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移除书签Christmas Eve
HERE was a thick roll of notes. It came from the bailiff at the forest villa; —-
he wrote that he was sending fifteen hundred roubles, which he had been awarded as damages, having won an appeal. —-
Anna Akimovna disliked and feared such words as “awarded damages” and “won the suit. —-
” She knew that it was impossible to do without the law, but for some reason, whenever Nazaritch, the manager of the factory, or the bailiff of her villa in the country, both of whom frequently went to law, used to win lawsuits of some sort for her benefit, she always felt uneasy and, as it were, ashamed. —-
On this occasion, too, she felt uneasy and awkward, and wanted to put that fifteen hundred roubles further away that it might be out of her sight.
She thought with vexation that other girls of her age—she was in her twenty-sixth year—were now busy looking after their households, were weary and would sleep sound, and would wake up tomorrow morning in holiday mood; —-
many of them had long been married and had children. —-
Only she, for some reason, was compelled to sit like an old woman over these letters, to make notes upon them, to write answers, then to do nothing the whole evening till midnight, but wait till she was sleepy; —-
and tomorrow they would all day long be coming with Christmas greetings and asking for favours; —-
and the day after tomorrow there would certainly be some scandal at the factory—some one would be beaten or would die of drinking too much vodka, and she would be fretted by pangs of conscience; —-
and after the holidays Nazaritch would turn off some twenty of the workpeople for absence from work, and all of the twenty would hang about at the front door, without their caps on, and she would be ashamed to go out to them, and they would be driven away like dogs. —-
And all her acquaintances would say behind her back, and write to her in anonymous letters, that she was a millionaire and exploiter —that she was devouring other men’s lives and sucking the blood of the workers.
Here there lay a heap of letters read through and laid aside already. —-
They were all begging letters. They were from people who were hungry, drunken, dragged down by large families, sick, degraded, despised . —-
. . . Anna Akimovna had already noted on each letter, three roubles to be paid to one, five to another; —-
these letters would go the same day to the office, and next the distribution of assistance would take place, or, as the clerks used to say, the beasts would be fed.
They would distribute also in small sums four hundred and seventy roubles—the interest on a sum bequeathed by the late Akim Ivanovitch for the relief of the poor and needy. —-
There would be a hideous crush. From the gates to the doors of the office there would stretch a long file of strange people with brutal faces, in rags, numb with cold, hungry and already drunk, in husky voices calling down blessings upon Anna Akimovna, their benefactress, and her parents: —-
those at the back would press upon those in front, and those in front would abuse them with bad language. —-
The clerk would get tired of the noise, the swearing, and the sing-song whining and blessing; —-
would fly out and give some one a box on the ear to the delight of all. —-
And her own people, the factory hands, who received nothing at Christmas but their wages, and had already spent every farthing of it, would stand in the middle of the yard, looking on and laughing—some enviously, others ironically.
“Merchants, and still more their wives, are fonder of beggars than they are of their own workpeople,” thought Anna Akimovna. —-
“It’s always so.”
Her eye fell upon the roll of money. It would be nice to distribute that hateful, useless money among the workpeople tomorrow, but it did not do to give the workpeople anything for nothing, or they would demand it again next time. —-
And what would be the good of fifteen hundred roubles when there were eighteen hundred workmen in the factory besides their wives and children? —-
Or she might, perhaps, pick out one of the writers of those begging letters— some luckless man who had long ago lost all hope of anything better, and give him the fifteen hundred. —-
The money would come upon the poor creature like a thunder-clap, and perhaps for the first time in his life he would feel happy. —-
This idea struck Anna Akimovna as original and amusing, and it fascinated her. —-
She took one letter at random out of the pile and read it. —-
Some petty official called Tchalikov had long been out of a situation, was ill, and living in Gushtchin’s Buildings; —-
his wife was in consumption, and he had five little girls. —-
Anna Akimovna knew well the four-storeyed house, Gushtchin’s Buildings, in which Tchalikov lived. —-
Oh, it was a horrid, foul, unhealthy house!
“Well, I will give it to that Tchalikov,” she decided. “I won’t send it; —-
I had better take it myself to prevent unnecessary talk. —-
Yes,” she reflected, as she put the fifteen hundred roubles in her pocket, “and I’ll have a look at them, and perhaps I can do something for the little girls.”
She felt light-hearted; she rang the bell and ordered the horses to be brought round.
When she got into the sledge it was past six o’clock in the evening. —-
The windows in all the blocks of buildings were brightly lighted up, and that made the huge courtyard seem very dark: —-
at the gates, and at the far end of the yard near the warehouses and the workpeople’s barracks, electric lamps were gleaming.
Anna Akimovna disliked and feared those huge dark buildings, warehouses, and barracks where the workmen lived. —-
She had only once been in the main building since her father’s death. —-
The high ceilings with iron girders; the multitude of huge, rapidly turning wheels, connecting straps and levers; —-
the shrill hissing; the clank of steel; the rattle of the trolleys; the harsh puffing of steam; —-
the faces—pale, crimson, or black with coal-dust; the shirts soaked with sweat; —-
the gleam of steel, of copper, and of fire; the smell of oil and coal; —-
and the draught, at times very hot and at times very cold—gave her an impression of hell. —-
It seemed to her as though the wheels, the levers, and the hot hissing cylinders were trying to tear themselves away from their fastenings to crush the men, while the men, not hearing one another, ran about with anxious faces, and busied themselves about the machines, trying to stop their terrible movement. —-
They showed Anna Akimovna something and respectfully explained it to her. —-
She remembered how in the forge a piece of red-hot iron was pulled out of the furnace; —-
and how an old man with a strap round his head, and another, a young man in a blue shirt with a chain on his breast, and an angry face, probably one of the foremen, struck the piece of iron with hammers; —-
and how the golden sparks had been scattered in all directions; —-
and how, a little afterwards, they had dragged out a huge piece of sheet-iron with a clang. —-
The old man had stood erect and smiled, while the young man had wiped his face with his sleeve and explained something to her. —-
And she remembered, too, how in another department an old man with one eye had been filing a piece of iron, and how the iron filings were scattered about; —-
and how a red-haired man in black spectacles, with holes in his shirt, had been working at a lathe, making something out of a piece of steel: —-
the lathe roared and hissed and squeaked, and Anna Akimovna felt sick at the sound, and it seemed as though they were boring into her ears. —-
She looked, listened, did not understand, smiled graciously, and felt ashamed. —-
To get hundreds of thousands of roubles from a business which one does not understand and cannot like—how strange it is!
And she had not once been in the workpeople’s barracks. There, she was told, it was damp; —-
there were bugs, debauchery, anarchy. It was an astonishing thing: —-
a thousand roubles were spent annually on keeping the barracks in good order, yet, if she were to believe the anonymous letters, the condition of the workpeople was growing worse and worse every year.
“There was more order in my father’s day,” thought Anna Akimovna, as she drove out of the yard, “because he had been a workman himself. —-
I know nothing about it and only do silly things.”
She felt depressed again, and was no longer glad that she had come, and the thought of the lucky man upon whom fifteen hundred roubles would drop from heaven no longer struck her as original and amusing. —-
To go to some Tchalikov or other, when at home a business worth a million was gradually going to pieces and being ruined, and the workpeople in the barracks were living worse than convicts, meant doing something silly and cheating her conscience. —-
Along the highroad and across the fields near it, workpeople from the neighbouring cotton and paper factories were walking towards the lights of the town. —-
There was the sound of talk and laughter in the frosty air. —-
Anna Akimovna looked at the women and young people, and she suddenly felt a longing for a plain rough life among a crowd. —-
She recalled vividly that far-away time when she used to be called Anyutka, when she was a little girl and used to lie under the same quilt with her mother, while a washerwoman who lodged with them used to wash clothes in the next room; —-
while through the thin walls there came from the neighbouring flats sounds of laughter, swearing, children’s crying, the accordion, and the whirr of carpenters’ lathes and sewing-machines; —-
while her father, Akim Ivanovitch, who was clever at almost every craft, would be soldering something near the stove, or drawing or planing, taking no notice whatever of the noise and stuffiness. —-
And she longed to wash, to iron, to run to the shop and the tavern as she used to do every day when she lived with her mother. —-
She ought to have been a work-girl and not the factory owner! —-
Her big house with its chandeliers and pictures; —-
her footman Mishenka, with his glossy moustache and swallowtail coat; —-
the devout and dignified Varvarushka, and smooth-tongued Agafyushka; —-
and the young people of both sexes who came almost every day to ask her for money, and with whom she always for some reason felt guilty; —-
and the clerks, the doctors, and the ladies who were charitable at her expense, who flattered her and secretly despised her for her humble origin— how wearisome and alien it all was to her!
Here was the railway crossing and the city gate; then came houses alternating with kitchen gardens; —-
and at last the broad street where stood the renowned Gushtchin’s Buildings. —-
The street, usually quiet, was now on Christmas Eve full of life and movement. —-
The eating-houses and beer-shops were noisy. —-
If some one who did not belong to that quarter but lived in the centre of the town had driven through the street now, he would have noticed nothing but dirty, drunken, and abusive people; —-
but Anna Akimovna, who had lived in those parts all her life, was constantly recognizing in the crowd her own father or mother or uncle. —-
Her father was a soft fluid character, a little fantastical, frivolous, and irresponsible. —-
He did not care for money, respectability, or power; —-
he used to say that a working man had no time to keep the holy-days and go to church; —-
and if it had not been for his wife, he would probably never have gone to confession, taken the sacrament or kept the fasts. —-
While her uncle, Ivan Ivanovitch, on the contrary, was like flint; —-
in everything relating to religion, politics, and morality, he was harsh and relentless, and kept a strict watch, not only over himself, but also over all his servants and acquaintances. —-
God forbid that one should go into his room without crossing oneself before the ikon! —-
The luxurious mansion in which Anna Akimovna now lived he had always kept locked up, and only opened it on great holidays for important visitors, while he lived himself in the office, in a little room covered with ikons. —-
He had leanings towards the Old Believers, and was continually entertaining priests and bishops of the old ritual, though he had been christened, and married, and had buried his wife in accordance with the Orthodox rites. —-
He disliked Akim, his only brother and his heir, for his frivolity, which he called simpleness and folly, and for his indifference to religion. —-
He treated him as an inferior, kept him in the position of a workman, paid him sixteen roubles a month. —-
Akim addressed his brother with formal respect, and on the days of asking forgiveness, he and his wife and daughter bowed down to the ground before him. —-
But three years before his death Ivan Ivanovitch had drawn closer to his brother, forgave his shortcomings, and ordered him to get a governess for Anyutka.
