There was a painless stage of incubation that lasted twenty-five years, and then it broke out on me, and people said I was It.
有一个无痛的孵化阶段，持续了25年，然后突然爆发在我身上，人们说是我的特质。

But they called it humor instead of measles.
但他们把它称为幽默而不是麻疹。

The employees in the store bought a silver inkstand for the senior partner on his fiftieth birthday. —
店里的员工为高级合伙人的五十岁生日买了一只银笔筒。 —

We crowded into his private office to present it. —
我们挤进他的私人办公室去送礼。 —

I had been selected for spokesman, and I made a little speech that I had been preparing for a week.
我被选作发言人，为此我准备了一个星期的演讲。

It made a hit. It was full of puns and epigrams and funny twists that brought down the house–which was a very solid one in the wholesale hardware line. —
它大受欢迎。里面充满了双关语、警句和引人发笑的转折，逗乐了全场，而这场演出是在批发五金行业里一家非常固执的店。 —

Old Marlowe himself actually grinned, and the employees took their cue and roared.
老马洛本人居然露出微笑，员工们也顺应形势一起哄堂大笑。

My reputation as a humorist dates from half-past nine o’clock on that morning. —
我作为一个幽默作家的声誉可以追溯到那天上午九点半。 —

For weeks afterward my fellow clerks fanned the flame of my self-esteem. —
几周后，我的同事们不断加大对我的自负的关注。 —

One by one they came to me, saying what an awfully clever speech that was, old man, and carefully explained to me the point of each one of my jokes.
他们一个接一个过来，告诉我那个演讲真是太聪明了，老兄，还仔细给我解释每个笑话的要点。

Gradually I found that I was expected to keep it up. —
渐渐地我发现我被期望保持下去。 —

Others might speak sanely on business matters and the day’s topics, but from me something gamesome and airy was required.
其他人可能会理智地谈论业务事项和当天的话题，但对我来说，需要一些有趣轻松的东西。

I was expected to crack jokes about the crockery and lighten up the granite ware with persiflage. —
人们期待我对瓦器开玩笑，用幽默话语调节坚硬的石器。 —

I was second bookkeeper, and if I failed to show up a balance sheet without something comic about the footings or could find no cause for laughter in an invoice of plows, the other clerks were disappointed. —
我是第二位簿记员，如果我没有在负债表中找到脚注的有趣之处，或者在犁的发票中找不到笑点，其他职员们会感到失望。 —

By degrees my fame spread, and I became a local “character.” Our town was small enough to make this possible. —
渐渐地，我的名声传开了，我成了当地的“名人”。我们的城镇小到足以实现这一点。 —

The daily newspaper quoted me. —
每日报纸都引用我的话。 —

At social gatherings I was indispensable.
在社交聚会上，我是不可或缺的。

I believe I did possess considerable wit and a facility for quick and spontaneous repartee. —
我相信我确实具备相当的机智和快速应答的能力。 —

This gift I cultivated and improved by practice. —
我通过实践培养和提高这一天赋。 —

And the nature of it was kindly and genial, not running to sarcasm or offending others. —
而且它的性质是友好和亲和的，不是嘲讽或冒犯他人。 —

People began to smile when they saw me coming, and by the time we had met I generally had the word ready to broaden the smile into a laugh.
当人们看到我走过来时开始露出微笑，到我们见面时，我一般已经能准备好让微笑转变为笑声了。

I had married early. We had a charming boy of three and a girl of five. —
我早早结婚了。我们有一个可爱的三岁男孩和一个五岁女孩。 —

Naturally, we lived in a vine-covered cottage, and were happy. —
当然，我们住在一间爬满藤蔓的小屋里，非常幸福。 —

My salary as bookkeeper in the hardware concern kept at a distance those ills attendant upon superfluous wealth.
作为一家五金公司的记账员，我的薪水使我与过多的财富保持了一定的距离，远离了随之而来的烦恼。

At sundry times I had written out a few jokes and conceits that I considered peculiarly happy, and had sent them to certain periodicals that print such things. —
我曾在某些时候写了一些我认为特别高兴的笑话和构思，然后把它们寄给了一些刊登这类东西的期刊。 —

All of them had been instantly accepted. —
所有这些都被立即接受了。 —

Several of the editors had written to request further contributions.
几位编辑还写信请求我继续投稿。

