” The friend explained, “Well, the matchmaker agreed, I agreed, but the girl didn’t agree!”

65.一位男生想找女朋友，男生问我：“追什么样的女生好？”我回答：“要追女生，就要追有男朋友的比较好。”男生问：“为什么呀？”我回答：“因为你的对手只有一个。”
65. A guy wanted to find a girlfriend and asked me, “What kind of girl should I pursue?” I answered, “To pursue a girl, it’s better to pursue one who already has a boyfriend.” The guy asked, “Why is that?” I replied, “Because your opponent is only one.”

66.老师提问了一个问题：人体肌肉分为三种，请问是哪三种？某君在睡觉，老师故意叫到。他慌慌张张的站起来，看了看老师，低头问同学。同学说：好像是问肉分几种？该同学赶快答到：“肥肉，瘦肉，五花肉。”
66. The teacher asked a question: There are three types of muscles in the human body, what are they? A certain student was sleeping, and the teacher deliberately called on him. He stood up in a panic, looked at the teacher, and asked his classmates in a low voice. The classmate said: “It seems like you’re asking about the types of meat?” The student quickly answered: “Fat meat, lean meat, and pork belly.”

67.大娘对老伴说：“邻居韩大爷给他孙子起的名字叫韩金量，高大爷给他孙子起的名字叫高科技。咱们也快有孙子了，你也给起个响亮的名字吧！”何大爷随口说道：“那咱孙子就叫何武器！”
67. Granny said to her husband: “Neighbor Han Laoye named his grandson Han Jinliang, and Gao Laoye named his grandson Gaogaojishu. We’re about to have a grandson too, why don’t you come up with a resounding name for him?” He Laoye casually said: “Then let our grandson be called He Wuqi!”

68.我拿了个信封，里面装了叠过期的海峡人才报。到了终点站后，发现信封还在，拿出报纸一看，报纸被换成了最新的海峡人才报，外带张纸条：“现在是咨询时代，及时更新信息，才能把握机会，赢得成功！”——小偷公司敬上
68. I took an envelope containing a stack of expired Strait Talent newspapers. When I arrived at the final destination, I found the envelope still there, but when I took out the newspaper, it had been replaced with the latest Strait Talent newspaper, along with a note: “Now is the information age, updating information in a timely manner is the key to seizing opportunities and achieving success!” - From the thief company.

69.今早收到一张请假条，上书：“老师，我们班某某同学因为在校医院医治无效。。。”，我的脑子“轰”一声巨响，前几天还活生生的人，怎么现在就。。。我眼泪哗一下就下来了，哭了好会，又拿起那张纸条，忽见：“所以今天转到城里继续治疗，望老师准假！” 吐血了，什么语文水平。
69. This morning, I received a leave note which read: “Dear teacher, one of our classmates has been treated at the school hospital to no avail…” My mind went “boom,” just the other day he was still alive and well, how could he be… My tears started to flow, and I cried for a while. Then I picked up the note again and saw: “So today, he will continue treatment in the city, please grant leave!” I was speechless, what kind of language skills are these?

70.小女孩很爱哭，奶奶被吵得不耐烦了，便哄她说：“乖孩子，别哭了！女孩子一哭，脸就会变丑的。”这么一说，小女孩果然不哭了，但是她对着奶奶看了很久，然后问道：“奶奶，你是不是经常哭啊？”
70. A little girl loved to cry, and her grandmother was getting annoyed by the noise. She coaxed the girl, saying: “Good girl, don’t cry! When a girl cries, her face becomes ugly.” After hearing this, the little girl stopped crying, but she stared at her grandmother for a while, then asked: “Grandma, do you cry often?”

71.一小孩老是哭着跟在孕妇后面，孕妇终于不耐烦了，转过身问：孩子，你怎么啦？孩子抽泣着：我气球不见了。是不是你把它藏肚子里了？
71. A child kept crying and following a pregnant woman. The woman finally lost her patience and turned around to ask: “Child, what’s wrong?” The child sobbed: “I lost my balloon. Did you hide it in your belly?”

72.同学向我解释如何拨打某查询电话。我想问问那边接电话的是真人还是语音，竟说成了：”接电话的是活人还是死人呀？”
72. A classmate explained to me how to dial a certain inquiry phone number. I wanted to ask if the person answering the phone was a real person or a voice, but I accidentally said: “Is the person answering the phone alive or dead?”

73.四大不诚信：牛肉面没有牛肉，老婆饼不含老婆；海底捞不在海底，苹果店没有苹果。
73. The four biggest deceptions: Beef noodles without beef, wife cakes without wives; Sea bottom fishing not at the sea bottom, Apple stores without apples.

74.我一直都守在你身边，也一再为你担心，今天你吃得饱吗？睡得好吗？深夜会冷吗？我向来都知道你就是不会照顾自己，每当我一走开，你就从猪栏跳出去。
74. I have always been by your side, and I worry about you time and again. Are you eating well today? Sleeping well? Are you cold at night? I always know that you can’t take care of yourself. Every time I leave, you jump out of the pigpen.

75.大学同学在森林公园聚会，时间到了大家准备开饭，俩男生自告奋勇去小卖部买啤酒。班长想提醒他们买啤酒买易拉罐的，可能由于刚才一直在聊国际时事，班长站起来喊：”啤酒要伊拉克的啊~“我们全倒了，俩男生疯了。。。
75. College classmates gathered in the forest park. When it was time to eat, two boys volunteered to go to the convenience store to buy beer. The monitor wanted to remind them to buy beer in cans, but probably because they had been discussing international affairs just now, the monitor stood up and shouted: “Beer should be from Iraq~” We all fell down, and the two boys went crazy.

76.记得有一次，和一姐们儿去KFC，排队的时候我听她口中念念有词，一个鸡腿汉堡，一对鸡翅。。。，好不容易轮到她了，一开口就笑翻了所有人，她本想说”小姐，来个鸡腿汉堡”，可话到口中竟成了”小腿，来个汉堡”。
76. I remember once, I went to KFC with a girlfriend. While waiting in line, I heard her muttering to herself, a chicken leg burger, a pair of chicken wings… Finally, it was her turn, and as soon as she opened her mouth, she made everyone laugh. She wanted to say, “Miss, a chicken leg burger, please,” but what came out was “Calf, a burger, please.”

77.MM告诉我肯德基新出的”骨肉相连”（肉串有脆骨），要我带她去吃，那几天北京巨热无比，我昏昏沉沉，到了餐厅，我对微笑的肯德基小姐来了句：请给我两个”血肉模糊”，谢谢！。。。无地自容--！
77. My friend MM told me that KFC has a new item called “Bone and Meat Connected” (meat skewers with crispy bones) and asked me to take her to try it. On those extremely hot days in Beijing, I felt drowsy and dizzy. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling KFC lady: “Please give me two ‘blood and mucus’, thank you…” I was so embarrassed! --!

