I don’t suppose it will knock any of you people off your perch to read a contribution from an animal. —
我猜你们中的任何人都不会因为读到一只动物的贡献而感到不满。 —

Mr. Kipling and a good many others have demonstrated the fact that animals can express themselves in remunerative English, and no magazine goes to press nowadays without an animal story in it, except the old-style monthlies that are still running pictures of Bryan and the Mont Pelee horror.
基普林先生和很多其他人已经证明了动物可以用有报酬的英语来表达自己，现在任何杂志出版都会有动物的故事，除了那些仍在刊登布莱恩和蒙特佩利灾难图片的老式月刊。

But you needn’t look for any stuck-up literature in my piece, such as Bearoo, the bear, and Snakoo, the snake, and Tammanoo, the tiger, talk in the jungle books. —
但你不必期望在我的文章中找到那种自以为是的文学，例如《丛林之书》中的熊比罗、蛇科和老虎塔曼努所说的话。 —

A yellow dog that’s spent most of his life in a cheap New York flat, sleeping in a corner on an old sateen underskirt (the one she spilled port wine on at the Lady Longshoremen’s banquet), mustn’t be expcctcd to perform any tricks with the art of speech.
一只黄狗大部分生命都在便宜的纽约公寓里度过，睡在一个角落里的一条旧的绸缎内裙上（她在女大力士宴会上把红酒洒在上面），不应该期望它用语言技巧表演。

I was born a yellow pup; date, locality, pedigree and weight unknown. —
我出生时是一只黄色的小狗；出生日期、地点、血统和重量都不详。 —

The first thing I can recollect, an old woman had me in a basket at Broadway and Twenty-third trying to sell me to a fat lady. —
我能回想起的第一件事是，一个老太太把我放在篮子里，站在百老汇和第二十三街，试图将我卖给一个胖夫人。 —

Old Mother Hubbard was boosting me to beat the band as a genuine Pomeranian-Hambletonian-Red-Irish-Cochin-China-Stoke-Pogis fox terrier. —
老霍伯德推销我，以求打动那些人，将我弄成一只纯种的波美拉尼亚颐尼鸡中华绒铁瑞尔红毛鬃狐狗。 —

The fat lady chased a V around among the samples of gros grain flannelette in her shopping bag till she cornered it, and gave up. —
胖夫人在她的购物袋中的高档粗精梭织法兰绒样品中追逐一个V字形，直到她逼到角落，最终放弃。 —

From that moment I was a pet–a mamma’s own wootsey squidlums. —
从那一刻起，我成了一个宠物——一个妈妈自己的可爱小东西。 —

Say, gentle reader, did you ever have a 200-pound woman breathing a flavour of Camembert cheese and Peau d’Espagne pick you up and wallop her nose all over you, remarking all the time in an Emma Eames tone of voice: —
喂，亲爱的读者，你有没有过被一个体重200磅的女人用一股卡门贝尔奶酪和西班牙之皮的气味抱起来，在一阵Emma Eames的声音中口吃般地说着：“哦，谁是个可爱的小狗狗，可爱的小宝贝？” —

“Oh, oo’s um oodlum, doodlum, woodlum, toodlum, bitsy- witsy skoodlums?”
从一个纯种黄色小狗，我长大后成了一个无名的黄色杂种狗，看起来像一只安哥拉猫和一盒柠檬的混合体。

From a pedigreed yellow pup I grew up to be an anonymous yellow cur looking like a cross between an Angora cat and a box of lemons. —
没有外表的身世，只是一个毫无名气的黄色杂种狗，看起来像一只安哥拉猫和一盒柠檬的混合体。 —

But my mistress never tumbled. —
但是我的妾从未摔倒过。 —

She thought that the two primeval pups that Noah chased into the ark were but a collateral branch of my ancestors. —
她认为挪亚追逐进方舟的两只史前小狗只是我祖先的一个旁支。 —

It took two policemen to keep her from entering me at the Madison Square Garden for the Siberian bloodhound prize.
需要两名警察阻止她进入麦迪逊广场花园参加西伯利亚猎犬大奖赛。

I’ll tell you about that flat. —
我要告诉你关于那套公寓的事情。 —

The house was the ordinary thing in New York, paved with Parian marble in the entrance hall and cobblestones above the first floor. —
房子在纽约很普通，入口大厅铺着巴黎石大理石，一楼上面是鹅卵石。 —

Our fiat was three–well, not flights–climbs up. —
我们的公寓在三个–嗯，不是楼层–上面。 —

My mistress rented it unfurnished, and put in the regular things–1903 antique unholstered parlour set, oil chromo of geishas in a Harlem tea house, rubber plant and husband.
我的妾租的是一套空置的公寓，里面放了一些标准的东西–1903年的古董未装潢的客厅套装，一副油画，画的是哈林区的茶馆里的艺妓，还有一盆橡胶植物和一个丈夫。

