1、做一个徘徊在牛A和牛C之间的人。
1. Be a person lingering between cow A and cow C.

2、生活二字二几十年来回味得我大小脑抽搐，脊髓痉挛。始终不得要领。
2. The word “life” has made my cerebrum and cerebellum convulse and my spinal cord spasm for decades, without ever grasping the essence.

3、我以神的姿态,闪耀在这美的瞬间.凡人勿扰…
3. I shine in this beautiful moment with a divine posture. Mortals, do not disturb…

4、年轻的时候，我们常常冲着镜子做鬼脸；年老的时候，镜子算是扯平了。
4. When we were young, we often made faces at the mirror; when we grow old, the mirror makes up for it.

5、为何我的眼中总饱含泪水？因为我装逼装得深沉。
5. Why are my eyes always filled with tears? Because I pretend to be deep.

6、别跟我谈感情，谈感情伤钱。
6. Don’t talk to me about emotions; talking about emotions hurts money.

7、关谷：巨龙巨龙你差2年，永永远远的差2年。
7. Guan Gu: Dragon, dragon, you’re always 2 years short, forever and ever.

8、不要相信女人，表面温柔的女人往往藏着一颗暴力的心。
8. Don’t trust women; gentle women on the surface often hide a violent heart.

9、恋这个字很神奇，上面取自变态的变，下面取自变态的态。
9. The word “love” is amazing; the top part comes from the word “pervert,” and the bottom part comes from “attitude.”

10、这是通往成功的道路，不过还在施工，记得戴好安全帽。
10. This is the path to success, but it’s still under construction. Remember to wear a safety helmet.

11、不要把话语权交给你的对手戏，是抢来的。
11. Don’t give your right to speak to your rival; it’s something to be snatched.

12、你解释就是掩饰，掩饰的就是事实，事实就是罪恶的开始
12. Your explanation is just a cover-up, the cover-up is the fact, and the fact is the beginning of sin.

13、不按常理出牌，柯南要是活着，也会被气成毛利小五郎的。
13. Don’t play by the rules; if Conan were alive, he would be angered into becoming Mouri Kogoro.

14、你丫是绵羊音呀，一开始跑偏了，再也跑不回来了是不是？
14. Are you a sheep’s voice? You started off course and can never get back on track, right?

15、我是小溪流，永远向前流，小溪流呀小溪流，永远不停留。
15. I am a stream, always flowing forward. Stream, stream, never stopping.

16、不以结婚为目的的恋爱就是耍流氓。
16. Dating without the intention of marriage is hooliganism.

17、你摔跤摔倒只剩一格血的时候，叫三声信曾哥，原地复活。
17. When you fall and have only one drop of blood left, call out to Brother Xin three times, and you will revive on the spot.

18、听别人的故事，流自己的泪。
18. Listen to other people’s stories and shed your own tears.

19、数羊是外国人弄的因为羊sheep和睡觉sleep谐音应该数水饺…
19. Counting sheep is for foreigners because “sheep” and “sleep” sound similar; we should count dumplings instead…

20、人的一生都会扮演很多角色，如果你不高兴，你可以把剧本扔了。不过记住，有一份剧本是真真属于你的，千万别丢错了。
20. In one’s life, many roles are played. If you’re unhappy, you can throw away the script. But remember, there’s one script that truly belongs to you; don’t throw it away.

21、如果我的感情失败的话，趴在地上的一定是对方。
21. If my relationship fails, the one lying on the ground will definitely be the other party.

22、常言道，不怕驴一样的领导，就怕猪一样的下属。
22. As the saying goes, it’s not the donkey-like leader that we should fear, but the pig-like subordinate.

23、踩到香蕉皮滑倒，就接着踩直到踩烂。
23. If you slip on a banana peel, just keep stepping on it until it’s crushed.

24、放心吧！师父，大师兄会来救我们的！
24. Don’t worry, Master! The eldest senior will come to save us!