78.夫妻吵架，丈夫：“我恨死你，我真想揍扁你，我眼里根本就没有你。”妻子火冒三丈：“再说一遍！”丈夫：“没有爱哪来恨，打是亲，你永远在我心中！”
78. During a quarrel between a husband and wife, the husband said, “I hate you so much, I really want to beat you up, and you are not in my eyes at all.” The wife, furious, said, “Say that again!” The husband replied, “There is no hate without love, hitting is a sign of affection, and you will always be in my heart!”

79.一个农夫的女儿长得实在是太丑了，嫁不出去！农夫只好让她去玉米地当稻草人吓唬乌鸦。结果到那儿后，她果然吓走了乌鸦！过了几天，乌鸦把以前偷的玉米也送了回来！
79. A farmer’s daughter was so ugly that she couldn’t get married. The farmer had no choice but to send her to the cornfield as a scarecrow to scare away crows. When she arrived, she indeed scared the crows away! A few days later, the crows even returned the corn they had stolen before!

80.火车上，一男孩儿大概五六岁左右，总闹腾特别吵。后座一秀气小女孩儿忽然冷静地问他说。你叫什么？他一脸开心地说我叫Xxx，然后女孩淡定地说了句：那好。xxx，你闭嘴。
80. On the train, a boy around five or six years old was making a lot of noise. A quiet and delicate girl sitting behind him suddenly asked him, “What’s your name?” He happily said, “My name is XXX.” Then the girl calmly said, “Alright, XXX, shut up.”

81.男友：当然最疼你啦~不管你有什么要求或愿望，我都会尽力满足你。我：我现在只有两个小愿望……男友打断我：嘘，说出来就不灵了……
81. Boyfriend: “Of course, I love you the most~ No matter what requests or wishes you have, I will try my best to fulfill them.” Me: “I only have two small wishes now…” Boyfriend interrupted me: “Shh, it won’t come true if you say it out loud…”

82.一日语文课上，语文老师让小逗号用“长城”造句。小逗号答：“长城很长。”老师不悦：“不行，再造一个！”小逗号更不开心，把头一扭：“凭什么，我又不是秦始皇！”
82. One day in a Chinese class, the teacher asked Xiaodou to make a sentence using “Great Wall.” Xiaodou replied, “The Great Wall is very long.” The teacher, displeased, said, “No, make another one!” Xiaodou, even more unhappy, turned his head and said, “Why? I’m not Emperor Qin Shi Huang!”

83.miweg: 晚上朋友聚会，其中一个聊到大学时和一男生关系还不错。某大白天两人走在湖边，男生突然停下对她说：”听，小鸟在说什么？—叽叽叽，我爱你，叽叽叽，我爱你。。。”那朋友当时就石化了。我笑抽了就。。。
83. miweg: At a friend’s gathering in the evening, one of them talked about having a good relationship with a guy during college. One day, they were walking by the lake when the guy suddenly stopped and said to her, “Listen, what are the little birds saying? - Chirp chirp, I love you, chirp chirp, I love you…” That friend was petrified at the time. I laughed so hard I couldn’t stop…

84.师：我要你们写一篇作文，要写人，重点要写突出的地方。小逗号：老师，我想好了。我就写我奶奶。老师：那你奶奶有什么突出的方面吗？小逗号：我奶奶腰椎间盘突出。
84. Teacher: “I want you to write a composition about a person, focusing on their prominent features.” Xiaodou: “Teacher, I’ve got it. I’ll write about my grandma.” Teacher: “What are the prominent aspects of your grandma?” Xiaodou: “My grandma has a prolapsed lumbar disc.”

85.下课铃响了，老师微笑的对全班说：“吵着要放学的同学不要慌，不会拖堂，请吃方便面的同学不要聊天了。叫后排打扑克的同学安静下，以免影响前排同学睡觉。靠窗看风景的同学，喊下操场打篮球的同学，我好布置作业。顺路的同学记得通知在网吧的同学今天的作业。”
85. When the class bell rang, the teacher smiled and said to the whole class, “Students who are eager to leave, don’t panic, I won’t keep you in class. Please stop chatting while eating instant noodles. Students playing poker in the back row, please be quiet so as not to disturb the students sleeping in the front row. Students looking out the window, call the students playing basketball on the playground, so I can assign homework. Students who are going the same way, please remember to inform those at the internet cafe about today’s homework.”

86.据说一老外年轻的时候，立志要当一名伟大的作家。怎么才算伟大呢？他说：我写的东西全世界都要看到！看完他们必定会歇斯底里！会火冒三丈！会痛苦万分！结果，他成功了，他在微软公司负责写系统蓝屏时的报错提示信息。。。。
86. It is said that when a foreigner was young, he was determined to become a great writer. How could he be considered great? He said, “Everything I write must be seen by the whole world! After reading it, they will be hysterical! Furious! In extreme pain!” As a result, he succeeded and became responsible for writing error messages when the computer system crashes at Microsoft.

87.一朋友说，上次在北京动物园的河马池，由于天热河马只露了个头，这时听到一个女声：“天啊！有这么大的青蛙！”
87. A friend said that last time at the Beijing Zoo, due to the heat, the hippo only showed its head in the pool. At that moment, they heard a female voice exclaim, “Oh my God! There’s such a big frog!”

88.老公眯缝眼~一直没啥感觉，直到有一次在车上，坐在前面的妈妈回头看了他一眼后，对着正在叨叨的他爸说：你小声点，他睡着了~于是他认了！= =！
88. My husband has narrow eyes and I never really noticed until one time in the car, when his mother sitting in the front seat looked back at him and then said to his father, who was talking non-stop, “Keep your voice down, he’s asleep.” So he accepted it! = =!

89.学的时候追过一女孩，数次表白，此女均无应答。终于有一天，女孩短信告知我周末去公园玩玩吧。周末应邀来到黄河公园。女孩说，我有句话一直想对你说……我心想这事有戏，就说，你说吧，我听着。她一句话“黄河也看了，这回死心了吧”
89. When I was in school, I pursued a girl and confessed to her several times, but she never responded. Finally, one day, she texted me and said, “Let’s go to the park this weekend.” I went to the Yellow River Park as invited on the weekend. The girl said, “There’s something I’ve always wanted to tell you…” Thinking there might be a chance, I said, “Go ahead, I’m listening.” She then said, “You’ve seen the Yellow River, now you should give up, right?”

