1.炎炎夏日，一想到你我就快乐，一见到你我就开心，一靠近你我就高兴，一把你拿在手里，我就迫不及待地一口咬下去，那种感觉真是爽啊！我爱你，冰棍！
1. In the hot summer, thinking of you makes me happy, seeing you makes me delighted, and being close to you makes me excited. The moment I hold you in my hand, I can’t wait to take a bite, and the feeling is so refreshing! I love you, popsicle!
2.亲爱的，真对不起。自从昨晚我们浪漫一吻时，你从我嘴里舔出半截豆芽，我就牢记了饭后一定刷牙！
2. My dear, I’m really sorry. Ever since our romantic kiss last night, when you licked half a bean sprout out of my mouth, I’ve made sure to brush my teeth after meals!
3.特别消息：手机耐力大赛，从即时开始，交换机将自动启动计时，并连续报告天气预告，连续保持开机状态时间最长的用户将获得免费通话时间分钟。
3. Special news: Mobile phone endurance competition starts now. The exchange will automatically start timing and continuously report weather forecasts. The user who keeps their phone on for the longest time will receive free call minutes.
4.亲爱的用户，由于您确认此条短信，所以传染愚人节细菌。请仔细看掌心，如果有黑点，说明你已经被细菌感染，需要用汽油冲洗方可杀灭细菌。切记切记！
4. Dear user, since you have confirmed this text message, you have been infected with April Fool’s bacteria. Please look at your palm carefully. If there is a black spot, it means you have been infected and need to wash it off with gasoline to kill the bacteria. Remember, remember!
5.风撩起你的长发，你显得更潇洒！浪花拍打你的脚丫，你显得更无暇！你迎着东方的朝霞，就像一朵海浪花！不是熟人很难看出你是傻瓜！
5. The wind plays with your long hair, making you look more dashing! The waves splash your feet, making you look flawless! You face the morning sun in the east, like a sea wave flower! It’s hard for strangers to tell that you’re a fool!
6.如果长得漂亮是一种错，我已经铸成大错；如果聪明是一种罪，我已经犯下滔天大罪，做人真难！但你就好啦，既没错又没罪，真羡慕你！
6. If being beautiful is a mistake, I’ve already made a big one; if being smart is a crime, I’ve committed a heinous crime. It’s really hard to be a person! But you’re great, you’re neither wrong nor guilty, I’m so envious of you!
7.西施之貌，沉鱼落雁，闭月羞花；杨贵妃回眸一笑百媚生，六宫粉黛无颜色；你虽然没她们那么厉害，但是只要你媚眼一抛，还是能吓跑小偷的。
7. Xi Shi’s beauty, sinking fish and falling geese, hiding the moon and shaming the flowers; Yang Guifei’s smile, a hundred charms are born, and the six palaces lose their color; although you’re not as amazing as them, as long as you throw a flirtatious glance, you can still scare off thieves.
8.你是否孤单如果是那么你去买一根绳和棍将绳子系在棍上，在起风时去楼顶挥动棍子，别人问你干什么呢你就说：我抽风呢。
8. If you feel lonely, go buy a rope and a stick, tie the rope to the stick, and wave it on the rooftop when the wind blows. If people ask you what you’re doing, just say: I’m going crazy.
9.在街上看到你了，你和一个人在一起，我一眼就看出他不是好人，他在你后面不停的拍打你的屁股。我气愤地对他说：前面赶驴的，住手！
9. I saw you on the street, and you were with someone. I could tell at a glance that he was no good, slapping your butt不停地 from behind. I angrily said to him: Hey, the donkey driver in front, stop it!
10.愚人节最典型的开玩笑活动之一：把细线拴着的钱包丢在大街上，自己在暗处拉着线，一旦有人捡钱包，就猛然把钱包拽走！
10. One of the most typical April Fool’s jokes: tie a wallet with a thin line and drop it on the street. When someone picks it up, pull it away suddenly from a hidden place!
11.人活着真累！站着想着睡，上车得排队，单恋真受罪，吃饭没香味，喝酒容易醉，上班特疲惫，抢劫还不会，挣钱得交税，给傻猪发短信还得收费。
11. Life is really tiring! Thinking about sleep while standing, waiting in line to get on the bus, unrequited love is torture, food has no flavor, alcohol gets you drunk easily, work is exhausting, can’t rob, pay taxes on earnings, and sending text messages to a fool costs money.
12.你的幸福，我来付出；你的糊涂，我来弥补；你的贪图，我来满足；你的任性，我来让步；谁最爱你，非我莫属；谁让我是养猪专业户！
12. Your happiness, I’ll pay for it; your confusion, I’ll make up for it; your greed, I’ll satisfy; your willfulness, I’ll give in; who loves you the most, it’s definitely me; after all, I’m a professional pig farmer!
13.上联：风在刮，雨在下，我在等你回电话。下联：为你生，为你死，为你守候一辈子。横批：发错人了。
13. Upper couplet: The wind is blowing, the rain is falling, I’m waiting for your call. Lower couplet: Born for you, die for you, waiting for you for a lifetime. Horizontal scroll: Sent the wrong person.
14.你在精神病院实习，忽一神经病患者手持一把菜刀向你追来，你转头就跑，直到跑到一条死胡同，心想这下完了，那个病人说：给你刀，该你追我了。愚人节快乐！
14. You were interning at a mental hospital when a mentally ill patient chased you with a kitchen knife. You ran until you reached a dead-end alley, thinking you were done for, but the patient said: Here’s the knife, now it’s your turn to chase me. Happy April Fool’s Day!
15.我花一毛钱发这条短信给你，是为了告诉你??我并不是一个一毛不拔的人。比如这一毛钱的短信就是我送你的生日礼物，晚上别忘了请我吃饭。愚人节快乐！
15. I spent one cent to send you this text message, to tell you that… I’m not a stingy person. For example, this one-cent message is your birthday gift from me. Don’t forget to invite me for dinner tonight. Happy April Fool’s Day!
16.将这封短信转发次，你会走财运；转发次，你会走官运；转发次，你会走桃花运；转发次，你将花掉元钱！
16. Forward this message 1 time, and you’ll have good luck; forward it 2 times, and you’ll have official luck; forward it 3 times, and you’ll have romantic luck; forward it 4 times, and you’ll spend 10 yuan!
17.有一种默契叫做心照不宣，有一种感觉叫做妙不可言，有一种思念叫做望眼欲穿，有一种白痴会把短信看完！
17. There is a kind of tacit understanding called unspoken, a feeling called indescribable, a longing called yearning, and a fool who would read the message to the end!
18.你快乐因为我快乐，我开心因为你开心，我愁了因为你瘦了，我瘦了因为你病了，我笑了因为你壮了，我有钱了因为把你卖了——猪！
18. You are happy because I am happy, I am happy because you are happy, I am worried because you have lost weight, I have lost weight because you are sick, I laugh because you have gained strength, and I have money because I sold you - pig!
19.我几乎忘了今天是什么日子，要不是想到你，我是察觉不了的。日子一天一天过，今天是你的好日子，你千万不要忘记，今天是你的节日，祝你愚人节快乐！
19. I almost forgot what today is, but I couldn’t help but notice it when I thought of you. Day by day, today is your special day. Don’t forget that it’s your holiday. Happy April Fool’s Day!
20.如果一定和猪比，我认为你最少有两点和它不同：一你比它能吃。二它比你聪明。
20. If you must compare yourself to a pig, I think you have at least two differences from it: 1) You can eat more than it. 2) It is smarter than you.
21.阳光明媚，微风轻轻吹，杨柳多情地摇动着枝条，桃花吐着迷人的芳香，小溪在唱着欢快的歌儿，好一幅春天的画卷，我想说的是…好好工作，老板来啦！
21. The sun is shining brightly, the breeze is gently blowing, the willow is swaying its branches with affection, the peach blossoms are emitting a charming fragrance, and the stream is singing a joyful song. What I want to say is… get back to work, the boss is coming!
22.夏天夜晚，你轻盈地钻进我的蚊帐，抚摸我的臂膀，亲吻我的脸庞，我被你撩拨的全身痒痒。将灯拉亮，拉住你两条长腿，该死的蚊子！我让你去见阎王！
22. On a summer night, you lightly sneak into my mosquito net, touch my arm, kiss my face, and tease me until my whole body itches. I turn on the light, grab your two long legs, you damned mosquito! I’ll send you to the devil!
23.我知道你喜欢我，但我真的不喜欢你，虽然你肚子里已经有了我的血肉，但还是请你不要再骚扰我了，否则我就对你不客气了，你个死蚊子！
23. I know you like me, but I really don’t like you. Although you have my flesh and blood in your belly, please stop bothering me, or I’ll be rude to you, you dead mosquito!
24.难以忘记把你捧着手心的感觉，难以忘记吻着你时的丝丝心动，难以忘记你的特有的味道，让我再狠命的吮吸你一下吧——香烟。
24. It’s hard to forget the feeling of holding you in my palm, the tingling sensation when kissing you, and your unique taste. Let me suck on you one more time - cigarette.
25.我要告诉你一件事哟，你千万不要告诉别人，听说城里人最近老打狗，不知道你主人最近打你了没有啊？老主人怀念你啊！
25. I want to tell you something, but don’t tell anyone. I heard that people in the city have been beating dogs lately. I wonder if your master has beaten you recently? Your old master misses you!
26.注意啦，夏季空调省电攻略送给你，我多年的经验，是朋友才告诉你：第一步，找到空调电源；第二步，拔掉电源；第三步，检查效果，看，电表转慢了吧。
26. Pay attention, here’s a summer air conditioner power-saving strategy for you, based on my years of experience. I’m only telling you because we’re friends: Step 1, find the air conditioner power supply; Step 2, unplug it; Step 3, check the effect. See, the electric meter is slowing down.
27.你性感的小后背真的是让我想入非非…圆润光滑，我真的好想上前…把你据为己有，可是不行呀！香喷喷的烤鸭，客人还没到齐，我也不能动筷呀！
27. Your sexy little back really makes me daydream… round and smooth, I really want to come forward and claim you as my own, but I can’t! The delicious roast duck, the guests haven’t arrived yet, and I can’t start eating!
28.萤火虫在黑夜里那叫一个闪亮，鹤立鸡群那叫显眼，马在驴中那叫出众，猪八戒在猪圈那叫俊俏，你和猩猩站在一起那叫……帅了个呆的！
28. Fireflies shine brightly in the dark night, standing out like a crane among chickens, a horse among donkeys, and Zhu Bajie in a pigsty. You standing with an ape is… incredibly handsome!
29.春天的花很艳，那是你明媚的笑容；夏天的太阳炽热，那是你的激情；秋天的硕果累累，那是你的收成；冬天的风吹来了，小青娃，你该冬眠了！
29. The flowers in spring are gorgeous, like your bright smile; the summer sun is scorching, like your passion; the autumn harvest is bountiful, like your achievements; the winter wind is blowing, little frog, it’s time for you to hibernate!
30.听说那天你披了一个破麻袋，迈着怪怪的步伐；被当做小偷给抓起来了，还给你带上了狗牌？
30. I heard that you wore a tattered sack that day, walked with strange steps, and were caught as a thief, even given a dog tag?
31.真是一件怪事？刚拨了一下你的手机，提示音回复：对方正在裸奔。怕听错了！又拨了过去，这时候提示音回复：对不起，所拨的用户已奔出地球。
31. What a strange thing? I just called your mobile phone, and the prompt said: The recipient is running naked. Afraid I heard wrong! I called again, and this time the prompt said: Sorry, the user you dialed has run out of the Earth.
32.为了你，我做了好多准备，专门跑了一趟超市，买了许多你需要的东西，这下子好了，万事具备，你这只鸭子终于可以下锅了。
32. For you, I’ve done a lot of preparations, ran to the supermarket specifically, and bought many things you need. Now everything is ready, and you, this duck, can finally be cooked.
