1.儿子学习不好，被妈妈痛骂。挨骂后，儿子用哀怨的眼神看着爸爸说：“你为什么要娶她？”爸爸也用哀怨的眼神看着儿子说：“还不是因为你！”
1. The son had poor grades and was scolded by his mother. After being scolded, the son looked at his father with a grievance in his eyes and said, “Why did you marry her?” The father also looked at his son with a grievance in his eyes and said, “It’s all because of you!”
2.情圣我不敢当，但交朋友的秘诀我已了然于胸。不论是帅到人神共愤的男子，还是不食人间烟火的女神，都不要怕。走上前去，大大方方的说：“我喜欢你。我们在一起吧。”对方答：“对不起。我们还是做朋友吧。”于是你就又多了一个朋友。
2. I dare not claim to be a Casanova, but I have mastered the secrets of making friends. No matter if it’s a handsome man that makes others envious, or a goddess who seems otherworldly, don’t be afraid. Walk up to them, and confidently say, “I like you. Let’s be together.” If they respond, “I’m sorry, let’s just be friends,” then you’ve gained another friend.
3.傻B中的战斗机，贱人中的VIP。
3. The ultimate fighter among idiots, the VIP among jerks.
4.别紧张，我又不是什么好人。
4. Don’t be nervous, I’m not a good person.
5.命不在长，能活就行，钱不在多，够花就行。
5. Life is not about length, but about living; money is not about quantity, but about being enough to spend.
6.只要锄头舞的好，哪有墙角挖不倒？
6. As long as you dance the hoe well, no wall corner will remain standing.
7.去面馆吃面，刚坐下就过来一人，手里拿着一张几何图案的图片，图片中心有个红点。那人对我说：现在盯着这个红点看秒，然后闭上眼睛，就会有奇迹出现。我盯着看了秒，闭上眼睛却没看见什么奇迹，气得我睁开眼，嚯！真他妈奇迹，我桌子上的手机不见了。
7. I went to a noodle shop to eat, and as soon as I sat down, a person came over with a geometric pattern in their hand, with a red dot in the center. They said to me, “Stare at this red dot for a few seconds, then close your eyes, and a miracle will appear.” I stared for a few seconds, closed my eyes, but saw no miracle. I got angry and opened my eyes, and by God, it was a real miracle - my phone on the table was gone.
8.问：“上课玩手机如何才能让你的同桌死心塌地的为你看老师？”答：“玩你同桌的手机！
8. Q: “How can you make your deskmate check the teacher for you while you play with your phone in class?” A: “Play with your deskmate’s phone!”
9.三分天注定，七分靠打拼，还有九十分在老师那里。
9. Thirty percent is predestined, seventy percent depends on hard work, and the remaining ninety percent is with the teacher.
10.种草不让人去躺，不如改种仙人掌！
10. If you don’t allow people to lie down on the grass you’ve planted, it’s better to plant cacti instead!
11.人应该爱动物，它们多美味啊！
11. People should love animals, they taste so delicious!
12.给我一个女人，我可以创造一个民族；给我一瓶酒，我可以带领他们征服全世界！
12. Give me a woman, and I can create a nation; give me a bottle of wine, and I can lead them to conquer the world!
13.我是一坨风干的牛粪。
13. I am a dried piece of cow dung.
14.做为一只禽兽，我深感压力很大…
14. As an animal, I feel the pressure is immense…
15.每个人都有狗屁不是的时候！
15. Everyone has their moments of insignificance!
16.本想让纸飞机带我飞进你心里，不料半路坠机。
16. I wanted the paper airplane to fly me into your heart, but it crashed halfway.
17.有一天，牢里来了一个新的犯人，旧的问新的：哎，你犯了什么罪啊？哦，没什么，我只不过在一个禁止钓鱼的地方炸鱼，后来水面上就浮上来几条鱼。旧的说：这样就坐牢了？新的说：我还没说完呢，跟着浮上来还有个潜水员。
17. One day, a new prisoner arrived in jail, and the old one asked the new one, “Hey, what crime did you commit?” The new one said, “Oh, nothing serious, I just blew up fish in a place where fishing was prohibited, and then a few fish floated to the surface.” The old one said, “Is that why you’re in jail?” The new one replied, “I haven’t finished yet, a diver also floated up after the fish.”