One day I received a letter from the editor of a famous weekly publication. —
有一天，我收到了一封来自一家著名周刊编辑的信。 —

He suggested that I submit to him a humorous composition to fill a column of space; —
他建议我向他提交一篇幽默作品来填补一栏的空间。 —

hinting that he would make it a regular feature of each issue if the work proved satisfactory. —
如果工作表现令人满意，暗示他会每期都将其列为常设栏目。（提示） —

I did so, and at the end of two weeks he offered to make a contract with me for a year at a figure that was considerably higher than the amount paid me by the hardware firm.
我这么做了，两周后他提出与我签订一年合约，支付的数目比那家五金公司付给我的金额要高得多。

I was filled with delight. —
我充满了喜悦。 —

My wife already crowned me in her mind with the imperishable evergreens of literary success. —
在我妻子的心中，我已经戴上了文学成功所不朽的常青树冠冕。 —

We had lobster croquettes and a bottle of blackberry wine for supper that night. —
那晚我们吃了龙虾肉饼和一瓶黑莓酒。 —

Here was the chance to liberate myself from drudgery. —
这是解脱劳役的机会。 —

I talked over the matter very seriously with Louisa. —
我和洛伊莎认真地商讨了这件事。 —

We agreed that I must resign my place at the store and devote myself to humor.
我们一致认为我必须辞去商店的职位，全身心地投入幽默创作。

I resigned. My fellow clerks gave me a farewell banquet. The speech I made there coruscated. —
我辞职了。我的同事们为我举行了告别宴会。我在那里发表的演讲光芒四射。 —

It was printed in full by the Gazette. —
这篇演讲被《小报》全文刊登了。 —

The next morning I awoke and looked at the clock.
第二天早上，我醒来看了看钟。

“Late, by George!” I exclaimed, and grabbed for my clothes. —
“糟糕，我迟到了！”我惊叫道，然后匆忙穿上衣服。 —

Louisa reminded me that I was no longer a slave to hardware and contractors’ supplies. —
洛伊莎提醒我，我已不再是五金和承包商用品的奴隶。 —

I was now a professional humorist.
我现在成为了一名专业的幽默作家。

After breakfast she proudly led me to the little room off the kitchen. —
早餐后，她自豪地带领我来到厨房旁边的小房间。亲爱的女孩！ —

Dear girl! There was my table and chair, writing pad, ink, and pipe tray. —
那里有我的桌子和椅子，写字纸，墨水和烟斗托盘。 —

And all the author’s trappings–the celery stand full of fresh roses and honeysuckle, last year’s calendar on the wall, the dictionary, and a little bag of chocolates to nibble between inspirations. Dear girl!
还有一切作家的必备品——摆满新鲜玫瑰和忍冬的芹菜架子，墙上挂着去年的日历，字典，还有一小袋巧克力，在灵感之间可以咬一口。亲爱的女孩！

I sat me to work. The wall paper is patterned with arabesques or odalisks or–perhaps–it is trapezoids. —
我开始工作。墙纸上有阿拉伯式图案或奴婢或者——也许是梯形。 —

Upon one of the figures I fixed my eyes. I bethought me of humor.
我把目光定在其中一个图案上。我想到了幽默。

A voice startled me–Louisa’s voice.
一个声音吓到了我——Louisa的声音。

“If you aren’t too busy, dear,” it said, “come to dinner.”
“如果你不太忙，亲爱的，过来吃晚饭吧。”声音说道。

I looked at my watch. Yes, five hours had been gathered in by the grim scytheman. —
我看了看手表，是的，五个小时已经被可怕的收割者夺走了。 —

I went to dinner.
我去吃晚饭了。

“You mustn’t work too hard at first,” said Louisa. “Goethe–or was it Napoleon? —
“刚开始的时候你不要工作太辛苦，” 路易莎说道。”是歌德——或者是拿破仑？” —

–said five hours a day is enough for mental labor. —
“有人说每天只需要工作五个小时对于脑力劳动就足够了。 —

Couldn’t you take me and the children to the woods this afternoon?”
你能不能带我和孩子们去森林里玩一下午呢?”