25、不是人人都能活的低调，可以低调的基础是随时都能高调。
25. Not everyone can live a low-profile life; the foundation of being able to live low-key is the ability to be high-profile at any time.

26、我以为”隐身“别人就找不到我了，没用的，像我这样的人，无论在哪里都像漆黑夜里的萤火虫，够鲜明够出众。
26. I thought that by “going invisible,” people wouldn’t be able to find me. It’s useless. People like me are always distinct and outstanding, like a firefly in the dark night.

27、钻石恒久远，一颗就破产！
27. Diamonds are forever, but one is enough to go bankrupt!

28、让未来到来，让过去过去。
28. Let the future come, and let the past pass.

29、跌倒了，爬起来再哭。
29. If you fall, get up and cry again.

30、婚姻的杀手有时不是外遇，而是时间。
30. Sometimes the killer of marriage is not infidelity, but time.

31、绝口不提不是因为忘记，而是因为铭记。
31. To never mention it is not because of forgetting, but because of remembering.

32、上得了厅堂，下得了厨房，杀得了木马，翻得了围墙，开得了汽车，买得起洋房，斗得了小三，打得赢流氓。
32. Able to enter the hall, able to go to the kitchen, able to kill trojans, able to climb walls, able to drive cars, able to afford mansions, able to fight against mistresses, and able to defeat thugs.

33、我们是两个站在街头即将放飞理想的有志青年。
33. We are two ambitious young people standing on the street corner, about to release our ideals.

34、我当了皇帝，就封你当太子。
34. If I become the emperor, I will make you the crown prince.

35、这部剧真的不错，特别是你们那个编剧，实在是太有才了啦。他是智障学校毕业的吧。他写的剧情，比绵羊音还要糟糕，摸过的键盘，连阿米巴原虫都活不下去；他和猪最大的区别就是，猪不能随便变成人，而他隔三差五就变成猪。我猜他是用猪蹄写的剧本，我建议他吃点痔疮药，治疗一下他的口蹄疫。
35. This drama is really good, especially your scriptwriter. He is so talented! Did he graduate from a special education school? His plot is worse than sheep’s voice, and the keyboard he touched won’t even allow amoebas to survive. The biggest difference between him and a pig is that pigs can’t change into humans at will, while he turns into a pig every now and then. I guess he wrote the script with pig’s trotters. I suggest he take some hemorrhoid medicine to treat his foot-and-mouth disease.

36、亲爱的，我的睫毛在溺水。
36. Honey, my eyelashes are drowning.

37、谁家的孩子不看好，马路上是跳橡皮筋的地方吗？
37. Whose child is not well taken care of? Is the road a place for jumping rubber bands?

38、冰冻三尺，非微波炉不能解冻。
38. It takes a microwave to thaw three feet of ice.

39、生活就是生出来活下去，剩下的都是浮云。
39. Life is about being born and living on; the rest is all floating clouds.

40、现在演戏的都去唱歌了，唱不了歌的都去写书了，写不了书的都去演戏了，演不了戏的就又去唱歌了。演艺圈是个圈嘛。
40. Nowadays, actors go into singing, those who can’t sing go into writing, those who can’t write go back to acting, and those who can’t act go back to singing. The entertainment circle is a circle, after all.

41、我不是蝗虫，我不是蜈蚣，我只爱贱哥哥，完美的爱情。
41. I’m not a locust, I’m not a centipede; I only love my despicable brother, perfect love.

42、这不是人生的转折点，是骨折点。
42. This is not a turning point in life, it’s a fracture point.

43、手拿菜刀砍电线，一路火花带闪电。
43. Holding a kitchen knife to chop the wire, sparks and lightning all the way.

44、这长的帅的都得像我吗？
44. Do all the handsome guys have to be like me?

45、当裤子失去皮带，才懂得什麽叫做依赖。
45. When the pants lose the belt, they understand what dependence is.

