1、我是白领：今天领了薪水，交了房租水电，买了油米泡面，摸了口袋，感叹一声，这个月工资又白领了……
1. I’m a white-collar worker: Today I received my salary, paid the rent and utilities, bought oil, rice, and instant noodles, felt my pocket, and sighed, “This month’s salary is gone again…”

2、真的猛士，敢于直面自己未化妆的脸。
2. A true warrior dares to face their makeup-free face.

3、明骚易躲，暗贱难防。
3. Open flirtation is easy to avoid, but hidden vulgarity is hard to guard against.

4、天没降大任于我，照样苦我心智，劳我筋骨。
4. Heaven has not bestowed any great responsibility upon me, yet it still torments my mind and exhausts my body.

5、世事往往如此，想回头也已经来不及，即使你肯沦为劣马，不一定有回头草在等着你。
5. That’s often how things are; it’s already too late to turn back. Even if you’re willing to become a劣马 (inferior horse), there might not be any回头草 (grass to turn back to) waiting for you.

6、要努力！！为了你的奥迪我的迪奥。
6. Keep striving! For your Audi and my Dior.

7、我那么喜欢你，你喜欢我一下会死啊。
7. I like you so much, would it kill you to like me back just a little?

8、虽然你身上喷了古龙水，但我还是能隐约闻到一股人渣味儿。
8. Although you’ve sprayed cologne on yourself, I can still faintly smell a hint of scum.

9、我诅咒你一辈子买方便面没有调料包。
9. I curse you to never find seasoning packs in the instant noodles you buy for the rest of your life.

10、不吃饱哪有力气减肥啊。
10. How can you lose weight if you don’t eat enough?

11、再过几十年，我们来相会，送到火葬场，全部烧成灰，你一堆我一堆，谁也不认识谁，全部送到农村做化肥。
11. In a few decades, we’ll meet again, sent to the crematorium, all burned to ashes, you in one pile and me in another, no one recognizing anyone, all sent to the countryside as fertilizer.

12、学问之美，在于使人一头雾水；诗歌之美，在于煽动男女出轨；女人之美，在于蠢得无怨无悔；男人之美，在于说谎说得白日见鬼。
12. The beauty of knowledge lies in making one completely confused; the beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; the beauty of women lies in being foolish without regret; the beauty of men lies in telling lies that make ghosts appear in broad daylight.

13、我以为我很颓废,今天我才知道,原来我早报废了。
13. I thought I was decadent, but today I realized that I had already been scrapped.

14、善意的谎言：就是给自己的欺骗找一个很好的借口。
14. A white lie: A good excuse for self-deception.

15、父母忽悠孩子叫教育；孩子忽悠父母叫欺骗；互相忽悠叫代沟。
15. Parents fooling their children is called education; children fooling their parents is called deception; mutual fooling is called a generation gap.

16、我又不是王子，为什么女孩遇见我总认为自己应该成为公主！
16. I’m not a prince, so why do girls always think they should become princesses when they meet me?

17、女人喜欢长得坏坏的男人，不是喜欢长坏了的男人。
17. Women like men who look bad (naughty), not men who look worn out (in bad shape).

18、我们的爱情在这天夭折了，只为了让彼此有重生的机会。
18. Our love was stillborn on this day, just to give each other a chance to be reborn.

19、玩命：要在有命的情况下才能玩，命都没了，拿什么玩啊！
19. Playing with your life: You can only do that if you still have a life; if you’ve lost it, what’s left to play with?

20、探索的旅程不在于发现新大陆，而在于培养新视角。
20. The journey of exploration lies not in discovering new continents, but in cultivating new perspectives.

21、不成熟男人的标志是可以为了理想壮烈的牺牲，成熟男人的标志的可以为了理想卑贱的活着。
21. The sign of an immature man is that he can sacrifice himself heroically for his ideals; the sign of a mature man is that he can live a despicable life for his ideals.

22、生活就像宋祖德的嘴，你永远都不知道下一个倒霉的会是谁。
22. Life is like Song Zude’s mouth; you never know who will be the next victim.

23、阳光温热，岁月静好，你还不来，我怎敢老去？
23. The sun is warm, the years are peaceful, and I dare not age until you come.

24、曾经我们都以为自己可以为爱情死，其实爱情死不了人，它只会在最疼的地方扎上一针，然后我们欲哭无泪，我们辗转反侧，我们久病成医，我们百炼成钢。
24. Once we all thought we could die for love. In fact, love doesn’t kill people. It just stabs the most painful spot, leaving us tearless, tossing and turning, becoming experienced in love, and tempered into steel.

25、我不是天桥上算命的，唠不出那么多你爱听的磕。
25. I’m not a fortune teller on the bridge; I can’t talk about so many things you like to hear.

26、曾经和朋友一起仰望星空，随之我们泪流满面，他是因为失恋，我则是因为扭伤了脖子。
26. Once, I looked up at the starry sky with a friend, and we both shed tears. He cried because of a broken heart, while I did because of a twisted neck.

27、其实你我都一样，人人都在装，关键是要装像了，装圆了，有一个门槛，装成了就迈进去，成为传说中的性情中人，没装好，就卡在那里了。就是卡门。
27. In fact, you and I are the same; everyone is pretending. The key is to pretend well and roundly. There’s a threshold; if you succeed, you step in and become the legendary person of character. If not, you get stuck. That’s Carmen.

28、人不犯我，我不犯人；人若犯我，礼让三分；人再犯我，我还一针；人还犯我，斩草除根。
28. If people don’t offend me, I won’t offend them; if they do, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt; if they continue, I’ll retaliate;

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