By Sirius! there was a biped I felt sorry for. —
上帝啊！那是一个我非常同情的两足动物。 —

He was a little man with sandy hair and whiskers a good deal like mine. —
他是一个头发和胡须都有点像我的小个子男人。受太太欺负了吗？ —

Henpecked? —
—

– well, toucans and flamingoes and pelicans all had their bills in him. —
–这个嘛，鹈鹕、红鹳和鳄鱼都在他身上插了他们的长嘴。 —

He wiped the dishes and listened to my mistress tell about the cheap, ragged things the lady with the squirrel-skin coat on the second floor hung out on her line to dry. —
他擦拭着碗碟，倾听着我的女主人讲述关于住在二楼、穿着松鼠皮大衣的那位女士晾出来的便宜而破烂的东西。 —

And every evening while she was getting supper she made him take me out on the end of a string for a walk.
每天晚饭时间，她都让他牵着绳子带我出去散步。

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone they’d never marry. —
如果男人们知道女人们独处时是怎样度过时间的，他们就永远不会结婚了。 —

Laura Lean Jibbey, peanut brittle, a little almond cream on the neck muscles, dishes unwashed, half an hour’s talk with the iceman, reading a package of old letters, a couple of pickles and two bottles of malt extract, one hour peeking through a hole in the window shade into the flat across the air-shaft–that’s about all there is to it. —
劳拉·利恩·吉比，花生糖，颈部肌肉上一点杏仁霜，未洗的碗碟，与冰块人交谈了半小时，阅读一包旧信件，吃了几根腌菜并喝了两瓶麦芽汁，偷窥了空气井对面的公寓，大致就这些。 —

Twenty minutes before time for him to come home from work she straightens up the house, fixes her rat so it won’t show, and gets out a lot of sewing for a ten-minute bluff.
在离他下班还有二十分钟的时候，她整理好房子，整理好头发，做出十分钟的样子同时拿出很多缝纫活来掩饰。

I led a dog’s life in that flat. —
在那个公寓里我过着狗一般的生活。 —

‘Most all day I lay there in my corner watching that fat woman kill time. —
大部分时间我蜷缩在角落里，眼睁睁看着那个胖女人消磨时光。 —

I slept sometimes and had pipe dreams about being out chasing cats into basements and growling at old ladies with black mittens, as a dog was intended to do. —
有时候我会做梦，梦见自己追逐猫进地下室，对着戴着黑手套的老太太咆哮，这是狗应该做的事情。 —

Then she would pounce upon me with a lot of that drivelling poodle palaver and kiss me on the nose–but what could I do? —
然后她会扑过来，说一些毛绒绒的贵宾犬话，亲吻我的鼻子——但是我能做什么呢？ —

A dog can’t chew cloves.
狗可嚼不了丁香。

I began to feel sorry for Hubby, dog my cats if I didn’t. —
我开始为老公感到难过，要不然我的猫会咬死我。 —

We looked so much alike that people noticed it when we went out; —
我们看起来如此相像，出门时人们都注意到了。 —

so we shook the streets that Morgan’s cab drives down, and took to climbing the piles of last December’s snow on the streets where cheap people live.
于是我们摇摇摆摆地走在摩根的出租车经过的街道上，攀登着那些上个十二月积雪的街道，那是些穷人居住的地方。

One evening when we were thus promenading, and I was trying to look like a prize St. Bernard, and the old man was trying to look like he wouldn’t have murdered the first organ-grinder he heard play Mendelssohn’s wedding-march, I looked up at him and said, in my way:
有一天晚上，当我们在散步时，我试图像个拿奖的圣伯纳德犬一样表现，而那个老头则试图看起来像他听到第一个手风琴弹奏门德尔松的婚礼进行曲时不会杀人，我抬起头对他说：

“What are you looking so sour about, you oakum trimmed lobster? —
“你为什么看起来那么愁眉苦脸，你这个带麻痹剂味的龙虾？ —

She don’t kiss you. —
她不亲吻你。” —

You don’t have to sit on her lap and listen to talk that would make the book of a musical comedy sound like the maxims of Epictetus. —
你不必坐在她的腿上听她说话，那种话语连音乐喜剧的台词都充满了古希腊哲学家爱比克提图斯的格言。 —

You ought to be thankful you’re not a dog. —
你应该感激自己不是只狗。振作起来， —

Brace up, Benedick, and bid the blues begone.”
本尼迪克，让忧郁离去。

The matrimonial mishap looked down at me with almost canine intelligence in his face.
与我面对面的婚姻不幸带着几乎与狗一样的聪慧表情。

