1、夏天夜晚，你轻盈地钻进我的蚊帐，抚摸我的臂膀，亲吻我的脸庞，我被你撩拨的全身痒痒。将灯拉亮，拉住你两条长腿，该死的蚊子！我让你去见阎王！
1. On a summer night, you gracefully entered my mosquito net, caressing my arm and kissing my face, making my whole body itch. I turned on the light and grabbed your two long legs, you damned mosquito! Off to the afterlife with you!
2、我知道你喜欢我，但我真的不喜欢你，虽然你肚子里已经有了我的血肉，但还是请你不要再骚扰我了，否则我就对你不客气了，你个死蚊子！
2. I know you like me, but I really don’t like you. Even though you have my blood and flesh in your belly, please stop bothering me, or I’ll be ruthless towards you, you dead mosquito!
3、有一种默契叫做心照不宣，有一种感觉叫做妙不可言，有一种思念叫做望眼欲穿，有一种白痴会把短信看完！
3. There is a kind of understanding called unspoken, a feeling called indescribable, a longing called yearning, and a fool who reads the message to the end!
4、春天的花很艳，那是你明媚的笑容；夏天的太阳炽热，那是你的激情；秋天的硕果累累，那是你的收成；冬天的风吹来了，小青娃，你该冬眠了！
4. The flowers in spring are so beautiful, like your bright smile; the summer sun is scorching, like your passion; the autumn harvest is bountiful, like your achievements; the winter wind blows, little frog, it’s time for you to hibernate!
5、前天我送你回家，走到一幢豪华的大楼前，你深情地看着我说到了，你回去吧。我久久望着你的背影，看见上面写着四个字：精神病院。
5. The day before yesterday, I walked you home and arrived in front of a luxurious building. You looked at me affectionately and said, “I’m home. You can go back now.” I stared at your back for a long time and saw four words written on it: Mental Hospital.
6、听说那天你披了一个破麻袋，迈着怪怪的步伐；被当做小偷给抓起来了，还给你带上了狗牌？
6. I heard that one day you wore a tattered sack and walked with a strange gait; you were caught as a thief and given a dog tag?
7、你性感的小后背真的是让我想入非非。。。圆润、光滑，我真的好想上前。。。把你据为己有，可是不行呀！香喷喷的烤鸭，客人还没到齐，我也不能动筷呀！
7. Your sexy little back really makes me daydream… Round, smooth, I really want to go up and… claim you as my own, but I can’t! The fragrant roast duck, the guests are not all here yet, and I can’t start eating!
8、萤火虫在黑夜里那叫一个闪亮，鹤立鸡群那叫显眼，马在驴中那叫出众，猪八戒在猪圈那叫俊俏，你和猩猩站在一起那叫……帅了个呆的！
8. Fireflies shine so brightly in the dark night, standing out like a crane among chickens, a horse among donkeys, and Zhu Bajie among pigs, handsome as you stand with an ape… handsome to a stunning degree!
9、记得那天晚上，你梦到了自己拥有了一双梦寐以求的可以飞翔的翅膀，我就轻轻地扇动着翅膀然后轻轻地来到你的面前—-然后踢你一脚说：别做梦了，笨蛋！
9. I remember that night you dreamed of having a pair of long-awaited wings to fly. I gently flapped my wings and came to you softly, then kicked you and said, “Stop dreaming, idiot!”
10、谢谢你春天陪我观百花，夏日伴我看夕阳，秋季陪我赏落叶，冬天伴我看雪景。如果没有你，再美的风景都是模糊的，真的谢谢你…眼镜！
10. Thank you for accompanying me to watch the flowers in spring, the sunset in summer, the falling leaves in autumn, and the snow scenery in winter. Without you, even the most beautiful scenery would be blurred. I truly appreciate you… my glasses!
11、一种喜欢加上一种迷恋，汇成我对你火热的爱；生活的点滴日常琐碎，我都要紧紧把你依赖；不管风雨抑或坎坷，人生有你我就无所畏惧。真的需要你，钱！
11. A kind of fondness plus a kind of obsession form my fiery love for you; the little things in life, I rely on you closely; no matter the hardships or setbacks, with you in my life, I am fearless. I really need you, money!
12、你总说我没出息，一棒子打不出两个屁，拉不出屎怨地球没引力，很是让你不满意，可是我也有情趣，来，赶紧把戒指戴上–K纯铁的！！！
12. You always say I’m hopeless, can’t even produce a fart with a stick, blame the Earth for not having gravity when I can’t poop, and you’re very dissatisfied. But I also have a sense of humor. Come on, hurry up and put on the ring - it’s made of K pure iron!
13、听说你最近变了，戒烟戒酒戒赌戒色，戒贪戒烦戒工作戒爱情，所以人们都叫你八戒。
13. I heard that you’ve changed recently, quitting smoking, drinking, gambling, lust, greed, annoyance, work, and love. So people call you “Baqie.”