There was a dark, deep, evil-smelling archway under Gushtchin’s Buildings; —-
there was a sound of men coughing near the walls. —-
Leaving the sledge in the street, Anna Akimovna went in at the gate and there inquired how to get to No. 46 to see a clerk called Tchalikov. —-
She was directed to the furthest door on the right in the third story. —-
And in the courtyard and near the outer door, and even on the stairs, there was still the same loathsome smell as under the archway. —-
In Anna Akimovna’s childhood, when her father was a simple workman, she used to live in a building like that, and afterwards, when their circumstances were different, she had often visited them in the character of a Lady Bountiful. —-
The narrow stone staircase with its steep dirty steps, with landings at every story; —-
the greasy swinging lanterns; the stench; —-
the troughs, pots, and rags on the landings near the doors,—all this had been familiar to her long ago. —-
. . . One door was open, and within could be seen Jewish tailors in caps, sewing. —-
Anna Akimovna met people on the stairs, but it never entered her head that people might be rude to her. —-
She was no more afraid of peasants or workpeople, drunk or sober, than of her acquaintances of the educated class.
There was no entry at No. 46; the door opened straight into the kitchen. —-
As a rule the dwellings of workmen and mechanics smell of varnish, tar, hides, smoke, according to the occupation of the tenant; —-
the dwellings of persons of noble or official class who have come to poverty may be known by a peculiar rancid, sour smell. —-
This disgusting smell enveloped Anna Akimovna on all sides, and as yet she was only on the threshold. —-
A man in a black coat, no doubt Tchalikov himself, was sitting in a corner at the table with his back to the door, and with him were five little girls. —-
The eldest, a broad-faced thin girl with a comb in her hair, looked about fifteen, while the youngest, a chubby child with hair that stood up like a hedge-hog, was not more than three. —-
All the six were eating. Near the stove stood a very thin little woman with a yellow face, far gone in pregnancy. —-
She was wearing a skirt and a white blouse, and had an oven fork in her hand.
“I did not expect you to be so disobedient, Liza,” the man was saying reproachfully. —-
“Fie, fie, for shame! Do you want papa to whip you—eh?”
Seeing an unknown lady in the doorway, the thin woman started, and put down the fork.
“Vassily Nikititch!” she cried, after a pause, in a hollow voice, as though she could not believe her eyes.
The man looked round and jumped up. He was a flat-chested, bony man with narrow shoulders and sunken temples. —-
His eyes were small and hollow with dark rings round them, he had a wide mouth, and a long nose like a bird’s beak—a little bit bent to the right. —-
His beard was parted in the middle, his moustache was shaven, and this made him look more like a hired footman than a government clerk.
“Does Mr. Tchalikov live here?” asked Anna Akimovna.
“Yes, madam,” Tchalikov answered severely, but immediately recognizing Anna Akimovna, he cried: —-
“Anna Akimovna!” and all at once he gasped and clasped his hands as though in terrible alarm. —-
“Benefactress!”
With a moan he ran to her, grunting inarticulately as though he were paralyzed—there was cabbage on his beard and he smelt of vodka—pressed his forehead to her muff, and seemed as though he were in a swoon.
“Your hand, your holy hand!” he brought out breathlessly. —-
“It’s a dream, a glorious dream! Children, awaken me!”
He turned towards the table and said in a sobbing voice, shaking his fists:
“Providence has heard us! Our saviour, our angel, has come! —-
We are saved! Children, down on your knees! on your knees!”
Madame Tchalikov and the little girls, except the youngest one, began for some reason rapidly clearing the table.
“You wrote that your wife was very ill,” said Anna Akimovna, and she felt ashamed and annoyed. —-
“I am not going to give them the fifteen hundred,” she thought.
“Here she is, my wife,” said Tchalikov in a thin feminine voice, as though his tears had gone to his head. —-
“Here she is, unhappy creature! With one foot in the grave! —-
But we do not complain, madam. Better death than such a life. —-
Better die, unhappy woman!”
“Why is he playing these antics?” thought Anna Akimovna with annoyance. —-
“One can see at once he is used to dealing with merchants.”
“Speak to me like a human being,” she said. “I don’t care for farces.‘’
“Yes, madam; five bereaved children round their mother’s coffin with funeral candles—that’s a farce? —-
Eh?” said Tchalikov bitterly, and turned away.
“Hold your tongue,” whispered his wife, and she pulled at his sleeve. —-
“The place has not been tidied up, madam,” she said, addressing Anna Akimovna; —-
“please excuse it . . . you know what it is where there are children. —-
A crowded hearth, but harmony.”
“I am not going to give them the fifteen hundred,” Anna Akimovna thought again.
And to escape as soon as possible from these people and from the sour smell, she brought out her purse and made up her mind to leave them twenty-five roubles, not more; —-
but she suddenly felt ashamed that she had come so far and disturbed people for so little.
“If you give me paper and ink, I will write at once to a doctor who is a friend of mine to come and see you,” she said, flushing red. —-
“He is a very good doctor. And I will leave you some money for medicine.”
Madame Tchalikov was hastening to wipe the table.
“It’s messy here! What are you doing?” hissed Tchalikov, looking at her wrathfully. —-
“Take her to the lodger’s room! I make bold to ask you, madam, to step into the lodger’s room,” he said, addressing Anna Akimovna. —-
“It’s clean there.”
“Osip Ilyitch told us not to go into his room!” said one of the little girls, sternly.
But they had already led Anna Akimovna out of the kitchen, through a narrow passage room between two bedsteads: —-
it was evident from the arrangement of the beds that in one two slept lengthwise, and in the other three slept across the bed. —-
In the lodger’s room, that came next, it really was clean. —-
A neat-looking bed with a red woollen quilt, a pillow in a white pillow-case, even a slipper for the watch, a table covered with a hempen cloth and on it, an inkstand of milky-looking glass, pens, paper, photographs in frames— everything as it ought to be; —-
and another table for rough work, on which lay tidily arranged a watchmaker’s tools and watches taken to pieces. —-
On the walls hung hammers, pliers, awls, chisels, nippers, and so on, and there were three hanging clocks which were ticking; —-
one was a big clock with thick weights, such as one sees in eating-houses.
As she sat down to write the letter, Anna Akimovna saw facing her on the table the photographs of her father and of herself. —-
That surprised her.
“Who lives here with you?” she asked.
“Our lodger, madam, Pimenov. He works in your factory.”
“Oh, I thought he must be a watchmaker.”
“He repairs watches privately, in his leisure hours. He is an amateur.”
After a brief silence during which nothing could be heard but the ticking of the clocks and the scratching of the pen on the paper, Tchalikov heaved a sigh and said ironically, with indignation:
“It’s a true saying: gentle birth and a grade in the service won’t put a coat on your back. —-
A cockade in your cap and a noble title, but nothing to eat. —-
To my thinking, if any one of humble class helps the poor he is much more of a gentleman than any Tchalikov who has sunk into poverty and vice.”
To flatter Anna Akimovna, he uttered a few more disparaging phrases about his gentle birth, and it was evident that he was humbling himself because he considered himself superior to her. —-
Meanwhile she had finished her letter and had sealed it up. —-
The letter would be thrown away and the money would not be spent on medicine—that she knew, but she put twenty-five roubles on the table all the same, and after a moment’s thought, added two more red notes. —-
She saw the wasted, yellow hand of Madame Tchalikov, like the claw of a hen, dart out and clutch the money tight.
“You have graciously given this for medicine,” said Tchalikov in a quivering voice, “but hold out a helping hand to me also . —-
. . and the children!” he added with a sob. “My unhappy children! —-
I am not afraid for myself; it is for my daughters I fear! —-
It’s the hydra of vice that I fear!”
Trying to open her purse, the catch of which had gone wrong, Anna Akimovna was confused and turned red. —-
She felt ashamed that people should be standing before her, looking at her hands and waiting, and most likely at the bottom of their hearts laughing at her. —-
At that instant some one came into the kitchen and stamped his feet, knocking the snow off.
“The lodger has come in,” said Madame Tchalikov.
Anna Akimovna grew even more confused. She did not want any one from the factory to find her in this ridiculous position. —-
As ill-luck would have it, the lodger came in at the very moment when, having broken the catch at last, she was giving Tchalikov some notes, and Tchalikov, grunting as though he were paraylzed, was feeling about with his lips where he could kiss her. —-
In the lodger she recognized the workman who had once clanked the sheet-iron before her in the forge, and had explained things to her. —-
Evidently he had come in straight from the factory; —-
his face looked dark and grimy, and on one cheek near his nose was a smudge of soot. —-
His hands were perfectly black, and his unbelted shirt shone with oil and grease. —-
He was a man of thirty, of medium height, with black hair and broad shoulders, and a look of great physical strength. —-
At the first glance Anna Akimovna perceived that he must be a foreman, who must be receiving at least thirty-five roubles a month, and a stern, loud-voiced man who struck the workmen in the face; —-
all this was evident from his manner of standing, from the attitude he involuntarily assumed at once on seeing a lady in his room, and most of all from the fact that he did not wear top-boots, that he had breast pockets, and a pointed, picturesquely clipped beard. —-
Her father, Akim Ivanovitch, had been the brother of the factory owner, and yet he had been afraid of foremen like this lodger and had tried to win their favour.
