1、咸鱼翻身，还是咸鱼。
1. A salted fish turns over, but it’s still a salted fish.

2、知识就像内裤，看不见但很重要。
2. Knowledge is like underwear, invisible but essential.

3、在哪里摔倒就在哪里躺下。
3. If you fall somewhere, lie down there.

4、钻石恒久远，一颗就破产！
4. Diamonds are forever, but one can make you go bankrupt!

5、人长得漂亮不如活得漂亮！
5. It’s better to live beautifully than to be beautiful.

6、闭上眼睛，我看到了我的前途……
6. With my eyes closed, I see my future…

7、无理取闹，必有所图！
7. Making a fuss without reason means there’s an ulterior motive!

8、别跟我谈感情，谈感情伤钱。
8. Don’t talk to me about emotions; it hurts the wallet.

9、跌倒了，爬起来再哭。
9. Fall down, get up, and then cry.

10、让未来到来，让过去过去。
10. Let the future come and the past pass.

11、作为失败的典型，你实在是太成功了。
11. As a prime example of failure, you are too successful.

12、叹气是最浪费时间的事情，哭泣是最浪费力气的行径。
12. Sighing is the most time-wasting thing, and crying is the most energy-wasting act.

13、父母忽悠孩子叫教育；孩子忽悠父母叫欺骗；互相忽悠叫代沟。
13. Parents deceiving their children is called education; children deceiving their parents is called deception; mutual deception is called generation gap.

14、女人喜欢长得坏坏的男人，不是喜欢长坏了的男人。
14. Women like men who look bad, not men who are actually bad.

15、善意的谎言：就是给自己的欺骗找一个很好的借口。
15. A white lie is a good excuse for self-deception.

16、我可以选择放弃，但不能放弃选择。
16. I can choose to give up, but I can’t give up choosing.

17、个头大就一定厉害吗？恐龙不是照样灭绝了！
17. Does being big necessarily mean being powerful? Dinosaurs still went extinct!

18、我们的爱情在这天夭折了，只为了让彼此有重生的机会。
18. Our love withered on this day, just to give each other a chance to be reborn.

19、本无意与众不同，怎奈何品味出众。
19. I didn’t intend to stand out, but my taste is outstanding.

20、绝口不提不是因为忘记，而是因为铭记。
20. Keeping silent isn’t because of forgetting, but because of remembering.

21、探索的旅程不在于发现新大陆，而在于培养新视角。
21. The journey of exploration lies not in discovering new lands, but in cultivating new perspectives.

22、婚姻的杀手有时不是外遇，而是时间。
22. Sometimes the killer of marriage is not infidelity, but time.

23、英雄难过美人关，我不是英雄，美人让我过了关。
23. A hero finds it hard to resist the charm of a beauty, but I am not a hero, so the beauty let me pass.

24、老板用你的时候你就是人才，不用你的时候就变成裁人！
24. When the boss needs you, you are a talent; when not needed, you become the one to be laid off!

25、结婚就是给自由穿件棉衣，活动起来不方便，但会很温暖。
25. Marriage is like putting a coat on freedom; it restricts your movements but keeps you warm.

26、不是人人都能活的低调，可以低调的基础是随时都能高调。
26. Not everyone can live a low-profile life; the basis for being low-key is the ability to be high-profile at any time.

27、你发怒一分钟，便失去60秒的幸福。
27. If you get angry for one minute, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.

28、男人的大脑喜欢女人的内心，但是眼睛喜欢女人的外表。
28. A man’s brain likes a woman’s inner world, but his eyes like her appearance.

29、玩命：要在有命的情况下才能玩，命都没了，拿什么玩啊！
29. To play with your life, you must have a life to play with; if you have no life, what’s there to play?

30、铁公鸡还会留点铁锈呢，你根本就是个不锈钢公鸡！
30. Even a stingy iron rooster leaves some rust, but you are a stainless steel rooster!

31、烟不听话，所以我们”抽烟“。
31. Cigarettes don’t listen, so we “smoke” them.

32、一个人能走多远，要看他与谁同行；一个人有多优秀，要看他有谁指点；一个人有多成功，要看他有谁相伴。
32. How far a person can go depends on who they walk with; how excellent a person is depends on who guides them; how successful a person is depends on who accompanies them.

33、海阔凭鱼跃，破鼓任人捶。
33. The vast sea allows fish to leap, and a broken drum is for anyone to beat.