18.只知道刚的人，难免会被折断；只有柔的人，到头来终是懦夫。
18. Only knowing how to be tough may lead to being broken; being only soft will eventually make you a coward.
19.一个女人她可以喜欢你，但她不爱你；她可以爱你，但她不嫁你；她可以嫁你，但她不生育；她可以生育，但孩子不是你的。
19. A woman may like you, but not love you; she may love you, but not marry you; she may marry you, but not have children with you; she may have children, but the child may not be yours.
20.结婚就是给自由穿件棉衣，活动起来不方便，但会很温暖。
20. Marriage is like putting on a cotton jacket to your freedom; it’s inconvenient to move in, but it keeps you warm.
21.当初我降临人世的时候，上帝许诺说要把他最美丽的女儿嫁给我。我左右顾盼，上下求索，等了年了，还没见到仙女的影子。我很郁闷，于是跑去问上帝。上帝说：“你急什么？我都还没女朋友呢！”
21. When I first arrived in this world, God promised to marry me to his most beautiful daughter. I looked around and searched high and low, waiting for years, but I still haven’t seen the fairy’s shadow. I was very depressed, so I went to ask God. God said, “What’s the hurry? I don’t even have a girlfriend yet!”
22.你别糟蹋青春两字了，你都立秋了。
22. Don’t waste the word “youth” anymore, it’s already the beginning of autumn for you.
23.圣人说：女人有两个优点，但却有一个漏洞，而男人就没有优点，但却有一个长处，于是男人经常抓住女人的两个优点，用自己的长处去弥补女人的漏洞。
23. The sage said: Women have two advantages, but they have one flaw, while men have no advantages, but they have one strength. So men often grasp women’s two advantages and use their own strength to make up for women’s flaws.
24.夏天就是不好，穷的时候我连西北风都没得喝……
24. Summer is really not good; when I’m poor, I don’t even have the northwest wind to drink…
25.情妇虽然要新的才有趣，朋友还是旧的好。
25. Although having a new mistress is more interesting, old friends are better.
26.就在哪里趴着 哥在哪里摔倒，就在哪里趴着。
26. Just lie there. Wherever I fall, that’s where I’ll lie.
27.读书读到抽筋处，文思方能如尿崩！
27. Read books until your legs cramp, and your literary thoughts will flow like urine!
28.“你不准过来！”她认真地说。他点点头，不说话。她不放心，“你再走远一点！”他笑了，说“我闭上眼睛好不好？”“那你转过去闭上眼睛。”她说。他转过身,无奈地说到:“在一起这么久了还娇羞什么呢，看一下你又不会多块肉。”“哼！”她不理他，然后嘟着嘴一脚踩上了街头药店门口的体重器。“斤，果然没再重！”
28. “You’re not allowed to come over!” she said seriously. He nodded without speaking. She was still worried, “Stay a little further away!” He smiled and said, “How about I close my eyes?” “Then turn around and close your eyes,” she said. He turned around and said helplessly, “We’ve been together for so long, why are you still shy? Looking at you won’t make you gain weight.” “Humph!” She ignored him, pouting and stepping on the weight scale at the entrance of the street pharmacy. “Pounds, I果然 didn’t gain weight!”
29.租一样的女友 真是不怕神一样的对手，就怕租一样的女友！
29. Renting the same girlfriend is like not being afraid of a god-like opponent, but being afraid of having the same rented girlfriend!
30.你飞翔的越高，在不能飞的人的眼中就显得越渺小。
30. The higher you fly, the more insignificant you appear in the eyes of those who can’t fly.
31.你长得真有创意，活得真有勇气。
31. You are truly creative in appearance and courageous in life.
32.我问：“我的头像牛逼么？”他说：“像！”
32. I asked, “Is my avatar awesome?” He replied, “Like it!”
33.女人都喜欢看海里的浪花，男人又何尝不是那个浪花。
33. Women all like to watch the waves in the sea, and men are no exception.
34.红豆不长南国，长我脸上了，真相思。
34. Red beans don’t grow in the southern land, but they grow on my face, just like longing.
35.所谓睡货，可用八个字概括：春困夏乏秋盹冬眠。
35. The so-called sleepers can be summarized in eight words: spring drowsiness, summer fatigue, autumn dozing, and winter hibernation.
