1、曾经，我一直非常非常羡慕我的同桌有一个世界上最好的同桌。
1. Once, I was extremely envious of my deskmate for having the best deskmate in the world.
2、有只胖鸽子，从阳台走进中厅，勇敢地拉了一坨屎后飘然离去！不要迷恋鸽，鸽只是个传说。
2. A fat pigeon walked from the balcony to the hallway, bravely left a pile of poop, and then floated away! Don’t be infatuated with pigeons; they are just a legend.
3、上帝给你关上一扇门，总会为你在墙上留下很多开锁的电话号码。
3. When God closes a door for you, He will always leave many locksmith phone numbers on the wall for you.
4、生前何必久睡，死后自会长眠。
4. Why sleep so much while you’re alive, when you’ll sleep forever after you die?
5、据说体重不过百，不是平胸就是矮。
5. It is said that those who weigh less than a hundred pounds are either flat-chested or short.
6、您的智商余额不足，请充值后再说。
6. Your IQ balance is insufficient, please recharge before speaking.
7、现在的人，表面都是心连心，实际都在玩脑筋。
7. Nowadays, people seem to be heart-to-heart on the surface, but in reality, they are all playing mind games.
8、到年底一总结，发现赚到的只有年纪。
8. When I summed up the year, I found that the only thing I had earned was my age.
9、人是怎么死的，就是被烦死的。
9. People are annoyed to death.
10、爷一般不走路，一般走的路都不是寻常路！
10. I generally don’t walk, and the paths I take are never ordinary ones!
11、数学老师带我们在题海中遨游，结果她上岸了，我们全都淹死了。
11. Our math teacher took us on a journey through the sea of problems, but she made it to shore while we all drowned.
12、冬天虐我千百遍，我对被窝如初恋。
12. Winter torments me a thousand times, yet I treat my bed like a first love.
13、我掐指一算，发现你命里缺我。
13. I calculated with my fingers, and it turns out that you lack me in your life.
14、起床是会呼吸的痛，它挣扎在我的每个细胞中，被人叫醒会痛，闹钟响会痛，不定闹钟也痛。
14. Waking up is a painful breath; it struggles in every cell of my body. Being woken up by someone hurts, an alarm clock ringing hurts, and not setting an alarm hurts too.
15、别看资料！那看啥？看聊效！
15. Don’t look at the materials! What should I look at then? Look at the chat effect!
16、谁再和老子说“世界末日”这个话题，我会毫不犹豫的打110。
16. If anyone brings up the topic of “the end of the world” with me again, I will not hesitate to call 110 (emergency number).
17、人倒霉，喝凉水也会塞牙；水更倒霉，被喝也就算了，还要被困在牙里。
17. If you’re unlucky, even drinking cold water can cause a toothache; the water is even more unfortunate, being drunk and trapped between your teeth.
18、失败并不可怕，可怕的是你还相信这句话。
18. Failure is not terrible; what’s terrible is that you still believe this statement.
19、其实月亮是我啃弯的 °
19. In fact, the moon is bent because I nibbled on it.
20、世上有六蛋，鸡生的是鸡蛋，鸭生的是鸭蛋，会爆炸的是炸弹，正在看的是笨蛋，生气的是蠢蛋，不转发的是傻蛋。
20. There are six types of eggs in the world: chickens lay chicken eggs, ducks lay duck eggs, bombs can explode, the one you’re looking at is a fool, the one getting angry is stupid, and the one who doesn’t forward this is silly.
21、等我有钱了，买两根棒棒糖，一根你看着我吃，一根我吃给你看。
21. When I’m rich, I’ll buy two lollipops: one for you to watch me eat, and one for me to eat in front of you.
22、别人一夸我，我就担心，担心别人夸得不够。
22. Whenever someone compliments me, I worry that they’re not complimenting me enough.
23、别对我说白头到老，姐想一辈子黑发飘飘……
23. Don’t talk to me about growing old together; I want to have flowing black hair for my entire life…
24、忽然有学习的冲动怎么办？ 答：别慌，喝点水躺下来休息一会儿就好了。
24. What should I do if I suddenly feel the urge to study? Answer: Don’t panic, just drink some water, lie down, and take a break.
25、总感觉别人都是吃几口就饱了，而我是吃饱了还能再吃几口……
25. It always seems like everyone else gets full after eating a few bites, but I can still eat a few more even after I’m full…
26、他们说网络很假，我笑了，好像现实很真一样。
26. They say the internet is fake, and I laughed, as if reality is any more real.
27、老师，你要是再无视下课铃，我们就无视上课铃。
27. Teacher, if you ignore the bell again, we’ll ignore the class bell as well.
28、黑夜给你黑色的眼睛，你却用它来翻白眼。
28. The night gives you black eyes, but you use them to roll them.
29、老天，我以后再也不叫你爷了。你压根就不爱我这个孙子。
29. God, I won’t call you “grandpa” anymore. Y
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