34、还没来得及去沾花惹草，就被人拔光了。
34. I haven’t even had the chance to chase after flowers and grasses before being plucked bare.

35、我又不是王子，为什么女孩遇见我总认为自己应该成为公主！
35. I am not a prince, so why do girls always think they should become princesses when they meet me?

36、生活就像”呼吸“，”呼“是为了出一口气，”吸“是为了争一口气。
36. Life is like “breathing”; “exhaling” is to let out a breath, and “inhaling” is to compete for a breath.

37、路见不平一声吼，吼完继续往前走。
37. If you see injustice, shout out, and then continue moving forward.

38、幸福是个比较级，要有东西垫底才感觉得到。
38. Happiness is a comparative degree; you need something at the bottom to feel it.

39、八仙过海，各找各妈、八仙过海，请系好安全带。
39. When the Eight Immortals cross the sea, they each find their own mother; when the Eight Immortals cross the sea, please fasten your seatbelt.

40、明月几时有，自己抬头瞅。
40. When will the bright moon appear? Just raise your head and look up.

41、我悄悄的来，悄悄的走，挥一挥匕首，不留一个活口。
41. I come quietly, I leave quietly, wave a dagger, and leave no survivors.

42、长个包子样就别怨狗跟着。
42. If you look like a bun, don’t blame the dog for following you.

43、为何我的眼中总饱含泪水？因为我装逼装得深沉。
43. Why are there always tears in my eyes? Because I pretend to be deep.

44、你有什么不开心的事？说出来让大家开心一下。
44. What’s the matter with you? Tell us and make everyone happy.

45、泡酒吧的男人是找刺激的，而女人，多半是受过刺激。
45. Men go to bars for excitement, while women mostly have been stimulated.

46、英雄不问出路，流氓不看岁数。
46. A hero doesn’t care about his origin, and a hooligan doesn’t care about his age.

47、一句”拿着“胜过两句”我会给你的“。
47. One “Here you are” is better than two “I’ll give it to you”.

48、当裤子失去皮带，才懂得什麽叫做依赖。
48. When pants lose their belt, they understand what dependence is.

49、不能自拔的，除了爱情，还有别人地里的萝卜。
49. What cannot be self-extracted includes not only love but also the radishes in other people’s fields.

50、不要说别人脑子有病，脑子有病的前提是必须有个脑子。
50. Don’t say others have a problem with their heads; having a problem with their heads presupposes they must have a head.

51、情侣间最矛盾的地方就是幻想彼此的未来，却惦记着对方的过去。
51. The most contradictory thing in a couple is to fantasize about each other’s future while thinking about each other’s past.

52、人生有时就像电脑，说死机就死机，没得商量。
52. Sometimes life is like a computer, it crashes when it crashes, no bargaining.

53、合久必分，分久必合；喝酒必疯，逢酒必喝。
53. United for a long time must separate, separated for a long time must unite; drinking must be crazy, and there must be drinking when there is alcohol.

54、耶稣和释迦牟尼的最大区别是什么？他俩头发一个大卷一个小卷。
54. What is the biggest difference between Jesus and Sakyamuni? One has curly hair, and the other has wavy hair.

55、女人是水做的，男人是泥做的，李俊基李宇春都是水泥做的。
55. Women are made of water, men are made of mud, and Lee Jun-ki and Li Yuchun are both made of cement.

56、做与不做的最大区别是：后者拥有对前者的评论权。
56. The biggest difference between doing and not doing is that the latter has the right to comment on the former.

57、没有不透风的墙，没有不能上吊的梁。
57. There is no wall that doesn’t leak, and there is no beam that can’t be hanged.

58、在中国队面前，穿黄色球衣的泰国队恍惚间也有了巴西队的风范。
58. In front of the Chinese team, the Thai team in yellow jerseys suddenly seems to have the style of the Brazilian team.

59、举起两根手指，对同学们说：“同学们，学好数学关键就是三个字！！多做练习。
59. Raise two fingers and say to the students, “Students, the key to learning math well is just three words!! More practice.

60、能够说出的委屈，便不算委屈；能够抢走的爱人，便不算爱人。
60. The grievance that can be spoken out is not a grievance; the lover that can be taken away is not a lover.