“I am a little tired,” I admitted. So we went to the woods.
“我有点累了，”我承认道。于是我们就去了森林。

But I soon got the swing of it. —
但我很快适应了工作。 —

Within a month I was turning out copy as regular as shipments of hardware.
一个月内，我像货物发货一样定时完成稿子。

And I had success. My column in the weekly made some stir, and I was referred to in a gossipy way by the critics as something fresh in the line of humorists. —
我取得了一些成功。我在这家周刊的专栏引起了一些轰动，评论家们以闲聊的方式提到我，形容我是幽默作家领域的新鲜事物。 —

I augmented my income considerably by contributing to other publications.
我通过向其他刊物投稿大大增加了收入。

I picked up the tricks of the trade. —
我掌握了这行的技巧。 —

I could take a funny idea and make a two-line joke of it, earning a dollar. —
我能够将一个有趣的想法转化为两行笑话，赚到一美元。 —

With false whiskers on, it would serve up cold as a quatrain, doubling its producing value. —
带着假胡子，它冷冷地演出，像四行诗一样，生产价值翻倍。 —

By turning the skirt and adding a ruffle of rhyme you would hardly recognize it as vers de societe with neatly shod feet and a fashion-plate illustration.
通过改变结构并加上一段韵文衬托，你几乎不会将其辨认为波希米亚散文，而是带着整洁的脚和时尚插图的。

I began to save up money, and we had new carpets, and a parlor organ. —
我开始攒钱了，我们也有了新的地毯和客厅风琴。 —

My townspeople began to look upon me as a citizen of some consequence instead of the merry trifier I had been when I clerked in the hardware store.
我的镇上的人们开始把我当成一个有些地位的公民，而不是当初在五金店里当店员时那个轻浮的人。

After five or six months the spontaniety seemed to depart from my humor. —
大约五六个月后，我原本的幽默感似乎消失了。 —

Quips and droll sayings no longer fell carelessly from my lips. —
俏皮的说辞和滑稽的话语不再自如地从我嘴里流淌出来。 —

I was sometimes hard run for material. —
有时候我很费劲才能找到素材。 —

I found myself listening to catch available ideas from the conversation of my friends. —
我发现自己会聚精会神地倾听朋友们的谈话，希望能够捕捉到一些可用的创意。 —

Sometimes I chewed my pencil and gazed at the wall paper for hours trying to build up some gay little bubble of unstudied fun.
有时候我咀嚼着铅笔，凝视着墙纸，试图构建一些快乐而无拘无束的小点子。

And then I became a harpy, a Moloch, a Jonah, a vampire, to my acquaintances. Anxious, haggard, greedy, I stood among them like a veritable killjoy. —
然后我成了恶魔、摩洛克、约拿、吸血鬼一样的存在，对我的熟人们来说。焦虑、憔悴、贪婪，我就像一个真正的杀风景者站在他们中间。 —

Let a bright saying, a witty comparison, a piquant phrase fall from their lips and I was after it like a hound springing upon a bone. —
只要他们嘴里掉下一句聪明的话、一个风趣的比喻、一句生动的词语，我就像一条猎犬扑向骨头一样盯着它。 —

I dared not trust my memory; but, turning aside guiltily and meanly, I would make a note of it in my ever-present memorandum book or upon my cuff for my own future use.
我不敢相信我的记忆；但是，我羞愧地、卑鄙地转身，将它记在我随身携带的备忘录或者袖子上，为了将来自己使用。

My friends regarded me in sorrow and wonder. I was not the same man. —
我的朋友们悲伤而惊讶地看着我。我已经不是同一个人了。 —

Where once I had furnished them entertainment and jollity, I now preyed upon them. No jests from me ever bid for their smiles now. —
曾经我给他们带来欢乐和娱乐，现在我侵吞他们的欢笑。我的笑话再也不能引起他们的微笑。 —

They were too precious. I could not afford to dispense gratuitously the means of my livelihood.
他们太宝贵了。我无法免费提供维持生计的手段。

I was a lugubrious fox praising the singing of my friends, the crow’s, that they might drop from their beaks the morsels of wit that I coveted.
我是一只忧郁的狐狸，为了得到我渴望的食物，捧上了我的朋友——乌鸦的歌声的赞美。