“Excuse me for having come in here in your absence,” said Anna Akimovna.
The workman looked at her in surprise, smiled in confusion and did not speak.
“You must speak a little louder, madam . . . .” said Tchalikov softly. —-
“When Mr. Pimenov comes home from the factory in the evenings he is a little hard of hearing.”
But Anna Akimovna was by now relieved that there was nothing more for her to do here; —-
she nodded to them and went rapidly out of the room. —-
Pimenov went to see her out.
“Have you been long in our employment?” she asked in a loud voice, without turning to him.
“From nine years old. I entered the factory in your uncle’s time.”
“That’s a long while! My uncle and my father knew all the workpeople, and I know hardly any of them. —-
I had seen you before, but I did not know your name was Pimenov.”
Anna Akimovna felt a desire to justify herself before him, to pretend that she had just given the money not seriously, but as a joke.
“Oh, this poverty,” she sighed. “We give charity on holidays and working days, and still there is no sense in it. —-
I believe it is useless to help such people as this Tchalikov.”
“Of course it is useless,” he agreed. “However much you give him, he will drink it all away. —-
And now the husband and wife will be snatching it from one another and fighting all night,” he added with a laugh.
“Yes, one must admit that our philanthropy is useless, boring, and absurd. —-
But still, you must agree, one can’t sit with one’s hand in one’s lap; —-
one must do something. What’s to be done with the Tchalikovs, for instance?”
She turned to Pimenov and stopped, expecting an answer from him; —-
he, too, stopped and slowly, without speaking, shrugged his shoulders. —-
Obviously he knew what to do with the Tchalikovs, but the treatment would have been so coarse and inhuman that he did not venture to put it into words. —-
And the Tchalikovs were to him so utterly uninteresting and worthless, that a moment later he had forgotten them; —-
looking into Anna Akimovna’s eyes, he smiled with pleasure, and his face wore an expression as though he were dreaming about something very pleasant. —-
Only, now standing close to him, Anna Akimovna saw from his face, and especially from his eyes, how exhausted and sleepy he was.
“Here, I ought to give him the fifteen hundred roubles! —-
” she thought, but for some reason this idea seemed to her incongruous and insulting to Pimenov.
“I am sure you are aching all over after your work, and you come to the door with me,” she said as they went down the stairs. “Go home.”
But he did not catch her words. When they came out into the street, he ran on ahead, unfastened the cover of the sledge, and helping Anna Akimovna in, said:
“I wish you a happy Christmas!” II
Christmas Morning
“They have left off ringing ever so long! It’s dreadful; —-
you won’t be there before the service is over! Get up!”
“Two horses are racing, racing . . .” said Anna Akimovna, and she woke up; —-
before her, candle in hand, stood her maid, red-haired Masha. “Well, what is it?”
“Service is over already,” said Masha with despair. “I have called you three times! —-
Sleep till evening for me, but you told me yourself to call you!”
Anna Akimovna raised herself on her elbow and glanced towards the window. —-
It was still quite dark outside, and only the lower edge of the window-frame was white with snow. —-
She could hear a low, mellow chime of bells; —-
it was not the parish church, but somewhere further away. —-
The watch on the little table showed three minutes past six.
“Very well, Masha. . . . In three minutes . . . —-
” said Anna Akimovna in an imploring voice, and she snuggled under the bed-clothes.
She imagined the snow at the front door, the sledge, the dark sky, the crowd in the church, and the smell of juniper, and she felt dread at the thought; —-
but all the same, she made up her mind that she would get up at once and go to early service. —-
And while she was warm in bed and struggling with sleep—which seems, as though to spite one, particularly sweet when one ought to get up—and while she had visions of an immense garden on a mountain and then Gushtchin’s Buildings, she was worried all the time by the thought that she ought to get up that very minute and go to church.
But when she got up it was quite light, and it turned out to be half- past nine. —-
There had been a heavy fall of snow in the night; —-
the trees were clothed in white, and the air was particularly light, transparent, and tender, so that when Anna Akimovna looked out of the window her first impulse was to draw a deep, deep breath. —-
And when she had washed, a relic of far-away childish feelings—joy that today was Christmas—suddenly stirred within her; —-
after that she felt light- hearted, free and pure in soul, as though her soul, too, had been washed or plunged in the white snow. —-
Masha came in, dressed up and tightly laced, and wished her a happy Christmas; —-
then she spent a long time combing her mistress’s hair and helping her to dress. —-
The fragrance and feeling of the new, gorgeous, splendid dress, its faint rustle, and the smell of fresh scent, excited Anna Akimoyna.
“Well, it’s Christmas,” she said gaily to Masha. “Now we will try our fortunes.”
“Last year, I was to marry an old man. It turned up three times the same.”
“Well, God is merciful.”
“Well, Anna Akimovna, what I think is, rather than neither one thing nor the other, I’d marry an old man,” said Masha mournfully, and she heaved a sigh. —-
“I am turned twenty; it’s no joke.”
Every one in the house knew that red-haired Masha was in love with Mishenka, the footman, and this genuine, passionate, hopeless love had already lasted three years.
“Come, don’t talk nonsense,” Anna Akimovna consoled her. —-
“I am going on for thirty, but I am still meaning to marry a young man.”
While his mistress was dressing, Mishenka, in a new swallow-tail and polished boots, walked about the hall and drawing-room and waited for her to come out, to wish her a happy Christmas. —-
He had a peculiar walk, stepping softly and delicately; —-
looking at his feet, his hands, and the bend of his head, it might be imagined that he was not simply walking, but learning to dance the first figure of a quadrille. —-
In spite of his fine velvety moustache and handsome, rather flashy appearance, he was steady, prudent, and devout as an old man. —-
He said his prayers, bowing down to the ground, and liked burning incense in his room. —-
He respected people of wealth and rank and had a reverence for them; —-
he despised poor people, and all who came to ask favours of any kind, with all the strength of his cleanly flunkey soul. —-
Under his starched shirt he wore a flannel, winter and summer alike, being very careful of his health; —-
his ears were plugged with cotton-wool.
When Anna Akimovna crossed the hall with Masha, he bent his head downwards a little and said in his agreeable, honeyed voice:
“I have the honour to congratulate you, Anna Akimovna, on the most solemn feast of the birth of our Lord.”
Anna Akimovna gave him five roubles, while poor Masha was numb with ecstasy. —-
His holiday get-up, his attitude, his voice, and what he said, impressed her by their beauty and elegance; —-
as she followed her mistress she could think of nothing, could see nothing, she could only smile, first blissfully and then bitterly. —-
The upper story of the house was called the best or visitors’ half, while the name of the business part—old people’s or simply women’s part —was given to the rooms on the lower story where Aunt Tatyana Ivanovna kept house. —-
In the upper part the gentry and educated visitors were entertained; —-
in the lower story, simpler folk and the aunt’s personal friends. —-
Handsome, plump, and healthy, still young and fresh, and feeling she had on a magnificent dress which seemed to her to diffuse a sort of radiance all about her, Anna Akimovna went down to the lower story. —-
Here she was met with reproaches for forgetting God now that she was so highly educated, for sleeping too late for the service, and for not coming downstairs to break the fast, and they all clasped their hands and exclaimed with perfect sincerity that she was lovely, wonderful; —-
and she believed it, laughed, kissed them, gave one a rouble, another three or five according to their position. —-
She liked being downstairs. Wherever one looked there were shrines, ikons, little lamps, portraits of ecclesiastical personages—the place smelt of monks; —-
there was a rattle of knives in the kitchen, and already a smell of something savoury, exceedingly appetizing, was pervading all the rooms. —-
The yellow-painted floors shone, and from the doors narrow rugs with bright blue stripes ran like little paths to the ikon corner, and the sunshine was simply pouring in at the windows.
In the dining-room some old women, strangers, were sitting; —-
in Varvarushka’s room, too, there were old women, and with them a deaf and dumb girl, who seemed abashed about something and kept saying, “Bli, bli! —-
. . .” Two skinny-looking little girls who had been brought out of the orphanage for Christmas came up to kiss Anna Akimovna’s hand, and stood before her transfixed with admiration of her splendid dress; —-
she noticed that one of the girls squinted, and in the midst of her light- hearted holiday mood she felt a sick pang at her heart at the thought that young men would despise the girl, and that she would never marry. —-
In the cook Agafya’s room, five huge peasants in new shirts were sitting round the samovar; —-
these were not workmen from the factory, but relations of the cook. —-
Seeing Anna Akimovna, all the peasants jumped up from their seats, and from regard for decorum, ceased munching, though their mouths were full. —-
The cook Stepan, in a white cap, with a knife in his hand, came into the room and gave her his greetings; —-
porters in high felt boots came in, and they, too, offered their greetings. —-
The water- carrier peeped in with icicles on his beard, but did not venture to come in.
Anna Akimovna walked through the rooms followed by her retinue— the aunt, Varvarushka, Nikandrovna, the sewing-maid Marfa Petrovna, and the downstairs Masha. Varvarushka—a tall, thin, slender woman, taller than any one in the house, dressed all in black, smelling of cypress and coffee—crossed herself in each room before the ikon, bowing down from the waist. —-
And whenever one looked at her one was reminded that she had already prepared her shroud and that lottery tickets were hidden away by her in the same box.
“Anyutinka, be merciful at Christmas,” she said, opening the door into the kitchen. —-
“Forgive him, bless the man! Have done with it!”
The coachman Panteley, who had been dismissed for drunkenness in November, was on his knees in the middle of the kitchen. —-
He was a good- natured man, but he used to be unruly when he was drunk, and could not go to sleep, but persisted in wandering about the buildings and shouting in a threatening voice, “I know all about it! —-
” Now from his beefy and bloated face and from his bloodshot eyes it could be seen that he had been drinking continually from November till Christmas.