33.你真的想知道我喜欢你的哪一点吗？可是我真的不敢说出口，但是又不得不说出口。我就是喜欢你离我远一点。
33. Do you really want to know what I like about you? But I’m really afraid to say it, yet I have to. I just like you to stay away from me.
34.头像萝卜，身材似西瓜，脸如香蕉，酸得像山楂。伴着成长都是泥沙，猜猜是谁来吧。——原来是你这个大傻瓜。
34. Your avatar is like a radish, your body is like a watermelon, your face is like a banana, and you’re as sour as hawthorn. You’ve grown up with mud and sand, guess who it is? It turns out to be you, big fool!
35.实在有点想你了，很想和你一起见见面，就这样地看看你，可我真的又不想……我心里好乱—-每次看到你我都心里乱跳，精神病院检查结果出来了，你真的是脑残！
35. I really miss you a little, and I really want to meet you. Just look at you like this, but I really don’t want to… My heart is so messy - every time I see you, my heart races, and the mental hospital’s test results are out. You’re really mentally disabled!
36.我很希望能一定陪在你的身边，你睡得好吗？吃得饱吗？晚上会冷吗？我知道你总不会照顾自己。每次我一走开，你就会从猪栏里跳出来！
36. I really hope I can be by your side. Do you sleep well? Are you full? Will you be cold at night? I know you never take care of yourself. Every time I leave, you jump out of the pigsty!
37.我一直想对你说三个字，可你知道它的份量，我怕一旦说出咱们连朋友都没得做。可我控制不住感情鼓起勇气对你说：你是猪。
37. I’ve always wanted to say three words to you, but you know their weight. I’m afraid that once I say it, we won’t even be friends anymore. But I can’t control my feelings and muster the courage to say to you: You are a pig.
38.五脏属五行，肝属木，心属火，肺属金，肾属水，脾属土。我帮你算了一下，原来你五行缺火和金，难怪那么长时间不请我吃饭，原来你没心没肺啊！
38. The five organs belong to the five elements: the liver belongs to wood, the heart belongs to fire, the lungs belong to metal, the kidneys belong to water, and the spleen belongs to earth. I calculated for you, and it turns out that you lack fire and metal. No wonder you haven’t invited me to dinner for such a long time. It turns out you have no heart and no lungs!
39.沐浴着微风，你潇洒轻松；沐浴着阳光，你玉树临风；你味道浓浓，鸡鸭鱼肉都需要你的调控，你是厨房里的英雄！我不能没有你，大葱！
39. Bathed in the breeze, you are relaxed and elegant; bathed in the sunlight, you are like a handsome tree; your taste is strong, and chicken, duck, fish, and meat all need your control. You are the hero in the kitchen! I can’t live without you, green onion!
40.学语文就是为了发短信；学数学就是为了数钞票；学英语就是为了装洋气；学物理就是为了制造原子弹；学美术就是为了不用看二师兄的照片也能画得像你！
40. Learning Chinese is for sending text messages; learning math is for counting money; learning English is for pretending to be fashionable; learning physics is for making atomic bombs; learning art is for drawing you without looking at the photos of Brother Pig!
41.今夜的月光真的很美很美，真想与你一起漫步在大街上，我好喜欢和你一起肩并肩的走着的感觉……只是，我害怕别人用异样的眼光看我，毕竟晚上带头猪上街，很容易被人注意的！
41. Tonight’s moonlight is really beautiful, and I really want to walk with you on the street. I like the feeling of walking side by side with you… but I’m afraid that people will look at me strangely, after all, it’s easy to attract attention when walking with a pig on the street at night!
42.最近一段时间老流行着老鼠爱大米，这让我不由自主地想起了你。你那柔若无骨的肌肤，你那弱不禁风的小身了，真让我提心吊胆：该死的虫子！不要再来祸害我家的米了！
42. Recently, the song “Mouse Loves Rice” has been popular, which reminds me of you involuntarily. Your skin is so soft and delicate, and your body is so weak that it makes me worry: Damn bug! Don’t harm my rice anymore!
43.我好想你哟，什么时候才能见到你？你想得我晚上都睡不着，辗转反侧，难以入眠，夜不能寐。借我的钱该还了吧？
43. I miss you so much, when can I see you? You make me sleepless at night, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep, and unable to rest. It’s about time you returned the money you borrowed from me, right?
44.在我的眼里，你一直无忧无虑，吃饭是那么香那么甜，睡觉时都那么舒坦。有时候感觉：真羡慕你这样的小狗生活！
44. In my eyes, you have always been carefree, eating so deliciously and sweetly, and sleeping so comfortably. Sometimes I feel: I really envy your dog-like life!
45.你长的很有创意，活着是你的勇气，丑不是你的本意，是上帝发了脾气，活下去，没有你，谁来衬托世界的美丽！
45. You have a creative appearance, and living is your courage. Ugliness is not your intention; it’s God who lost his temper. Keep living, without you, who will set off the beauty of the world!
46.你与我静静地走在家乡的小路上，你害羞地低头不语。乡亲们见了我都说：好孩子，打扮得干净又漂亮，可惜这么小年纪就出来放猪！
46. Walking quietly with you on the small path in our hometown, you shyly lower your head and don’t speak. The villagers see me and say: What a good child, dressed clean and beautiful, but it’s a pity that you’re so young and already herding pigs!
47.自我感觉良好的往下来，自我感觉幽默的往下来，自我感觉有魅力的往下看，自我感觉聪明的往下来，嗯，是挺不要脸的。
47. For those who feel good about themselves, scroll down; for those who feel humorous, scroll down; for those who feel charming, scroll down; for those who feel smart, scroll down. Well, it’s quite shameless.
48.夜已深，独自走在小巷，突然觉得好孤独，好寂寞，好害怕，我心中急切地想着你，念着你，盼着你，要是你在我身边该多好啊，我真的很需要你——手电筒！
48. The night is deep, walking alone in the alley, suddenly feeling so lonely, so lonely, and so scared. I desperately think of you, miss you, and long for you in my heart. If only you were by my side, I really need you - flashlight!
49.记得我那次真的狠下心了，扭头准备离开，身后传来了你无助的哭声与撕心裂肺的喊叫，突然之间我感觉到了我是多么地需要你。我一回身把你抱紧：“这头猪我真的不卖了！”
49. I remember that time when I really made up my mind to leave, turning my head and preparing to walk away. Then, I heard your helpless crying and heart-wrenching shouting behind me. Suddenly, I realized how much I needed you. I turned around and hugged you tightly: “I really won’t sell this pig!”
50.真希望和你一起去看海，却一直没有去；真希望和你去登山，却因茫然而没有去；真希望和你一起去流浪，结果碰到了警察，说：逛街不许带狗！
50. I really wish to see the sea with you, but we never went; I truly hope to climb mountains with you, but we didn’t go due to confusion; I truly hope to wander with you, but we ended up encountering the police, who said: “No dogs allowed when shopping!”
51.不知道从什么时候起，要清理那些长得丑的有点傻的人！你快点整理一下东西，出去避一下吧，不用跟别人说是我告你的，也不用谢我了！
51. I don’t know when it started, but they’re cleaning up people who are ugly and a bit silly! Hurry up and pack your things, go out to avoid it for a while, don’t tell anyone it was me who warned you, and don’t thank me!
52.昨天有人在背后说你是猪，为了你，我和他大打出手，他妈的，哪能因为人家长的像什么就说人家是什么，你说对不？
52. Yesterday, someone was saying behind your back that you’re a pig. For your sake, I got into a big fight with them. How could they call you what you look like? You know that’s not right, right?
53.跟你认识这么久了，你一直对我很关心，实在不晓得怎么报答你，下辈子做牛做马，我一定拔草给你吃！
53. I’ve known you for so long, and you’ve always been very caring towards me. I really don’t know how to repay you. In my next life, when I’m a cow or a horse, I’ll definitely graze grass for you!
54.在我眼里，你看上去永远是无忧无虑，吃饭永远是津津有味，睡觉永远是酣然入睡……我真羡慕你呀，唉！有时候想想，像你那样做头猪也挺好的！
54. In my eyes, you always look carefree, eating with great relish, and sleeping soundly… I’m really envious of you. Sometimes I think, being a pig like you is not so bad after all!
55.你长得真不够巧，鼻子好像老油条；眼睛好像红辣椒；眉毛好像两把刀；走起路来两边倒；好像螃蟹昏倒了。
55. You’re not very well-proportioned in appearance; your nose looks like an old fried dough stick, your eyes like red chili peppers, your eyebrows like two knives, and you walk lopsided as if a crab had fainted.
56.昨天有人看见你了，你还是那样迷人，穿着格子背心，慢悠悠地走着，一副超然自在的样子，实在是可爱极了，真不知你当年是怎么赛过兔子的。
56. Someone saw you yesterday, and you were still as charming as ever, wearing a plaid vest, walking slowly, looking so carefree and at ease… I don’t know how you managed to outrun the rabbit back then.
57.八戒化斋一直未归。这天，一个酷似八戒的人从远处走来，悟空说可能是妖精，唐僧说：发条短信试试，回的就是八戒，不回就是妖精！
57. Bajie has been gone for a long time, seeking alms. Today, a person who looks very much like Bajie is walking from afar. Wukong said he might be a demon, and Tang Seng said: “Let’s send a text message to test, if they reply, it’s Bajie; if not, it’s a demon!”
58.夏日周末，酷暑炎热，骄阳似火，我很想你。一想你就浑身燥热，一燥热就特别想和你见面，一见面我就迫不及待地想扑进你的怀里…我亲爱的游泳池！
58. On a summer weekend, the scorching sun blazes like fire, and I miss you so much. Every time I think of you, I feel hot all over, and when I’m hot, I especially want to meet you. Once we meet, I can’t wait to jump into your arms… my dear swimming pool!
59.请先摸摸你那红嫩的小脸，再摸摸你的小肚子！好！这次养猪知识讲座到此结束，明天见！
59. Please first touch your rosy little face, then feel your belly! Alright! This pig-raising knowledge lecture ends here, see you tomorrow!
60.自从我第一次看见你时，就已经深深地被你吸引住了，你的那行为举止，让我忍不住实在想多看你两眼，现在我实在憋不住了，想对你说：你简直就是一只会两条腿走路的小狗。
60. Since the first time I saw you, I was deeply attracted to you. Your behavior and demeanor made me unable to resist looking at you more, and now I can’t hold it in anymore. I want to tell you: you are just like a little dog walking on two legs.
61.给马桶好好擦了身以后，马桶为了感谢我，问我有什么愿望可以帮我实现，我就说：希望你帮我照顾正在看短信的这头猪！希望他每次便便的时候都开开心心！
61. After cleaning the toilet thoroughly, the toilet thanked me and asked if there was any wish it could help me fulfill. I said: “I hope you can help me take care of the pig who is reading this message! I hope he is always happy when he uses the toilet!”
62.你是江南第八怪，不回家总在外，不喝酒老吃菜，不谈情老做爱，做爱经常套不带，常拿小姐当被盖，不给钱竟耍懒，经常让人拿脚踹。
62. You are the eighth weirdo from the south of the Yangtze River, never going home and always staying out. You don’t drink alcohol but eat lots of vegetables, don’t talk about love but have sex often, and frequently have sex without a condom. You treat prostitutes as if they were quilts, and when you don’t pay, you act lazy, often getting kicked by others.
63.前天我送你回家，走到一幢豪华的大楼前，你深情地看着我说到了，你回去吧。我久久望着你的背影，看见上面写着四个字：精神病院。
63. The day before yesterday, I walked you home, and when we arrived in front of a luxurious building, you looked at me affectionately and said it was there. I watched you leave, and saw four characters written above: Mental Hospital.