“Why, doggie,” says he, “good doggie. —
“嗨，小狗，” 他说”乖狗。 —

You almost look like you could speak. —
你看上去几乎像是会说话的。怎么了， —

What is it, doggie–Cats?”
小狗——是小猫吗？”

Cats! Could speak!
小猫！会说话！

But, of course, he couldn’t understand. —
当然，他无法理解。 —

Humans were denied the speech of animals. —
人类被剥夺了与动物交流的能力。 —

The only common ground of communication upon which dogs and men can get together is in fiction.
狗和人类仅在虚构故事中才能有共同的交流平台。

In the flat across the hall from us lived a lady with a black-and-tan terrier. —
和我们住在隔壁楼的一位女士养了一只黑棕榈梗。 —

Her husband strung it and took it out every evening, but he always came home cheerful and whistling. —
她的丈夫每晚都带出去遛，但他总是愉快地哼着小曲回家。 —

One day I touched noses with the black-and-tan in the hall, and I struck him for an elucidation.
有一天我在走廊里和那只黑棕榈梗碰鼻子，我向他寻求解释。

“See, here, Wiggle-and-Skip,” I says, “you know that it ain’t the nature of a real man to play dry nurse to a dog in public. —
“你看，威格尔和斯基普，”我说，“你知道真正的男人是不会在公开场合当狗的保姆的。 —

I never saw one leashed to a bow-wow yet that didn’t look like he’d like to lick every other man that looked at him. —
我从来没见过一个被拴在狗身上的人，不想舔每个看他的人。 —

But your boss comes in every day as perky and set up as an amateur prestidigitator doing the egg trick. —
但你的老板每天都像一个业余魔术师那样，精神抖擞地出现，就像是在表演鸡蛋把戏。 —

How does he do it? Don’t tell me he likes it.”
他是怎么做到的？别告诉我他喜欢这样。”

“Him?” says the black-and-tan. “Why, he uses Nature’s Own Remedy. —
“他？”黑棕狗说。“噢，他用了大自然的良药。 —

He gets spifflicated. —
他喝醉了。 —

At first when we go out he’s as shy as the man on the steamer who would rather play pedro when they make ‘em all jackpots. —
刚开始我们出门的时候，他像船上的那个害羞的人一样，宁愿玩喜宝牌，也不愿参与全部为赌金的牌局。 —

By the time we’ve been in eight saloons he don’t care whether the thing on the end of his line is a dog or a catfish. —
在我们经过八家酒吧之后，他已经不在乎他所缠着的东西是条狗还是一条鲶鱼。 —

I’ve lost two inches of my tail trying to sidestep those swinging doors.”
我已经因为躲开那些会摇摆的门而损失了两英寸的尾巴。”

The pointer I got from that terrier–vaudeville please copy–set me to thinking.
我从那只梗犬那里学到的提示（请予以复制），让我开始思考起来。

One evening about 6 o’clock my mistress ordered him to get busy and do the ozone act for Lovey. I have concealed it until now, but that is what she called me. —
有一天晚上大约六点，我的女主人命令他忙着为洛维表演臭氧。直到现在我一直隐瞒着，但那就是她叫我的名字。 —

The black-and-tan was called “Tweetness.” I consider that I have the bulge on him as far as you could chase a rabbit. —
这个黑褐色的家伙被叫做”甜蜜”。我认为在追逐兔子方面，我比他更厉害。 —

Still “Lovey” is something of a nomenclatural tin can on the tail of one’s self respect.
然而，“洛维”叫什么名字实际上是一个对自我尊严的小小侮辱。

At a quiet place on a safe street I tightened the line of my custodian in front of an attractive, refined saloon. —
在一条安静的街道上的一个安全处，我把我的保护对象的线圈在一家有吸引力的、精致的酒吧的前面。 —

I made a dead- ahead scramble for the doors, whining like a dog in the press despatches that lets the family know that little Alice is bogged while gathering lilies in the brook.
我向着门口奋力冲去，像新闻报道中让家人知道小爱丽丝在小溪中采集百合时卡住了的狗一样，嗷嗷地哀号。

“Why, darn my eyes,” says the old man, with a grin; —
“喔，我的天哪，”老头说着笑， —

“darn my eyes if the saffron-coloured son of a seltzer lemonade ain’t asking me in to take a drink. —
“如果这个柠檬汽水色的小瓶子不请我进去喝一杯，我就不就是个傻瓜。让我想想， —

Lemme see–how long’s it been since I saved shoe leather by keeping one foot on the foot-rest? —
我上次因为把一只脚放在脚踏上而节省了脚掌革是多久以前了来着？ —

I believe I’ll–”
我相信我会–”