36.如果一条狗跟你擦肩而过，如果它有急事就不会看你一眼；如果它没事就会看你，假如你的眼神再友好些，它就会围着你的脚转一转，这种礼节是人和人之间比较欠缺的。
36. If a dog passes by you and it has something urgent, it won’t even glance at you; if it has nothing to do, it will look at you. If your gaze is friendlier, it will circle around your feet. This kind of etiquette is lacking between people.
37.等我说伤不起的时候，就是你家被火烧的日子。
37. When I say I can’t afford to be hurt, it means your house is on fire.
38.因为你的“对不起”我决定和你“没关系”！
38. Because of your “sorry,” I’ve decided to have “nothing to do with you.”
39.哎，我跟你说啊，动物的唾液是有细菌的，我建议你啊，去打两针。
39. Hey, let me tell you, animal saliva has bacteria. I suggest you get two shots.
40.征婚启事：要求如下，A活的，B女的。
40. Marriage ad: Requirements are as follows, A: alive, B: female.
41.你出生时是不是被扔上去过次而只被接住过次？
41. Were you thrown up in the air as a baby and only caught once?
42.早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃！
42. The early bird catches the worm, but the early worm gets eaten by the bird!
43.亲戚，太熟，不好下手。
43. Relatives are too familiar, so it’s hard to take action.
44.快要高考了 老师说：快要高考了，早恋的就不要吵架了，以免影响心情；没早恋的就不要表白了，以免被拒绝影响心情。
44. The teacher said: As the college entrance exam is approaching, those who are in a romantic relationship should not quarrel, so as not to affect their mood; those who are not in a romantic relationship should not confess, so as not to be rejected and affect their mood.
45.真的不想在做了——因为铁杵已经磨成了“绣花针”了。
45. I really don’t want to do it anymore - because the iron rod has already been ground into a “embroidery needle.”
46.对不起是一种真诚，没关系是一种风度，如果你付出了真诚，却得不到风度，那只能说明对方的无知与粗俗。
46. Apologizing is a sincerity, and it’s okay is a grace. If you have shown sincerity but received no grace, it only shows the other person’s ignorance and vulgarity.
47.真正的好朋友，并不是在一起就有聊不完的话题，而是在一起，就算不说话，也不会觉得尴尬。
47. A true friend is not someone you can talk endlessly with, but someone you can be with without talking and not feel awkward.
48.听一出租车师傅讲的，一天一老年乘客，车费元，老人拿出个的，司机说，大爷，您没有小票（小面值）啊？大爷说，我们家机器不印小票。司机给找零钱，几个元的，后来又凑了几个元的。大爷一看说，你没有的啊？司机说，我们家机器不印大票。
48. I heard this from a taxi driver: One day, an elderly passenger took a taxi, and the fare was 10 yuan. The old man took out a 100-yuan note, and the driver said, “Sir, don’t you have any smaller change?” The old man replied, “Our machine doesn’t print small notes.” The driver gave him change, a few 10-yuan notes, and then a few 1-yuan coins. The old man looked at the change and said, “Don’t you have any 50-yuan notes?” The driver answered, “Our machine doesn’t print large notes either.”
49.别跟我谈感情，多伤钱哪！
49. Don’t talk to me about emotions; it’s such a waste of money!
50.一日，班上某女借我U盘，当时我就很爽快的给她了！后来想起里面有很多少儿不宜的视频，你们懂的。心想这下糟了，在女生心中的光辉形象都荡然无存了！这还不是GC。赶紧给她打电话，通了，还没等我开口，她在那边就急忙的说，我什么都没有看。丫的，你坑爹呢，反应这么快。
50. One day, a girl in my class borrowed my USB flash drive, and I readily lent it to her. Later, I remembered there were many inappropriate videos for children inside, you know. I thought, “Oh no, my glorious image in her eyes is gone!” But that’s not the climax. I quickly called her, and as soon as the call connected, she said hurriedly, “I didn’t watch anything.” Damn it, you’re kidding me, such a quick response.