64.刚听说你被拐卖，真的把我吓坏，你虽然从小痴呆，但对社会无害，谁人如此大胆，竟敢拿你去卖，我真替他担心，卖得掉才怪。
64. I just heard that you were kidnapped, and it really scared me. Although you have been mentally challenged since childhood, you are harmless to society. Who would dare to sell you? I really worry for them; it would be strange if they could sell you.
65.今晚夜色很美，很想跟你分享，很想带你一起欣赏……不过，我怕别人用异样的眼光看我们，毕竟晚上带只蠢猪出门，是很难不引起旁人注意的！
65. The night sky is beautiful tonight, and I really want to share it with you, and take you to appreciate it together… But I’m afraid that people will look at us strangely, after all, taking a silly pig out at night is hard not to attract attention!
66.公猪马上被杀，只听对主人苦苦哀求：杀我不要紧，只是求你们不要让我老婆看到，不要让她难过，不要打扰她，就让它在那里玩她的手机吧。
66. The boar is about to be killed, and he pleads to his master: “It doesn’t matter if you kill me, but please don’t let my wife see it, don’t let her be sad, don’t disturb her, just let her play with her phone there.”
67.四只小猪地上坐，突然之间少一个。那个小猪在那里，原来在看短消息。
67. Four little pigs are sitting on the ground, and suddenly one is missing. Where is that little pig? It turns out it’s reading a text message.
68.你表现出色立了大功，组织决定嘉奖你。你脖子挂着奖章坐在桌边，面对丰盛的宴席你不为所动，我疑惑间，却见你飞身越起，扑向一物，仔细一看：一根骨头。
68. You have performed well and made a great contribution, and the organization has decided to reward you. You sit at the table with a medal around your neck, facing a sumptuous feast, and you are unmoved. I am puzzled, but then I see you jump up and pounce on something. Upon closer inspection, it is: a bone.
69.一直想见到你，却因事忙不能和你想见，今天终于有时间了。所以我特意来狗窝看看你。
69. I have always wanted to see you, but I couldn’t meet you due to being busy. Today, I finally have time. So I came to the doghouse to see you.
70.你知道吗，今天癞蛤蟆向天鹅表白了，天鹅说：谁长成你这样子还不如去死！癞蛤蟆不服气：那隔壁的猪头还活得好好的呢！猪头郁闷地说：我只是在看短信，咋又中枪了？
70. Do you know, today the toad confessed to the swan, and the swan said: “If anyone looks like you, it’s better to die!” The toad was unconvinced: “But the pig head next door is still living well!” The pig head said gloomily: “I’m just reading a text message, how did I get hit again?”
71.养在家里的是家猪，生在山中的叫野猪，读这信息的是蠢猪，如果在笑的是笨猪，生气的是肥猪，不理我的是死猪，不回复的连猪都不如。
71. Those raised at home are domestic pigs, those born in the mountains are wild boars, those reading this message are silly pigs, those who laugh are stupid pigs, those who get angry are fat pigs, those who ignore me are worse than pigs, and those who don’t reply are not even as good as pigs.
72.最近流行老鼠爱大米，让我不禁想起你。你柔若无骨的嫩肌肤，你弱不禁风的小身体，真是让我提心又吊胆：该死的米虫！可别来祸害我家的米！
72. Recently, it’s popular for mice to love rice, which reminds me of you. Your tender and delicate skin, your frail body, really make me worried: Damn rice worm! Don’t come to harm my family’s rice!
73.大家注意了，智力大比拼：选手是象，猪和你。比赛结果已经出来了：第一是象要比猪强，你要比象强。最后的排名是：你象猪。好的，来点掌声！
73. Attention everyone, intelligence competition: The contestants are elephant, pig, and you. The results are in: First, the elephant is stronger than the pig, and you are stronger than the elephant. The final ranking is: You are like a pig. Okay, let’s have some applause!
74.有了你以后，我相信命运的安排；有了你以后，我相信缘份的注定；可能这所有一切都是在冥冥之中牵引着你和我。真想生气地说：我上辈子我欠了你多少啊！
74. After having you, I believe in fate; after having you, I believe in predestined relationships; maybe all of this is guiding you and me in the unseen world. I really want to say angrily: How much did I owe you in my last life!
75.说你是凤凰，我说你是乌鸦；你说你是玫瑰花，我说你是？]蛤蟆；你说你是活泼的小鹿，我说你是淘气的小猪！
75. If I say you are a phoenix, I say you are a crow; if I say you are a rose, I say you are a ?] Toad; if you say you are a lively deer, I say you are a mischievous little pig!
76.你好可爱——可怜没人爱；你长得真不错——长得这样真的不是你的错；你是天才——天生的蠢才；你很气质——小气又神经质。
76. You are so cute - pitiful that no one loves you; you look really good - it’s really not your fault to look like this; you are a genius - a naturally stupid genius; you are very temperamental - stingy and neurotic.
77.清晨你轻轻地走近我的床前，深情地吻着我的脸，你那深遂的眼眸始终注视着我，实在无法拒绝你——“狗狗乖，带你去散步”。
77. In the early morning, you gently approach my bedside, kissing my face affectionately, your deep eyes always staring at me, I really can’t refuse you - “Doggy, be good, I’ll take you for a walk.”
78.记得那天晚上，你梦到了自己拥有了一双梦寐以求的可以飞翔的翅膀，我就轻轻地扇动着翅膀然后轻轻地来到你的面前—-然后踢你一脚说：别做梦了，笨蛋！
78. Remember that night, you dreamed of having a pair of long-awaited wings to fly, and I gently flapped my wings and came to you softly - then kicked you and said: “Stop dreaming, idiot!”
79.谢谢你春天陪我观百花，夏日伴我看夕阳，秋季陪我赏落叶，冬天伴我看雪景。如果没有你，再美的风景都是模糊的，真的谢谢你…眼镜！
79. Thank you for accompanying me to watch the flowers in spring, the sunset in summer, the falling leaves in autumn, and the snow scenery in winter. Without you, the most beautiful scenery would be blurred. I really appreciate you… glasses!
80.一种喜欢加上一种迷恋，汇成我对你火热的爱；生活的点滴日常琐碎，我都要紧紧把你依赖；不管风雨抑或坎坷，人生有你我就无所畏惧。真的需要你，钱！
80. A kind of liking plus a kind of infatuation, converge into my fiery love for you; the bits and pieces of daily life, I depend on you tightly; no matter the wind and rain or the ups and downs, I am fearless in life with you. I really need you, money!
81.说你啥好呢？你果然与众不同！给点阳光，你就灿烂；给点幸福，你就浪漫；给点夸奖，你就屁颠；给点赞美，你就臭美；给点表扬，你就疯狂。
81. What should I say about you? You are indeed unique! With a little sunshine, you shine brightly; with a little happiness, you become romantic; with a little praise, you get carried away; with a compliment, you become smug; with a pat on the back, you go wild.
82.你知道吗？我们很久以前就认识了，你紧紧地跟着我，用你的脸贴着我，用你的鼻嗅着我，还用你的嘴温柔地咬了我一口……那时候，我叫吕洞宾。
82. Do you know? We’ve known each other a long time ago. You followed me closely, rubbing your face against me, sniffing me with your nose, and even gently biting me with your mouth… Back then, I was called Lu Dongbin.
83.你血压高，血脂高，职位不高。大会不发言，小会不发言，前列腺发炎。政绩不突出，业绩不突出，腰间盘突出。
83. You have high blood pressure, high blood lipids, but not a high position. You don’t speak at big meetings, nor at small meetings, but you have an inflamed prostate. Your achievements are not outstanding, nor your performance, but your lumbar disc is.
84.你的国语标准么？请跟我一起念：万万望望，望旺万旺，万腕忘忘，万旺万旺。好了，狗狗别叫了，吃骨头啰！
84. Is your Mandarin standard? Please follow me and say together: Wanwan Wangwang, Wangwang Wanwan, Wanwan Wangwang, Wanwan Wanwan. Alright, stop barking, doggie! It’s time for a bone!
85.日复一日单调忙碌的生活，有时会让人忘了自己的存在，这时，你只需拿一把榔头在大拇指上轻轻一砸，便可轻而易举地找回你自己。
85. The monotonous and busy daily life can sometimes make one forget their own existence. In this case, you just need to gently hit your thumb with a hammer, and you can easily find yourself again.
86.我真的很喜欢你大大的耳朵宽宽的脸，厚厚的嘴唇黑黑的眼。你的歌声很奇妙，歌词总是一个调–哼哼哼-哼哼哼。你就是我的宠物猪崽崽！
86. I really like your big ears, wide face, thick lips, and dark eyes. Your singing is very peculiar, and the lyrics always follow the same tune - humming, humming. You are my pet piglet!
87.你天生脑袋带漩，脸黑五指不见，两片菜叶掩面，江湖飞壁走檐，闹得鸡飞狗唤，美女见了傻眼。自认丐帮老大，实住精神病院。
87. You were born with a swirl on your head, a dark face where you can’t see your fingers, two pieces of vegetable leaves covering your face, and you roam the rivers and lakes, causing chaos and making the chickens and dogs cry, even the beauties are stunned. You think you are the leader of the beggars, but in reality, you live in a mental hospital.
88.一天一只螳螂对着一只蚂蚁炫耀说：你看我有两把刀多么帅气。蚂蚁正要说话，这时过来一只鸡一口就吃掉了螳螂，蚂蚁见到，摇摇头说：不知道现在正严打吗？还敢拿着个刀在街上乱跑。
88. One day, a mantis was showing off to an ant, saying: “Look, I have two knives, how handsome I am.” The ant was about to speak when a chicken came over and swallowed the mantis. The ant shook its head and said, “Don’t you know there’s a crackdown going on? How dare you run around with a knife in the street?”
89.若思念是一缕青烟，让狂风吹到你身边，让你知道我有多想你；若牵挂是一滴雨水，让大雨在你头上下起，让你知道我有多念你；感冒了吧？
89. If missing you is like a wisp of smoke, let the strong wind blow it to you, so you know how much I miss you; if worrying about you is like a drop of rain, let the heavy rain pour on your head, so you know how much I think of you; did you catch a cold?
90.天空飘着小雨丝似在嘲笑我的痴，为何你那样自私狠心让我空相思，搅尽脑汁写诗满腹心酸有谁知，只见猪头和白痴盯着手机读此诗。
90. The sky is filled with light rain, mocking my foolishness. Why are you so selfish and heartless, leaving me with empty longing? I rack my brain to write poetry, but who knows the bitterness in my heart? Only the pig’s head and the fool are staring at their phones, reading this poem.
91.如果没有花的陪伴，春天就会孤单；如果没有四季的变换，生活就会平淡；如果没有我的阻拦，你已皮开肉绽；如果没有你的美艳，我顿顿素菜相伴！猪你节日快乐！
91. Without the company of flowers, spring would be lonely; without the change of seasons, life would be dull; without my interference, you would be bruised and battered; without your beauty, I would have vegetarian meals every day! Pig, happy holiday to you!
92.你知道吗？我正急着到处去找你，有条惊人的好消息要告诉你：你妈拜托我件事，让我给你存了几个亿，借空亲自捎给你！那天抱钱去找你，见你睡得很甜蜜，真不忍心叫醒你！一窝小猪崽就属你最美丽！哈！猪你节日快乐！
92. Do you know? I am rushing everywhere to find you, with an astonishing good news to tell you: Your mom asked me to do something, and let me save a few hundred million for you. When I went to find you with the money, I saw you sleeping so sweetly, and I really couldn’t bear to wake you up! Among the litter of piglets, you are the most beautiful! Ha! Happy holiday to you, pig!