61、当男人遇见女人，从此只有纪念日，没有独立日。
61. When a man meets a woman, there are only anniversaries from then on, no more Independence Day.

62、每个人出生的时候都是原创，可悲的是，很多人渐渐都成了盗版！
62. Everyone is original when they are born, but sadly, many people gradually become counterfeits!

63、我以为”隐身“别人就找不到我了，没用的，像我这样的人，无论在哪里都像漆黑夜里的萤火虫，够鲜明够出众。
63. I thought “being invisible” would make others unable to find me, but it’s useless. People like me are always bright and outstanding, like fireflies in the dark night.

64、忙碌是一种幸福，让我们没时间体会痛苦；奔波是一种快乐，让我们真实的感受生活；疲惫是一种享受，让我们无暇空虚。
64. Being busy is a kind of happiness, as it leaves us no time to experience pain; being on the go is a joy, allowing us to truly feel life; being exhausted is an enjoyment, leaving us no time for emptiness.

65、人生在世无非是让别人笑笑，偶尔笑笑别人。
65. Life is nothing more than making others laugh, and occasionally laughing at others.

66、大部分人一辈子只做三件事：自欺、欺人、被人欺。
66. Most people do three things in their lifetime: deceive themselves, deceive others, and be deceived by others.

67、一般来说长命百岁只是祝愿，但人想活一百岁其实很简单，就是你必须咬牙坚持忍受一千二百个月…
67. Generally speaking, living to a hundred is just a wish, but it’s actually quite simple to reach a hundred years old – you just have to grit your teeth and endure 1,200 months…

68、做个有气质的流氓，做个有品位是色狼，做个有知识的文盲！
68. Be a classy hooligan, a tasteful lecher, and an educated illiterate!

69、我的原则是：人不犯我，我不犯人；人若犯我，我就生气……
69. My principle is: if no one offends me, I won’t offend anyone; if someone offends me, I get angry…

70、智力测验就是要看到底笨到什么程度。
70. An intelligence test is to see just how stupid one can be.

71、男人果断显得坚定，女人果断显得轻率。
71. A decisive man appears firm, while a decisive woman seems hasty.

72、我装了一个一寸的显示器，这样可以使我的错误看起来小一些。
72. I installed a one-inch monitor, so that my mistakes would look smaller.

73、俗话说：你笑，全世界都跟着你笑；你哭，全世界只有你一个人哭。
73. As the saying goes: if you laugh, the whole world laughs with you; if you cry, only you cry.

74、水至清则无鱼，人至贱则无敌。第三者今年最关注的话题是——第三者责任险取消了。
74. If the water is too clear, there will be no fish; if a person is too shameless, they are invincible. The most concerned topic for the third party this year is the cancellation of third-party liability insurance.

75、名花虽有主，我来松松土！有钱男子汉，没钱汉子难！
75. Although a famous flower has its owner, I’ll come to loosen the soil! A wealthy man is a hero, but without money, even a hero is just a man!

76、我想当皇帝，怕罗嗦；想当官，怕事多；想吃饭，怕刷锅；真想揍你一顿，怕惹祸。
76. I want to be an emperor, but I’m afraid of the fuss; I want to be an official, but I’m afraid of the workload; I want to eat, but I’m afraid of washing the pot; I really want to beat you up, but I’m afraid of causing trouble.

77、小时候经常听说有人因为生活压力大而自杀，那时我懂得死亡，却不明白压力是什么，现在长大了，我懂得了什么是压力，开始不明白为什么还有那么多人活着……
77. When I was young, I often heard about people committing suicide due to the pressure of life. At that time, I understood death but not the pressure. Now that I’ve grown up, I understand the pressure but don’t understand why there are still so many people alive…

78、舍不得孩子套不着狼，舍不得媳妇抓不着流氓，舍不得更新得不着收藏……
78. You have to sacrifice a child to catch a wolf, give up your wife to catch a hooligan, and update to get collections…

79、我退化了，到现在我还不会游泳，要知道在我出生之前，我绝对是游的最快的那个。
79. I’ve regressed; I still can’t swim, and yet before I was born, I was definitely the fastest swimmer.

80、我们都是路过的人，幸好都没有把对方撞倒！
80. We are all passers-by, fortunately, none of us have knocked the other down!