Nearly every one began to avoid me. —
几乎所有的人都开始回避我。 —

I even forgot how to smile, not even paying that much for the sayings I appropriated.
我甚至忘记了如何微笑，就连为我偷走的言语付出这点代价都没有。

No persons, places, times, or subjects were exempt from my plundering in search of material. —
任何人、地点、时间或者主题都不例外，都成了我寻找材料的劫掠对象。 —

Even in church my demoralized fancy went hunting among the solemn aisles and pillars for spoil.
甚至在教堂里，我没节操的幻想也在庄严的过道和柱子中寻找着战利品。

Did the minister give out the long-meter doxology, at once I began: “Doxology –sockdology–sockdolager–meter–meet her.”
部长是否宣读了长诗颂歌？我立刻开始：“颂歌-奇妙的诗歌-强有力的一击-韵律-与她相见。”

The sermon ran through my mental sieve, its precepts filtering unheeded, could I but glean a suggestion of a pun or a bon mot. —
牧师的讲道在我的脑海中如过滤器般筛选，其中的教诲不经意地被滤掉，我只希望能够找到一个双关语或机智的话语。 —

The solemnest anthems of the choir were but an accompaniment to my thoughts as I conceived new changes to ring upon the ancient comicalities concerning the jealousies of soprano, tenor, and basso.
合唱队庄严的赞美诗不过是我洞悉的思索的伴奏，我在其中构思着有关女高音、男高音和低音的古老滑稽中的新变化。

My own home became a hunting ground. —
我的家变成了一个猎场。 —

My wife is a singularly feminine creature, candid, sympathetic, and impulsive. —
我的妻子是一个非常女性化的人，真诚、富有同情心和冲动。 —

Once her conversation was my delight, and her ideas a source of unfailing pleasure. —
曾经她的谈话是我喜欢的，她的思想是一种绝对的乐趣。 —

Now I worked her. —
现在我开始利用她。 —

She was a gold mine of those amusing but lovable inconsistencies that distinguish the female mind.
她是一个金矿，她那引人发笑但可爱的心思与女性的特质分明。

I began to market those pearls of unwisdom and humor that should have enriched only the sacred precincts of home. —
我开始将那些不明智而幽默的珍珠市场销售，而这些珍珠本应丰富于家庭的圣洁领域。 —

With devilish cunning I encouraged her to talk. —
以恶魔般的狡诈，我鼓励她说话。 —

Unsuspecting, she laid her heart bare. —
毫不知情的她展示了她的内心。 —

Upon the cold, conspicuous, common, printed page I offered it to the public gaze.
我将它公之于众，在冷冷的、显眼的、普遍的印刷页面上呈现给公众。

A literary Judas, I kissed her and betrayed her. —
作为文学上的犹大，我亲吻她并出卖她。 —

For pieces of silver I dressed her sweet confidences in the pantalettes and frills of folly and made them dance in the market place.
为着一点银钱，我用愚蠢的裤裙和褶边装扮她甜蜜的信任，让它们在市场上跳舞。

Dear Louisa! Of nights I have bent over her cruel as a wolf above a tender lamb, hearkening even to her soft words murmured in sleep, hoping to catch an idea for my next day’s grind. —
亲爱的露易莎！在夜晚，我像狼一样冷酷地俯身在她上方，连她在梦中低语的柔和言语都倾听着，希望能从中获取关于明天工作的灵感。 —

There is worse to come.
还有更糟糕的事情要发生。

God help me! Next my fangs were buried deep in the neck of the fugitive sayings of my little children.
上帝保佑我！接下来，我的利齿深深地嵌入我孩子们逃避的言论的颈部。

Guy and Viola were two bright fountains of childish, quaint thoughts and speeches. —
老实说，盖伊和维奥拉是两个充满童真和古怪思想的亮丽源泉。 —

I found a ready sale for this kind of humor, and was furnishing a regular department in a magazine with “Funny Fancies of Childhood.” I began to stalk them as an Indian stalks the antelope. —
我发现此类幽默很畅销，并在一本杂志中供应了一个固定的部门用于“童年的有趣幻想”。我开始像印度人追逐羚羊一样追踪他们。 —

I would hide behind sofas and doors, or crawl on my hands and knees among the bushes in the yard to eavesdrop while they were at play. —
我会藏在沙发和门后，或者在院子里的灌木丛中趴在地上偷听他们玩耍的声音。 —