93.孔子曰：“吾欲愚人而愚之。”，于是我问孔子，这句话是我想愚弄人就愚弄的意思吗？孔子曰：“NO”。你想知道是什么意思吗？笨蛋！我忽悠你呢，孔子怎么可能认识我呢！孔子更不会英文了！哈哈，祝你愚人节快乐！
93. Confucius said, “I want to fool the foolish, and I will fool them.” So I asked Confucius, does this mean that if I want to fool someone, I will fool them? Confucius said, “NO.” Do you want to know what it means? Fool! I’m fooling you! Confucius could not possibly know me! He doesn’t even speak English! Haha, happy April Fool’s Day to you!
94.千万次地问自己，为何最近总想你，牵肠挂肚惦记你，梦中影像总是你，发条信息也为你，不好意思提醒你，鼓足勇气问问你：啥时候请我吃饭呀？
94. I’ve asked myself a million times, why do I always think of you lately, worrying about you, always seeing you in my dreams, and sending messages for you? I’m sorry to remind you, but I’ve mustered up the courage to ask you: When will you treat me to a meal?
95.新年到了，有四个字要对你说，虽然有一点不好意思，但这不是害羞的时候，不说出来，我会后悔莫及，所以我很真心地对你说，红包拿来！
95. The New Year has arrived, and I have four words to tell you. Although I’m a little embarrassed, this is not the time to be shy. If I don’t say it, I will regret it, so I sincerely say to you, give me the red envelope!
96.你拽，你拽，最会是当别人不存在，整天就只会到处去晒，也不怕把别人都吓坏，别以为自己长得很帅，其实你只是天蓬元帅！
96. You’re so cool, you’re so cool, always acting like nobody else exists. You just go around showing off without fear of scaring others. Don’t think you’re handsome; in fact, you’re just Marshal Tian Peng!
97.那个夏日的午后，我带你走进青纱帐。太阳高高地照着，微风撩起我的衣衫，我们一起度过了美好的下午：你低头吃草，我看小人书！
97. On that summer afternoon, I took you into the green curtain. The sun was shining high, the breeze lifted my clothes, and we spent a beautiful afternoon together: you were grazing with your head down, and I was reading a comic book!
98.据说猫咪每天睡十个小时，自己玩四个小时，独自发呆四个小时，被人逗四个小时，吃喝一个小时，最后一个小时用来看短信。不信啊？你看猫咪又在看短信。
98. It is said that cats sleep for ten hours a day, play by themselves for four hours, daydream alone for four hours, be teased by others for four hours, eat and drink for one hour, and finally use the last hour to read messages. Don’t believe it? Look, the cat is reading messages again.
99.据说，男女对视不足秒，是没好感；对视秒，是有好感；对视秒，会情愫暗生；对视秒，那是感情深厚；而我，竟和你对视秒，我……我想吐啊！
99. It is said that if men and women gaze at each other for less than a second, they have no affection; if they gaze for a second, they have affection; if they gaze for two seconds, romantic feelings will arise; if they gaze for three seconds, their feelings are deep; and as for me, I have stared at you for ten seconds, and I… I want to vomit!
100.经过我一番查经引典，并访遍中外心理学家自然学家物理学家等等，结合我做的实验，我终于找到了一个避暑方法，那就是：哪凉快哪呆着去！
100. After consulting various references and visiting psychologists, naturalists, and physicists from China and abroad, and combining my experiments, I have finally found a way to escape the heat: go where it’s cool and stay there!
1.有个人对我说，你除了吃什么也不会，我把他狠狠地揍了一顿，居然这么诋毁你，别人我不知道，你我还不知道吗？除了吃，你至少还会睡觉奔跑和拉磨！
1. Someone said to me that you can’t do anything but eat. I beat him up fiercely, how dare he insult you like that! I don’t know about others, but I know you can do more than just eat; you can also sleep, run, and grind!
2.看着万里无云的天空，听着小溪哗啦哗啦的流水声，身边的小草随风轻轻地摇摆着，大自然是多么美好啊，可惜空气被你刚才放的一个屁给污染了！
2. Looking at the cloudless sky, listening to the sound of the stream, and feeling the grass swaying gently in the wind, nature is so beautiful. It’s a pity that the air was polluted by the fart you just let out!
3.最新健身法：单腿站立，头侧偏，站立的单腿弯曲，然后迅速伸直，使身体脱离地面，做自由落体。同时单手击打头部，脑中的积水会自耳孔流出，做做看！
3. The latest fitness method: stand on one leg, tilt your head to the side, bend the standing leg, then quickly straighten it, making the body leave the ground and do a free fall. At the same time, slap your head with one hand, and the water in your brain will flow out of your ear holes. Give it a try!
4.师傅感冒了，念个经就好；大师兄感冒了，翻个筋斗就好；我感冒了，舞回铲就好；你感冒了，别出门才好。二师兄，你一感冒，全球发愁，真牛。
4. The master has caught a cold, and chanting a sutra will make it better; the eldest apprentice has caught a cold, and doing a somersault will make it better; I have caught a cold, and dancing with a shovel will make it better; you have caught a cold, and it’s better if you don’t go out. Second apprentice, when you catch a cold, the whole world worries, you’re really something.
5.你不苟言笑，却爱卖弄风骚；你嘴虽不甜，却讨人喜欢；你爱献殷勤，却无不轨之心；你天生还有看门的本领，看你瞪圆了双目，这块骨头赏给你了。
5. You are not talkative, but you love to show off; your mouth is not sweet, but you are likable; you like to be attentive, but you have no ulterior motives; you are naturally good at guarding, and I see your eyes wide open. Here’s a bone for you as a reward.
6.夜已很深，我从梦中醒来，在郊外的草地上，当你慢慢地向我靠近，我的心狂跳不止，这一切来得太突然，让我不知所措地大叫…老鼠！
6. It’s late at night, and I wake up from my dream on the grassland outside the suburbs. As you slowly approach me, my heart races wildly, and I scream in panic… it’s a mouse!
7.花果山被开发成旅游区，师父唐僧也和白骨精结婚了，没钱吃饭我把金箍棒也卖了，什么事都在发生。真怀念我们一起取经的日子，二师弟，你还好吗？
7. The Flower-Fruit Mountain has been developed into a tourist area, Master Tang Monk has married the White Bone Spirit, and I sold my golden cudgel because I had no money for food. Everything is changing. I miss the days when we were on the journey together, second brother, how are you doing?
8.你总说我没出息，一棒子打不出两个屁，拉不出屎怨地球没引力，很是让你不满意，可是我也有情趣，来，赶紧把戒指戴上–K纯铁的！！！
8. You always say I’m good for nothing, I can’t even make two farts with one blow, and I blame the Earth’s gravity when I can’t poop. You are very dissatisfied with me, but I also have some interest. Come on, hurry up and put the ring on - it’s made of K pure iron!
9.温馨提醒：天气多变，小心穿衣！小雨是我想你，阵雨是心不移，刮风是送心意，阴天是很惦记，晴天是不分离，多云是有惊喜！如果下雪，那就是你没睡醒！
9. Warm reminder: The weather is changeable, be careful with your clothes! Light rain means I miss you, showers mean my heart is unchanging, wind sends my thoughts, overcast means I care, sunny means we won’t be separated, and cloudy means there’s a surprise! If it snows, that means you haven’t woken up yet!
10.自打与你失去联系那天起，我就天天牵挂着你，到处寻找你的下落，也许你不知道我有多着急，但是，我依然不会放弃，因为——猪肉涨价了，你升值啦！
10. Since the day I lost contact with you, I have been worrying about you every day, searching everywhere for your whereabouts. Maybe you don’t know how anxious I am, but I will never give up, because - the price of pork has risen, and your value has increased!
11.昨天在网上看到你用的那个型号手机辐射特别大，吓了我一跳，刚要通知你，又看到说对智商小于的人不起作用，我才放心，你也别担心，继续用吧。
11. Yesterday, I saw online that the model of your phone has a particularly high radiation, which startled me. I was about to inform you, but then I saw that it has no effect on people with an IQ less than 80. I was relieved, so don’t worry, just keep using it.
12.今天我们一起去回忆童年吧，我们一起玩丢手绢，一起玩投沙包，我就不信了，用尽我全部的力量还不能把你的头变成蒙古包。
12. Let’s go back to our childhood memories together today. We’ll play “drop the handkerchief” and “throw sandbags” together. I don’t believe that with all my strength, I can’t turn your head into a Mongolian yurt.
13.实在报歉，这么晚打扰你，我只是想问一下：你睡了没？
13. I’m really sorry to bother you so late, but I just want to ask: Have you gone to bed yet?
14.上厕所没带上纸，准备打电话叫人送，拿出手机一看，呃没信号，谁建的厕所！服了。
14. I went to the bathroom without bringing any toilet paper and was about to call someone to bring some. I took out my phone and saw that there was no signal. Who built this bathroom? I’m amazed.
15.你想出人头地吗？你想发财致富吗？你想光宗耀祖吗？你想大富大贵吗？你想升官发财吗？别胡思乱想了，洗洗睡吧，明天还得上班呢！
15. Do you want to stand out from the crowd? Do you want to become rich and successful? Do you want to bring honor to your family? Do you want to be wealthy and powerful? Do you want to be promoted and make a fortune? Stop daydreaming and go to bed, you still have to work tomorrow!
16.听说你最近变了，戒烟戒酒戒赌戒色，戒贪戒烦戒工作戒爱情，所以人们都叫你八戒。
16. I heard that you’ve changed recently, quitting smoking, alcohol, gambling, and love. You’ve given up greed, annoyance, work, and love. So people call you “Bajie” (Eight Precepts).
17.真不明白，为何每天晚上你总是尽量站在有光的地方，后来经人提醒我才明白，原来你是想当夜明猪呀！
17. I really don’t understand why you always try to stand in the light every night. Later, someone reminded me, and I finally understood that you wanted to be a night luminous pig!
18.看着你一天比一天消瘦的身躯，我难受得吃不下睡不着，我求求你了，别再瘦下去了，如果你再继续这样瘦下去的话，别人会以为我…我给你喂瘦肉精呢！
18. Seeing your body getting thinner and thinner every day, I feel so distressed that I can’t eat or sleep. I beg you, please don’t get any thinner. If you continue to lose weight like this, people will think that I’m feeding you lean meat powder!
19.哥们，我昨天去看演出，发现有一个演员跟你长得一模一样，我就问工作人员：长得像我哥们那个演员是谁啊？工作人员说：那个是…从非洲买来的猩猩。
19. Buddy, I went to see a performance yesterday and found an actor who looked just like you. I asked the staff, “Who is the actor that looks like my buddy?” The staff said, “That’s the gorilla from Africa.”
20.你在我心目中，就像“好多鱼”一样。你知道，我最喜欢好多鱼了，它不仅味道好，而且更是因为你—-真的“好多余”！哈，玩笑啦，想你啦，回电哦！
20. In my heart, you are like “So Many Fish.” You know, I really like So Many Fish, not only because of its taste but also because you are really “superfluous”! Ha, just kidding, I miss you, call me back!
21.你有一颗善良的心，你会大公无私地帮助这个世界上每一个需要帮助的人，大家都说你是天上降临人间专门帮助别人的天使，可惜的是，脸先着地了！
21. You have a kind heart, and you selflessly help every person in need in this world. Everyone says you are an angel sent from heaven to help others. Unfortunately, your face hit the ground first!
22.你以为你躲起来，我就找不到你了吗？没用的，不管在什么地方，你身上总有一种吸引别人注意的气场，你也不是不知道，这么久不洗澡，那味儿会很大的！
22. You think you can hide from me? It’s useless. No matter where you are, you always have an aura that attracts people’s attention. You know it too, not taking a bath for so long, that smell will be very strong!