46、铁公鸡还会留点铁锈呢，你根本就是个不锈钢公鸡！
46. Even an iron rooster would leave some rust, but you are a stainless steel rooster!

47、还没来得及去沾花惹草，就被人拔光了。
47. I haven’t had the chance to flirt, and someone has already plucked me clean.

48、每个人出生的时候都是原创，可悲的是，很多人渐渐都成了盗版！
48. Every person is born original, but sadly, many have gradually become counterfeits!

49、不要说别人脑子有病，脑子有病的前提是必须有个脑子。
49. Don’t say others have brain problems; having brain problems requires having a brain in the first place.

50、在哪里摔倒就在哪里躺下。
50. If you fall, lie down where you fell.

51、没有不透风的墙，没有不能上吊的梁。
51. There is no wall that doesn’t leak wind; there is no beam that can’t be hanged from.

52、明月几时有，自己抬头瞅。
52. When will the bright moon appear? Just raise your head and look.

53、个头大就一定厉害吗？恐龙不是照样灭绝了！
53. Does being big necessarily mean being powerful? Dinosaurs still went extinct!

54、能够说出的委屈，便不算委屈；能够抢走的爱人，便不算爱人。
54. The grievances that can be spoken out don’t count as grievances; the lovers that can be taken away don’t count as lovers.

55、烟不听话，所以我们”抽烟“。
55. Cigarettes don’t listen, so we “smoke” them.

56、人长得漂亮不如活得漂亮！
56. It’s better to live beautifully than to be born beautiful!

57、不能自拔的，除了爱情，还有别人地里的萝卜。
57. What cannot be self-extracted includes not only love but also the radishes in other people’s fields.

58、结婚就是给自由穿件棉衣，活动起来不方便，但会很温暖。
58. Marriage is like putting a cotton jacket on freedom; it’s inconvenient to move around in, but it’s very warm.

59、当你想不通的时候，想一下自己是在中国，一切就豁然开朗了。
59. When you can’t figure it out, think about being in China, and everything will become clear.

60、英雄不问出路，流氓不看岁数。
60. Heroes don’t ask their origins; hooligans don’t care about their ages.

61、举起两根手指，对同学们说：“同学们，学好数学关键就是三个字！！多做练习。
61. Raise two fingers and say to the classmates, “Students, the key to learning math well is just three words! Do more exercises.”

62、无理取闹，必有所图！
62. When someone makes a fuss without reason, they must have an ulterior motive.

63、本无意与众不同，怎奈何品味出众。
63. I didn’t intend to be different from others, but my taste is outstanding.

64、路见不平一声吼，吼完继续往前走。
64. If you see injustice, shout out, and then continue to move forward.

65、合久必分，分久必合；喝酒必疯，逢酒必喝。
65. United for a long time, there will be separation; separated for a long time, there will be reunion; when drinking, one must get crazy; when there’s alcohol, one must drink.

66、你有什么不开心的事？说出来让大家开心一下。
66. Do you have any unhappy things? Share them with us and make everyone happy.

67、女人是水做的，男人是泥做的，李俊基李宇春都是水泥做的。
67. Women are made of water, men are made of mud, and Lee Jun-ki and Li Yuchun are both made of cement.

68、泡酒吧的男人是找刺激的，而女人，多半是受过刺激。
68. Men who go to bars are looking for excitement, while women are mostly those who have been stimulated.

69、长个包子样就别怨狗跟着。
69. If you look like a bun, don’t blame the dog for following you.

70、人生有时就像电脑，说死机就死机，没得商量。
70. Life sometimes is like a computer, it crashes when it wants to, no negotiation.

71、海阔凭鱼跃，破鼓任人捶。
71. The vast sea allows fish to leap, and broken drums are for people to beat.

72、能伤害我的，也只有你了。
72. The only one who can hurt me is you.

73、农夫山泉有点甜，男人的话有点悬。
73. Nongfu Spring water is a bit sweet, but men’s words are a bit suspicious.