51.世界上的脑残这么多，可是你却成了其中的佼佼者。
51. There are so many mentally challenged people in the world, but you have become the best among them.
52.圣诞啊，每一个没有铝孩陪的澜孩，只能在寒风的街口紧一紧衣领，听到风中传来那凄惨悲催确响遍城市歌声…“single boy!~single boy!~single all the way!~”
52. On Christmas, every boy without a girlfriend can only tighten their collar on the cold street corner, hearing the miserable and heartbreaking的歌声 spreading throughout the city… “Single boy!~ Single boy!~ Single all the way!~”
53.有钱的人没才；有才的人没钱。经过多年的艰苦奋斗，我在两者之间找到了统一！我既没钱又没才。
53. Rich people have no talent; talented people have no money. After years of hard struggle, I have found a unity between the two! I have neither money nor talent.
54.即使我是一棵仙人球，也偶尔需要用雨水浇灌，哪怕只有一滴二滴三滴四滴……至少，让我有勇气和信心去企盼那迷人的雨季……
54. Even if I am a cactus, I occasionally need to be watered with rain, even just one or two or three or four drops… At least, let me have the courage and confidence to look forward to that enchanting rainy season…
55.将薪比薪想一下，算了，不想活了。
55. Comparing my salary to others, forget it, I don’t want to live anymore.
56.问曰：世人轻我骗我谤我欺我笑我妒我辱我害我，何以处之？答曰：唯有敬他容他让他耐他隨他避他不理他，再过几时看他。
56. When asked: How should I deal with people who belittle, deceive, slander, bully, laugh at, envy, humiliate, and harm me? The answer is: Only by respecting, tolerating, letting, enduring, following, avoiding, and ignoring them, and then see how they fare after a while.
57.如果没有风，云不会动；如果没有水，鱼不能游；如果没有太阳，月亮就不会有光；如果没有你……笨人也就不存在了。
57. Without wind, clouds won’t move; without water, fish can’t swim; without the sun, the moon won’t shine; without you… there would be no fools.
58.我掐指一算，不好！要开学了。
58. I calculated with my fingers, oh no! School is about to start.
59.暑假坐火车回家，旁边坐了一个大叔，跟他聊的很投缘，下火车后有人开车来接他，我也搭了个顺风车，回家跟老妈炫耀我没花钱就回家，结果老妈说闺女啊，你可别仗着长得丑啥事都敢做啊，万一碰上个瞎子可咋办？
59. During the summer vacation, I took a train home, and sat next to an uncle. We got along very well. After getting off the train, someone picked him up, and I hitched a ride as well. When I got home, I bragged to my mom that I didn’t spend any money on my trip. But she said, “My dear daughter, don’t take advantage of your looks (or lack thereof) and do whatever you want. What if you run into a blind person?”
60.这世界什么都可以是假的，但是我唯一不能容忍的是我手上的钱是假的！
60. Anything in this world can be fake, but the one thing I cannot tolerate is the fake money in my hand!
61.干掉鸟人我就是天使！
61. Eliminate the birdman, and I am the angel!
62.失恋这种事是要适可而止的你越在乎越会一发不可收拾。
62. When it comes to lovelorn, it’s important to know when to stop; the more you care, the more uncontrollable it becomes.
63.花钱越多，离床越近。
63. The more money you spend, the closer you are to the bed.
64.唯女人与英雄难过也，唯老婆与工作难找也。
64. Only women and heroes are hard to get along with; only wives and jobs are hard to find.
65.爱是做出来的！
65. Love is about taking action!
66.小时候你娘就给你挂了块骨头，至少还有条狗跟你玩！
66. When you were a child, your mother hung a bone for you; at least there was a dog to play with you!
67.成功的路很直很直，也很宽很宽！但，我还是不断地走弯！最后只不过是转了个圈！
67. The path to success is very straight and wide! However, I keep taking detours! In the end, it’s just a circle!
68.我他妈就是有钱，秃头我也用清扬洗发水！
68. I’m fucking rich, and even if I’m bald, I use Clear & Cool shampoo!
69.也许有一天我们必须陌生，那么就请你在我的肩上留下所有的不幸……
69. Perhaps one day we must become strangers, so please leave all your misfortunes on my shoulders…
70.国外官员撞人了一定隐瞒身份，否则就是丑闻；国内官员撞人了肯定理直气壮，掏出证件吓死你！
70. If a foreign official hits someone, they must conceal their identity, otherwise it’s a scandal; if a domestic official hits someone, they will be assertive and show their credentials to intimidate you!