23.你一直想穿越回到古代当皇上，终于有一个高人施法术帮你穿越回去了，你那个高兴啊，你拿镜子一照，妈啊，高人法术太厉害了吧，回到人猿时代了！
23. You’ve always wanted to travel back in time to ancient times and become an emperor. Finally, a master cast a spell to help you travel back, and you were so happy. You looked in the mirror and exclaimed, “Wow, the master’s spell is so powerful! I’ve gone back to the age of apes!”
24.看了牛郎织女的故事后，我才知道什么叫–爱情；看了桃园三结义的故事后，我才知道什么叫–兄弟；看了你和猩猩的合照后，我才知道什么叫–绝配！
24. After reading the story of the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl, I understood what love is; after reading the story of the Peach Garden Oath, I understood what brotherhood is; after seeing the photo of you and the gorilla, I understood what a perfect match is!
25.看到那么多人喜欢你，我也暗暗地给自己鼓劲，一定要尝试着去追求你，当我走近你的那一刹那，闻着身上所发出的气息，我终于忍不住吐了…臭豆腐！
25. Seeing so many people like you, I secretly encouraged myself to try to pursue you. When I approached you, smelling the scent emanating from your body, I couldn’t help but vomit… stinky tofu!
26.假如时光可以静止，我希望停留在你最幸福的那一刻。假如时光可以倒流，我希望回到你我儿童的时光，过着无忧虑的日子，每天都能见到你那满脸的，鼻涕！
26. If time could stand still, I wish to stay at the moment when you are the happiest. If time could go back, I wish to return to our childhood days, living carefree lives and seeing your smiling face with snot every day!
27.新四大傻人：恋爱不成上吊的，没病没灾吃药的，找完小姐染病的，看完短信傻笑的！
27. The new four fools: those who commit suicide when love fails, those who take medicine when they have no illness, those who contract diseases after visiting prostitutes, and those who laugh foolishly after reading this message!
28.你真是个天才——天生的蠢才，毕业于哈佛——哈尔滨佛学院，长得也不错——长得这样真的不是你的错。
28. You are truly a genius - a natural-born fool, graduated from Harvard - Harbin Buddhist College, and you look good too - it’s really not your fault that you look like this.
29.曾以为有更好的，反反复复才发觉，最好的就在身边，就像你。起初对你出现，并不为然，随着时间流逝，才发觉你是最好……欺负的！
29. I once thought there was something better, but after going through it again and again, I realized that the best is right beside me, just like you. At first, I didn’t care about your presence, but as time went by, I found out that you are the best… person to bully!
30.我决心为全国人民做件大事：给珠穆朗玛峰修电梯给长城贴瓷砖给飞机安倒档；做件小事：给苍蝇戴手套给蚊子戴口罩给你喂点猪饲料。
30. I am determined to do something great for the people of the whole country: install an elevator on Mount Everest, tile the Great Wall, and install a reverse gear on airplanes; and do something small: put gloves on flies, masks on mosquitoes, and feed you some pig feed.
31.送你一份有屎以来，粪量最重的礼物，你一定会大吃一斤，还要多多饱含，如觉得粪量不够，还请自便。
31. I send you a gift with the heaviest weight since the invention of feces. You will definitely eat a lot, and if you still feel it’s not enough, please help yourself.
32.听说今天太湖里跳出来一只癞蛤蟆被车轧死，我听了一直很担心，马上给你发短信，如果你还活着的话，请回复我！
32. I heard that a toad jumped out of Taihu Lake today and was run over by a car. I have been worried ever since, so I immediately sent you a text message. If you are still alive, please reply to me!
33.这段日子以来，我一直想对你说三个字，但又怕说了连普通朋友也做不成，可我控制不住，还是想说：借点钱！
33. Lately, I have been wanting to say three words to you, but I am afraid that once I say them, we won’t even be ordinary friends anymore. However, I can’t control myself and still want to say: lend me some money!
34.谢谢你春天陪我观百花，夏日伴我看夕阳，秋季陪我赏落叶，冬天伴我看雪景。如果没有你，再美的风景都是模糊的，真的谢谢你……眼镜！
34. Thank you for accompanying me to watch the flowers in spring, enjoy the sunset in summer, appreciate the falling leaves in autumn, and admire the snow scenery in winter. Without you, even the most beautiful scenery would be blurred. I really appreciate you… my glasses!
35.你身材永远都是那么苗条，身手总是那么敏捷，生活总是很悠闲，整天都是游玩在名川大山间，你吃的食物都是纯天然无污染绿色食品，唉，当猴子真好！
35. Your figure is always slim, your reflexes are always agile, your life is always leisurely, and you spend your days playing in famous mountains and rivers. The food you eat is all natural, pollution-free, and green. Sigh, it’s really great to be a monkey!
36.你是我心中的太阳，可惜下雨了；你是我梦中的月亮，可惜云遮住了；你是我心中最美的花朵，可惜开过了；你是天上的嫦娥降临人间，可惜脸先着地了！
36. You are the sun in my heart, but unfortunately, it’s raining; you are the moon in my dreams, but unfortunately, the clouds are blocking it; you are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but unfortunately, it has already bloomed; you are the celestial Chang’e descending to the world, but unfortunately, your face hit the ground first!
37.想你，有一种温馨的感觉；见你，是一种痛苦的期待；爱你，是我一生的追求；梦你，是我永久的情怀。其实揍你，才是我心中快乐之所在！
37. Missing you gives me a warm feeling; seeing you is a painful anticipation; loving you is my lifelong pursuit; dreaming of you is my eternal sentiment. Actually, hitting you is where my true happiness lies!
38.当你在路上遇到狗的时候不要惊慌，要勇敢地与它博斗，仅多会有三种结果：一是你赢了，你比狗厉害；二是你输了，你连狗都不如；三是你们打平了，你和狗一样。
38. When you encounter a dog on the road, don’t panic. Bravely fight it, and there will be only three possible outcomes: 1) You win, and you are more powerful than the dog; 2) You lose, and you are even worse than a dog; 3) You draw, and you are just like a dog.
39.蝴蝶埋怨蜜蜂，肚子不小，里边那么多甜言蜜语，就是不给我说，气人!蜜蜂埋怨蝴蝶，穿的怪花，头上两根天线那么长，就是不给我发信息，恼人!
39. The butterfly complains to the bee, “You have such a big belly, and you have so many sweet words inside, but you never tell me, it’s so annoying!” The bee complains to the butterfly, “You wear such strange clothes, and you have such long antennae on your head, but you never send me a message, it’s so irritating!”
40.爱心提示，饭后七戒：一戒抽烟，二戒马上吃水果，三戒放松，四戒立即喝茶，五戒白步走，六戒立即洗澡，七戒立即睡觉!八戒：你记住了么？
40. Loving reminder, seven prohibitions after meals: 1) No smoking; 2) Don’t eat fruit immediately; 3) Don’t relax; 4) Don’t drink tea immediately; 5) Don’t walk barefoot; 6) Don’t take a bath immediately; 7) Don’t go to bed immediately! Eight prohibitions: Do you remember?
41.请别再往下看啦，关机吧，真的没什么好看的，求你啦，真的要看？不后悔？好吧，这可是你自己要求的——你是猪！
41. Please don’t look down anymore, turn off your phone, there’s really nothing to see, please, do you really want to see it? Don’t regret it? Okay, this is what you asked for - You are a pig!
42.这么多年了，知道我找你找得多辛苦么?我走遍世界，就是为了寻找一张像你这样的脸，这是我的名片，随时欢迎到我的整形医院来!——误人专家。
42. After so many years, do you know how hard I’ve been looking for you? I’ve traveled the world just to find a face like yours. Here’s my business card, and you’re always welcome to visit my plastic surgery clinic! – Deceiver.
43.哎，现在的人几乎都是用键盘代替笔了，其实用键盘敲字的时候会有一件怪事，不信打字的时候你看看你的键盘上会有一只猪手放在上面耶！愚人节快乐！
43. Nowadays, almost everyone uses keyboards instead of pens. When typing on a keyboard, there’s a strange thing that happens. Don’t believe me? Check your keyboard while typing, and you’ll see a pig’s hand on it! Happy April Fool’s Day!
44.不要以为建起城市就能定居；不要以为播下种子就能丰收；不要以为登上顶峰就是征服；不要以为我忘了你，在关键时候，比如说今天，我第一个想起的就是你。
44. Don’t assume that building a city means you can settle down; don’t assume that planting seeds guarantees a bountiful harvest; don’t assume that reaching the summit means you’ve conquered it; don’t think I’ve forgotten you, especially at crucial moments, like today when you’re the first person I think of.
45.欢迎来到美女应召站，找本地妹请按，找东洋女请按，找西洋妞请按，同性恋者请往下按…………欢迎你同志！……今天可是愚人节哦！
45. Welcome to the beauty escort station. For local girls, please press ; for Japanese women, please press ; for Western girls, please press . Homosexuals, please press down… Welcome, comrade! … Today is April Fool’s Day, after all!
46.你善良像猫儿，你忠实像狗儿，你可爱像鸟儿，你识途像马儿，你出色像蝶儿，你勤劳像蜂儿，你什么都相像，也难怪大家都叫你——禽兽。
46. You’re as kind as a cat, as loyal as a dog, as cute as a bird, as knowledgeable as a horse, as outstanding as a butterfly, as hardworking as a bee. You resemble everything, and no wonder everyone calls you an animal.
47.我知道我是无比的需要你，每天都会小心地把你放到我的心里，让你肆意地抚摸我的身体，感受我的身体，我想我一刻也不会离不开你……我爱你，白开水。
47. I know I need you desperately, and every day I carefully place you in my heart, allowing you to touch and feel my body at will. I think I can’t live a single moment without you… I love you, plain boiled water.
48.那天你拿刀狂砍一头猪，猪逃进一个死胡同，只听猪跪地向你求饶：“本是同根生，相煎何太急！”
48. That day, you chased a pig with a knife, and the pig ran into a dead-end alley. It knelt down and pleaded with you, “We’re from the same root, why rush to harm each other?”
49.乞丐带着猴子沿街乞讨，他叫猴子笑它就笑，叫猴子哭它就哭，叫猴子作揖它就作揖，叫猴子看短信它就看短信。
49. A beggar walked along the street with a monkey, making it laugh, cry, bow, and read text messages whenever he asked. The monkey obeyed his commands.
50.那天你参加球赛，只见你一记凌空抽射，守门员还没反应过来，球进了！我们都为你鼓掌欢呼，你爬起来，拍拍屁股说：妈的，地太滑了！
50. That day you participated in a soccer match, and with one swift kick, the ball flew into the goal before the goalkeeper could react. We all applauded and cheered for you, but you got up, patted your behind, and said, “Damn, the ground is too slippery!”
51.手机响一声，代表我想你；两声，好想你！三声，十分想你！四声，很想很想你；五声－－小样，该接电话了吧！
51. A phone ring represents I miss you; two rings mean I really miss you! Three rings mean I miss you so much! Four rings mean I miss you so, so much; five rings - hey, it’s about time you answered the phone!
52.你到云南西双版纳旅游，途中遇到一群野猪围攻，旅客均掏出食品，金钱，野猪不为所动，你掏出仅有的身份证，群猪跪而痛哭道：老大，我们可找到你了！
52. While traveling in Yunnan’s Xishuangbanna, you encountered a group of wild boars attacking. Other tourists took out food and money, but the boars were unmoved. When you took out your only ID card, the boars knelt down and wept, “Boss, we’ve finally found you!”
53.你是足花心的人，且常常与作乐，不得家有亿万钱财，长年弃不顾，成天达，寻找猎物，需多问，而性不改，还心意，你定不是好人。
53. You’re a very flirtatious person, always seeking pleasure, neglecting your vast fortune at home. You spend your days searching for prey, and though people ask you many questions, you never change your ways. You’re definitely not a good person.