“Forgive me, Anna Akimovna,” he brought out in a hoarse voice, striking his forehead on the floor and showing his bull-like neck.
“It was Auntie dismissed you; ask her.”
“What about auntie?” said her aunt, walking into the kitchen, breathing heavily; —-
she was very stout, and on her bosom one might have stood a tray of teacups and a samovar. —-
“What about auntie now? You are mistress here, give your own orders; —-
though these rascals might be all dead for all I care. Come, get up, you hog! —-
” she shouted at Panteley, losing patience. “Get out of my sight! —-
It’s the last time I forgive you, but if you transgress again—don’t ask for mercy!”
Then they went into the dining-room to coffee. —-
But they had hardly sat down, when the downstairs Masha rushed headlong in, saying with horror, “The singers! —-
” And ran back again. They heard some one blowing his nose, a low bass cough, and footsteps that sounded like horses’ iron-shod hoofs tramping about the entry near the hall. —-
For half a minute all was hushed. . . . The singers burst out so suddenly and loudly that every one started. —-
While they were singing, the priest from the almshouses with the deacon and the sexton arrived. —-
Putting on the stole, the priest slowly said that when they were ringing for matins it was snowing and not cold, but that the frost was sharper towards morning, God bless it! —-
and now there must be twenty degrees of frost.
“Many people maintain, though, that winter is healthier than summer,” said the deacon; —-
then immediately assumed an austere expression and chanted after the priest. —-
“Thy Birth, O Christ our Lord. . . .”
Soon the priest from the workmen’s hospital came with the deacon, then the Sisters from the hospital, children from the orphanage, and then singing could be heard almost uninterruptedly. —-
They sang, had lunch, and went away.
About twenty men from the factory came to offer their Christmas greetings. —-
They were only the foremen, mechanicians, and their assistants, the pattern-makers, the accountant, and so on—all of good appearance, in new black coats. —-
They were all first-rate men, as it were picked men; —-
each one knew his value—that is, knew that if he lost his berth today, people would be glad to take him on at another factory. —-
Evidently they liked Auntie, as they behaved freely in her presence and even smoked, and when they had all trooped in to have something to eat, the accountant put his arm round her immense waist. —-
They were free-and- easy, perhaps, partly also because Varvarushka, who under the old masters had wielded great power and had kept watch over the morals of the clerks, had now no authority whatever in the house; —-
and perhaps because many of them still remembered the time when Auntie Tatyana Ivanovna, whose brothers kept a strict hand over her, had been dressed like a simple peasant woman like Agafya, and when Anna Akimovna used to run about the yard near the factory buildings and every one used to call her Anyutya.
The foremen ate, talked, and kept looking with amazement at Anna Akimovna, how she had grown up and how handsome she had become! —-
But this elegant girl, educated by governesses and teachers, was a stranger to them; —-
they could not understand her, and they instinctively kept closer to “Auntie,” who called them by their names, continually pressed them to eat and drink, and, clinking glasses with them, had already drunk two wineglasses of rowanberry wine with them. —-
Anna Akimovna was always afraid of their thinking her proud, an upstart, or a crow in peacock’s feathers; —-
and now while the foremen were crowding round the food, she did not leave the dining-room, but took part in the conversation. —-
She asked Pimenov, her acquaintance of the previous day:
“Why have you so many clocks in your room?”
“I mend clocks,” he answered. “I take the work up between times, on holidays, or when I can’t sleep.”
“So if my watch goes wrong I can bring it to you to be repaired? —-
” Anna Akimovna asked, laughing.
“To be sure, I will do it with pleasure,” said Pimenov, and there was an expression of tender devotion in his face, when, not herself knowing why, she unfastened her magnificent watch from its chain and handed it to him; —-
he looked at it in silence and gave it back. —-
“To be sure, I will do it with pleasure,” he repeated. “I don’t mend watches now. —-
My eyes are weak, and the doctors have forbidden me to do fine work. —-
But for you I can make an exception.”
“Doctors talk nonsense,” said the accountant. They all laughed. —-
“Don’t you believe them,” he went on, flattered by the laughing; —-
“last year a tooth flew out of a cylinder and hit old Kalmykov such a crack on the head that you could see his brains, and the doctor said he would die; —-
but he is alive and working to this day, only he has taken to stammering since that mishap.”
“Doctors do talk nonsense, they do, but not so much,” sighed Auntie. —-
“Pyotr Andreyitch, poor dear, lost his sight. —-
Just like you, he used to work day in day out at the factory near the hot furnace, and he went blind. —-
The eyes don’t like heat. But what are we talking about?” she said, rousing herself. —-
“Come and have a drink. My best wishes for Christmas, my dears. —-
I never drink with any one else, but I drink with you, sinful woman as I am. Please God!”
Anna Akimovna fancied that after yesterday Pimenov despised her as a philanthropist, but was fascinated by her as a woman. —-
She looked at him and thought that he behaved very charmingly and was nicely dressed. —-
It is true that the sleeves of his coat were not quite long enough, and the coat itself seemed short-waisted, and his trousers were not wide and fashionable, but his tie was tied carelessly and with taste and was not as gaudy as the others’. —-
And he seemed to be a good-natured man, for he ate submissively whatever Auntie put on his plate. —-
She remembered how black he had been the day before, and how sleepy, and the thought of it for some reason touched her.
When the men were preparing to go, Anna Akimovna put out her hand to Pimenov. —-
She wanted to ask him to come in sometimes to see her, without ceremony, but she did not know how to—her tongue would not obey her; —-
and that they might not think she was attracted by Pimenov, she shook hands with his companions, too.
Then the boys from the school of which she was a patroness came. —-
They all had their heads closely cropped and all wore grey blouses of the same pattern. —-
The teacher—a tall, beardless young man with patches of red on his face—was visibly agitated as he formed the boys into rows; —-
the boys sang in tune, but with harsh, disagreeable voices. —-
The manager of the factory, Nazaritch, a bald, sharp-eyed Old Believer, could never get on with the teachers, but the one who was now anxiously waving his hands he despised and hated, though he could not have said why. —-
He behaved rudely and condescendingly to the young man, kept back his salary, meddled with the teaching, and had finally tried to dislodge him by appointing, a fortnight before Christmas, as porter to the school a drunken peasant, a distant relation of his wife’s, who disobeyed the teacher and said rude things to him before the boys.
Anna Akimovna was aware of all this, but she could be of no help, for she was afraid of Nazaritch herself. —-
Now she wanted at least to be very nice to the schoolmaster, to tell him she was very much pleased with him; —-
but when after the singing he began apologizing for something in great confusion, and Auntie began to address him familiarly as she drew him without ceremony to the table, she felt, for some reason, bored and awkward, and giving orders that the children should be given sweets, went upstairs.
“In reality there is something cruel in these Christmas customs,” she said a little while afterwards, as it were to herself, looking out of window at the boys, who were flocking from the house to the gates and shivering with cold, putting their coats on as they ran. —-
“At Christmas one wants to rest, to sit at home with one’s own people, and the poor boys, the teacher, and the clerks and foremen, are obliged for some reason to go through the frost, then to offer their greetings, show their respect, be put to confusion . . .”
Mishenka, who was standing at the door of the drawing-room and overheard this, said:
“It has not come from us, and it will not end with us. —-
Of course, I am not an educated man, Anna Akimovna, but I do understand that the poor must always respect the rich. —-
It is well said, ‘God marks the rogue. —-
’ In prisons, night refuges, and pot-houses you never see any but the poor, while decent people, you may notice, are always rich. —-
It has been said of the rich, ‘Deep calls to deep.’”
“You always express yourself so tediously and incomprehensibly,” said Anna Akimovna, and she walked to the other end of the big drawing-room.
It was only just past eleven. The stillness of the big room, only broken by the singing that floated up from below, made her yawn. —-
The bronzes, the albums, and the pictures on the walls, representing a ship at sea, cows in a meadow, and views of the Rhine, were so absolutely stale that her eyes simply glided over them without observing them. —-
The holiday mood was already growing tedious. —-
As before, Anna Akimovna felt that she was beautiful, good-natured, and wonderful, but now it seemed to her that that was of no use to any one; —-
it seemed to her that she did not know for whom and for what she had put on this expensive dress, too, and, as always happened on all holidays, she began to be fretted by loneliness and the persistent thought that her beauty, her health, and her wealth, were a mere cheat, since she was not wanted, was of no use to any one, and nobody loved her. —-
She walked through all the rooms, humming and looking out of window; —-
stopping in the drawing-room, she could not resist beginning to talk to Mishenka.
“I don’t know what you think of yourself, Misha,” she said, and heaved a sigh. —-
“Really, God might punish you for it.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean. Excuse my meddling in your affairs. —-
But it seems you are spoiling your own life out of obstinacy. —-
You’ll admit that it is high time you got married, and she is an excellent and deserving girl. —-
You will never find any one better. She’s a beauty, clever, gentle, and devoted. . . . —-
And her appearance! . . . If she belonged to our circle or a higher one, people would be falling in love with her for her red hair alone. —-
See how beautifully her hair goes with her complexion. Oh, goodness! —-
You don’t understand anything, and don’t know what you want,” Anna Akimovna said bitterly, and tears came into her eyes. —-
“Poor girl, I am so sorry for her! I know you want a wife with money, but I have told you already I will give Masha a dowry.”