I had all the qualities of a harpy except remorse.
除了没有懊悔之外，我具备了一个哈萨比的所有特质。

Once, when I was barren of ideas, and my copy must leave in the next mail, I covered myself in a pile of autumn leaves in the yard, where I knew they intended to come to play. —
有一次，当我无法想出点子，而且我的稿子必须在下一封邮件中寄出时，我把自己盖在院子里的一堆秋叶中，因为我知道他们要来玩。 —

I cannot bring myself to believe that Guy was aware of my hiding place, but even if he was, I would be loath to blame him for his setting fire to the leaves, causing the destruction of my new suit of clothes, and nearly cremating a parent.
我不相信盖伊知道我藏身的地方，但即使他知道，我也不愿责怪他引火烧毁了那些秋叶，毁坏了我新买的衣服，几乎把一位父母烧成了灰烬。

Soon my own children began to shun me as a pest. Often, when I was creeping upon them like a melancholy ghoul, I would hear them say to each other: —
很快，我的孩子们开始避开我，把我当成一个讨厌鬼。经常当我像一个忧郁的食尸鬼悄悄接近他们时，我会听到他们彼此说： —

“Here comes papa,” and they would gather their toys and scurry away to some safer hiding place. —
“爸爸来了”，然后他们会收起玩具匆匆找个更安全的藏身之处。 —

Miserable wretch that I was!
我真是个可怜的家伙！

And yet I was doing well financially. —
然而我在经济上过得还不错。 —

Before the first year had passed I had saved a thousand dollars, and we had lived in comfort.
在第一年过去之前，我已经存了一千美元，我们过得很舒适。

But at what a cost! I am not quite clear as to what a pariah is, but I was everything that it sounds like. —
但代价太大了！我不太清楚什么是被遗弃者，但我就是听起来那样的人。 —

I had no friends, no amusements, no enjoyment of life. —
我没有朋友，没有娱乐，没有享受生活的乐趣。 —

The happiness of my family had been sacrificed. —
我牺牲了家人的幸福。 —

I was a bee, sucking sordid honey from life’s fairest flowers, dreaded and shunned on account of my stingo.
我就像一只蜜蜂，从生活中最美的花朵中吸取卑鄙的蜜液，被人们所恐惧和避之唯恐不及。

One day a man spoke to me, with a pleasant and friendly smile. —
有一天，一个人对我说话，带着愉快友好的微笑。 —

Not in months had the thing happened. —
这种事情已经好几个月没有发生了。 —

I was passing the undertaking establishment of Peter Heffelbower. —
我经过了彼得·赫夫尔鲍尔的殡仪馆。 —

Peter stood in the door and saluted me. —
彼得站在门口向我致意。 —

I stopped, strangely wrung in my heart by his greeting. —
我停下脚步，他的问候让我内心感到奇怪而痛苦。 —

He asked me inside.
他邀请我进去。

The day was chill and rainy. We went into the back room, where a fire burned, in a little stove. —
那天天气寒冷多雨。我们走进后面的房间，一个小火炉里燃着火。有一个顾客进来了， —

A customer came, and Peter left me alone for a while. —
彼得离开了一会儿，让我独自待着。 —

Presently I felt a new feeling stealing over me –a sense of beautiful calm and content, I looked around the place. —
当下我感受到一种新的情感扑面而来——一种美丽宁静与满足的感觉，我四处环视这个地方。 —

There were rows of shining rosewood caskets, black palls, trestles, hearse plumes, mourning streamers, and all the paraphernalia of the solemn trade. —
这里摆满了闪亮的红木棺椁、黑色丧襁、支架、灵车的羽毛、哀悼悬挂物，以及一切庄严仪式的必备用品。 —

Here was peace, order, silence, the abode of grave and dignified reflections. —
这里是安宁、有序、沉默的地方，是庄重而庄严的思考之所。 —

Here, on the brink of life, was a little niche pervaded by the spirit of eternal rest.
在生命的边沿，这里是一个充满永恒安息精神的小角落。

When I entered it, the follies of the world abandoned me at the door. —
当我踏足其中，世俗的愚蠢在大门外离我远去。 —