I knew I had him. Hot Scotches he took, sitting at a table. —
我知道我抓住了他。他坐在桌子旁边， —

For an hour he kept the Campbells coming. —
一直点着威士忌，持续了一个小时。 —

I sat by his side rapping for the waiter with my tail, and eating free lunch such as mamma in her flat never equalled with her homemade truck bought at a delicatessen store eight minutes before papa comes home.
我坐在他身旁，用我尾巴敲打着服务员，吃着免费午餐，比妈妈在她的公寓里用她在熟食店买的自制食物所做的还要好，而且比爸爸回家前八分钟买的还要好吃。

When the products of Scotland were all exhausted except the rye bread the old man unwound me from the table leg and played me outside like a fisherman plays a salmon. —
当除了黑麦面包之外，苏格兰的产品都用尽了，老人将我从桌腿上解开，像渔夫钓鲑鱼一样把我放到外面玩耍。 —

Out there he took off my collar and threw it into the street.
在外面，他把我的项圈脱掉，扔到了街上。

“Poor doggie,” says he; “good doggie. —
“可怜的小狗，”他说，“好狗。 —

She shan’t kiss you any more. —
她再也不会亲你了。 —

’S a darned shame. —
真是个可恶的事情。 —

Good doggie, go away and get run over by a street car and be happy.”
好狗，走开，让路车撞死你，让你快乐。”

I refused to leave. I leaped and frisked around the old man’s legs happy as a pug on a rug.
我拒绝离开。我在老人的腿周围跳跃和嬉戏，像在地毯上的哈巴狗一样快乐。

“You old flea-headed woodchuck-chaser,” I said to him–“you moon- baying, rabbit-pointing, eggstealing old beagle, can’t you see that I don’t want to leave you? —
“你这个老跳蚤头的土拨鼠追逐者，” 我对他说-“你这个大月亮哭泣，指引兔子，偷蛋的老猎犬，难道你看不出来我不想离开你吗？ —

Can’t you see that we’re both Pups in the Wood and the missis is the cruel uncle after you with the dish towel and me with the flea liniment and a pink bow to tie on my tail. —
你不明白我们都是树林中的小狗，太太就像残忍的叔叔一样，拿着抹布追着你，给我抹虱子，还要给我扎上一个粉红色的蝴蝶结。 —

Why not cut that all out and be pards forever more?”
为什么不抛开这一切，永远做朋友呢？

Maybe you’ll say he didn’t understand–maybe he didn’t. —
也许你会说他不理解，也许他确实不理解。 —

But he kind of got a grip on the Hot Scotches, and stood still for a minute, thinking.
但他对Hot Scotches有了点了解，站在那儿不动了一分钟，思考着。

“Doggie,” says he, finally, “we don’t live more than a dozen lives on this earth, and very few of us live to be more than 300. —
“狗狗，”他最后说道，” 我们在这个世上只能活上十几世，很少有人活到300岁。 —

If I ever see that flat any more I’m a flat, and if you do you’re flatter; —
如果我再看到那个房子，我就是个平面，而你如果看到的话，就更扁了， —

and that’s no flattery. —
这可不是奉承。 —

I’m offering 60 to 1 that Westward Ho wins out by the length of a dachshund.”
我愿以60比1的赔率打赌，西行的胜利将超出一个腊肠狗的长度。

There was no string, but I frolicked along with my master to the Twenty-third street ferry. —
虽然没有绳子，但我和主人一起欢快地走到了第23街的渡轮。 —

And the cats on the route saw reason to give thanks that prehensile claws had been given them.
路上的猫们因为有了利爪而感到庆幸。

On the Jersey side my master said to a stranger who stood eating a currant bun:
在新泽西一侧，我的主人对一个正在吃醋饼的陌生人说道：

“Me and my doggie, we are bound for the Rocky Mountains.”
我和我的小狗，我们要去洛基山脉。

But what pleased me most was when my old man pulled both of my ears until I howled, and said:
但最让我高兴的是当老爸用力拉着我的两只耳朵，直到我尖叫起来，并说道：

“You common, monkey-headed, rat-tailed, sulphur-coloured son of a door mat, do you know what I’m going to call you?”
“你这个普通的、猴头猴脑的、老鼠尾巴般的、硫黄色的门垫儿之子，你知道我要叫你什么吗？”

I thought of “Lovey,” and I whined dolefully.
我想起了“爱人”，我伤心地哭泣。

“I’m going to call you ‘Pete,’” says my master; —
“我要叫你‘皮特’，”我的主人说道； —

and if I’d had five tails I couldn’t have done enough wagging to do justice to the occasion.
如果我有五条尾巴，我也无法摇尾巴来表达我的喜悦。