71.你瞧你吧！看背影急煞千军万马；转过头吓退百万雄师。
71. Look at you! From behind, you seem to be leading a thousand troops and ten thousand horses; but when you turn around, you scare away a hundred valiant warriors.
72.今天买西瓜，摊主切了一块电子秤上一称，马上拿下来，告诉我要块！但是我的钛合金狗眼分明看到秤上显示块，但是心一想他也不容易！送了块钱给摊主，当时摊主也忙居然找了我块！我觉得这是上天在给我暗示，于是我接了钱头也不回走了，回到宿舍。给了自己一巴掌，MD瓜忘拿了。
72. Today, I bought a watermelon. The vendor cut a piece, weighed it on the electronic scale, and quickly took it off, telling me it was 20 yuan! But my titanium alloy dog eyes clearly saw the scale showing 15 yuan. However, I thought he must have a tough life, so I gave him 20 yuan. At that time, the vendor was busy and actually gave me 5 yuan in change. I felt this was a hint from the heavens, so I took the money and left without looking back. When I got back to the dormitory, I slapped myself in the face, damn it, I forgot to take the watermelon.
73.挣钱是一种能力，花钱是一种技术，我能力有限，技术却很高。
73. Making money is a capability, spending money is a skill. My capability is limited, but my skill is very high.
74.有没有谁上学的时候，老师提问问题，问到你了，自己明明说不会了，还是让你站起来问你答案，然后就木有然后了，哎站的腿疼！
74. Has anyone ever experienced this in school: when the teacher asks a question and points to you, you clearly say you don’t know the answer, but they still make you stand up and ask you the answer, and then there’s no follow-up. Ugh, my legs hurt from standing!
75.帮女友切橙子，我一个橙子切六瓣她还不高兴，非要切八瓣。当时我就火了，这败家婆娘，少吃两瓣橙子会死啊！
75. I was cutting an orange for my girlfriend, and I cut it into six segments, but she was still unhappy. She insisted on having eight segments. At that moment, I got angry. This wasteful woman, will she die if she eats two fewer segments of an orange?!
76.单位有个同事，蒙古人，属于常魂游天外的大神级人物。年休假回家，假期过了好几天还不回来，领导给打电话。丫在电话里说：领导，我还在呼伦贝尔草原上骑马找我家呢。我家是游牧民族，现在不知道搬到哪里了！
76. I have a colleague from Mongolia who is a legendary figure always daydreaming. He went home for annual leave and after several days past the holiday, he still didn’t come back. Our leader called him. He said in the phone: “Boss, I’m still riding a horse on the Hulunbuir grassland looking for my home. My family is a nomadic tribe, and I don’t know where they’ve moved to now!”
77.男人爱操，女人爱钞！男人昧着良心谈情说爱，女人闭着眼睛假装高潮！其实生活不易，全TM靠演技！
77. Men love to have sex, women love money! Men talk about love with a guilty conscience, women pretend to have an orgasm with their eyes closed! In fact, life is not easy, it all depends on acting skills!
78.等到所有的风景都看透，我想我会抛弃过往轻装前行，你过你的生活，我发我的神经，我不会闯入你的领地，你也不要在我的世界里磨蹭。
78. When I have seen all the scenery, I think I will leave the past behind and move forward lightly. You live your life, and I will be crazy in my own way. I won’t intrude into your territory, and you shouldn’t linger in my world.
79.我本来以为空气是免费的，直到我买了包薯片。
79. I used to think that air was free until I bought a bag of chips.
80.掩盖你是白痴的事实 等我有钱了，我就带我最讨厌的人去最好的神经病院！能掩盖你是白痴的事实。
80. To cover up the fact that you are an idiot, when I have money, I will take the person I hate the most to the best mental hospital! This will cover up the fact that you are an idiot.
81.喝药递瓶，上吊给绳，跳楼的挥着小手绢送行。
81. Handing over the medicine bottle, providing the rope for hanging, and waving a handkerchief for those jumping off the building.