14、真不明白，为何每天晚上你总是尽量站在有光的地方，后来经人提醒我才明白，原来你是想当夜明猪呀！
14. I really don’t understand why you always try to stand in the light every night. Later, someone reminded me, and I finally understood that you wanted to be a luminous pig!
15、温馨提醒：天气多变，小心穿衣！小雨是我想你，阵雨是心不移，刮风是送心意，阴天是很惦记，晴天是不分离，多云是有惊喜！如果下雪，那就是你没睡醒！
15. Warm reminder: The weather is changeable, be careful with your clothing! Light rain means I miss you, showers mean my love is unchanging, wind sends my thoughts, overcast skies mean I care, sunny days mean we won’t be separated, and cloudy skies bring surprises! If it snows, that means you haven’t woken up yet!
16、自打与你失去联系那天起，我就天天牵挂着你，到处寻找你的下落，也许你不知道我有多着急，但是，我依然不会放弃，因为——猪肉涨价了，你升值啦！
16. Since the day I lost contact with you, I’ve been worried about you and searching for your whereabouts every day. Maybe you don’t know how anxious I am, but I will never give up because - the price of pork has risen, and your value has increased!
17、昨天在网上看到你用的那个型号手机辐射特别大，吓了我一跳，刚要通知你，又看到说对智商小于的人不起作用，我才放心，你也别担心，继续用吧。
17. Yesterday, I saw online that the model of phone you’re using has a particularly high radiation, which really scared me. I was about to inform you, but then I saw that it doesn’t affect people with an IQ lower than a certain level. So, I felt relieved and figured you can continue using it.
18、今天我们一起去回忆童年吧，我们一起玩丢手绢，一起玩投沙包，我就不信了，用尽我全部的力量还不能把你的头变成蒙古包。
18. Today, let’s go back to our childhood memories together. We’ll play “dropping the handkerchief” and “throwing sandbags.” I don’t believe that using all my strength, I can’t turn your head into a Mongolian yurt.
19、实在报歉，这么晚打扰你，我只是想问一下：你睡了没？
19. I’m really sorry to bother you so late, but I just wanted to ask: Have you gone to bed?
20、癞蛤蟆追求天鹅，天鹅不屑地说：我要是你长成这样早就去死了！蛤蟆不服：那猪还活得好好的呢？猪听了，觉得委屈：我招谁惹谁了，我只是在看短信！
20. A toad pursued a swan, and the swan disdainfully said, “If I looked like you, I would have died already!” The toad disagreed, “But the pig is still living just fine!” The pig, feeling wronged, thought, “Why am I being targeted when all I’m doing is reading a text message?”
21、昨天有人在背后说你是猪，为了你，我和他大打出手，他妈的，哪能因为人家长的像什么就说人家是什么，你说对不？
21. Yesterday, someone called you a pig behind your back. I fought with them for your sake. How could they say what someone is just because of their appearance? You know that’s not right, don’t you?
22、春秋战国时期，你统领三军，头戴锅盖，身披麻袋，腰系塑料袋，手拿蛋黄派，脚踏两棵白菜，号称东方不败，冲锋陷阵大喊：谁有破烂要卖?
22. During the Spring and Autumn and Warring States periods, you led the three armies with a pot lid on your head, a sackcloth as your cape, a plastic bag around your waist, a custard pie in hand, and cabbages on your feet. You were known as the “Unbeatable Eastern Warrior,” charging into battle and shouting, “Who has any trash to sell?”
23、这次发信息，主要有三个目的：一是联络感情；二是打发时间；三是我很负责任地告诉你：夏天到了，送句很有技术含量的话：天气热了，记得把开裆裤换上。
23. I have three main purposes for sending this message: first, to maintain our friendship; second, to pass the time; and third, to responsibly inform you that summer is here. Here’s a technical piece of advice: when it gets hot, remember to change into your open-crotch pants.
24、你和我在两小无猜的儿时就开始在一起玩了，我会唱200支歌，而你会跳200支舞，我们也经常一起表演，所以人们就叫我二百哥，叫你二百舞！
24. You and I have been playing together since our childhood innocence. I know 200 songs, and you can dance 200 dances. We often perform together, so people call me “Brother Two Hundred Songs” and you “Two Hundred Dances”!
25、实在有点想你了，很想和你一起见见面，就这样地看看你，可我真的又不想……我心里好乱—-每次看到你我都心里乱跳，精神病院检查结果出来了，你真的是脑残！
25. I really miss you and want to meet with you to just look at you, but I don’t really want to… My heart is so confused - every time I see you, my heart races. The mental hospital’s test results are in: you are indeed mentally challenged!