74、在人之上，要把人当人；在人之下，要把自己当人。
74. When you are above others, treat them like humans; when you are below others, treat yourself like a human.

75、我希望有那么一个人，把我宠的无法无天。
75. I hope there is someone who can spoil me so much that I can do whatever I want.

76、英雄难过美人关，我不是英雄，美人让我过了关。
76. A hero finds it hard to pass the beauty’s trial, but I am not a hero, so the beauty let me pass the trial.

77、我就像一只趴在玻璃上的苍蝇，前途一片光明，而我却找不到出路。
77. I am like a fly on a glass window, with a bright future ahead, but I can’t find a way out.

78、挤在北京，给首都添麻烦了……
78. Being squeezed in Beijing, I have caused trouble for the capital…

79、心中充满爱，看天下美女都是情人。
79. If your heart is full of love, all the beautiful women in the world will be your lovers.

81、本人生性善良，平时就连踩死一只蚂蚁也会念经诵佛，超渡亡魂，并为其修坟造墓，更怕其死后单身寂寞，遂又踩死数十只蚂蚁为其做伴，可谓尽心尽力。
81. I am naturally kind-hearted. Even when I step on an ant, I will chant sutras and pray for the deceased, build a grave and tomb for it, and for fear that it will be lonely after death, I step on dozens of ants to be its companion, doing my best.

82、好好活着，因为我们会死很久很久……
82. Live well, for we will die for a very long time…

83、如果你看到面前的阴影，别怕，那是因为你的背后有阳光。
83. If you see the shadow in front of you, don’t be afraid, because there is sunshine behind you.

84、狂欢是一群人的孤单……
84. A party is the loneliness of a crowd…

85、上帝给了我们七情六欲，我们却把它们变成了色情和暴力。
85. God gave us seven emotions and six desires, yet we turned them into pornography and violence.

86、帅有个屁用！到头来还不是被卒吃掉！
86. What’s the use of being handsome? In the end, you’re still eaten by a pawn!

87、谁无虎落平阳日，待我东山再起时。
87. Who hasn’t had a day when a tiger falls into the flatlands? Just wait for my comeback.

88、问：“我的头像牛B吗？”答：“像！”
88. Q: “Is my avatar awesome?” A: “Yes, it is!”

89、让房价涨的再猛烈一些吧！
89. Let the housing prices rise even more fiercely!

90、谁能对偶的感情就像对人民币一样忠诚？
90. Who can be as loyal to my feelings as they are to the Chinese currency?

91、走别人的路，让别人无路可走。
91. Take others’ paths, and leave them no way to go.

92、我爱你，并不是因为你是谁，而是在你面前时，我是谁！
92. I love you, not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I’m with you.

93、也因寂寞难耐，谈过几次恋爱。谁知屡战屡败，轻轻松松被踹！
93. Also due to unbearable loneliness, I’ve had a few relationships. But every time I failed, and was easily kicked out.

94、出问题先从自己身上找原因，别一便秘就怪地球没引力。
94. When there’s a problem, first look for the reasons within yourself, don’t blame the Earth for lack of gravity just because you’re constipated.

95、错过一个人最可怕的方式就是：坐在她的身旁，你却知道永远都不会拥有她。
95. The most terrible way to miss someone is to sit right next to her, knowing you’ll never have her.

96、只想优雅转身，不料华丽撞墙。
96. I just wanted to turn around gracefully, but I ended up hitting the wall.

97、永远有多远？你小子就给我滚多远。
97. How far is forever? Just get away from me that far, you little brat.

98、后的你有着一颗后的心和一张后的脸。
98. You have a heart and face of the times.

99、小时候缺钙，长大了缺爱。
99. Lacking calcium as a child, and lacking love as an adult.

100、就算再想哭，也要微笑着说一句：你大爷的！
100. Even if you want to cry, say with a smile: “Damn you!”