90.胖妇去买首饰，选好戴在手上问：我要买这个夜光手环。服务员：这不是手环，但也是夜光的。胖妇：那是什么？服务员：夜光呼啦圈。
90. A fat woman went to buy jewelry and picked one to wear on her hand, asking, “I want to buy this luminous bracelet.” The salesperson: “This is not a bracelet, but it is also luminous.” Fat woman: “Then what is it?” Salesperson: “It’s a luminous hula hoop.”

91.女：“你跟我说话怎么老嚼着糖？”男：“不嚼糖哪来那么多甜言蜜语？”
91. Girl: “Why do you always chew gum when talking to me?” Boy: “Without gum, where would there be so many sweet words?”

92.跟女朋友做公交车，人特多，站着……然后，女朋友掐我胳膊玩，我就掐她腿，可是任我怎么使劲掐她她都跟没事人似的，我回头一看，一大叔快哭了！
92. I was on a bus with my girlfriend, and it was very crowded, so we were standing… Then, my girlfriend started pinching my arm for fun, and I pinched her leg in return. No matter how hard I pinched her, she acted like nothing happened. I turned my head and saw an uncle almost in tears!

93.一个人对哥们诉苦：“我的女朋友是列车员，可把我给折腾苦了！我整夜得给她摇床，床一停止摇晃，她就立马起来，把厕所锁上！”
93. A man complained to his friend, “My girlfriend is a train conductor, and she has really made my life miserable! I have to rock her bed all night long. As soon as the bed stops shaking, she immediately gets up and locks the toilet!”

94.一对小情侣吵架。女：思想有多远，就给老娘滚多远~！！男很淡定地说：按你的思想，老子就该原地不动。
94. A couple was arguing. The girl said, “Roll as far as your thoughts can take you, and get out of my sight!” The boy calmly replied, “According to your thinking, I should stay right here.”

95.地主斗得好，说明有头脑；斗得精，说明思路清；斗得细，说明懂经济；斗得大，说明不怕炸；赢了不吱声，说明城府深；输了不投降；说明竞争意识强！
95. Playing Landlord well indicates intelligence; playing it skillfully shows clear thinking; playing it meticulously means understanding economics; playing it big means not fearing explosions; winning without a word shows deep plotting; losing without surrendering indicates strong competitive spirit!

96.一江春水一江涛，一山更比一山高。发个信息给草包，草包准把手机掏，掏出手机低头看，发现自己是笨蛋。
96. A river of spring water, a river of waves; a mountain higher than the last. Send a message to a fool, who will surely take out his phone, look down and realize he’s an idiot.

97.跟你认识这么久了，你一直对我很关心，实在不晓得怎么报答你，下辈子做牛做马，我一定拔草给你吃！
97. I’ve known you for so long, and you’ve always been very caring towards me. I really don’t know how to repay you. In the next life, when I’m a cow or a horse, I will definitely graze grass for you!

98.其实，每一个女人，都是仙女下凡，只可惜，你是脸先着的地！
98. In fact, every woman is a fairy descending from heaven, but unfortunately, you were the one who landed face-first!

99.昨夜星光灿烂，你在哪里浪漫，今夜星光点点，你在哪里丢人现眼？
99. Last night the stars were shining brightly, where were you being romantic? Tonight the stars are twinkling, where are you making a fool of yourself?

100.我手持玫瑰花，看见姑娘仨，谁要说爱我，我就送给她！
100. I hold a rose in my hand and see three girls. Whoever says they love me, I’ll give it to her!

101.懂得唐伯虎的人不多，秋香算一个；懂得贾宝玉的人不多，黛玉算一个；懂得你的人不多，嫦娥算一个。
101. Not many people understand Tang Bohu, but Qiuxiang is one of them; not many people understand Jia Baoyu, but Daiyu is one of them; not many people understand you, but Chang’e is one of them.

102.爸爸：哎呀，小乖乖！你洗了一上午，洗干净了些什么？儿子：爸爸，我把肥皂洗干净了。
102. Dad: Oh, my little darling! What have you washed clean all morning? Son: Dad, I’ve washed the soap clean.

103.清晨你轻轻地走近我床前，深情地吻着我的脸，你那深遂的眼神始终注视着我，实在无法拒绝你，“狗狗乖，带你去散步!”
103. In the early morning, you gently approached my bedside, kissing my face passionately. Your deep eyes were always staring at me, and I couldn’t resist you, “Good dog, let’s go for a walk!”

104.我跟我妈说了，我喜欢你，我要让你去我家，日日夜夜陪伴我。你知道吗？通过这些日子的交往，我发现我已经不能没有你!真的，可我妈不肯，她狠狠地说：“这里不准养猪!”
104. I told my mom that I like you and want you to come to my home to accompany me day and night. You know what? Through these days of interaction, I’ve found that I can’t live without you! Really, but my mom refuses, she said fiercely, “No pigs allowed here!”

105.一个醉鬼半夜回家，妻子埋怨他回来得晚，醉鬼解释：“有两个推销员一直纠缠着我不放”，妻子：“那他们向你推销了什么？”丈夫：“他们问我要钱还是要命？”
105. A drunk man came home late at night, and his wife complained about his lateness. The drunk man explained, “Two salesmen were pestering me.” Wife: “What did they sell you?” Husband: “They asked me if I wanted money or my life?”

106.一个顾客气愤地跑进裁缝店，指着店主给他设计的时装说：“我站在街道拐角打哈欠，两个人把信塞进我嘴里！”
106. An angry customer ran into a tailor’s shop, pointing at the fashion designed by the owner and said, “I was standing at the street corner yawning, and two people stuffed letters into my mouth!”

107.狼病了，兔子带了胡萝卜去看他．狼：来就来吧，还带什么礼物啊！兔子：来看看你，可它们说也许您不会喜欢这个．狼：我非常喜欢你的礼物，胡萝卜先生。
107. A wolf was sick, and a rabbit brought him some carrots. Wolf: “You didn’t have to bring a gift!” Rabbit: “I came to see you, but they said you might not like this.” Wolf: “I really like your gift, Mr. Carrot.”

108.螳螂在向蚂蚱炫耀自己的手：看我的手里拿着刀多漂亮！一会公鸡把螳螂吃掉了。蚂蚱骄傲地说：叫你拿刀，不知道在严打吗？
108. A mantis was showing off its hands to a grasshopper, saying, “Look at how beautiful my hands are with a knife!” Soon, a rooster ate the mantis. The grasshopper proudly said, “You had a knife, didn’t you know there’s a crackdown going on?”

109.某男生生性懒惰，习惯把脏衣服泡在水盆一个月。楼长语重心长地说，衣服泡时间长了就会腐烂的！该生认真答道：不会，我每天都换水！
109. A lazy boy used to soak his dirty clothes in a basin for a month. The building superintendent said seriously, “Clothes will rot if soaked for too long!” The boy replied earnestly, “They won’t, I change the water every day!”