82.别人都在假装正经，那我就只有假装不正经啦。
82. If everyone else is pretending to be serious, then I’ll just pretend to be not serious.
83.我们都是路过的人，幸好都没有把对方撞倒。
83. We are all passers-by, fortunately, none of us have knocked each other down.
84.发现手机不见了，翻遍包包以及屋中各个角落，未果。跌坐地上，从口袋掏出手机，给大家群发短信：我手机丢了。
84. I found my phone was missing, searched through my bag and every corner of the house, to no avail. I sat down on the floor and took out my phone from my pocket, sending a group message: “I lost my phone.”
85.缴手机费时，才知道，原来我的话这么值钱。
85. Only when I pay the phone bill do I realize how valuable my words are.
86.所谓出轨，就是玩腻了自己的爱人，去玩别人玩腻的爱人。
86. Cheating is like getting tired of one’s own lover and playing with someone else’s worn-out lover.
87.鄙视我的人这么多，你算老几？
87. There are so many people who despise me, what rank do you hold?
88.其实我一直很受人欢迎的：小时候的我人见人爱，如今的我人贱人爱。
88. I have always been popular: as a child, everyone loved me, and now, everyone loves me despite my lowliness.
89.本人已死，有事烧纸。小事招魂，大事挖坟。实在想我，下来陪我。如遇上线，纯属尸变！
89. I am already dead, if you have any business, burn paper money. For minor matters, call my soul, for major matters, dig up my grave. If you really miss me, come and keep me company. If you see me online, it’s just a zombie.
90.爱情和赌博一样，红了眼的都拿器官下注。
90. Love is like gambling, those who are blinded take their organs as bets.
91.不和我表白呢 为什么你不喜欢我呢，不和我表白呢。哎~
91. Why don’t you confess to me? Why don’t you like me? Oh~
92.小的时候，对爸爸剃须刀一直好奇，终于有一天，爸爸不在家，我也试试好用不，可是那时候没有胡子，只能拿眼眉试试了，当时我照镜子那一刻，傻眼了。
92. When I was young, I was always curious about my dad’s razor. One day, when my dad was out, I decided to give it a try. But I didn’t have any beard at that time, so I tried it on my eyebrows. The moment I looked in the mirror, I was stunned.
93.子贡问子曰：“孔文子为什么不喜欢我也？”子曰：“十万个不为什么也！”
93. Zigong asked Confucius, “Why doesn’t Kong Wenzhi like me?” Confucius replied, “A hundred thousand whys won’t explain it!”
94.两只鸳鸯同命鸟，一对蝴蝶可怜虫。
94. Two mandarin ducks share the same fate, a pair of butterflies are pitiful creatures.
95.从天堂到地狱，哥只是路过人间。
95. From heaven to hell, I’m just passing through the human world.
96.今天去我已经离婚了的表姐家（表姐带着一个三岁的女儿），碰巧一直追她的那个男的去她家，吃饭时，那男的说“希望明年我能出现在你家餐桌上”，只听我那外甥女很萌的说了句“我们家不爱吃猪肉”。
96. Today, I went to my divorced cousin’s house (my cousin has a three-year-old daughter). Coincidentally, the man who has been chasing her came to her house. During dinner, he said, “I hope I can be on your dining table next year.” My cute niece replied, “Our family doesn’t eat pork.”
97.你穿得很危险，但长得很安全！
97. You dress dangerously, but you look safe!
98.课堂上，老师发了昨晚的作业说：“各位同学，昨晚的题目都是很重要的。要是哪里不懂的话，私下来问我。”然后小明就撕下来了。
98. In class, the teacher distributed last night’s homework and said, “Classmates, the questions from last night are very important. If you don’t understand any part, come and ask me privately.” Then Xiaoming tore his homework.
99.走牛B的路，让傻B去说吧。
99. Take the path of awesomeness and let the fools talk.
100.女人是制造人类的工具，男人是使用工具的人类。
100. Women are the tools for creating humans, while men are the humans who use those tools.
1.大家都装明白了，但就是有那么个别的笨蛋还是不装明白。
1. Everyone pretends to understand, but there are always a few idiots who just don’t get it.
2.别人是越谈越恩爱，而我们是越谈越扯淡。
2. Other couples talk more in love, while we talk more nonsense.
3.今天天气特别好，和同事在窗户看风景，楼下种了一大片油菜，全都开花了，金黄色煞是好看，不禁都陶醉了。同事：“你想到什么？”我说：“花开成海，思念成灾，你呢？”同事答道：“夏天快到了，秋裤可以脱掉了。”
3. The weather is特别好 today, and my colleague and I are looking at the view from the window. There is a large field of rapeseed flowers downstairs, all in full bloom, a beautiful golden yellow, which makes us both intoxicated. Colleague: “What are you thinking about?” Me: “Blooming like an ocean, missing like a disaster, how about you?” Colleague: “Summer is coming, it’s time to take off the long johns.”