54.手心痒吗？那代表我想念你的爱抚；嘴唇痒吗？那代表我想念你的热吻；身上痒吗……那代表你脏死了，还不快去洗澡！
54. Is your palm itching? That means I miss your caresses; are your lips itching? That means I miss your passionate kisses; if your body itches… well, you must be dirty, so go take a bath!
55.你勤劳得像蜜蜂，漂亮得像蝴蝶，忠诚得像小狗，乖巧得像小猫，憨厚得像老牛，威猛得像老虎，怪不得别人都叫你……禽兽!
55. You’re as hardworking as a bee, as beautiful as a butterfly, as loyal as a dog, as cute as a cat, as honest as an ox, and as fierce as a tiger. No wonder everyone calls you an animal!
56.昨夜朋友思无数，想来想去，唯有你最酷，梦里寻你千百度，募染回首，你确扔被栓在人家驴棚深处，残酷！残酷！读完信息息怒！
56. Last night, I thought of countless friends, and after much consideration, I found you the coolest. I searched for you in my dreams a thousand times, only to find you tied up in a donkey shed. Cruel! Cruel! Don’t be angry after reading this message!
57.早晨我吃不下饭，因为我想你，中午我吃不下饭，因为我更加想你，晚上我吃不下饭，因为我疯狂地想你，夜里我睡不着，因为…………我饿。
57. In the morning, I can’t eat because I miss you; at noon, I can’t eat because I miss you even more; in the evening, I can’t eat because I’m crazy about you. At night, I can’t sleep because… I’m hungry.
58.听说你手机没有短信功能，所以发这条短信试验。如你收到，证实有短信功能并是我的短信，请给我回复：我有了，是你的！
58. I heard that your phone doesn’t have text messaging, so I’m sending this message to test. If you receive it, confirm that it has text messaging and it’s from me by replying: I have it, it’s yours!
59.人生至古谁无屎，有谁大便不用纸？若君不用卫生纸，莫非你是用手指！
59. Who in history has never pooped, and who doesn’t use toilet paper when they do? If you don’t use toilet paper, are you using your fingers?
60.是一阵风也罢了，偏偏是这样永恒；是一场梦也罢了，偏偏是如此真实；你低头不语，我却难以平静，终于禁不住要对你说：“放屁先说一声啊!”
60. It could have been a gust of wind, but it was eternal; it could have been a dream, but it was so real; you remained silent, and I couldn’t calm down. Finally, I couldn’t help but say to you: “Say something when you pass gas!”
61.如果没有风，云不会动；如果没有水，鱼不能游；如果没有太阳，月亮就不会有光；如果没有你……笨人也就不存在了。
61. Without wind, clouds won’t move; without water, fish can’t swim; without the sun, the moon won’t shine; without you… there would be no fools.
62.女子无才便是德，我一定是太缺德了。
62. A woman without talent is considered virtuous; I must be very lacking in virtue.
63.我也不想独守，我也好想拥有，走在街上瞅一瞅，俊男美女手牵手，我却左手牵右手，现在别无它求，只想和你出去走走，又怕朋友会说：没事别总溜狗。
63. I don’t want to be alone; I also want to have someone. Walking on the street, I see handsome men and beautiful women holding hands, but I’m left with holding my own hand. I have no other desires now, except to go out for a walk with you, but I’m afraid my friends will say: “Don’t always take your dog out for a walk when there’s nothing to do.”
64.一次军事演习，一颗炮弹偏离很远，我被派去查看，发现炮弹在农田爆炸，你站在那里，衣裳褴褛，满眼漆黑，双眼含泪对我说：偷颗白菜犯得着用炮轰嘛！
64. During a military exercise, a shell strayed far away. I was sent to check and found it had exploded in a farmland. You stood there, tattered and covered in soot, tears in your eyes, and said to me: “Is it necessary to use a cannon to steal a cabbage?”
65.很怀念当年我们一起散步的日子，春光明媚鸟语花香。乡亲们都夸你好漂亮好可爱。乡亲们也夸我好聪明好能干，这么小就出来放猪了。
65. I miss the days when we used to take walks together, with beautiful spring scenery and the fragrance of flowers. The villagers all praised you for being so pretty and lovely. They also praised me for being smart and capable, as I was so young and already herding pigs.
66.我有一首诗，天下几人知，傻瓜读此诗，知之为知之，不知为不知，你是傻瓜我早知，傻瓜听到手机吱，肯定在读这首诗。
66. I have a poem, known by a few in the world. A fool reads this poem, knowing it for what it is, and not knowing it for what it isn’t. I knew you were a fool long ago, and when a fool hears their phone buzzing, they must be reading this poem.
67.你站在人群中，被柔柔的风吹起长发，像人间最美的旋律，在我心头久久回荡，我想说：你的假发要掉了……今天是愚人节哦。
67. You stood among the crowd, with the gentle breeze blowing your long hair, like the most beautiful melody on earth, lingering in my heart. I wanted to say: Your wig is about to fall… Today is April Fool’s Day.
68.我仿佛看到你快乐地扑向我，把头扎在我怀里……真的！我太幸福了。不就准备送你个生日蛋糕嘛！你就这么高兴？还汪汪叫着对我摇尾巴。
68. I could almost see you happily running towards me, burying your head in my chest… truly! I’m so happy. It’s just that I’m going to give you a birthday cake! Are you that excited? You even barked and wagged your tail at me.
69.寻猪启事：本人丢失纯种小白猪一只。特征：聪明伶俐，善解人意，身上带一部手机并在查阅短信，爱猪看过信息后，速给主人回信息！主人现在好想你！
69. Lost pig notice: I have lost a purebred little white pig. Features: smart and understanding, carries a mobile phone and is reading this message, loves the pig. Dear pig, if you see this message, please reply to your owner immediately! The owner misses you so much!
70.有一天我对你说:你是猪！你却对我说：我是猪才怪！从此以后我就叫你猪才怪！那天你实在忍不住了，对着众人就喊：我不是猪才怪！
70. One day, I said to you: You are a pig! But you replied: I’m not a pig, strange! Since then, I’ve called you “Pig Strange.” One day, you couldn’t bear it anymore and shouted to everyone: I’m not a pig, strange!
71.他们问我你是什么，我说你是猪，他们打我，我改口说你是人，他们依然打我，一边打还一边说道：明明是肥猪，你为什么要说成猪勒
71. They asked me what you were, and I said you were a pig. They hit me, so I changed my words and said you were a person. They still hit me, saying: It’s clearly a fat pig, why did you call it a pig, strange?
72.亲爱的最近又失眠了，闭上眼耳朵里全是你那细语的声音。睁开眼眼前全是你那鬼魅的身影。是你是你全是你，你这该死的蚊子。
72. My dear, you’ve been suffering from insomnia lately. When you close your eyes, your ears are filled with your gentle voice. When you open your eyes, your vision is filled with your ghostly figure. It’s you, it’s all you, you damned mosquito.
73.爸爸抱着你等车，人家都笑话孩子长得难看，爸爸哭了，一卖香蕉老大爷拍拍爸爸说：“拿只香蕉给猴子吃吧，真可怜，饿得都没毛了”。
73. Dad held you while waiting for the bus, and people laughed at how ugly the child looked. Dad cried, and an old man selling bananas patted Dad’s shoulder and said, “Give the monkey a banana to eat. It’s so pitiful, it’s hungry and hairless.”
74.哭了吧傻了吧，幸福的日子没有了吧？早警告过你，不要贪吃贪睡，可你就是不听。这下你该记住了吧，猪长到一定分量就要出栏的。
74. You cried, you were foolish, and your happy days were gone, right? I warned you early on not to be greedy and lazy, but you just wouldn’t listen. Now you should remember, when a pig reaches a certain weight, it’s time to leave the pen.
75.坦白说我很喜欢你，你的眼神，走路的姿势，快乐的神情，撒娇的可爱甚至你睡觉的样子，我都着迷！可最让我生气的是你不逮耗子，还老掉毛。
75. To be honest, I really like you, your eyes, the way you walk, your happy expression, your cuteness when you act spoiled, and even the way you sleep. I’m fascinated by all of it! But what makes me most angry is that you don’t catch mice and you always shed hair.
76.漆黑的夜晚，一只老虎把你扑倒，但它为什么不吃你呢？因为这只老虎是回民，不吃猪肉的！
76. On a dark night, a tiger pounces on you, but why doesn’t it eat you? Because this tiger is a Muslim and doesn’t eat pork!
77.深秋，我在街上遇见忧郁的你，看着你孤独的背景无助的眼神……我再也按捺不住内心的激动，冲过去捉住你的手，说：朋友，你踩屎了。
77. In late autumn, I met you on the street, looking at your lonely and helpless eyes… I couldn’t hold back my excitement any longer, so I rushed over, grabbed your hand, and said: “Friend, you stepped in poop.”
78.人会谈恋爱，不稀奇；牛会吃青草，不希奇；猪会按电话，才神奇，猪就是猪，还按！真是个大笨猪！
78. It’s not surprising that people fall in love; it’s not surprising that cows eat grass; but it would be amazing if pigs could use a phone. Pigs are just pigs, and they still try to use one! What a big silly pig!
79.本信息为纯粹的骚扰信息！警告还没睡的快去睡，刚睡的翻个身继续睡，睡了很久的起来上个厕所接着睡，实在不想睡的和我一起拿起手机骚扰想睡的！
79. This message is purely a harassment message! A warning to those who haven’t slept: go to sleep now. Those who just fell asleep, turn over and continue sleeping. Those who have slept for a while, get up and go to the bathroom, then go back to sleep. If you really don’t want to sleep, join me in picking up our phones and harassing those who want to sleep!
80.马和猪遇到老虎，掉头就跑，猪跑得慢，马喊：蠢猪！手机抓在手里怎么跑得快！快扔！愚人节快乐！
80. The horse and the pig encountered a tiger, turned around and ran. The pig was running slow, and the horse shouted: “Stupid pig! How can you run fast with a phone in your hand! Hurry up and throw it away!” Happy April Fool’s Day!
81.因为你，我相信命运；因为你，我相信缘份；也许这一切都是上天注定，冥冥之中牵引着我俩。好想说……我上辈子是做了什么孽呀！
81. Because of you, I believe in destiny; because of you, I believe in fate; maybe all of this is predestined by heaven, guiding us together. I really want to say… what kind of sin did I commit in my previous life?!
82.尊敬的用户您好！因你的手机外型难看，式样过时，已严重影响市容市貌，且阻碍通讯业务发展，本台决定于分钟后发射信号摧毁该手机！
82. Dear user, due to your phone’s unattractive appearance and outdated style, it has seriously affected the city’s appearance and hindered the development of communication services. We have decided to send a signal to destroy your phone in minutes!
83.我觉得认识你这么久了，你这人特别的，极度的，非常的，罕见的，与众不同的笨，而且笨得可爱，嘻嘻，别生气啊！愚人节快乐！
83. I think I’ve known you for so long, and you are particularly, extremely, very, rarely, and uniquely stupid. But your stupidity is cute. Don’t be angry! Happy April Fool’s Day!
84.你安静地躺在床上，散发出诱人的芬芳，柔软的肌肤，诱人的感觉，令我心跳加速。我兴奋地走向你，卧在你身上，深情地对你说，我喜欢你…我的床单！
84. You lie quietly on the bed, emitting an enticing fragrance, soft skin, and an alluring feeling, making my heart race. I excitedly walk towards you, lie on top of you, and say to you affectionately: “I like you… my bedsheet!”