110.两个醉汉驾着汽车狂奔。甲：“小心点！前面是急转弯。”乙：“什么？不是你在开车吗？”
110. Two drunk men were driving a car at full speed. A: “Be careful! There’s a sharp turn ahead.” B: “What? Aren’t you driving?”

111.农夫巡视果园，发现一个小男孩攀上了苹果树。“小捣蛋，你等着看，我要去告诉你爸爸!”男孩抬头向上面喊道：“爹，底下有人要和你说话!”
111. A farmer was inspecting his orchard when he saw a little boy climbing an apple tree. “You little troublemaker, wait and see, I’ll tell your father!” The boy looked up and shouted, “Dad, someone down there wants to talk to you!”

112.老鳖调戏河蚌，被咬，老鳖忍痛拖着河蚌来回爬，青蛙见了敬佩的说：乖乖，鳖哥混大了，出入都加着公文包。
112. An old turtle was teasing a river clam, and got bitten. The turtle endured the pain and dragged the clam around. A frog saw this and admired the turtle, saying, “Wow, Brother Turtle has really made it big, even carrying a briefcase when going out!”

113.请注意，智力大比拼：选手有大象，你，猪。通过激烈的比赛，得出：象比猪聪明，你比象聪明。最后的名次是：你象猪。掌声鼓励！
113. Please pay attention, intelligence competition: The contestants are an elephant, you, and a pig. After fierce competition, the result is: Elephants are smarter than pigs, and you are smarter than elephants. The final ranking is: You are like a pig. Applause, please!

114.癞蛤蟆追求天鹅，天鹅不屑的说：我要是你，长成这样早就去死了！蛤蟆不服：那猪还活的好好的呢？猪听了觉的很委屈：我只是在看短信，我招谁惹谁了？
114. A toad pursued a swan, but the swan disdainfully said, “If I were you, I would have died long ago for looking like this!” The toad disagreed, “But the pig is still alive and well?” The pig felt wronged after hearing this, “I was just reading a text message, who did I offend?”

115.因为你，我相信命运；因为你，我相信缘份；也许这一切都是上天注定，冥冥之中牵引着我俩。好想说：我上辈子是做了什么孽呀！
115. Because of you, I believe in destiny; because of you, I believe in fate; maybe all of this is predestined by heaven, guiding us together in the dark. I really want to say: What kind of karma did I create in my previous life?

116.想你，总是在这样的时间与地点才会如此强烈。你总是默默付出你的一切，而我总在完事后将你拋弃——手纸。
116. I miss you, always at such moments and places like this. You always silently give everything, and I always abandon you after finishing using you - toilet paper.

117.吸取了上次的教训，从中我得到了经验，那就是以后我再也不会用肉包子打你了，有去无回啊！
117. Having learned from the previous lesson, I gained experience, which is that I will never use meat buns to hit you again; it’s a one-way trip!

118.无子西瓜研制成功，频繁参加各种庆功会、报告会，风光无限。其它西瓜十分羡慕，一西瓜愤愤：美什么呀？都没下一代了。
118. The childless watermelon was successfully developed and frequently attended various celebration and report meetings, enjoying endless glory. Other watermelons were very envious, and one watermelon complained angrily: What’s so great? There’s no next generation!

119.一个小偷到一个客房偷窃，一无所获地走到门口被主人看见了：出去后把门关好！小偷得意洋洋地回道：你这门根本就不用关！
119. A thief went to a guest room to steal and found nothing. As he walked to the door, the owner saw him and said: Close the door after you leave! The thief replied triumphantly: Your door doesn’t need to be closed at all!

120.一女人很丑还没有口德，一次去相亲，男主角很久才到。女人见他是个胖子，火了：死胖子，丑男人！男主角也火了：至少我曾经瘦过，你漂亮过吗？
120. A woman was very ugly and had a bad temper. Once, she went on a blind date, and the male protagonist arrived late. The woman, seeing that he was a fat man, got angry and said: You fat, ugly man! The man also got angry and replied: At least I used to be thin; have you ever been pretty?

121.漫漫人生路，谁不错几步，家里要保住，情人还得处：家里有个做饭的，单位留个好看的，外面养个可爱的，远方有个想念的，保住二，守住一，发展三四五六七！
121. In the long journey of life, who doesn’t make a few mistakes? Keep the family safe, and maintain lovers: have a cook at home, a good-looking one at work, a lovely one outside, and a missed one far away. Keep the second, hold on to the first, and develop the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth!

122.听说了吗？前生的次回眸才换来今生的擦肩而过，今生象我们这样的好朋友，前生什么都没干，光他妈的回头了。
122. Did you hear? In a past life, turning one’s head ten times could换来今生’s passing by. For good friends like us in this life, it seems we did nothing in the past life but just kept turning our heads.

123.一群燕子在房檐下啄泥筑巢，垒成后燕子们在房顶大叫，院里的孩子好奇，去问爸爸。父答：唉，包工头躲起来了，没给人家工钱。
123. A group of swallows pecked at the mud under the eaves to build a nest. After completing it, the swallows shouted on the roof. The children in the courtyard were curious and asked their father. The father replied: Alas, the contractor has hidden, and hasn’t paid the workers.

124.一小姐在地下通道看见一男子张着双臂向她走来。她立刻飞起一脚，只听哗啦一声，男子长叹：“这已是让人踹碎的第三块玻璃了。”
124. A young lady saw a man with his arms wide open in the underground passage, walking towards her. She immediately kicked him, and they heard a crash. The man sighed, “This is the third piece of glass I’ve been kicked through.”

125.一没舞伴的小姐，坐在挤满人的舞厅里，见一清秀的小伙子向她靠近，暗喜。“你要跳舞吗？”小伙子问。“是的。”她回答。“那我可以坐你的座位吗？”
125. A young lady without a dance partner sat in a crowded dance hall, and saw a handsome young man approaching her, feeling delighted. “Would you like to dance?” the young man asked. “Yes,” she replied. “Then may I sit in your seat?” the young man asked.

126.一医学院学生问图书管理员：“有没有解剖学最新的书刊。”“解剖学还要最新的，难道说最近几年人类的骨骼又出现什么新变化吗？”
126. A medical student asked the librarian, “Do you have any of the latest anatomy books?” The librarian responded, “Anatomy still needs the latest? Has there been any new change in human bones in recent years?”

127.你在戏院里横躺着占了四个位置，别人叫你起来，你只恩恩了两下不动地方。保安来了说：”够恨啊~兄弟，哪条道上的？你咬咬牙说：楼上过道摔下的！
127. You were lying across four seats in the theater, and when asked to get up, you just hummed twice without moving. A security guard came and said, “You’re really ruthless, brother, which gang are you from?” You gritted your teeth and said, “I fell from the upstairs corridor!”