4.有情人终成家属。
4. Lovers eventually become family.
5.如果你是我的菜，对不起，最近我不想吃菜。况且，你并不是我的菜。
5. If you are my type, I’m sorry, I don’t feel like eating vegetables recently. Besides, you are not my type.
6.你再不理我，我就变成包子，而且是天津最出名的那个。
6. If you ignore me any longer, I will become a bun, and it will be the most famous one in Tianjin.
7.要不是打不过你，我早就和你翻脸了。
7. If I could beat you, I would have turned my back on you long ago.
8.工资不准时，大姨妈倒准时。
8. My salary is always late, but my period is always on time.
9.走在街上，喜欢假装看商店玻璃橱窗里的商品，其实是在照镜子。
9. Walking on the street, I like to pretend to look at the goods in the shop windows, but actually, I’m just looking at my reflection.
10.原来是童话般的爱恋，现在是地狱般的生活.
10. It used to be a fairy tale-like love, now it’s a hellish life.
11.提醒大家要学会修自己的笔记本，这是很重要的！从前有个人，他不会修自己的笔记本后来的事情大家都知道了。天赐你一双翅膀，就应该被红烧
11. A reminder to learn how to fix your own laptop, it’s very important! There was a person who didn’t know how to fix his laptop, and we all know what happened to him. If heaven gives you wings, you should be prepared to be red-cooked.
12.我多想一个不小心就和你白头偕老。
12. I wish I could accidentally grow old with you.
13.有一个年轻人，虽然因写作成名，但坚持以开车作为自己的事业；他年少成名，是很多少男少女的偶像，甚至成年人也佩服景仰他；他拍过不少写真，爱追求时尚，也喜欢摩托车。但目前他正经历着前所未有的质疑，他，就是雷锋。
13. There is a young man who became famous for his writing, but he insisted on driving as his career; he became famous at a young age and was an idol for many young men and women, and even adults admired him; he has taken many photos, loves fashion, and likes motorcycles. But now he is facing unprecedented doubts, he is Lei Feng.
14.黑暗的社会，曲折的人生，固执的活着，从不需解释。
14. In this dark society, with a twisted life, we live stubbornly, and there is no need for explanations.
15.我死了的最后一句话是：劳资再也不用怕鬼啦。
15. My last words before I die will be: I don’t have to be afraid of ghosts anymore.
16.人生自古谁无死，哪个拉屎不用纸。
16. Since ancient times, who has not died? Who doesn’t use toilet paper when taking a dump?
17.人生最大的悲哀就是青春不在，青春痘却还在。
17. The greatest sorrow in life is when youth is gone, but acne remains.
18.人若赚得整个世界，却赔上自己的性命，这又有什么益处呢？
18. What good is it if one gains the whole world but loses their own life?
19.今日在马路见一女子，面无表情，目测刚失恋，过马路不看红绿灯，差点被车撞上。司机吼道：找死啊？女子回吼：知道还刹车！lz无比凌乱，目送其潇洒的背影。
19. Today, I saw a woman on the street with no expression, apparently having just broken up. She crossed the road without looking at the traffic lights and almost got hit by a car. The driver yelled: “Are you looking for death?” The woman yelled back: “If you knew, why did you brake?” I was utterly confused and watched her leave with a cool demeanor.
20.我左八荣，右八耻，代表在腰间，和谐在胸口，人挡杀人，佛挡杀佛！
20. On my left, I have the Eight Honors; on my right, I have the Eight Shames; the representative is on my waist, harmony is on my chest, and I will kill anyone or Buddha who blocks my way!
21.本人研究霸王龙饲料，太监生育，在火星上搞房地产需要多少启动资金等专业学术问题。
21. I am researching professional academic issues such as Tyrannosaurus Rex feed, eunuch reproduction, and real estate development on Mars.