26、我很希望能一定陪在你的身边，你睡得好吗？吃得饱吗？晚上会冷吗？我知道你总不会照顾自己。每次我一走开，你就会从猪栏里跳出来！
26. I really hope I can always be by your side, to make sure you sleep well, eat enough, and stay warm at night. I know you can’t take care of yourself. Every time I leave, you jump out of the pigsty!
27、买彩票，我问：买单还是买双？你说：买单。猜拳时，我问：买单还是买双？你说：买单。我去买钻戒，我问：如果是你，买单只还是买一对？你说：我买单！
27. When buying lottery tickets, I asked, “Do you want to bet on odd or even numbers?” You said, “Odd.” When we played rock-paper-scissors, I asked, “Odd or even?” You said, “Odd.” When I bought a diamond ring, I asked, “If it were you, would you buy a single ring or a pair?” You said, “I’ll take the odd one!”
28、小乌龟收到恶意短信，他对妈妈说：“有人给我发恶意短信!”妈妈说：“猪才看呢，是乌龟就不看!”
28. Little turtle received a malicious text message and told his mom, “Someone sent me a mean text message!” His mom replied, “Pigs are the ones who read those; if you’re a turtle, you won’t read it!”
29、真的对不起，我只是跟你随便说说，天冷了吃驴肉火锅肯定不错，没想到你会生气地对我怒吼：我哥怎么得罪你了，你要残忍地把他放入火锅，那可是我亲哥。
29. I’m really sorry, I was just casually talking to you. I thought it would be nice to eat donkey hotpot in cold weather, but I didn’t expect you to get so angry at me and shout, “What did my brother do to offend you? How could you be so cruel as to put him in a hotpot? He’s my own brother!”
30、我要告诉你一件事哟，你千万不要告诉别人，听说城里人最近老打狗，不知道你主人最近打你了没有啊？老主人怀念你啊！
30. I have to tell you something, but don’t tell anyone else: I heard that people in the city have been beating dogs lately. I wonder if your owner has beaten you recently? Your old owner misses you!
31、五脏属五行，肝属木，心属火，肺属金，肾属水，脾属土。我帮你算了一下，原来你五行缺火和金，难怪那么长时间不请我吃饭，原来你没心没肺啊！
31. The five organs correspond to the five elements: the liver to wood, the heart to fire, the lungs to metal, the kidneys to water, and the spleen to earth. I calculated it for you, and it turns out that you lack fire and metal elements. No wonder you haven’t invited me for a meal in such a long time; it’s because you have no heart and soul!
32、神知道你口渴，创造了水；神知道你饿，创造了米；神知道你没有一个可爱的朋友，所以创造了我；然而神也知道这世上没有苯蛋，顺便创造了你。
32. God knew you were thirsty, so he created water; God knew you were hungry, so he created rice; God knew you needed a lovely friend, so he created me; but God also knew there were no fools in this world, so he created you.
33、听说你在谈恋爱很有一手，很多美女都为你的浪漫而着迷，你的手段简直比奥斯卡的电影还经典，如果拍成电影的话，那简直就是活脱脱一部《美女与野兽》！
33. I’ve heard that you’re quite the romantic, enchanting many beautiful women with your charm. Your tactics are even more classic than an Oscar-winning movie. If turned into a film, it would be a perfect “Beauty and the Beast”!
34、大雪分飞风怒吼，你独自一人屋檐走。行人冻的瑟瑟抖，忽听一声”抓小偷，一不小心失了手，被人抓住打烂头。我愿天工重抖擞，让看信息的变小狗。
34. Heavy snow and roaring winds, you walk alone under the eaves. Pedestrians shiver in the cold, suddenly hearing “Catch the thief!” You accidentally miss your grip and get caught, getting your head beaten. I wish the heavens would intervene, turning the person who reads this message into a little dog.
35、有一天我对你说：你是猪！你却对我说：我是猪才怪！从此以后我就叫你猪才怪！那天你实在忍不住了，对着众人就喊：我不是猪才怪！
35. One day, I said to you: “You’re a pig!” But you replied: “I’m not a pig, weirdo!” From then on, I called you “Pig Weirdo.” One day, you couldn’t take it anymore and shouted to everyone: “I’m not Pig Weirdo!”
36、你爱好清洁每天拖地，你身材妙曼亭亭玉立，你性格羞赧默默无语，你世外仙姝独行特立，你任劳任怨毫无娇气，你会传为佳话，可爱的拖把！
36. You love cleanliness, dragging the floor every day. You have a graceful figure, a shy and quiet personality, and you stand out from the crowd. You work tirelessly without any fuss, and your story will be passed down as a legend. You, my dear mop!