I felt no inclination to wrest a humorous idea from those sombre and stately trappings. —
我毫不想从那些沉重而庄重的装饰中寻找出一点幽默的念头。 —

My mind seemed to stretch itself to grateful repose upon a couch draped with gentle thoughts.
我感觉我的思维在这上面休息，舒展开来，像铺有温和思考的沙发上。

A quarter of an hour ago I was an abandoned humorist. —
一个刻钟之前，我还是一个放纵的幽默家。 —

Now I was a philosopher, full of serenity and ease. —
现在，我是一个充满宁静和安逸的哲学家。 —

I had found a refuge from humor, from the hot chase of the shy quip, from the degrading pursuit of the panting joke, from the restless reach after the nimble repartee.
我找到了远离幽默的庇护所，摆脱了对害羞的俏皮话的热衷追逐，远离了喘着气追求笑话的贬低追求，远离了对敏锐的回应的不休追寻。

I had not known Heffelbower well. When he came back, I let him talk, fearful that he might prove to be a jarring note in the sweet, dirgelike harmony of his establishment.
我对赫费尔鲍尔并不熟悉。当他回来后，我选择让他说，生怕他可能破坏了这个地方那甜美而凄凉的和谐。

But, no. He chimed truly. I gave a long sigh of happiness. —
然而，不，他说的话说得很真实。我长长地舒了一口气， —

Never have I known a man’s talk to be as magnificently dull as Peter’s was. —
心满意足。我从未见过一个人说话如此的无聊，如同彼得那样。 —

Compared with it the Dead Sea is a geyser. —
与此相比，死海简直就是个喷泉。 —

Never a sparkle or a glimmer of wit marred his words. —
他的话语中从未有过一丝机智或闪光。 —

Commonplaces as trite and as plentiful as blackberries flowed from his lips no more stirring in quality than a last week’s tape running from a ticker. —
陈词滥调像黑莓一样平凡且丰富地从他的嘴里流淌，没有一丝令人感动的品质，就像从电报机上播放的上个星期的录音。 —

Quaking a little, I tried upon him one of my best pointed jokes. —
我有些颤抖地试着向他讲了一个我最好的尖锐笑话。 —

It fell back ineffectual, with the point broken. I loved that man from then on.
结果毫无效果，尖锐的部分被打破了。从那时起，我就爱上了那个人。

Two or three evenings each week I would steal down to Heffelbower’s and revel in his back room. —
每个星期我会偷偷溜到赫费尔鲍尔的地方，在他的后房中尽情享受。 —

That was my only joy. —
那是我唯一的快乐。 —

I began to rise early and hurry through my work, that I might spend more time in my haven. —
我开始早起，赶快做完工作，这样我就能在我的避风港里多呆一会儿。 —

In no other place could I throw off my habit of extracting humorous ideas from my surroundings. —
在任何其他地方，我都无法摆脱从周围环境中提取幽默概念的习惯。 —

Peter’s talk left me no opening had I besieged it ever so hard.
彼得的谈话让我没有任何机会，无论我如何围困它。

Under this influence I began to improve in spirits. —
在这种影响下，我的精神开始好转。 —

It was the recreation from one’s labor which every man needs. —
这是每个人都需要的从劳动中休息。 —

I surprised one or two of my former friends by throwing them a smile and a cheery word as I passed them on the streets. —
我惊讶地对一两个以前的朋友微笑并以愉快的话语在街上经过他们时。 —

Several times I dumfounded my family by relaxing long enough to make a jocose remark in their presence.
我几次让我的家人感到惊讶，放松一下，当着他们的面说了一个笑话。

I had so long been ridden by the incubus of humor that I seized my hours of holiday with a schoolboy’s zest.
我已经被幽默的魔咒所压抑了很长时间了，所以我以一个学生般的热情抓住了我的休闲时光。

Mv work began to suffer. It was not the pain and burden to me that it had been. —
我的工作开始受到影响。对我来说，它不再是痛苦和负担。 —

I often whistled at my desk, and wrote with far more fluency than before. —
我经常在办公桌上吹口哨，写作的流畅程度比以前更多。 —

I accomplished my tasks impatiently, as anxious to be off to my helpful retreat as a drunkard is to get to his tavern.
我急切地完成我的任务，就像一个酒鬼渴望去酒馆一样急切地想去我的避风港。