22.人心才是埋伏在黑夜中最可怕的对手。
22. The human heart is the most terrifying opponent lurking in the dark night.
23.中华人民共和国小卖部副部长！
23. Deputy Minister of the People’s Republic of China’s Convenience Store.
24.我能容忍身材是假的，脸是假的，胸是假的，臀是假的！！！但就是不容忍钱是的！
24. I can tolerate fake bodies, faces, breasts, and buttocks! But I just can’t tolerate fake money!
25.算完工资的涨幅后再算算猪肉的，就会发现自己连猪都不如！
25. After calculating the increase in salary and then the increase in pork prices, you will find that you are not even as good as a pig!
26.生活就像：聋子听到哑巴说瞎子看到鬼。
26. Life is like: a deaf person hearing a mute person saying that a blind person saw a ghost.
27.人老珠黄 大多数说地老天荒，却极少到人老珠黄。
27. Most people talk about the end of the world, but few reach the point of being old and withered.
28.别打开礼物的缎带，最初充满期待，最后都腐败。
28. Don’t open the ribbon on the gift; it starts with anticipation, but ends in decay.
29.佛曰：俺也用妇炎洁！
29. Buddha said: I also use Femfresh!
30.社会经验不足就是欠操的意思。
30. Lack of social experience means you’re asking to be screwed.
31.拍脑袋决策，拍胸脯保证，拍屁股走人。
31. Decision-making by slapping your head, guaranteeing with your chest, and leaving with your butt.
32.哪里是奔向你爹地的方向 我未来的宝贝，快点告诉我，哪里是奔向你爹地的方向。
32. Where is the direction to your father? My future baby, please tell me quickly, where is the direction to your father?
33.生活就像拉屎，有时候你很努力，出来的也不过是个屁。
33. Life is like defecating; sometimes you try hard, but all you get is a fart.
34.一个说自己聪明的女人，被约会的几率比遇到恐怖分子劫机的几率还低。
34. A woman who claims to be smart has a lower chance of being asked out than the chance of encountering a hijacked plane by terrorists.
35.闭上眼，幻想着与你一起慢慢变老的画面。黯然泪下。
35. Close my eyes and imagine growing old with you. Tears fall silently.
36.结婚的日子我已经定好了，现在就差定新郎了！
36. I have set the date for the wedding, now I just need to find the groom!
37.其实我以前不矮，只不过后来经常洗澡缩水了而已。
37. I used to be taller, but I shrank from taking too many baths.
38.我的一个朋友就要去草原玩了，作为内蒙人，我给她讲解了一些基本的安全常识。 比如当她孤身遭遇野狼的话，不要转头逃跑，人类永远没法和狼比速度。正确的做法应该是原地不动，与狼的目光正面接触，死死盯住，不要移开。能坚持多久就坚持多久，这样会死的比较有尊严一点。
38. A friend of mine is going to the grasslands. As an Inner Mongolian, I explained some basic safety knowledge to her. For example, if she encounters a wild wolf alone, she should not run away. Humans can never match the speed of wolves. The correct approach is to stand still, make direct eye contact with the wolf, and hold its gaze without blinking. The longer you can hold on, the more dignified your death will be.
39.你复杂的五官掩饰不了你朴素的智商！
39. Your complicated facial features cannot cover up your simple intelligence!
40.如果“喜欢的人”和“食物”只能选择一个，吃货怎么选择？——吃货：“吃掉喜欢的人。”
40. If you can only choose between “the person you like” and “food,” how would a foodie choose? - Foodie: “Eat the person I like.”
41.都说帅哥靠不住，那为什么好多单身的人都不是帅的。
41. It is said that handsome guys are unreliable, so why are there so many single people who are not handsome?
42.有奶不一定是娘，但有钱一定是爷！
42. Having milk doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a mother, but having money definitely makes one a boss!
43.春眠不觉晓，挂Q莫骚扰。突闻QQ声，实话有多少？
43. In spring, one sleeps unaware of dawn, so don’t disturb me on QQ. Suddenly hearing a QQ notification, how much of it is true?
44.能用钱解决的问题都不是问题，可问题是我是穷人。
44. Problems that can be solved with money are not problems, but
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