85.当我看完你发给我的短信，我终于明白，你用在我身上的感情是那么多！那么真挚！那么刻骨铭心！你对我无法忘怀！于是我决定：关机气死你！
85. When I finished reading the message you sent me, I finally understood how much affection you have for me! It’s so sincere and unforgettable! You can’t forget me! So I’ve decided: to turn off my phone and make you worried!
86.“春秋战国时期,你统领三军,头戴锅盖,身披麻袋,腰系塑料袋,手拿蛋黄派,脚踏两棵白菜,号称东方不败,冲锋陷阵大喊:谁有破烂要卖???”
86. “During the Spring and Autumn and Warring States periods, you led the three armies, wearing a pot on your head, a sack on your body, a plastic bag around your waist, holding an egg yolk pie, and standing on two cabbages. You were known as the Invincible East, charging into battle and shouting: ‘Who has any trash to sell?’”
87.本信息为纯粹的骚扰信息!警告还没睡的快去睡!刚睡的翻个身继续睡!睡了很久的起来上个厕所接着睡!实在不想睡的和我一起拿起手机骚扰想睡的!
87. This message is purely a harassment message! A warning to those who haven’t slept: go to sleep now. Those who just fell asleep, turn over and continue sleeping. Those who have slept for a while, get up and go to the bathroom, then go back to sleep. If you really don’t want to sleep, join me in picking up our phones and harassing those who want to sleep!
88.如果感到无聊或者空虚的话，请拨打我的电话！谈感情请按，谈工作请按，谈人生请按，给我介绍对象请按，请我吃饭请直说，找我借钱请挂机。
88. If you feel bored or empty, please call me! For emotional talk, press ; for work talk, press ; for life talk, press ; to introduce someone to me, press ; to invite me for a meal, just say it; to borrow money from me, hang up.
89.爱你爱你爱死你，请个画匠来画你，把你画在被单上，日日夜夜抱着你。恨你恨你恨死你，请个画匠来刻你，把你刻在砧板上，千刀万刀剁死你！
89. I love you so much, I want to die for you. I’ll hire an artist to paint you, put you on a bedsheet, and hold you day and night. I hate you so much, I want to die for you. I’ll hire an artist to carve you, put you on a chopping board, and chop you into pieces!
90.我有三句话想跟你说，包括下面这一句，谢谢我讲完了。
90. I have three things I want to tell you, including this one. Thank you, I’m done.
91.“很怀念那段日子,你在我前面扭捏的走在乡间的小路,低着头,乡亲们见了我们都夸你:嘿,又漂亮又干净!也夸我:多好的孩子,这么小年级就出来放猪!”
91. “I miss those days when you walked ahead of me on the country path, lowering your head. The villagers praised you: ‘Hey, so beautiful and clean!’ They also praised me: ‘What a good child, so young and already herding pigs!’”
92.如果你的耳朵痒了，证明有人想念你；你的眼睛痒了，证明有人想见你；你的嘴唇痒了，证明有人想吻你；如果你身体不舒服。。别瞎想，该洗澡了！
92. If your ear itches, it means someone is thinking of you; if your eye itches, it means someone wants to see you; if your lip itches, it means someone wants to kiss you; if you feel uncomfortable… Don’t be silly, it’s time for a shower!
93.“这次发信息,主要有三个目的：一是联络感情；二是打发时间；三是我很负责任地告诉你：天气凉了，记得不要再穿开裆裤了。”
93. The main purpose of this message is threefold: to maintain our relationship, to kill time, and to responsibly remind you that the weather is getting cold, so don’t wear open-crotch pants anymore.
94.有一天，我跟同学去食堂吃饭，由于人太多，我们决定打包回去吃，于是就挤进去点菜，我朋友她是要打包豆芽的，谁之她就叫成：阿姨，我要爆牙！
94. One day, my classmate and I went to the cafeteria for lunch. It was so crowded that we decided to take it to go. So we squeezed in to order, and my friend wanted to get bean sprouts, but she called them “exploding teeth”!
95.我明白，发给你的每条短信都让你刻骨铭心！我了解，写给你的每个字都让你废寝忘食！但我想知道，欠我的那顿饭，你啥时候请？
95. I know that every text message I send you leaves a deep impression on you! I understand that every word I write to you makes you lose sleep and forget about food! But I wonder, when will you treat me to the meal you owe me?
96.考试零分叫鴨蛋，做壞事叫壞蛋，腦袋空空叫傻蛋，炒魷魚叫滾蛋，駡人叫混蛋，嗚呼哀哉叫完蛋，正在看短信的是笨蛋。
96. Scoring zero in an exam is called a duck egg, doing something bad is called a bad egg, having an empty head is called a fool, getting fired is called rolling egg, cursing someone is called a jerk, alas and woe is called a complete egg, and the one reading this message is a fool.
97.我每天都会向佛祖祈求得到一枝持久盛开的玫瑰花，等到九百九十九朵的时候一起送给你并动情的说：“小样儿，我就不信招来的蜜蜂不蛰你！”
97. Every day, I pray to the Buddha for a long-lasting rose. When I have 999 roses, I will give them all to you and say affectionately, “Little guy, I don’t believe the bees I attract won’t sting you!”
98.如果时光可以倒流，我希望在我童年的时候就认识你；那样我就可以找你去玩，你哭了，我逗你，你就笑了嘿嘿，然后我在把你打哭，在逗你笑
98. If I could turn back time, I wish I had known you when I was a child; then I could play with you, make you cry, and make you laugh again. Hehe, and then I would make you cry again and make you laugh.
99.看男人的品味，要看他的袜子；看一个人的身价，要看他的对手；看一个人的底牌，要看他身边的好友！看一个人是白痴，要看他是否还在傻傻的看这条信息！
99. To see a man’s taste, look at his socks; to see a person’s value, look at his opponents; to see a person’s cards, look at his close friends! To see if someone is an idiot, see if they are still foolishly reading this message!
100.环故四周，蓦然回首，众里寻你千百度！呃！你在猪圈最深处，叼着烟斗靠着树！酷！这谁家的猪！
100. Looking around, suddenly turning back, searching for you a thousand times! Ah! There you are, in the deepest part of the pigsty, smoking a pipe and leaning against a tree! Cool! Whose pig is this?
1.明明是笨，却非说是逆向思维。
1. Just because you’re stupid, doesn’t mean it’s contrarian thinking.
2.我知道啊，我这样的性格很糟糕。
2. I know, my personality is not very pleasing.
3.分手多没意思，有本事咱俩玩离婚!
3. Breaking up is so boring, if you dare, let’s play divorce!
4.我知道啊，我向来不是很讨喜的人。
4. I know, I’ve never been a likable person.
5.手拿菜刀砍电线，一路火花带闪电。
5. Holding a kitchen knife and chopping the electric wire, sparks and lightning all the way.
6.听说七夕那天35°呢，热死你们一对一对的。
6. I heard it’s going to be 35°C on Qixi Festival, hot enough to kill you couples.
7.雨神雨神，快到我家来，给莪们来场大雨吧。
7. Rain God, Rain God, come to my house quickly, give us a heavy rain, please.
8.爱一个人好难，爱两个人好玩，爱三个人玩完。
8. Loving one person is hard, loving two is fun, loving three is over.
9.劳资的心也是肉做的，你以为是不锈钢而且防水啊。
9. My heart is also made of flesh, do you think it’s stainless steel and waterproof?
10.谁他二大爷的告诉我诺基亚能砸核桃，现在黑屏了。
10. Who the hell told me that Nokia can crack walnuts? Now the screen is black.
11.没有你牵手的冬天，我用热水袋照样活得精彩。
Please translate the above paragraphs (original text) into corresponding English (i.e., translation) one by one. The translation should conform to English habits, and the translation should maintain the original numbers, punctuation, and tags. Check: After translating the translation back into the original language, it should have the same meaning as the original text. If not, please re-translate without adding any additional explanations or descriptions, and only return the complete translation.
12.别人一夸我，我就担心，担心别人夸得不够好。
12. Whenever someone compliments me, I worry that they don’t praise me enough.
13.本来打算当个淑女的，结果被生活逼成了泼妇。
13. I planned to be a lady, but life turned me into a shrew.
14.我要强大，上帝把我放人间，就是要我当老大。
14. I want to be strong; God put me on Earth to be the boss.
15.我们不怕老师，只是怕老师叫家长。
15. We are not afraid of teachers, but of them calling our parents.
16.没有猩猩的夜里，我用猴子吸引你。
16. In the absence of an orangutan, I will use a monkey to attract you.
17.有情人终成眷属，没情人夏天中暑。
17. Lovers eventually become spouses, while the single suffer from heatstroke in summer.
18.人和猪的区别就是：猪一直是猪，而人有时却不是人!
18. The difference between humans and pigs is that pigs are always pigs, but sometimes people are not human.
19.雨骤，打不湿鸭子的翅膀;狂风，吹不灭萤火的灯光。
19. Heavy rain cannot wet a duck’s wings; strong winds cannot blow out the light of fireflies.
20.是不是单身久了，最近看到一头母猪都觉得眉清目秀。
20. Am I single for too long? Lately, I find even a pig looks pretty.
21.空间没有了备注，我才知道，原来你们的昵称都这么屌。
21. Without annotations in the space, I realized your nicknames are so cool.
22.挽着奶奶过马路的人少了，挽着二奶过马路的人更多了。
22. There are fewer people helping their grandmothers cross the road, but more people with their mistresses.
23.给我三个月好吗。我会变成两倍的我，重新出现在你面前。
23. Give me three months, and I will become twice the person I am, reappearing before you.
24.小时候，妈妈常给我喝一种洋咖啡，长大了才知道那是板蓝根。
24. When I was a child, my mother often gave me a foreign coffee, and I grew up to find out it was Ban Lan Gen.
25.人怕出名猪怕壮，男怕没钱女怕胖。
25. People fear fame, pigs fear getting fat, men fear having no money, and women fear gaining weight.
26.珍惜生活—-上帝还让你活着，就肯定有他的安排。
26. Cherish life - God still lets you live, and there must be his arrangement.
27.工作的最高境界就是看着别人上班，领着别人的工资。
27. The highest state of work is watching others go to work and receiving their salaries.
28.爱情就像便便，来了之后挡也挡不住；爱情就像便便，每次都一样又不太一样；爱情就像便便，有时努力了很久却只是个屁；爱情就像便便，水一冲就再也回不来了。
28. Love is like feces; once it comes, you can’t stop it; love is like feces, each time is the same but not quite the same; love is like feces, sometimes you try hard for a long time but it’s just a fart; love is like feces, once flushed down the toilet, it’s gone forever.
29.成熟男人最动人的一句话就是媳妇我错了。
29. The most touching words from a mature man are “My wife, I was wrong.”
30.兄长有情义薄天，弟兄友谊永不变。义正胸阔爱长存，气虹豪迈男儿魂
30. Brothers have boundless loyalty, and our friendship will never change. Righteousness and broad-minded love will always exist, and the spirit of men is heroic and mighty.
31.为负心汉流泪那是懦弱的表现，他根本不心疼你的泪水
31. Crying for a heartless man is a sign of weakness; he doesn’t care about your tears.
32.我可喜欢助人了，尤其是女孩子。
32. I really enjoy helping others, especially girls.
33.小伙不算太出色但是从来不得瑟。
33. The young man is not outstanding, but he never shows off.
34.路边的野花，也是很牛比的!
34. The wildflowers by the roadside are also amazing!
35.哥不是冰红茶没有再来瓶得机会。
35. I’m not iced tea, and there’s no chance for a second bottle.
36.住的是大富豪边的茅草屋，开的是凤凰牌的自行车。喝的是龙虎山旁的清泉水。不要迷恋哥，哥已经有老婆。
36. I live in a thatched cottage next to the tycoon’s mansion, ride a Phoenix-brand bicycle, and drink clear spring water from the Dragon and Tiger Mountain. Don’t be infatuated with me, for I already have a wife.