My wife had some anxious hours in conjecturing where I spent my afternoons. —
我的妻子担心地猜测着我在下午的时候在哪里度过。 —

I thought it best not to tell her; —
我觉得最好不告诉她； —

women do not understand these things. —
女人们不理解这些事情。可怜的女孩！ —

Poor girl!–she had one shock out of it.
她从中受到了一次打击；

One day I brought home a silver coffin handle for a paper weight and a fine, fluffy hearse plume to dust my papers with.
有一天，我带回了一把银制棺材手柄作为用来压纸的重物，还有一根优雅蓬松的太阳花来擦拭我的文件；

I loved to see them on my desk, and think of the beloved back room down at Heffelbower’s. —
我喜欢把它们放在我的桌子上，想着希费尔鲍尔店里那间心爱的后房。 —

But Louisa found them, and she shrieked with horror. —
但是露易莎发现了它们，她惊恐地尖叫起来； —

I had to console her with some lame excuse for having them, but I saw in her eyes that the prejudice was not removed. —
我只能用一些牵强的借口安抚她，解释为什么要拥有这些东西，但我从她的眼神中看出偏见依然存在； —

I had to remove the articles, though, at double-quick time.
然而，我不得不迅速将这些物品移开；

One day Peter Heffelbower laid before me a temptation that swept me off my feet. —
有一天，彼得·希费尔鲍尔放在我面前的诱惑使我心神摇曳不定； —

In his sensible, uninspired way he showed me his books, and explained that his profits and his business were increasing rapidly. —
他以他实际而不富有灵感的方式向我展示了他的账簿，并解释说他的利润和业务正迅速增长； —

He had thought of taking in a partner with some cash. —
他考虑找一个有一些现金的合作伙伴。 —

He would rather have me than any one he knew. —
他宁愿选择我，胜过他所认识的任何人。 —

When I left his place that afternoon Peter had my check for the thousand dollars I had in the bank, and I was a partner in his undertaking business.
那天下午我离开他的地方时，彼得给了我一千美元的支票，我成为他的事业合伙人。

I went home with feelings of delirious joy, mingled with a certain amount of doubt. —
我带着狂喜的感觉回到家，但也带着一些犹豫。我害怕告诉我的妻子。 —

I was dreading to tell my wife about it. But I walked on air. —
但我感觉自己如踏云行步。 —

To give up the writing of humorous stuff, once more to enjoy the apples of life, instead of squeezing them to a pulp for a few drops of hard cider to make the pubic feel funny–what a boon that would be!
再次放弃写幽默作品，享受生活的美好犹如品尝苹果，而不是把它们榨汁只为几滴发笑的果汁，多么美好的事情啊！

At the supper table Louisa handed me some letters that had come during my absence. —
晚餐时，路易莎递给我一些我不在时收到的信件， —

Several of them contained rejected manuscript. —
其中几封含有被拒的手稿。 —

Ever since I first began going to Heffelbower’s my stuff had been coming back with alarming frequency. —
自从开始去赫菲尔鲍尔的地方后，我的作品被频繁退回。 —

Lately I had been dashing off my jokes and articles with the greatest fluency. —
最近，我以很高的流畅度随手写下了笑话和文章。 —

Previously I had labored like a bricklayer, slowly and with agony.
之前，我像一名瓦工一样辛苦地劳作，缓慢而痛苦。

Presently I opened a letter from the editor of the weekly with which I had a regular contract. —
我立即打开了一封来自我定期合作的周刊编辑的信件。 —

The checks for that weekly article were still our main dependence. —
针对那篇周刊文章的支票仍是我们的主要依靠。 —

The letter ran thus:
信上这样写道：

DEAR SIR:As you are aware, our contract for the year expires with the present month. —
尊敬的先生：你应该知道，我们与你的合同到本月结束。 —

While regretting the necessity for so doing, we must say that we do not care to renew same for the coming year. —
虽然我们很遗憾这么做，但我们不想再续签来年的合同。 —

We were quite pleased with your style of humor, which seems to have delighted quite a large proportion of our readers. —
我们对你的幽默风格相当满意，似乎也让我们的读者中的很大一部分都感到喜悦。 —

But for the past two months we have noticed a decided falling off in its quality. —
但在过去的两个月里，我们注意到质量明显下降。 —