128.小乌龟见一只蜗牛练长跑问：你在干什么，慢吞吞的？蜗牛：我在练长跑，乌龟鄙视的说：上来吧，我带你。乌龟背上有只蚯蚓看到蜗牛说：坐稳点，老快了!
128. A little turtle saw a snail practicing long-distance running and asked, “What are you doing, so slow?” The snail replied, “I’m practicing long-distance running.” The turtle looked down on the snail and said, “Get on, I’ll take you.” On the turtle’s back, a worm saw the snail and said, “Hold on tight, it’s going really fast!”

129.一夫妇带吃奶的孩子去餐厅用餐，孩子哭闹，女人赶紧掀衣，服务生制止，女大怒：难道这也不行吗？服务生说：露胸可以，但不能自带饮料。
129. A couple with a breastfeeding baby went to a restaurant for a meal. The baby cried, and the woman quickly lifted her clothes. The waiter stopped her, and the woman became furious, “Is this not allowed either?” The waiter said, “You can expose your breasts, but you can’t bring your own drinks.”

130.我把你的名字写在云彩里，被风带走了；我把你的名字写在沙滩上，被浪带走了；我把你的名字写满大街小巷，我被警察带走了。
130. I wrote your name in the clouds, and the wind took it away; I wrote your name on the beach, and the waves took it away; I wrote your name all over the streets and alleys, and I was taken away by the police.

131.蜜蜂狂追蝴蝶，蝴蝶却嫁给了蜗牛。蜜蜂不解：他哪里比我好蝴蝶回答：人家好歹有自己的房子，哪像你住在集体宿舍。
131. Bees chased butterflies crazily, but the butterfly married a snail. The bee was puzzled: “Where is he better than me?” The butterfly replied, “At least he has his own house, unlike you, living in a dormitory.”

132.动物猜谜。乌龟的屁股：规定。乌龟倒立：上面有规定。乌龟翻筋斗：一个又一个规定。大乌龟背上背个小乌龟：上面又有新规定。
132. Animals guessing riddles. Turtle’s buttocks: Regulations. Turtle standing on its head: There are regulations above. Turtle somersaulting: One regulation after another. A big turtle with a little turtle on its back: There are new regulations above.

133.爱你的心永不悔，想你的情永不退，想你想得无法睡，忘了你我学不会，一只小猪对着手机在陶醉！
133. My love for you will never regret, my thoughts for you will never fade, I can’t sleep because I miss you so much, and I can’t learn to forget you; a little pig is intoxicated facing its phone!

134.作家听到厨师说他的作品淡而无味，就对厨师说：“你没有写过小说，因此你无权批评我的书。”厨师反驳道：“我这辈子没下过一个蛋，可我能品尝炒鸡蛋的味道。母鸡能尝出鸡蛋的味道吗？”
134. When the writer heard the chef say that his work was bland, he said to the chef, “You have never written a novel, so you have no right to criticize my book.” The chef retorted, “I have never laid an egg in my life, but I can taste the flavor of fried eggs. Can a hen taste the flavor of an egg?”

135.挨饿这事如果干的好就叫减肥；掐人这事如果干的好就叫按摩；发呆这事如果干的好就叫深沉；偷懒这事如果干的好就叫享受；死皮赖脸这事干的好就叫执着。
135. If you do a good job of going hungry, it’s called dieting; if you do a good job of pinching someone, it’s called massage; if you do a good job of daydreaming, it’s called being deep; if you do a good job of being lazy, it’s called enjoying; if you do a good job of being shameless, it’s called persistence.

136.老鼠没女朋友特别郁闷，终于一只蝙蝠答应嫁给他，老鼠十分高兴。别人笑他没眼光，老鼠：你们懂什么，她好歹是个空姐。
136. The mouse was very depressed because he had no girlfriend, but then a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at him for having no taste, but the mouse said, “You know nothing; she’s at least a flight attendant.”

137.一外国旅游者参观果园，边走边吹牛：“在我国橘子看上去就像足球，香蕉树就像铁塔……”说着绊倒在一堆西瓜上。一果农大声道：“当心我们的葡萄。”
137. A foreign tourist was visiting an orchard, boasting as he walked, “In our country, oranges look like soccer balls, and banana trees look like the Eiffel Tower…” He tripped and fell on a pile of watermelons. A fruit farmer shouted, “Watch out for our grapes!”

138.青工小王想调动工作，便请厂长去喝酒。酒过三巡之后，小王拿出申请报告和笔递给厂长。喝得醉醺醺的厂长接过笔，在申请报告上重重地签上了两个字——好酒。
138. Young worker Xiao Wang wanted to change jobs, so he invited the factory director for a drink. After three rounds of drinks, Xiao Wang took out his application report and pen and handed them to the director. The drunken director took the pen and signed two words heavily on the application report - good wine.

139.某美女发现口红太重，拿湿纸巾擦拭后扔到路上。一老头拣起，端详半天突然醒悟，追上说：姑娘，这超薄的就是容易掉呀！
139. A beautiful woman found her lipstick too heavy, wiped it off with a wet tissue, and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, examined it for a while, and suddenly realized, catching up with her and saying, “Miss, these ultra-thin ones are easy to fall off!”

140.我家附近一家西饼店中所售老婆饼分大小两种，标签上写的分别是“大老婆饼”、“小老婆饼”。我各买了些回家，目前吃出的心得是：小老婆口儿甜，大老婆管饱。
140. There is a bakery near my home that sells two sizes of wife cakes, labeled “Big Wife Cake” and “Little Wife Cake.” I bought some of each and found that the Little Wife Cake is sweet, while the Big Wife Cake is filling.

141.大三那年我同学去卖鱼的商场打工。客人拿了挑好的鱼，我同学很温柔地指着杀鱼台对他说：“你过去，有人会把你杀掉。”……
141. In my junior year, a classmate of mine worked part-time at a fish market. When a customer picked a fish, my classmate gently pointed to the killing table and said, “Go over there, and someone will kill you.”

142.耳朵痒吗？那代表我在想你，眼睛痒吗？那代表我想见你，嘴痒吗？那代表我想吻你，身体痒吗？那代表……别瞎想了，都快长虱子了，赶快洗澡去吧！
142. Do your ears itch? It means I’m thinking of you; do your eyes itch? It means I want to see you; do your lips itch? It means I want to kiss you; does your body itch? It means… Stop daydreaming, you’re about to get lice! Hurry up and take a bath!