37.本人已成仙，有事请发烟，佛说有烟没火成不了正果，有火没烟成不了仙。
37. I have ascended to immortality; if you have any business, please offer a cigarette. Buddha says that without fire, there’s no smoke, and one cannot achieve enlightenment; without smoke, one cannot become an immortal.
38.胖的奥义不在于吃多少，吃什么，而在于怎么吃。你感受一下。
38. The essence of being fat is not about how much or what you eat, but how you eat it. You can feel it.
39.如果你容不下我，说明不是你心胸太狭小，就是我人格太伟大。
39. If you can’t tolerate me, it means either your heart is too narrow or my personality is too great.
40.本来咱都差不多，但自从您发了疯之后，我就知道了什么叫差距。
40. We were almost the same, but ever since you went crazy, I’ve known what the difference is.
41.请你以后不要在我面前说英文了，OK？
41. Please don’t speak English in front of me, OK?
42.好久没有人把牛皮吹的这么清新脱俗了！
42. It’s been a long time since someone has boasted so refreshingly and unpretentiously!
43.一觉醒来，天都黑了。
43. Upon waking up, the sky has turned dark.
44.钱可以解决的问题都不是问题。
44. Money can solve problems are not problems.
45.不吃饱哪有力气减肥啊？
45. If you don’t eat enough, how can you have the strength to lose weight?
46.问君能有几多愁，恰似一群太监上青楼。
46. Ask how much sorrow one can have; it’s like a group of eunuchs visiting a brothel.
47.钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。
47. Banknotes are not omnipotent; sometimes you also need a credit card.
48.我允许你走进我的世界，但决不允许你在我的世界里走来走去。
48. I allow you to enter my world, but I absolutely forbid you from walking around in my world.
49.男人永远不懂亲自花钱杀死自己，第一个孩子的痛。
49. Men will never understand the pain of spending money to abort their first child.
50.我可以单枪匹马陪你走下去即使失败身后空无一人有我在
50. I can go through this journey with you alone, even if I fail and have no one behind me but myself.
51.别和哥谈感情，你不是哥要谈的那个人。
51. Don’t talk about emotions with me; you’re not the person I want to talk about that with.
52.早已经过去了的事，就不要像骆驼一样反复咀嚼了
52. Don’t keep ruminating on things that have long passed, like a camel chewing its cud.
53.被窝君，电热毯君，暖宝宝君，围巾君，并称冬天四大暖男。
53. The four great warm guys of winter: Blanket Lord, Electric Blanket Lord, Warm Baby Lord, and Scarf Lord.
54.分手两个字那么段，却足以让我心碎
54. The word “breakup” is so short, yet it’s enough to break my heart.
55.假如我必须死，我会把黑暗当作新娘，把它拥抱在我的怀里。
55. If I must die, I will take the darkness as my bride and embrace it in my arms.
56.现在只能期望时间把握抛开，因为自己过不去
56. Now I can only hope that time will let go, because I can’t get past it myself.
57.酒也空，色也空，老婆跟人走;财也空，气也空，手机没钱充。
57. The wine is empty, the beauty is empty, my wife has left with someone else; the wealth is empty, the spirit is empty, my phone has no money to recharge.
58.我没什么优点，最大的优点就是我是一个好人。
58. I don’t have many virtues, but my biggest virtue is that I am a good person.
59.人生苦短，及时行乐，一百年太久我们只争朝夕。
59. Life is short, so make the most of it. A hundred years is too long; we only strive for the present.
60.漂亮的男生都有坏心眼。
60. Handsome guys are often mischievous.
61.爱情就像洗衣服，刚开始还有点泡沫，到最后却化成一盆污水
61. Love is like washing clothes; at first, there’s some foam, but in the end, it turns into a basin of dirty water.
62.她未爱我入骨，我却待她如命。
62. She hasn’t loved me to the bone, yet I treat her as my life.
63.两个长不大的无知孩子走到一起，注定没有好的结局
63. Two immature and ignorant children getting together are bound to have a bad ending.
64.生命是一个魔盒，里面盛满了各种华而不实的过眼云烟
64. Life is a magic box, filled with various flashy and insubstantial fleeting moments.
65.看着我们之前的聊天记录，我不停的傻笑，是我现在醒了，还是之前太傻
65. Looking at our previous chat records, I can’t help but giggle. Have I woken up now, or was I just too foolish before?
66.老师说一个错题就是一种财富，我看了看我的卷子，才发现原来我是土豪。
66. The teacher said that each wrong answer is a kind of wealth. I looked at my test paper and realized that I am a wealthy person.
67.大裤衩吃火锅扯着嗓子唱情歌。
67. Wearing big shorts, eating hot pot, and singing love songs at the top of my voice.
68.看见你女朋友那么漂亮，你这兄弟我认定了。
68. Seeing how beautiful your girlfriend is, I’m convinced that you’re my brother.
69.世上的路由很多，为什么要选择这一条，或许是注定
69. There are many paths in the world, but why choose this one? Perhaps it’s destined.
70.小时候是发自内心的微笑，如今的微笑却成了一种礼貌
70. As a child, I smiled from the heart; now, my smile has become a form of politeness.
71.百度查了一下，世界上最傻逼的人?您要找的是不是：日本人。
71. I searched on Baidu, who is the most foolish person in the world? Are you looking for: Japanese people?
72.为什么世界上最傻逼的人是日本人?
72. Why are the most foolish people in the world Japanese?
73.二战时天天说自己信奉武士道，你看抗战时期哪几件事像那样?
73. During World War II, they always claimed to believe in the samurai spirit. Can you see any events during the resistance period that reflected that?
74.人不能在一棵树上吊死，要在附近几棵树上多死几次试试。
74. Don’t hang yourself on one tree; try hanging on several nearby trees.
75.走别人的路,让别人走投无路。
75. Take other people’s paths, leaving them with no way out.
76.思想有多远，你就给我滚多远。
76. How far your thoughts can go, just get away from me that far.
77.你以为我会眼睁睁地看着你去送死？我会闭上眼睛的。
77. Do you think I would watch you die? I would close my eyes.
78.钻石价值无比，珍藏一生传奇。我荣幸地通知您，签收朋友发送的快递，给您意外的惊喜——两克拉钻戒大礼！愚人节快乐！吉祥速递衷心祝福您。
78. The value of a diamond is priceless, a treasure for a lifetime. I am honored to inform you that you have received a package from a friend, bringing you an unexpected surprise - a 2-carat diamond ring gift! Happy April Fool’s Day! Jixiang Express sincerely wishes you happiness.
79.请你喝酒？空头饭局；邀你旅游？甜言蜜语；给你美元？空话一句。合法骚扰你，尽情愚弄你。今天愚人节，愚你其谁兮？首先快乐你！
79. Invite you for a drink? Empty promise; invite you to travel? Sweet talk; give you dollars? Empty words. Legally harassing you, fooling you to my heart’s content. Today is April Fool’s Day, who am I fooling but you? First and foremost, I wish you happiness!
80.有病你治病，别找我阿，我又不是兽医。
80. If you’re sick, seek treatment, don’t come to me, I’m not a veterinarian.
81.有困难要帮，没有困难制造困难也要帮。
81. Help when there’s difficulty, and create difficulties to help even when there aren’t any.
82.你是天才，我是人才，你不就比我多了个二。
82. You are a genius, I am a talent, you just have an extra “two” compared to me.
83.做了好事我留下姓名，做了坏事我撒腿就跑。
83. If I do something good, I’ll leave my name; if I do something bad, I’ll run away.
84.你若安好，便是晴天霹雳！
84. If you’re fine, it’s like a thunderbolt on a sunny day!
85.一句分手，说的我肚子疼。
85. One breakup, and it hurts my stomach.
86.鸟随鸾凤飞腾远，人伴贤良品质高。意思是说，你和什么样的人在一起，就会变成什么样子。我现在终于知道你为什么这么喜欢，猩猩了!
86. Birds fly far with the phoenix and the dragon, and people’s qualities improve when they’re with virtuous company. It means that you become what you associate with. Now I finally understand why you like gorillas so much!
87.一媒婆带一女相亲，远观一帅哥。问：可以吗？女答：他肯？答：他一眼看中你。婚后见男一只眼，气问媒婆，答：我说过他一眼看中你！
87. A matchmaker brought a woman for a blind date, and they saw a handsome guy from afar. She asked, “How about him?” The woman replied, “Is he willing?” The matchmaker answered, “He’s smitten with you at first sight.” After marriage, the woman saw the man had only one eye and angrily asked the matchmaker, who replied, “I told you he was smitten with you at first sight!”
88.有人告诉我这世上没有比爱情更复杂的东西了，我一本数学书摔在他脸上。
88. Someone told me that nothing in this world is more complicated than love. I threw a math book in their face.
89.相亲是给坟墓看风水，表白是自掘坟墓，结婚是双双徇情，小三是盗墓，离婚是迁坟。
89. Blind dates are like looking for a good feng shui spot for a tomb, confessions are like digging one’s own grave, marriage is a double suicide, a mistress is a grave robber, and divorce is moving the grave.
90.上面说了，要从各个方向各种领域清除帅哥美女，从根本上消灭不稳定因素，维护世界和平！赶快想办法逃吧，谁叫你魅力如此大呢？愚人节快乐哦！
90. As mentioned above, we should eliminate handsome guys and beautiful women from all directions and fields, fundamentally eliminate unstable factors, and maintain world peace! Hurry up and find a way to escape; it’s your great charm that’s causing this! Happy April Fool’s Day!
91.不要迷恋哥，因为哥只是个传说。不要迷恋姐，姐卸妆后让你吐血。
91. Don’t be infatuated with me, because I’m just a legend. Don’t be infatuated with my sister; she’ll make you vomit blood after taking off her makeup.
92.瞅你长得跟个粪叉子一样，知道吗，远看一朵花，近看一堆牛屎渣。
92. You look like a dung fork, you know that? From afar, you seem like a flower, but up close, you’re just a pile of cow dung residue.
93.不要对哥放电，嫂子那边有来电显示!
93. Don’t send me electric shocks, my sister-in-law has caller ID!
94.我跟我闺蜜说好了，要是哪天我们成了情敌，我们就一起抛弃那男人，咱俩自己牵手走。
94. My best friend and I agreed that if we ever become rivals in love, we’ll abandon that man and walk hand in hand together.
95.茶，要喝得浓的；路，要走的直的；猪蹄，要吃得香的；啊，拿鼠标的这只就不赖。哈哈。
95. Tea should be strong; roads should be straight; pig’s trotters should be tasty; ah, the hand holding the mouse is not bad either. Haha.
96.甩你娃两块七孔砖，你被丢到外太空都是个垃圾，你被焚烧的烟都可以把大气层破坏得恢复不了。
96. I’ll throw two seven-hole bricks at you; even if you were thrown into outer space, you’d still be garbage, and the smoke from your incineration could damage the ozone layer beyond recovery.
97.送你一块萨其马，幸福拿你来当靶；送你一块软面包，烦恼见你影藏消；送你一杯颗粒橙，快乐天天来叩门，送你一杯葡萄酒，好运当你看门狗！
97. Here’s a piece of Sachima for you, happiness will use you as a target; a piece of soft bread for you, troubles will hide from your shadow; a glass of orange juice for you, happiness will knock on your door every day; a glass of wine for you, good fortune will be your watchdog!
98.钱不是问题，问题是没钱！
98. Money is not the problem, the problem is having no money!
99.过去流氓在深山，现在流氓在公安 。
99. In the past, thugs were in the mountains; now, thugs are in public security.
100.怀才就像怀孕，时间久了才能让人看出来。
100. Having talent is like being pregnant; it takes time for others to notice.
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