Mishenka could not picture his future spouse in his imagination except as a tall, plump, substantial, pious woman, stepping like a peacock, and, for some reason, with a long shawl over her shoulders; —-
while Masha was thin, slender, tightly laced, and walked with little steps, and, worst of all, she was too fascinating and at times extremely attractive to Mishenka, and that, in his opinion, was incongruous with matrimony and only in keeping with loose behaviour. —-
When Anna Akimovna had promised to give Masha a dowry, he had hesitated for a time; —-
but once a poor student in a brown overcoat over his uniform, coming with a letter for Anna Akimovna, was fascinated by Masha, and could not resist embracing her near the hat-stand, and she had uttered a faint shriek; —-
Mishenka, standing on the stairs above, had seen this, and from that time had begun to cherish a feeling of disgust for Masha. A poor student! —-
Who knows, if she had been embraced by a rich student or an officer the consequences might have been different.
“Why don’t you wish it?” Anna Akimovna asked. “What more do you want?”
Mishenka was silent and looked at the arm-chair fixedly, and raised his eyebrows.
“Do you love some one else?”
Silence. The red-haired Masha came in with letters and visiting cards on a tray. —-
Guessing that they were talking about her, she blushed to tears.
“The postmen have come,” she muttered. —-
“And there is a clerk called Tchalikov waiting below. —-
He says you told him to come to-day for something.”
“What insolence!” said Anna Akimovna, moved to anger. —-
“I gave him no orders. Tell him to take himself off; —-
say I am not at home!”
A ring was heard. It was the priests from her parish. —-
They were always shown into the aristocratic part of the house—that is, upstairs. —-
After the priests, Nazaritch, the manager of the factory, came to pay his visit, and then the factory doctor; —-
then Mishenka announced the inspector of the elementary schools. —-
Visitors kept arriving.
When there was a moment free, Anna Akimovna sat down in a deep arm-chair in the drawing-room, and shutting her eyes, thought that her loneliness was quite natural because she had not married and never would marry. —-
. . . But that was not her fault. Fate itself had flung her out of the simple working-class surroundings in which, if she could trust her memory, she had felt so snug and at home, into these immense rooms, where she could never think what to do with herself, and could not understand why so many people kept passing before her eyes. —-
What was happening now seemed to her trivial, useless, since it did not and could not give her happiness for one minute.
“If I could fall in love,” she thought, stretching; —-
the very thought of this sent a rush of warmth to her heart. —-
“And if I could escape from the factory . . . —-
” she mused, imagining how the weight of those factory buildings, barracks, and schools would roll off her conscience, roll off her mind. —-
. . . Then she remembered her father, and thought if he had lived longer he would certainly have married her to a working man—to Pimenov, for instance. —-
He would have told her to marry, and that would have been all about it. —-
And it would have been a good thing; then the factory would have passed into capable hands.
She pictured his curly head, his bold profile, his delicate, ironical lips and the strength, the tremendous strength, in his shoulders, in his arms, in his chest, and the tenderness with which he had looked at her watch that day.
“Well,” she said, “it would have been all right. I would have married him.”
“Anna Akimovna,” said Mishenka, coming noiselessly into the drawing- room.
“How you frightened me!” she said, trembling all over. “What do you want?”
“Anna Akimovna,” he said, laying his hand on his heart and raising his eyebrows, “you are my mistress and my benefactress, and no one but you can tell me what I ought to do about marriage, for you are as good as a mother to me. —-
. . . But kindly forbid them to laugh and jeer at me downstairs. They won’t let me pass without it.”
“How do they jeer at you?”
“They call me Mashenka’s Mishenka.”
“Pooh, what nonsense!” cried Anna Akimovna indignantly. “How stupid you all are! —-
What a stupid you are, Misha! How sick I am of you! —-
I can’t bear the sight of you.” III
Dinner
Just as the year before, the last to pay her visits were Krylin, an actual civil councillor, and Lysevitch, a well-known barrister. —-
It was already dark when they arrived. Krylin, a man of sixty, with a wide mouth and with grey whiskers close to his ears, with a face like a lynx, was wearing a uniform with an Anna ribbon, and white trousers. —-
He held Anna Akimovna’s hand in both of his for a long while, looked intently in her face, moved his lips, and at last said, drawling upon one note:
“I used to respect your uncle . . . and your father, and enjoyed the privilege of their friendship. —-
Now I feel it an agreeable duty, as you see, to present my Christmas wishes to their honoured heiress in spite of my infirmities and the distance I have to come. —-
. . . And I am very glad to see you in good health.”
The lawyer Lysevitch, a tall, handsome fair man, with a slight sprinkling of grey on his temples and beard, was distinguished by exceptionally elegant manners; —-
he walked with a swaying step, bowed as it were reluctantly, and shrugged his shoulders as he talked, and all this with an indolent grace, like a spoiled horse fresh from the stable. —-
He was well fed, extremely healthy, and very well off; —-
on one occasion he had won forty thousand roubles, but concealed the fact from his friends. —-
He was fond of good fare, especially cheese, truffles, and grated radish with hemp oil; —-
while in Paris he had eaten, so he said, baked but unwashed guts. —-
He spoke smoothly, fluently, without hesitation, and only occasionally, for the sake of effect, permitted himself to hesitate and snap his fingers as if picking up a word. —-
He had long ceased to believe in anything he had to say in the law courts, or perhaps he did believe in it, but attached no kind of significance to it; —-
it had all so long been familiar, stale, ordinary. . . . —-
He believed in nothing but what was original and unusual. —-
A copy-book moral in an original form would move him to tears. —-
Both his notebooks were filled with extraordinary expressions which he had read in various authors; —-
and when he needed to look up any expression, he would search nervously in both books, and usually failed to find it. —-
Anna Akimovna’s father had in a good-humoured moment ostentatiously appointed him legal adviser in matters concerning the factory, and had assigned him a salary of twelve thousand roubles. —-
The legal business of the factory had been confined to two or three trivial actions for recovering debts, which Lysevitch handed to his assistants.
Anna Akimovna knew that he had nothing to do at the factory, but she could not dismiss him—she had not the moral courage; —-
and besides, she was used to him. He used to call himself her legal adviser, and his salary, which he invariably sent for on the first of the month punctually, he used to call “stern prose. —-
” Anna Akimovna knew that when, after her father’s death, the timber of her forest was sold for railway sleepers, Lysevitch had made more than fifteen thousand out of the transaction, and had shared it with Nazaritch. —-
When first she found out they had cheated her she had wept bitterly, but afterwards she had grown used to it.
Wishing her a happy Christmas, and kissing both her hands, he looked her up and down, and frowned.
“You mustn’t,” he said with genuine disappointment. —-
“I have told you, my dear, you mustn’t!”
“What do you mean, Viktor Nikolaitch?”
“I have told you you mustn’t get fat. All your family have an unfortunate tendency to grow fat. —-
You mustn’t,” he repeated in an imploring voice, and kissed her hand. “You are so handsome! —-
You are so splendid! Here, your Excellency, let me introduce the one woman in the world whom I have ever seriously loved.”
“There is nothing surprising in that. To know Anna Akimovna at your age and not to be in love with her, that would be impossible.”
“I adore her,” the lawyer continued with perfect sincerity, but with his usual indolent grace. —-
“I love her, but not because I am a man and she is a woman. —-
When I am with her I always feel as though she belongs to some third sex, and I to a fourth, and we float away together into the domain of the subtlest shades, and there we blend into the spectrum. —-
Leconte de Lisle defines such relations better than any one. —-
He has a superb passage, a marvellous passage. . . .”
Lysevitch rummaged in one notebook, then in the other, and, not finding the quotation, subsided. —-
They began talking of the weather, of the opera, of the arrival, expected shortly, of Duse. Anna Akimovna remembered that the year before Lysevitch and, she fancied, Krylin had dined with her, and now when they were getting ready to go away, she began with perfect sincerity pointing out to them in an imploring voice that as they had no more visits to pay, they ought to remain to dinner with her. —-
After some hesitation the visitors agreed.
In addition to the family dinner, consisting of cabbage soup, sucking pig, goose with apples, and so on, a so-called “French” or “chef’s” dinner used to be prepared in the kitchen on great holidays, in case any visitor in the upper story wanted a meal. —-
When they heard the clatter of crockery in the dining-room, Lysevitch began to betray a noticeable excitement; —-
he rubbed his hands, shrugged his shoulders, screwed up his eyes, and described with feeling what dinners her father and uncle used to give at one time, and a marvellous matelote of turbots the cook here could make: —-
it was not a matelote, but a veritable revelation! —-
He was already gloating over the dinner, already eating it in imagination and enjoying it. —-
When Anna Akimovna took his arm and led him to the dining- room, he tossed off a glass of vodka and put a piece of salmon in his mouth; —-
he positively purred with pleasure. He munched loudly, disgustingly, emitting sounds from his nose, while his eyes grew oily and rapacious.
The hors d’oeuvres were superb; among other things, there were fresh white mushrooms stewed in cream, and sauce provençale made of fried oysters and crayfish, strongly flavoured with some bitter pickles. —-
The dinner, consisting of elaborate holiday dishes, was excellent, and so were the wines. —-
Mishenka waited at table with enthusiasm. —-
When he laid some new dish on the table and lifted the shining cover, or poured out the wine, he did it with the solemnity of a professor of black magic, and, looking at his face and his movements suggesting the first figure of a quadrille, the lawyer thought several times, “What a fool!”
After the third course Lysevitch said, turning to Anna Akimovna:
“The fin de siècle woman—I mean when she is young, and of course wealthy—must be independent, clever, elegant, intellectual, bold, and a little depraved. —-
Depraved within limits, a little; for excess, you know, is wearisome. —-
You ought not to vegetate, my dear; you ought not to live like every one else, but to get the full savour of life, and a slight flavour of depravity is the sauce of life. —-
Revel among flowers of intoxicating fragrance, breathe the perfume of musk, eat hashish, and best of all, love, love, love . —-
. . . To begin with, in your place I would set up seven lovers—one for each day of the week; —-
and one I would call Monday, one Tuesday, the third Wednesday, and so on, so that each might know his day.”
This conversation troubled Anna Akimovna; she ate nothing and only drank a glass of wine.