Your earlier work showed a spontaneous, easy, natural flow of fun and wit. —
你较早的作品流露出一种自然、轻松、风趣的潇洒风格。 —

Of late it is labored, studied, and unconvincing, giving painful evidence of hard toil and drudging mechanism. —
最近这些作品则显得勉强、刻意，并且令人怀疑，明显展示了辛勤劳作和机械式的苦思冥想。 —

Again regretting that we do not consider your contributions available any longer, we are, yours sincerely, THE EDITOR.I handed this letter to my wife. —
再次遗憾地表示，我们不再认为你的贡献有价值。真诚地你的，编辑。我把这封信递给了我的妻子。 —

After she had read it her face grew extremely long, and there were tears in her eyes.
她读完信后脸色变得异常沉重，眼里泛着泪光。

“The mean old thing!” she exclaimed indignantly. —
“那个老东西！”她愤然地叫道。 —

“I’m sure your pieces are just as good as they ever were. —
“我敢肯定你的作品和以前一样好。” —

And it doesn’t take you half as long to write them as it did.” And then, I suppose, Louisa thought of the checks that would cease coming. —
“而且你写作所花的时间根本没以前一半多。”然后，我猜，路易莎想到了那些将停止寄来的支票。 —

“Oh, John,” she wailed, “what will you do now?”
“哦，约翰，”她哭喊道，“现在你该怎么办？”

For an answer I got up and began to do a polka step around the supper table. —
作为回答，我站起来在晚餐桌周围跳起波尔卡舞步。 —

I am sure Louisa thought the trouble had driven me mad; —
我敢肯定路易莎以为这困扰把我逼疯了； —

and I think the children hoped it had, for they tore after me, yelling with glee and emulating my steps. —
而我觉得孩子们希望我是疯了，因为他们兴奋地跟在我后面，模仿着我的舞步，尖叫着。 —

I was now something like their old playmate as of yore.
现在，我有点像他们的老玩伴了。

“The theatre for us to-night!” I shouted; “nothing less. —
“今晚我们去看戏！”我大喊， —

And a late, wild, disreputable supper for all of us at the Palace Restaurant. —
“绝对不能小看，晚餐在宫殿餐厅狂野、不体面的。” —

Lumpty-diddle-de-dee-de-dum!”
“呜啦啦-迪-迪-噜！”

And then I explained my glee by declaring that I was now a partner in a prosperous undertaking establishment, and that written jokes might go hide their heads in sackcloth and ashes for all me.
然后我解释我的高兴之情，宣布我现在是一个成功的事务所的合伙人，写的笑话对我来说可以去蒙羞和悔过了。

With the editor’s letter in her hand to justify the deed I had done, my wife could advance no objections save a few mild ones based on the feminine inability to appreciate a good thing such as the little back room of Peter Hef–no, of Heffelbower & Co’s. undertaking establishment.
手中拿着主编的信，为了证明我所做的事情，妻子除了一些基于女性不能欣赏像彼得海佛尔鲍尔公司的小后房间这样好事的轻微反对外，无法进一步提出异议。

In conclusion, I will say that to-day you will find no man in our town as well liked, as jovial, and full of merry sayings as I. My jokes are again noised about and quoted; —
总之，我要说，如今，在我们的城镇中，没有人被喜爱和快乐的说话像我一样多。我的笑话再次传播并被引用; —

once more I take pleasure in my wife’s confidential chatter without a mercenary thought, while Guy and Viola play at my feet distributing gems of childish humor without fear of the ghastly tormentor who used to dog their steps, notebook in hand.
我再次从妻子的私人交谈中感到快乐，没有怀有贪婪的想法，而盖伊和维奥拉在我脚下玩耍，毫不畏惧地分发着儿童幽默的珍宝，不再害怕那个曾经跟随他们的恐怖魔鬼，手持笔记本。

Our business has prospered finely. —
我们的生意蓬勃发展。 —

I keep the books and look after the shop, while Peter attends to outside matters. —
我负责记账和照看店铺，而彼得负责外勤。 —

He says that my levity and high spirits would simply turn any funeral into a regular Irish wake.
他说，我的轻浮和高兴的情绪会让任何葬礼都变成一次地道的爱尔兰守夜仪式。