1、我自横刀向天笑，笑完我就去睡觉。
1. I laugh with my sword against the sky; after laughing, I’ll go to sleep.
2、时间太瘦，指缝太宽。
2. Time is too thin, and fingers are too wide.
3、坐等丈母娘发货。
3. Waiting for my mother-in-law to deliver the goods.
4、男人赚钱后想和老婆离婚，男人赚不到钱老婆想和他离婚。
4. When a man earns money, he wants to divorce his wife; when a man doesn’t earn money, his wife wants to divorce him.
5、我们的目标：向钱看，向厚赚。
5. Our goal: focus on money, earn more.
6、我是你转身就忘的路人甲，凭什么陪你蹉跎年华到天涯?
6. I am just a passer-by you forget when you turn around, why should I accompany you through the years to the ends of the earth?
7、间歇性郁闷症发作期间，生人勿扰，熟人勿找。
7. During my intermittent depression attacks, strangers stay away, acquaintances don’t bother.
8、妈妈在也不用担心我的学习，一手拿着教科书，一手拿着打火机，那里不会点那里。
8. Mom doesn’t have to worry about my studies anymore; one hand holding a textbook, the other holding a lighter, if there’s something I don’t know, I’ll just light it up.
9、帅有个屁用！到头来还不是被卒吃掉！
9. What’s the use of being handsome? In the end, you’re still captured by a pawn!
10、如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心 你会发现我缺心眼。
10. If you are willing to peel my heart layer by layer, you will find that I am lacking wit.
11、车道山前必有路，有路我也刹不住。
11. There must be a way when the road is blocked by the mountain, but even if there is a way, I can’t stop.
12、药药切克闹，我说孙子你说到。
12. Medication, check, noise, I say grandson, you say go.
13、凭你那智商不要数星星，数月亮吧！
13. With your intelligence, don’t count the stars, just count the moon!
14、当生活心怀歹毒地将一切都搞成了黑色幽默，我顺水推舟把自己变成了一个受过高等教育的流氓。
14. When life maliciously turns everything into black humor, I went along with the flow and became a well-educated hooligan.
15、老师说，你们现在不好好学习，以后找对象就是填空题，现在好好学习，以后找对象就是选择题！
15. The teacher said, if you don’t study hard now, finding a partner in the future will be a fill-in-the-blank question; if you study hard now, finding a partner will be a multiple-choice question!
16、明月几时有，自己抬头瞅。
16. When will the bright moon appear? Just look up.
17、英雄不问出路，流氓不看岁数。
17. A hero doesn’t care about his origin, and a rascal doesn’t care about his age.
18、没有医保和寿险的，天黑后不要见义勇为……
18. If you don’t have medical or life insurance, don’t be brave and righteous after dark…
19、琴棋书画不会，洗衣做饭嫌累。
19. I can’t play musical instruments, chess, or paint, and I’m too tired to do laundry or cook.
20、说金钱是罪恶，都在捞;说美女是祸水，都想要;说高处不胜寒，都在爬;说烟酒伤身体，都不戒;说天堂最美好，都不去!
20. Say money is evil, but everyone’s grabbing it; say beauty is a祸水, but everyone wants it; say the heights are too cold, but everyone’s climbing; say cigarettes and alcohol are harmful, but no one quits; say heaven is the most beautiful, but no one goes!
21、挤公交是包含散打、瑜珈、柔道、平衡木等多种体育和健身项目于一体的综合性运动。
21. Taking the bus involves various sports and fitness activities such as Sanshou (Chinese kickboxing), Yoga, Judo, and balance beam, all in one comprehensive exercise.
22、老娘法眼一开就知道你是个妖孽了。
22. As soon as my old lady’s divine eye opens, I can tell you’re a demon.
23、手插口袋，谁都不爱。
23. Hands in pockets, don’t care about anyone.
24、路见不平一声吼，吼完继续往前走。
24. If you see injustice, shout out, and then continue walking forward.
25、没有不透风的墙，没有不能上吊的梁。
25. There’s no wall that can’t be breached, and there’s no beam that can’t be hanged from.
26、执子之手，将子拖走!子若不走，拍晕了继续拖走！
26. Holding your hand, I’ll drag you away! If you still refuse to leave, I’ll knock you out and keep dragging you!
27、个头大就一定厉害吗？恐龙不是照样灭绝了！
27. Does being big necessarily mean being powerful? Didn’t the dinosaurs still go extinct?
28、妈妈问我有男朋友了么,我说没有,妈妈说：这个可以有,我说：这个真没有……
28. Mom asked if I had a boyfriend, I said no, she said: “You can have one,” I replied: “I really don’t have one…”
29、理想很丰满，现实却很骨感。
29. Ideals are full and plump, but reality is very bony.
30、手拿菜刀砍电线，一路火花带闪电。
30. Holding a kitchen knife, chopping the electric wire, creating sparks and lightning all the way.
31、雷锋做了好事不留名，但是每一件事情都记到日记里面。
31. Lei Feng did good deeds without leaving his name, but he recorded every singl
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