81、男人累，所以才会去敲背；男人愁，所以才想去洗头；男人苦，所以才会去赌；男人忙，所以经常上错床。
81. Men get tired, so they go for a back massage; men get worried, so they go for a haircut; men suffer, so they gamble; men are busy, so they often end up in the wrong bed.

82、男人应该感谢在他20多岁时曾经陪伴在他身边的女人，因为20岁是一个男人人生的最低谷，没钱，没事业，而20岁，却是女人一生中最灿烂的季节!
82. Men should be grateful to the women who were by their side in their 20s, because 20 is the lowest point in a man’s life, with no money or career, while 20 is the most brilliant season in a woman’s life!

83、女人无所谓正派，正派是因为受到的引诱不够；男人无所谓忠诚，忠诚是因为背叛的筹码太低…
83. Women are not inherently virtuous; they are virtuous because they haven’t been tempted enough; men are not inherently loyal; they are loyal because the stakes for betrayal are too low…

84、酒不醉人人自醉，他人清醒我独醉，借酒壮胆敢犯罪。
84. Wine doesn’t make people drunk; people get drunk on their own. Others stay sober while I get drunk, using alcohol to embolden myself to commit crimes.

85、生下来的人没有怕死的，怕死的都他妈没的生下来，所以谁都别他妈的装横！
85. No one who is born is afraid of death; those who are afraid of death never get a chance to be born. So don’t act tough!

86、不管多大岁数的人类成员，在钱面前，一概年轻。
86. Regardless of age, human beings remain young in the face of money.

87、恶人说：“再说俺是恶人，俺就害死你！”恶人从不搞笑，恶人要抓紧时间做恶。
87. The villain says, “If you call me a villain again, I’ll kill you!” Villains never joke; they have to make the most of their time to do evil deeds.

88、我也曾有过一双翅膀，不过我没用它在天上翱翔，而是放在锅里炖汤…
88. I once had a pair of wings, but instead of soaring in the sky, I cooked them in a pot to make soup…

89、一个人犯错误并不难，难的是一辈子只犯错误，从不改正。
89. It’s not difficult for a person to make mistakes; what’s difficult is making mistakes for a lifetime and never correcting them.

90、原以为自己挺恶的，认识了他才知道，比我还善的人几乎不存在。
90. I thought I was quite evil, but after meeting him, I realized that there are almost no people kinder than me.

91、难道全世界的鸡蛋联合起来就能打破石头吗？！所以做人还是要现实些。
91. Can the whole world’s eggs unite and break a stone?! So it’s better to be realistic in life.

92、女人三十岁前化妆是一种美，女人三十岁以后化妆是一种美德！兄弟我先抛块砖，有玉的尽管砸过来。
92. For women, makeup before the age of 30 is a form of beauty; after 30, makeup is a virtue! I’ll throw a brick first, so feel free to throw your jade.

93、偷一个人的主意是剽窃，偷很多人的主意是研究。
93. Stealing one person’s idea is plagiarism; stealing many people’s ideas is research.

94、在美人面前：有危险要救，没有危险制造危险也要救。
94. In front of a beauty: if there’s danger, save her; if there’s no danger, create danger and save her anyway.

95、在气象台实习终于知道“明日降水概率为30%”是怎么算出来的了～台长在办公室里找了十个人问：“同意明天下雨的请举手”，结果三个人举起了手……
95. After interning at the meteorological station, I finally learned how the “30% chance of precipitation tomorrow” is calculated. The station chief asked ten people in the office, “Please raise your hand if you agree it will rain tomorrow,” and three people raised their hands…

96、我爱吃苹果，而且喜欢慢慢地吃，因为我怕噎着～噎着也就算了，可万一没有王子来救我，那这戏就没法演了。所以我还得睁只眼，要不万一被猪亲了可咋整？
96. I love eating apples and enjoy eating them slowly because I’m afraid of choking. Choking is fine, but what if no prince comes to save me? Then the play can’t go on. So I have to keep one eye open, or what if a pig kisses me?

97、我太纯洁了，我纯洁的都有些无耻了！
97. I’m so pure that I’m almost shameless!

98、有人说生了孩子就不会痛经了，那就生一个吧！
98. Some say that having a child will stop menstrual pain, so let’s have one!

99、如果照镜子要上税，恐怕有些女人会破产。
99. If there were a tax on looking in the mirror, some women might go bankrupt.

100、双手愿为女人而粗糙。
100. My hands are willing to become rough for women.