143.那段日子，我们静静地走在家乡的小路，你害羞地低着头。乡亲们见了我们都夸你：嘿，又漂亮又干净！也夸我：好孩子，这么小年纪就出来放猪！！”
143. Back then, we quietly walked on the country roads, and you shyly lowered your head. The villagers praised you, saying, “Hey, she’s so beautiful and clean!” They also praised me, saying, “What a good boy, so young and already herding pigs!”

144.爸爸对女儿讲他小时候家境贫寒。女儿听完了故事，两眼含泪，十分同情地对爸爸说：“哦，爸，你是因为没有饭吃才到我们家来的吧？”
144. Dad told his daughter about his poor childhood. After listening to the story, the daughter tearfully sympathized with her dad and said, “Oh, Dad, did you come to our house because you had no food to eat?”

145.又在工作吧？我不止一次的对你说不要这么玩命工作，要注意身体。可你总是意味深长的说：“不趁天暖多滚几个粪球，冬天我吃什么！！”
145. Are you working again? I’ve told you more than once not to work so hard and to take care of your health. But you always say meaningfully, “If I don’t roll more dung balls while it’s warm, what will I eat in winter?!”

146.我希望你能和我合作去做一番大事业，我们会不愁吃不愁喝，而且还可以周游列国，我想以你的魅力你会挣得比我更多，答应我好吗？走，要饭去。
146. I hope you can cooperate with me to do a great business. We will have plenty to eat and drink, and we can travel around the world. I think with your charm, you will earn more than me. Will you promise me? Let’s go, beg for food.

147.夜，已经很深了，我从睡梦中醒来，因为我想起了你，为什么你总在深夜我想抱你的时候悄然离我而去？我真的很需要你!我心爱的枕头你又掉哪去了呢!
147. It’s already very late at night, and I woke up from my sleep because I thought of you. Why do you always leave me quietly in the middle of the night when I want to hold you? I really need you! My beloved pillow, where did you go?!

148.天是蓝的，海是深的，男人的话没一句是真的；爱是永恒的，血是鲜红的，男人不打是不行的；男人如果是有钱的，和谁都是有缘的；男人靠得住，猪都会爬树!!
148. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, and men’s words are never true; love is eternal, blood is bright red, and men need a good beating; if a man is rich, he’s destined for everyone; if men are reliable, pigs can climb trees!

149.母亲女儿一起洗碗，父亲儿子在客厅看电视。突然传来打破盘子的响声，然后一片沉寂。儿子：一定是妈妈！因为她没有骂人。
149. Mother and daughter wash dishes together, father and son watch TV in the living room. Suddenly, the sound of a broken plate is heard, followed by silence. Son: It must be mom! Because she didn’t scold anyone.

150.外语不及格，证明我爱国；整天乱摆阔，其实没老婆；长个小肚子，偏装弥勒佛；到处喳喳叫，好象大蝈蝈。
150. I failed foreign language, proving my patriotism; I show off all day long, but I don’t have a wife; I have a small belly, yet I pretend to be Buddha Maitreya; I chatter everywhere, just like a big cricket.

151.那天我看见你了，你坐在大太阳底下，好不自在，我问你在干嘛，你神秘一笑：小点声，等我晒黑了就没人说我是白痴！
151. That day I saw you sitting in the bright sun, looking so carefree. I asked what you were doing, and you smiled mysteriously: Keep it down, once I get tanned, no one will call me an idiot!

152.沙僧：我十六变；八戒：我三十二变；悟空：我七十二变；唐僧：路上咋没见你们变个手机？人家妖怪都拿手机看短信呢!
152.沙河: I have 16 transformations; 八戒: I have 32 transformations; 悟空: I have 72 transformations; 唐僧: Why didn’t I see you guys change a mobile phone on the way? Even the monsters have mobile phones to read messages!

153.最近会变天，开始变冷了，你一定要照顾好自己，千万别冻着。俗话说：“人冻腿，猪冻嘴”，我已把长裤穿上了，你也赶紧买个口罩吧!
153. The weather is changing, getting colder, you must take good care of yourself, and don’t catch a cold. As the saying goes: “People get cold legs, pigs get cold mouths,” I’ve already put on my long pants, so you should hurry up and buy a mask!

154.上帝说满足我一个愿望，我说要世界和平，他说太难了换一个吧，我拿出你的照片说要这个人变得漂亮点，他沉思了一下说道：“拿地球仪我再看看！”
154. God said he would grant me one wish, I said world peace, he said it was too difficult and asked me to change it. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to be more beautiful. He pondered for a moment and said, “Let me see the globe again!”

155.今天有人看见你了，你还是那样迷人，穿着格子背心，慢悠悠地走着，一副超然自在的样子，实在是可爱极了，真不知你当年是怎么赛过兔子的？
155. Today someone saw you, still as charming as ever, wearing a plaid vest, walking slowly and carefree, looking really cute. I don’t know how you won the race against the rabbit back then?

156.被人抛弃？受人欺凌？无家可归？即使全世界嫌弃你，不理你，至少还有我们——动物保护协会。
156. Abandoned by others? Bullied? Homeless? Even if the whole world dislikes you and ignores you, at least we – the animal protection association – are here for you.

157.在你的眉宇间我看到沧桑，在你的眼中我看到自信，在你的额头我看到岁月，在你的唇齿间我看到韭菜，快去刷牙！
157. In your eyebrows, I see the vicissitudes of life; in your eyes, I see confidence; on your forehead, I see the years; between your lips and teeth, I see chives. Go brush your teeth!

158.姐高中时头发特长的那种，有一次课间一帅哥跟我要一根头发，我各种娇羞的忍痛拔了一根给他，尼玛放学我看见他用我的头发栓着一只蜻蜓玩……
158. In high school, my hair was very long. One day, a handsome guy asked me for a strand of hair during break. I pulled one out with shy pain. After school, I saw him using my hair to tie a dragonfly and play with it…

159.一只小狗爬上你的餐桌，向一只烧鸡爬去，你大怒道：你敢对那只烧鸡怎样，我就敢对你怎样，结果小狗舔了一下鸡屁股，你昏倒，小狗乐道：小样看谁狠。
159. A puppy climbed onto your dining table and crawled towards a roast chicken. You angrily said: If you dare do anything to that chicken, I’ll do the same to you. The puppy licked the chicken’s rear, you fainted, and the puppy happily said: What a wimp, see who’s tougher.

160.一男携乌龟乘机，空姐不允，男将其藏于裆中，男入厕忘拉裤裢，龟将头伸出，空姐紧盯住，男怒斥：看啥？没见过？女曰：见过，但没见过长眼睛的!
160. A man carrying a turtle boarded a plane, but the flight attendant didn’t allow it. The man hid the turtle in his crotch. When he went to the bathroom and forgot to pull up his pants, the turtle stuck its head out. The flight attendant stared at it, and the man angrily said: What are you looking at? Haven’t you seen one before? She replied: I’ve seen them, but I’ve never seen one with eyes!