“Let me speak at last,” she said. “For myself personally, I can’t conceive of love without family life. —-
I am lonely, lonely as the moon in the sky, and a waning moon, too; —-
and whatever you may say, I am convinced, I feel that this waning can only be restored by love in its ordinary sense. —-
It seems to me that such love would define my duties, my work, make clear my conception of life. —-
I want from love peace of soul, tranquillity; —-
I want the very opposite of musk, and spiritualism, and fin de siècle . . . —-
in short”—she grew embarrassed—“a husband and children.”
“You want to be married? Well, you can do that, too,” Lysevitch assented. —-
“You ought to have all experiences: marriage, and jealousy, and the sweetness of the first infidelity, and even children. —-
. . . But make haste and live—make haste, my dear: —-
time is passing; it won’t wait.”
“Yes, I’ll go and get married!” she said, looking angrily at his well- fed, satisfied face. —-
“I will marry in the simplest, most ordinary way and be radiant with happiness. —-
And, would you believe it, I will marry some plain working man, some mechanic or draughtsman.”
“There is no harm in that, either. The Duchess Josiana loved Gwinplin, and that was permissible for her because she was a grand duchess. —-
Everything is permissible for you, too, because you are an exceptional woman: —-
if, my dear, you want to love a negro or an Arab, don’t scruple; send for a negro. —-
Don’t deny yourself anything. You ought to be as bold as your desires; —-
don’t fall short of them.”
“Can it be so hard to understand me?” Anna Akimovna asked with amazement, and her eyes were bright with tears. —-
“Understand, I have an immense business on my hands—two thousand workmen, for whom I must answer before God. The men who work for me grow blind and deaf. —-
I am afraid to go on like this; I am afraid! —-
I am wretched, and you have the cruelty to talk to me of negroes and . . . and you smile! —-
” Anna Akimovna brought her fist down on the table. —-
“To go on living the life I am living now, or to marry some one as idle and incompetent as myself, would be a crime. —-
I can’t go on living like this,” she said hotly, “I cannot!”
“How handsome she is!” said Lysevitch, fascinated by her. “My God, how handsome she is! —-
But why are you angry, my dear? Perhaps I am wrong; —-
but surely you don’t imagine that if, for the sake of ideas for which I have the deepest respect, you renounce the joys of life and lead a dreary existence, your workmen will be any the better for it? —-
Not a scrap! No, frivolity, frivolity!” he said decisively. “It’s essential for you; —-
it’s your duty to be frivolous and depraved! —-
Ponder that, my dear, ponder it.”
Anna Akimovna was glad she had spoken out, and her spirits rose. —-
She was pleased she had spoken so well, and that her ideas were so fine and just, and she was already convinced that if Pimenov, for instance, loved her, she would marry him with pleasure.
Mishenka began to pour out champagne.
“You make me angry, Viktor Nikolaitch,” she said, clinking glasses with the lawyer. —-
“It seems to me you give advice and know nothing of life yourself. —-
According to you, if a man be a mechanic or a draughtsman, he is bound to be a peasant and an ignoramus! —-
But they are the cleverest people! Extraordinary people!”
“Your uncle and father . . . I knew them and respected them . . . —-
” Krylin said, pausing for emphasis (he had been sitting upright as a post, and had been eating steadily the whole time), “were people of considerable intelligence and . —-
. . of lofty spiritual qualities.”
“Oh, to be sure, we know all about their qualities,” the lawyer muttered, and asked permission to smoke.
When dinner was over Krylin was led away for a nap. —-
Lysevitch finished his cigar, and, staggering from repletion, followed Anna Akimovna into her study. Cosy corners with photographs and fans on the walls, and the inevitable pink or pale blue lanterns in the middle of the ceiling, he did not like, as the expression of an insipid and unoriginal character; —-
besides, the memory of certain of his love affairs of which he was now ashamed was associated with such lanterns. —-
Anna Akimovna’s study with its bare walls and tasteless furniture pleased him exceedingly. —-
It was snug and comfortable for him to sit on a Turkish divan and look at Anna Akimovna, who usually sat on the rug before the fire, clasping her knees and looking into the fire and thinking of something; —-
and at such moments it seemed to him that her peasant Old Believer blood was stirring within her.
Every time after dinner when coffee and liqueurs were handed, he grew livelier and began telling her various bits of literary gossip. —-
He spoke with eloquence and inspiration, and was carried away by his own stories; —-
and she listened to him and thought every time that for such enjoyment it was worth paying not only twelve thousand, but three times that sum, and forgave him everything she disliked in him. —-
He sometimes told her the story of some tale or novel he had been reading, and then two or three hours passed unnoticed like a minute. —-
Now he began rather dolefully in a failing voice with his eyes shut.
“It’s ages, my dear, since I have read anything,” he said when she asked him to tell her something. —-
“Though I do sometimes read Jules Verne.”
“I was expecting you to tell me something new.”
“H’m! . . . new,” Lysevitch muttered sleepily, and he settled himself further back in the corner of the sofa. —-
“None of the new literature, my dear, is any use for you or me. —-
Of course, it is bound to be such as it is, and to refuse to recognize it is to refuse to recognize —would mean refusing to recognize the natural order of things, and I do recognize it, but . —-
. .” Lysevitch seemed to have fallen asleep. —-
But a minute later his voice was heard again:
“All the new literature moans and howls like the autumn wind in the chimney. —-
‘Ah, unhappy wretch! Ah, your life may be likened to a prison! —-
Ah, how damp and dark it is in your prison! —-
Ah, you will certainly come to ruin, and there is no chance of escape for you! —-
’ That’s very fine, but I should prefer a literature that would tell us how to escape from prison. —-
Of all contemporary writers, however, I prefer Maupassant.” Lysevitch opened his eyes. —-
“A fine writer, a perfect writer!” Lysevitch shifted in his seat. “A wonderful artist! —-
A terrible, prodigious, supernatural artist! —-
” Lysevitch got up from the sofa and raised his right arm. “Maupassant!” he said rapturously. —-
“My dear, read Maupassant! one page of his gives you more than all the riches of the earth! —-
Every line is a new horizon. The softest, tenderest impulses of the soul alternate with violent tempestuous sensations; —-
your soul, as though under the weight of forty thousand atmospheres, is transformed into the most insignificant little bit of some great thing of an undefined rosy hue which I fancy, if one could put it on one’s tongue, would yield a pungent, voluptuous taste. —-
What a fury of transitions, of motives, of melodies! —-
You rest peacefully on the lilies and the roses, and suddenly a thought —a terrible, splendid, irresistible thought—swoops down upon you like a locomotive, and bathes you in hot steam and deafens you with its whistle. —-
Read Maupassant, dear girl; I insist on it.”
Lysevitch waved his arms and paced from corner to corner in violent excitement.
“Yes, it is inconceivable,” he pronounced, as though in despair; —-
“his last thing overwhelmed me, intoxicated me! But I am afraid you will not care for it. —-
To be carried away by it you must savour it, slowly suck the juice from each line, drink it in. —-
. . . You must drink it in! . . .”
After a long introduction, containing many words such as dæmonic sensuality, a network of the most delicate nerves, simoom, crystal, and so on, he began at last telling the story of the novel. —-
He did not tell the story so whimsically, but told it in minute detail, quoting from memory whole descriptions and conversations; —-
the characters of the novel fascinated him, and to describe them he threw himself into attitudes, changed the expression of his face and voice like a real actor. —-
He laughed with delight at one moment in a deep bass, and at another, on a high shrill note, clasped his hands and clutched at his head with an expression which suggested that it was just going to burst. —-
Anna Akimovna listened enthralled, though she had already read the novel, and it seemed to her ever so much finer and more subtle in the lawyer’s version than in the book itself. —-
He drew her attention to various subtleties, and emphasized the felicitous expressions and the profound thoughts, but she saw in it, only life, life, life and herself, as though she had been a character in the novel. —-
Her spirits rose, and she, too, laughing and clasping her hands, thought that she could not go on living such a life, that there was no need to have a wretched life when one might have a splendid one. —-
She remembered her words and thoughts at dinner, and was proud of them; —-
and when Pimenov suddenly rose up in her imagination, she felt happy and longed for him to love her.
When he had finished the story, Lysevitch sat down on the sofa, exhausted.
“How splendid you are! How handsome!” he began, a little while afterwards in a faint voice as if he were ill. —-
“I am happy near you, dear girl, but why am I forty-two instead of thirty? —-
Your tastes and mine do not coincide: you ought to be depraved, and I have long passed that phase, and want a love as delicate and immaterial as a ray of sunshine—that is, from the point of view of a woman of your age, I am of no earthly use.”
In his own words, he loved Turgenev, the singer of virginal love and purity, of youth, and of the melancholy Russian landscape; —-
but he loved virginal love, not from knowledge but from hearsay, as something abstract, existing outside real life. —-
Now he assured himself that he loved Anna Akimovna platonically, ideally, though he did not know what those words meant. —-
But he felt comfortable, snug, warm. Anna Akimovna seemed to him enchanting, original, and he imagined that the pleasant sensation that was aroused in him by these surroundings was the very thing that was called platonic love.
He laid his cheek on her hand and said in the tone commonly used in coaxing little children:
“My precious, why have you punished me?”
“How? When?”
“I have had no Christmas present from you.”
Anna Akimovna had never heard before of their sending a Christmas box to the lawyer, and now she was at a loss how much to give him. —-
But she must give him something, for he was expecting it, though he looked at her with eyes full of love.
“I suppose Nazaritch forgot it,” she said, “but it is not too late to set it right.”
She suddenly remembered the fifteen hundred she had received the day before, which was now lying in the toilet drawer in her bedroom. —-
And when she brought that ungrateful money and gave it to the lawyer, and he put it in his coat pocket with indolent grace, the whole incident passed off charmingly and naturally. —-
The sudden reminder of a Christmas box and this fifteen hundred was not unbecoming in Lysevitch.
