1、面对我前面的人群，我得穿过而且潇洒，我知道你在旁边上看着，挺假……
1. Facing the crowd in front of me, I have to pass through and be chic; I know you’re watching from the side, it’s quite fake…
2、问世间情为何物，佛曰：废物！
2. What is love in this world? Buddha says: Trash!
3、天若有情天亦老，人若有情死得早！
3. If the heavens have feelings, they too will grow old; if humans have feelings, they will die sooner!
4、孩子死了，你来奶了！
4. The child is dead, and now you come to nurse!
5、现在的导师都不叫导师，也不叫老板，叫科研包工头！
5. Nowadays, mentors are not called mentors or bosses, but scientific construction contractors!
6、我荒废了时间，时间便把我荒废了……
6. I have wasted time, and time has abandoned me…
7、如果有一天我变成流氓，请告诉别人，我纯真过……
7. If one day I become a rogue, please tell others that I was once innocent…
8、孔雀拼命开屏，却露出屁眼！
8. The peacock desperately displays its feathers, but reveals its buttocks!
9、我极力收拢自己，一如我攥紧的石头，是为了将它扔地更远！
9. I try my best to restrain myself, just like when I tightly grip a stone, in order to throw it even farther!
10、我想一只趴在玻璃上的苍蝇，前途一片光明，而我却找不着出路……
10. I feel like a fly stuck on a glass window; the future looks bright, but I can’t find a way out…
11、鸟大了，什么林子都有！
11. When the bird is big enough, there are all kinds of forests!
12、学士上面是硕士，硕士上面是博士，博士上面是博士后，博士后上面呢？如果你够勇敢再读两年是勇士，再读五年是壮士，再读七年是烈士，烈士以后呢？国家会推出圣斗士，读满两年是青铜的，5年是白银的，7年是黄金的。
12. Above a bachelor’s degree is a master’s degree, above a master’s degree is a doctorate, and above a doctorate is a postdoc. What’s above a postdoc? If you’re brave enough to study for two more years, you’re a warrior; after five years, you’re a hero; after seven years, you’re a martyr. What comes after a martyr? The country will introduce the Holy Warriors - two years for bronze, five years for silver, and seven years for gold.
13、我是你的风筝，线在你手上，可陪伴我的只有风……
13. I am your kite, the string is in your hand, but all that accompanies me is the wind…
14、祖国尚未统一，没有心情复习……
14. The motherland is not yet unified, I have no mood to review…
15、复习=不挂科，不复习=挂科，所以，复习+不复习=不挂科+挂科，提公因式、（1+不）复习=（不+1）挂科，约分，所以，复习=挂科 。我靠，真理诞生了……
15. Reviewing = not failing the exam, not reviewing = failing the exam. Therefore, reviewing + not reviewing = not failing + failing. Factor out the common factor, (1+not) reviewing = (not+1) failing. Simplify, and thus, reviewing = failing. I靠, a truth is born…
16、快期末了，大家一起跟我唱：“我家住在黄土高坡，大风从坡上刮过，不管是李宇春还是曾轶可，都是我滴哥我滴哥 ……我家住在黄土高坡，日头从坡上走过，不管是拜春哥，还是拜曾哥，保佑我及格，不挂科！”！
16. The end of the semester is approaching, let’s all sing together: “My home is on the loess plateau, the strong wind blows from the slope, whether it’s Li Yuchun or Zeng Yike, they are all my brothers… My home is on the loess plateau, the sun passes over the slope, whether it’s worshiping Spring Brother or Zeng Brother, bless me to pass and not fail the exam!”
17、夏天就是不好，穷的时候我连西北风都没得喝……
17. Summer is not good, when I’m poor, I don’t even have northwest wind to drink…
18、新世纪女性：上得了厅堂，下得了厨房，写得了代码，查得出异常，杀得了木马，翻得了围墙，开得起好车，买得起新房，斗得过二奶，打得过流氓……
18. New-century women: able to enter the hall, able to go to the kitchen, able to write code, able to detect anomalies, able to kill trojans, able to climb walls, able to drive good cars, able to buy new houses, able to fight with mistresses, and able to beat up thugs…
19、新世纪男性：睡得了地板，住得了走廊，跪得起主板，补得了衣裳，吃得下剩饭，付得起药方，带得了孩子，养得起姑娘，耐得住寂寞，争做灰太狼……
19. New-century men: able to sleep on the floor, able to live in the corridor, able to kneel before the motherboard, able to mend clothes, able to eat leftovers, able to pay for prescriptions, able to take care of children, able to support girls, able to endure loneliness, and strive to be Grey Wolf…
20、有这样一个人，你给他短信，他会马上回你。无论白天还是深夜。有这样一个人，你问他，他会听你说，你不想理他了，他也不会再发短信烦你。他，是10086。
20. There is such a person: if you send him a text message, he will reply immediately, whether it’s day or night. If you ask him, he will listen to you, and if you don’t want to talk to him, he won’t bother you with text messages. He is 10086.
21、就算是Believe中间还是有个lie，就算是Friend最后还是免不了end，就算是Lover最后还是会over，就算是Forget也得先get才行，就算有Wife心里也夹杂着if……
21. Even in “Believe” there is a “lie”, even in “Friend” there is an “end”, even in “Lover” there is an “over”, even in “Forget” you have to “get” first, and even with a “Wife” there is still an “if” in the heart…
22、又帅又有车的，那是象棋；有钱又有房的，那是银行；有责任心又有正义感的，那是奥特曼；又帅又有车、有钱又有房、有责任心又有正义感的是在银行里面下象棋的奥特曼。
22. The one who is handsome and has a car is in chess; the one who has money and a house is in the bank; the one with a sense of responsibility and justice is Ultraman; the one who is handsome, has a car, money, a house, a sense of responsibility, and justice is Ultraman playing chess in the bank.
23、企鹅GG和企鹅MM去约会，企鹅MM还没有到约会的地点，企鹅GG就一直在左看看，右看看…左看看，右看看…左看看，右看看…… 企鹅MM来了后看见企鹅GG这个样子，怒了！ 一巴掌呼了过去骂道：“你以为你TMD在登陆QQ啊！”
23. Penguin GG and Penguin MM went on a date. Before Penguin MM arrived at the meeting place, Penguin GG kept looking left and right… left and right… left and right… left and right… When Penguin MM arrived and saw Penguin GG like this, she got angry! She slapped him and scolded, “Do you think you’re logging into QQ?!”
24、我像草一样，不能自拔……
24. I am like g
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