161.“我从小喜欢追根究底，长大的志愿是当侦探，现在是报刊的主编，你呢？”“我从小喜欢玩，长大的志愿是怀揣大把的钱到处去逛，现在是公交车售票员。”
161. “I’ve always liked to get to the bottom of things. My childhood dream was to become a detective, and now I’m the editor-in-chief of a newspaper. How about you?” “I’ve always liked to play. My childhood dream was to carry a lot of money and travel everywhere, and now I’m a bus ticket seller.”

162.狼病了，兔子带了胡萝卜去看他．狼：来就来吧，还带什么礼物啊！兔子：来看看你，可它们说也许您不会喜欢这个．狼：我非常喜欢你的礼物，胡萝卜先生。
162. A wolf is sick, and a rabbit brings him some carrots. Wolf: Just coming is enough, why bring a gift? Rabbit: I came to see you, but they said maybe you wouldn’t like this. Wolf: I really like your gift, Mr. Carrot.

163.某男生给同班某友生取外号，叫胖猪，女生向老师哭诉，老师答应对该男生批评，第二天教师在班上讲：“某男生太没礼貌，随便给别人起外号，总不能别人像啥就叫啥吧？”
163. A boy in the class gave a nickname to a female classmate, calling her “fat pig.” The girl complained to the teacher, who promised to criticize the boy. The next day, the teacher said in class, “That boy is too impolite, giving others nicknames casually. We can’t just call someone whatever they look like, can we?”

164.有一种默契叫做心照不宣，有一种感觉叫做妙不可言，有一种幸福叫做有你相伴，有一种思念叫做望眼欲穿，有一个傻瓜会把短信读完。
164. There is a kind of tacit understanding called unspoken, a feeling called indescribable, a happiness called having you with me, a longing called yearning, and a fool who would read this message till the end.

165.清澈的小河流淌着情思，伟大的友谊一看便知。美好的明天向谁告知？我把信息发给白痴！
165. The clear little river flows with emotions, and the great friendship is evident at a glance. Who should I tell about the beautiful tomorrow? I’m sending this message to an idiot!

166.被人抛弃？受人欺凌？无家可归？不要伤心，不要气馁，即使全世界都嫌弃你，至少还有我们，养猪场是您温馨的家。
166. Abandoned? Bullied? Homeless? Don’t be sad, don’t be discouraged, even if the whole world rejects you, at least there’s still a place for you, the pig farm is your warm home.

167.妈妈让小辛上街买鸡蛋，可买回来的都是小鸡蛋。妈妈：现在鸡蛋怎么都是小的？小辛：小鸡生的，现在流行早恋。
167. Mom asked Xiaoxin to buy eggs on the street, but all the eggs he brought back were small. Mom: Why are all the eggs so small now? Xiaoxin: They’re laid by young chickens; early love is popular now.

168.妈妈买回一网兜水果，叮咛儿子：你把水果放到谁的手都够不到的地方。儿子说：妈妈，那就放在我肚子里好了。
168. Mom bought a net bag of fruits and told her son, “Put the fruits where no one can reach.” The son said, “Mom, why not just put them in my stomach?”

169.金钱视我如粪土，我还视金钱如粪土呢!都是粪土谁怕谁啊？
169. Money treats me like dirt, and I treat money the same way! We’re both dirt, who’s afraid of whom?

170.在街上看美女，目光高一点就是欣赏，目光低一点就是流氓。
170. Looking at beautiful women on the street, if your gaze is higher, it’s appreciation; if it’s lower, it’s being a pervert.

171.今天心情不好。我只有四句话想说。包括这句和前面的两句。我的话说完了。
171. I’m in a bad mood today. I have only four sentences to say. Including this one and the two previous ones. I’ve finished speaking.

172.我想我应该去减肥了，上次献血的时候，居然流出了一百毫升的猪油。
172. I think I should lose weight. The last time I donated blood, 100 milliliters of pork fat came out.

173.人生最快乐的事情，就是我可以做别人做不到的事情，比如我可以发短信骂你，而你却不知道我是谁!
173. The happiest thing in life is being able to do things others can’t, like sending text messages to scold you without you knowing who I am!

174.生活真是没劲儿，上个月我的一个哥们儿向我借了块钱，说要去做一个整形手术，结果现在我完全不知道他变成什么模样了。
174. Life is so boring. A friend of mine borrowed some money from me last month, saying he wanted to have a plastic surgery. Now I have no idea what he looks like.

175.有人问我，你帅吗，我说我不帅，他一拳打过来，叫你说谎。
175. Someone asked me, “Are you handsome?” I said, “No, I’m not handsome.” He punched me, telling me to stop lying.

176.我的原则是：人不犯我，我不犯人；人若犯我，我就生气！
176. My principle is: If you don’t mess with me, I won’t mess with you; if you do, I’ll get angry!

177.是你故意避我？还是你我之间无缘？可我每天都想着你，得不到你我是不会罢休的，你让我拥有你吧，哪怕是一次也好啊，我亲爱的……五百万彩票！
177. Do you deliberately avoid me? Or is there no fate between us? But I think of you every day, and I won’t give up until I have you, my dear… five million lottery prize!

178.生物老师讲非洲草原上的生态环境，无人听讲，老师怒道：“你们都看着我听呀！你们不看我，怎么知道非洲野猫长什么样啊！”
178. The biology teacher was talking about the ecological environment of the African savannah, but no one was listening. The teacher got angry and said, “Look at me when you listen! If you don’t look at me, how do you know what an African wild cat looks like?”

179.武功在高，也怕菜刀；智力再好，一砖撂倒；走自己的路，让别人打车去吧！穿别人的鞋，让他们找去吧！为你送上周二的问候，让别人羡慕去吧！
179. No matter how high your martial arts skills are, you’re still afraid of a kitchen knife; no matter how good your intelligence is, a brick can knock you down; go your own way and let others take a taxi! Wear other people’s shoes and let them search for them! Here’s a Tuesday greeting for you, let others be envious!

180.知道昨天我吃什么了吗？煮你，炒你，清蒸你；烤你，焖你，红烧你；炸你，煎你，凉拌你！
180. Do you know what I ate yesterday? Boiled you, fried you, steamed you; roasted you, braised you, cold mixed you!

181.有头小猪了不起，天天睡到十点起，餐餐五碗才见底，体重没有谁敢比，要问小猪在哪里？正在翻看短消息。
181. It’s not a big deal to be a little pig, sleeping until ten o’clock every day, eating five bowls before you’re full; no one dares to compare weight with you. Want to know where the little pig is? He’s reading this message right now.