“Merci,” he said, and kissed her finger.
Krylin came in with blissful, sleepy face, but without his decorations.
Lysevitch and he stayed a little longer and drank a glass of tea each, and began to get ready to go. Anna Akimovna was a little embarrassed. —-
. . . She had utterly forgotten in what department Krylin served, and whether she had to give him money or not; —-
and if she had to, whether to give it now or send it afterwards in an envelope.
“Where does he serve?” she whispered to Lysevitch.
“Goodness knows,” muttered Lysevitch, yawning.
She reflected that if Krylin used to visit her father and her uncle and respected them, it was probably not for nothing: —-
apparently he had been charitable at their expense, serving in some charitable institution. —-
As she said good-bye she slipped three hundred roubles into his hand; —-
he seemed taken aback, and looked at her for a minute in silence with his pewtery eyes, but then seemed to understand and said:
“The receipt, honoured Anna Akimovna, you can only receive on the New Year.”
Lysevitch had become utterly limp and heavy, and he staggered when Mishenka put on his overcoat.
As he went downstairs he looked like a man in the last stage of exhaustion, and it was evident that he would drop asleep as soon as he got into his sledge.
“Your Excellency,” he said languidly to Krylin, stopping in the middle of the staircase, “has it ever happened to you to experience a feeling as though some unseen force were drawing you out longer and longer? —-
You are drawn out and turn into the finest wire. —-
Subjectively this finds expression in a curious voluptuous feeling which is impossible to compare with anything.”
Anna Akimovna, standing at the top of the stairs, saw each of them give Mishenka a note.
“Good-bye! Come again!” she called to them, and ran into her bedroom.
She quickly threw off her dress, that she was weary of already, put on a dressing-gown, and ran downstairs; —-
and as she ran downstairs she laughed and thumped with her feet like a school-boy; —-
she had a great desire for mischief. IV
Evening
Auntie, in a loose print blouse, Varvarushka and two old women, were sitting in the dining-room having supper. —-
A big piece of salt meat, a ham, and various savouries, were lying on the table before them, and clouds of steam were rising from the meat, which looked particularly fat and appetizing. —-
Wine was not served on the lower story, but they made up for it with a great number of spirits and home-made liqueurs. —-
Agafyushka, the fat, white-skinned, well-fed cook, was standing with her arms crossed in the doorway and talking to the old women, and the dishes were being handed by the downstairs Masha, a dark girl with a crimson ribbon in her hair. —-
The old women had had enough to eat before the morning was over, and an hour before supper had had tea and buns, and so they were now eating with effort—as it were, from a sense of duty.
“Oh, my girl!” sighed Auntie, as Anna Akimovna ran into the dining-room and sat down beside her. —-
“You’ve frightened me to death!”
Every one in the house was pleased when Anna Akimovna was in good spirits and played pranks; —-
this always reminded them that the old men were dead and that the old women had no authority in the house, and any one could do as he liked without any fear of being sharply called to account for it. —-
Only the two old women glanced askance at Anna Akimovna with amazement: —-
she was humming, and it was a sin to sing at table.
“Our mistress, our beauty, our picture,” Agafyushka began chanting with sugary sweetness. —-
“Our precious jewel! The people, the people that have come to-day to look at our queen. —-
Lord have mercy upon us! Generals, and officers and gentlemen. . . . —-
I kept looking out of window and counting and counting till I gave it up.”
“I’d as soon they did not come at all,” said Auntie; —-
she looked sadly at her niece and added: —-
“They only waste the time for my poor orphan girl.”
Anna Akimovna felt hungry, as she had eaten nothing since the morning. —-
They poured her out some very bitter liqueur; —-
she drank it off, and tasted the salt meat with mustard, and thought it extraordinarily nice. —-
Then the downstairs Masha brought in the turkey, the pickled apples and the gooseberries. —-
And that pleased her, too. There was only one thing that was disagreeable: —-
there was a draught of hot air from the tiled stove; —-
it was stiflingly close and every one’s cheeks were burning. —-
After supper the cloth was taken off and plates of peppermint biscuits, walnuts, and raisins were brought in.
“You sit down, too . . . no need to stand there!” said Auntie to the cook.
Agafyushka sighed and sat down to the table; —-
Masha set a wineglass of liqueur before her, too, and Anna Akimovna began to feel as though Agafyushka’s white neck were giving out heat like the stove. —-
They were all talking of how difficult it was nowadays to get married, and saying that in old days, if men did not court beauty, they paid attention to money, but now there was no making out what they wanted; —-
and while hunchbacks and cripples used to be left old maids, nowadays men would not have even the beautiful and wealthy. —-
Auntie began to set this down to immorality, and said that people had no fear of God, but she suddenly remembered that Ivan Ivanitch, her brother, and Varvarushka—both people of holy life—had feared God, but all the same had had children on the sly, and had sent them to the Foundling Asylum. —-
She pulled herself up and changed the conversation, telling them about a suitor she had once had, a factory hand, and how she had loved him, but her brothers had forced her to marry a widower, an ikon-painter, who, thank God, had died two years after. —-
The downstairs Masha sat down to the table, too, and told them with a mysterious air that for the last week some unknown man with a black moustache, in a great-coat with an astrachan collar, had made his appearance every morning in the yard, had stared at the windows of the big house, and had gone on further— to the buildings; —-
the man was all right, nice-looking.
All this conversation made Anna Akimovna suddenly long to be married —long intensely, painfully; —-
she felt as though she would give half her life and all her fortune only to know that upstairs there was a man who was closer to her than any one in the world, that he loved her warmly and was missing her; —-
and the thought of such closeness, ecstatic and inexpressible in words, troubled her soul. —-
And the instinct of youth and health flattered her with lying assurances that the real poetry of life was not over but still to come, and she believed it, and leaning back in her chair (her hair fell down as she did so), she began laughing, and, looking at her, the others laughed, too. —-
And it was a long time before this causeless laughter died down in the dining-room.
She was informed that the Stinging Beetle had come. —-
This was a pilgrim woman called Pasha or Spiridonovna—a thin little woman of fifty, in a black dress with a white kerchief, with keen eyes, sharp nose, and a sharp chin; —-
she had sly, viperish eyes and she looked as though she could see right through every one. —-
Her lips were shaped like a heart. Her viperishness and hostility to every one had earned her the nickname of the Stinging Beetle.
Going into the dining-room without looking at any one, she made for the ikons and chanted in a high voice “Thy Holy Birth,” then she sang “The Virgin today gives birth to the Son,” then “Christ is born,” then she turned round and bent a piercing gaze upon all of them.
“A happy Christmas,” she said, and she kissed Anna Akimovna on the shoulder. —-
“It’s all I could do, all I could do to get to you, my kind friends. —-
” She kissed Auntie on the shoulder. “I should have come to you this morning, but I went in to some good people to rest on the way. —-
‘Stay, Spiridonovna, stay,’ they said, and I did not notice that evening was coming on.”
As she did not eat meat, they gave her salmon and caviare. —-
She ate looking from under her eyelids at the company, and drank three glasses of vodka. —-
When she had finished she said a prayer and bowed down to Anna Akimovna’s feet.
They began to play a game of “kings,” as they had done the year before, and the year before that, and all the servants in both stories crowded in at the doors to watch the game. —-
Anna Akimovna fancied she caught a glimpse once or twice of Mishenka, with a patronizing smile on his face, among the crowd of peasant men and women. —-
The first to be king was Stinging Beetle, and Anna Akimovna as the soldier paid her tribute; —-
and then Auntie was king and Anna Akimovna was peasant, which excited general delight, and Agafyushka was prince, and was quite abashed with pleasure. —-
Another game was got up at the other end of the table—played by the two Mashas, Varvarushka, and the sewing-maid Marfa Ptrovna, who was waked on purpose to play “kings,” and whose face looked cross and sleepy.
While they were playing they talked of men, and of how difficult it was to get a good husband nowadays, and which state was to be preferred—that of an old maid or a widow.
“You are a handsome, healthy, sturdy lass,” said Stinging Beetle to Anna Akimovna. —-
“But I can’t make out for whose sake you are holding back.”
“What’s to be done if nobody will have me?”
“Or maybe you have taken a vow to remain a maid? —-
” Stinging Beetle went on, as though she did not hear. “Well, that’s a good deed. . . . —-
Remain one,” she repeated, looking intently and maliciously at her cards. —-
“All right, my dear, remain one. . . . Yes . . . —-
only maids, these saintly maids, are not all alike.” She heaved a sigh and played the king. —-
“Oh, no, my girl, they are not all alike! —-
Some really watch over themselves like nuns, and butter would not melt in their mouths; —-
and if such a one does sin in an hour of weakness, she is worried to death, poor thing! —-
so it would be a sin to condemn her. While others will go dressed in black and sew their shroud, and yet love rich old men on the sly. —-
Yes, y-es, my canary birds, some hussies will bewitch an old man and rule over him, my doves, rule over him and turn his head; —-
and when they’ve saved up money and lottery tickets enough, they will bewitch him to his death.”
Varvarushka’s only response to these hints was to heave a sigh and look towards the ikons. —-
There was an expression of Christian meekness on her countenance.
“I know a maid like that, my bitterest enemy,” Stinging Beetle went on, looking round at every one in triumph; —-
“she is always sighing, too, and looking at the ikons, the she-devil. —-
When she used to rule in a certain old man’s house, if one went to her she would give one a crust, and bid one bow down to the ikons while she would sing: —-
‘In conception Thou dost abide a Virgin . . . ! —-
’ On holidays she will give one a bite, and on working days she will reproach one for it. —-
But nowadays I will make merry over her! —-
I will make as merry as I please, my jewel.”
Varvarushka glanced at the ikons again and crossed herself.
“But no one will have me, Spiridonovna,” said Anna Akimovna to change the conversation. —-
“What’s to be done?”
“It’s your own fault. You keep waiting for highly educated gentlemen, but you ought to marry one of your own sort, a merchant.”
“We don’t want a merchant,” said Auntie, all in a flutter. “Queen of Heaven, preserve us! —-
A gentleman will spend your money, but then he will be kind to you, you poor little fool. —-
But a merchant will be so strict that you won’t feel at home in your own house. —-
You’ll be wanting to fondle him and he will be counting his money, and when you sit down to meals with him, he’ll grudge you every mouthful, though it’s your own, the lout! —-
. . . Marry a gentleman.”
They all talked at once, loudly interrupting one another, and Auntie tapped on the table with the nutcrackers and said, flushed and angry:
“We won’t have a merchant; we won’t have one! —-
If you choose a merchant I shall go to an almshouse.”
“Sh . . . Sh! . . . Hush!” cried Stinging Beetle; —-
when all were silent she screwed up one eye and said: “Do you know what, Annushka, my birdie . . —-
. ? There is no need for you to get married really like every one else. —-
You’re rich and free, you are your own mistress; —-
but yet, my child, it doesn’t seem the right thing for you to be an old maid. —-
I’ll find you, you know, some trumpery and simple-witted man. —-
You’ll marry him for appearances and then have your fling, bonny lass! —-
You can hand him five thousand or ten maybe, and pack him off where he came from, and you will be mistress in your own house—you can love whom you like and no one can say anything to you. —-
And then you can love your highly educated gentleman. You’ll have a jolly time! —-
” Stinging Beetle snapped her fingers and gave a whistle.
“It’s sinful,” said Auntie.
“Oh, sinful,” laughed Stinging Beetle. “She is educated, she understands. —-
To cut some one’s throat or bewitch an old man— that’s a sin, that’s true; —-
but to love some charming young friend is not a sin at all. And what is there in it, really? —-
There’s no sin in it at all! The old pilgrim women have invented all that to make fools of simple folk. —-
I, too, say everywhere it’s a sin; I don’t know myself why it’s a sin. —-
” Stinging Beetle emptied her glass and cleared her throat. —-
“Have your fling, bonny lass,” this time evidently addressing herself. —-
“For thirty years, wenches, I have thought of nothing but sins and been afraid, but now I see I have wasted my time, I’ve let it slip by like a ninny! —-
Ah, I have been a fool, a fool!” She sighed. —-
“A woman’s time is short and every day is precious. You are handsome, Annushka, and very rich; —-
but as soon as thirty-five or forty strikes for you your time is up. —-
Don’t listen to any one, my girl; live, have your fling till you are forty, and then you will have time to pray forgiveness—there will be plenty of time to bow down and to sew your shroud. —-
A candle to God and a poker to the devil! You can do both at once! —-
Well, how is it to be? Will you make some little man happy?”
“I will,” laughed Anna Akimovna. “I don’t care now; I would marry a working man.”
“Well, that would do all right! Oh, what a fine fellow you would choose then! —-
” Stinging Beetle screwed up her eyes and shook her head. “O—o—oh!”
“I tell her myself,” said Auntie, “it’s no good waiting for a gentleman, so she had better marry, not a gentleman, but some one humbler; —-
anyway we should have a man in the house to look after things. And there are lots of good men. —-
She might have some one out of the factory. —-
They are all sober, steady men. . . .”
“I should think so,” Stinging Beetle agreed. “They are capital fellows. —-
If you like, Aunt, I will make a match for her with Vassily Lebedinsky?”
“Oh, Vasya’s legs are so long,” said Auntie seriously. “He is so lanky. He has no looks.”
There was laughter in the crowd by the door.
“Well, Pimenov? Would you like to marry Pimenov?” Stinging Beetle asked Anna Akimovna.
“Very good. Make a match for me with Pimenov.”
“Really?”
“Yes, do!” Anna Akimovna said resolutely, and she struck her fist on the table. —-
“On my honour, I will marry him.”
“Really?”
Anna Akimovna suddenly felt ashamed that her cheeks were burning and that every one was looking at her; —-
she flung the cards together on the table and ran out of the room. —-
As she ran up the stairs and, reaching the upper story, sat down to the piano in the drawing-room, a murmur of sound reached her from below like the roar of the sea; —-
most likely they were talking of her and of Pimenov, and perhaps Stinging Beetle was taking advantage of her absence to insult Varvarushka and was putting no check on her language.
The lamp in the big room was the only light burning in the upper story, and it sent a glimmer through the door into the dark drawing-room. —-
It was between nine and ten, not later. Anna Akimovna played a waltz, then another, then a third; —-
she went on playing without stopping. She looked into the dark corner beyond the piano, smiled, and inwardly called to it, and the idea occurred to her that she might drive off to the town to see some one, Lysevitch for instance, and tell him what was passing in her heart. —-
She wanted to talk without ceasing, to laugh, to play the fool, but the dark corner was sullenly silent, and all round in all the rooms of the upper story it was still and desolate.
She was fond of sentimental songs, but she had a harsh, untrained voice, and so she only played the accompaniment and sang hardly audibly, just above her breath. —-
She sang in a whisper one song after another, for the most part about love, separation, and frustrated hopes, and she imagined how she would hold out her hands to him and say with entreaty, with tears, “Pimenov, take this burden from me! —-
” And then, just as though her sins had been forgiven, there would be joy and comfort in her soul, and perhaps a free, happy life would begin. —-
In an anguish of anticipation she leant over the keys, with a passionate longing for the change in her life to come at once without delay, and was terrified at the thought that her old life would go on for some time longer. —-
Then she played again and sang hardly above her breath, and all was stillness about her. —-
There was no noise coming from downstairs now, they must have gone to bed. —-
It had struck ten some time before. A long, solitary, wearisome night was approaching.
Anna Akimovna walked through all the rooms, lay down for a while on the sofa, and read in her study the letters that had come that evening; —-
there were twelve letters of Christmas greetings and three anonymous letters. —-
In one of them some workman complained in a horrible, almost illegible handwriting that Lenten oil sold in the factory shop was rancid and smelt of paraffin; —-
in another, some one respectfully informed her that over a purchase of iron Nazaritch had lately taken a bribe of a thousand roubles from some one; —-
in a third she was abused for her inhumanity.
The excitement of Christmas was passing off, and to keep it up Anna Akimovna sat down at the piano again and softly played one of the new waltzes, then she remembered how cleverly and creditably she had spoken at dinner today. —-
She looked round at the dark windows, at the walls with the pictures, at the faint light that came from the big room, and all at once she began suddenly crying, and she felt vexed that she was so lonely, and that she had no one to talk to and consult. —-
To cheer herself she tried to picture Pimenov in her imagination, but it was unsuccessful.
It struck twelve. Mishenka, no longer wearing his swallow-tail but in his reefer jacket, came in, and without speaking lighted two candles; —-
then he went out and returned a minute later with a cup of tea on a tray.
“What are you laughing at?” she asked, noticing a smile on his face.
“I was downstairs and heard the jokes you were making about Pimenov . . . —-
” he said, and put his hand before his laughing mouth. —-
“If he were sat down to dinner today with Viktor Nikolaevitch and the general, he’d have died of fright. —-
” Mishenka’s shoulders were shaking with laughter. —-
“He doesn’t know even how to hold his fork, I bet.”
The footman’s laughter and words, his reefer jacket and moustache, gave Anna Akimovna a feeling of uncleanness. —-
She shut her eyes to avoid seeing him, and, against her own will, imagined Pimenov dining with Lysevitch and Krylin, and his timid, unintellectual figure seemed to her pitiful and helpless, and she felt repelled by it. —-
And only now, for the first time in the whole day, she realized clearly that all she had said and thought about Pimenov and marrying a workman was nonsense, folly, and wilfulness. —-
To convince herself of the opposite, to overcome her repulsion, she tried to recall what she had said at dinner, but now she could not see anything in it: —-
shame at her own thoughts and actions, and the fear that she had said something improper during the day, and disgust at her own lack of spirit, overwhelmed her completely. —-
She took up a candle and, as rapidly as if some one were pursuing her, ran downstairs, woke Spiridonovna, and began assuring her she had been joking. —-
Then she went to her bedroom. Red-haired Masha, who was dozing in an arm-chair near the bed, jumped up and began shaking up the pillows. —-
Her face was exhausted and sleepy, and her magnificent hair had fallen on one side.
“Tchalikov came again this evening,” she said, yawning, “but I did not dare to announce him; —-
he was very drunk. He says he will come again tomorrow.”
“What does he want with me?” said Anna Akimovna, and she flung her comb on the floor. —-
“I won’t see him, I won’t.”
She made up her mind she had no one left in life but this Tchalikov, that he would never leave off persecuting her, and would remind her every day how uninteresting and absurd her life was. —-
So all she was fit for was to help the poor. —-
Oh, how stupid it was!
She lay down without undressing, and sobbed with shame and depression: —-
what seemed to her most vexatious and stupid of all was that her dreams that day about Pimenov had been right, lofty, honourable, but at the same time she felt that Lysevitch and even Krylin were nearer to her than Pimenov and all the workpeople taken together. —-
She thought that if the long day she had just spent could have been represented in a picture, all that had been bad and vulgar—as, for instance, the dinner, the lawyer’s talk, the game of “kings” —would have been true, while her dreams and talk about Pimenov would have stood out from the whole as something false, as out of drawing; —-
and she thought, too, that it was too late to dream of happiness, that everything was over for her, and it was impossible to go back to the life when she had slept under the same quilt with her mother, or to devise some new special sort of life.
Red-haired Masha was kneeling before the bed, gazing at her in mournful perplexity; —-
then she, too, began crying, and laid her face against her mistress’s arm, and without words it was clear why she was so wretched.
“We are fools!” said Anna Akimovna, laughing and crying. —-
“We are fools! Oh, what fools we are!”