182.昨天我和朋友打了一个赌，我说：世界上没有比猪还笨的了。结果，我输了，原来这都怪你！
182. Yesterday, I made a bet with a friend, saying, “There’s nothing more stupid than a pig in the world.” As a result, I lost, and it’s all your fault!

183.如果感到幸福你就挥挥手，如果感到幸福你就跺跺脚，如果感到幸福你就甩甩头。祝你快乐——疯子！
183. If you feel happy, just wave your hand; if you feel happy, just stomp your foot; if you feel happy, just shake your head. Wish you happiness, you madman!

184.听说今晚有流星雨看，是大猪座的，那时候会有一头大猪从天空飞过，可惜我要睡觉不能看，你就好了，那么多人看着你飞!
184. I heard there’s a meteor shower tonight, from the Big Pig constellation. There will be a big pig flying across the sky, but unfortunately, I have to sleep and can’t watch it. You’re lucky, with so many people watching you fly!

185.你知道吗，我昨天碰到一个弱智，我从来没见过这么笨的人？至于到底有多笨？这么跟你说吧，他可能比你的智商还低！
185. You know, I met a moron yesterday. I’ve never seen such a stupid person. How stupid exactly? Let me put it this way, their IQ might be even lower than yours!

186.你勤劳得像蜜蜂，漂亮得像蝴蝶，忠诚得像小狗，乖巧得像小猫，憨厚得像老牛，威猛得像老虎，怪不得别人都叫你…禽兽！
186. You’re as hardworking as a bee, as beautiful as a butterfly, as loyal as a dog, as clever as a cat, as honest as an ox, and as fierce as a tiger. No wonder everyone calls you… an animal!

187.我真的很喜欢你大大的耳朵宽宽的脸，厚厚的嘴唇黑黑的眼。你的歌声很奇妙，歌词总是一个调——哼哼哼-哼哼哼。你就是我的宠物猪崽崽！
187. I really like your big ears, wide face, thick lips, dark eyes, and your singing is so unique, with lyrics always in the same tune - humming, humming. You’re my pet piglet!

188.早上儿子看到邻居家的女孩出嫁就问：爸爸，为什么姐姐哭了。爸爸：因为她要嫁人了，要去别人家了，以后就会很少回来了。儿子想了想说道：爸爸，妈妈总是欺负我们，要不我们也把她嫁人了吧!偶尔让她回来给我们洗洗衣服就可以了。
188. One morning, the son saw the neighbor’s girl getting married and asked: “Dad, why is the sister crying?” Dad: “Because she’s getting married and going to another’s home. She’ll rarely come back.” The son thought for a moment and said: “Dad, mom always bullies us. Why don’t we marry her off too? Let her come back occasionally to wash our clothes.”

189.每个和我亲了嘴的，都会被我甩掉，也许你会觉得我太无情，其实我也很留恋亲嘴的那一刹，那种感觉真的很香，可我又有什么办法呢，吃田螺就是这样嘛!
189. Everyone who has kissed me has been dumped by me. You might think I’m heartless, but I also miss the moment of kissing, the sweet feeling. But what can I do? That’s just how it is when eating snails!

190.好久没你消息了，这两天总想你，心里很乱，寻遍你爱去的池塘、就餐的小屋、睡觉的草坪，仍不见你的踪影，我心都快碎了。养这么大头猪咋就能丢了呢？
190. I haven’t heard from you for a long time. I’ve been thinking about you these two days, feeling very upset. I’ve searched all the ponds you like, the huts where you dine, and the lawns where you sleep, but still can’t find you. My heart is broken. How could I lose such a big pig?

191.床前明月光，没钱憋得慌。举头望美女，低头空悲伤。
191. Before my bed, there is bright moonlight, but I’m anxious because I have no money. I look up at the beautiful women, and then bow my head in sorrow.

192.哥们，好长时间没见你，怎么着？是不是又去了你媳妇娘家……高老庄！
192. Buddy, it’s been a long time since I last saw you. What’s up? Did you go to your wife’s hometown… Gaolaozhuang!

193.让我悄悄地蒙上你的眼睛，轻轻地在你脚底下放了块西瓜皮，然后美滋滋地看着你踩上去。
193. Let me quietly cover your eyes and gently place a piece of watermelon rind under your feet, then watch with delight as you step on it.

194.有两句话一直很想对你说，今天终于提起勇气：第一句，我爱你我好喜欢你；第二句，千万不要把第一句当真。
194. I’ve always wanted to tell you two things, and today I finally muster the courage: First, I love you, I like you so much; second, don’t take the first sentence seriously.

195.第一次见你，我已被你深深吸引，我有一种把你带回家的冲动，我渴望夜夜拥你入眠，清晨醒来时能看到你在我身边——枕头啊！
195. The first time I saw you, I was deeply attracted to you. I had an urge to take you home, longing to hold you in my arms every night and wake up to see you by my side - my pillow!

196.一个男人失恋了。朋友安慰他说：“没有关系，你很快就快忘了她，找到更好的女孩。”“不，我不可能很快忘了她！”男人大喊：“我给她买了很多的东西都是分期付款的。”
196. A man lost his love. His friend comforted him, “It’s okay, you’ll soon forget her and find a better girl.” “No, I can’t forget her quickly!” the man shouted, “I bought her so many things, all on installment payments.”

197.妈妈：你要哪一个苹果？孩子：大的，最大的。妈妈：孩子，你应该懂礼貌。要小的。孩子：难道懂礼貌就得撒谎吗？
197. Mom: Which apple do you want? Child: The big one, the biggest. Mom: You should be polite, child. Take the small one. Child: Does being polite mean lying?

198.妈妈抱着孩子站在银行窗口前，小孩一边吃面包，一边把面包从窗口塞给出纳员，出纳员微笑着摇了摇头。母亲：对不起，孩子刚去过动物园。
198. The mother held the child in front of the bank window. The child was eating bread and stuffing it through the window to the teller, who smiled and shook his head. Mother: I’m sorry, the child just came from the zoo.

199.妈妈：小明为什么不分给小妹糖吃？老母鸡找到小虫统统给小鸡吃，你该学习呀！小明：好吧。如果我找到小虫，统统给小妹吃好了。
199. Mom: Why doesn’t Xiaoming share his candy with his little sister? The old hen finds bugs and gives them all to her chicks. You should learn from her! Xiaoming: Alright. If I find any bugs, I’ll give them all to my little sister.

200.我昨晚梦到你了：我们漫步在小河边，相互依偎着。你抬头凝视着我的眼睛，深情地吐出三个字……汪汪汪！
200. Last night, I dreamt of you: we were strolling by the riverside, leaning on each other. You looked up into my eyes and uttered three words deeply… Woof woof woof!