37、我是一棵孤独的树，千百年来矗立在路旁，寂寞的等待，只为有一天当你从我身边走过时，为你倾倒，砸不扁你就算白活了。
37. I am a lonely tree, standing by the roadside for thousands of years, waiting in solitude. Just for one day when you pass by me, I will fall for you, and if I don’t flatten you, my life would be in vain.
38、将这封短信转发次，你会走财运；转发次，你会走官运；转发次，你会走桃花运；转发次，你将花掉元钱！
38. Send this message 10 times, and you will have good fortune; send it 100 times, and you will have a successful career; send it 1000 times, and you will have a romantic encounter; send it 10000 times, and you will spend 100 yuan!
39、八戒化斋一直未归。这天，一个酷似八戒的人从远处走来，悟空说可能是妖精，唐僧说：发条短信试试，回的就是八戒，不回就是妖精！
39. Bajie has been gone for a long time, collecting alms. One day, a person who looks like Bajie comes from afar. Wukong says it might be a demon, while Tang Seng suggests: “Let’s send a text message to test. If they reply, it’s Bajie; if not, it’s a demon!”
40、注意啦，夏季空调省电攻略送给你，我多年的经验，是朋友才告诉你：第一步，找到空调电源；第二步，拔掉电源；第三步，检查效果，看，电表转慢了吧。
40. Attention, here’s a summer air conditioner power-saving strategy for you, based on my years of experience. I’m only sharing this with you as a friend: Step 1, find the air conditioner’s power supply; Step 2, unplug it; Step 3, check the results. See, the electric meter is spinning slower now!
41、刚听说你被拐卖，真的把我吓坏，你虽然从小痴呆，但对社会无害，谁人如此大胆，竟敢拿你去卖，我真替他担心，卖得掉才怪。
41. I just heard that you were kidnapped, which really scared me. Although you’ve been mentally challenged since childhood, you’ve never harmed society. Who would dare to sell you? I’m really worried for them; it would be strange if they could sell you.
42、阳光明媚，微风轻轻吹，杨柳多情地摇动着枝条，桃花吐着迷人的芳香，小溪在唱着欢快的歌儿，好一幅春天的画卷，我想说的是…好好工作，老板来啦！
42. The sun is shining brightly, the breeze is gently blowing, the willow trees sway their branches with affection, peach blossoms release their enchanting fragrance, and the stream sings a cheerful song. What a beautiful spring scene! What I want to say is… focus on your work, the boss is coming!
43、真是一件怪事？刚拨了一下你的手机，提示音回复：对方正在裸奔。怕听错了！又拨了过去，这时候提示音回复：对不起，所拨的用户已奔出地球。
43. Isn’t it strange? I just called your cell phone, and the voice message said: “The person you’re calling is running naked.” Afraid I misheard, I called again, and this time the message said: “Sorry, the person you’re calling has run out of the Earth.”
44、为了你，我做了好多准备，专门跑了一趟超市，买了许多你需要的东西，这下子好了，万事具备，你这只鸭子终于可以下锅了。
44. I’ve prepared a lot for you, running to the supermarket specially to buy all the things you need. Now everything is ready, and you, my dear duck, can finally be cooked.
45、我一直想对你说三个字，可你知道它的份量，我怕一旦说出咱们连朋友都没得做。可我控制不住感情鼓起勇气对你说：你是猪。
45. I’ve always wanted to say three words to you, but you know their weight. I’m afraid that once I say it, we won’t even be friends anymore. But I can’t control my emotions and musters the courage to say: You are a pig.
46、自我感觉良好的往下来，自我感觉幽默的往下来，自我感觉有魅力的往下看，自我感觉聪明的往下来，嗯，是挺不要脸的。
46. For those who think they are good-looking, scroll down; for those who think they are humorous, scroll down; for those who think they are charming, scroll down; for those who think they are smart, scroll down. Well, you’re quite shameless.
47、大家注意了，智力大比拼：选手是象，猪和你。比赛结果已经出来了：第一是象要比猪强，你要比象强。最后的排名是：你象猪。好的，来点掌声！
47. Everyone, pay attention! It’s a big intelligence competition: The contestants are an elephant, a pig, and you. The results are in: First place, the elephant is stronger than the pig; you are stronger than the elephant. The final ranking is: You are like a pig. Great, let’s give them a round of applause!
48、你像风轻盈，你像水温柔，你像雾朦胧，你像月浪漫，你像日热情，你像海宽容，你像牛健康，你像龟长寿，你像兔可爱，总之一句话：你没一处像人。
48. You are as light as the wind, as gentle as water, as misty as fog, as romantic as the moon, as passionate as the sun, as tolerant as the sea, as healthy as a cow, as long-lived as a turtle, and as cute as a rabbit. In short, there is not a single aspect of you that resembles a human.
49、今夜的月光真的很美很美，真想与你一起漫步在大街上，我好喜欢和你一起肩并肩的走着的感觉……只是，我害怕别人用异样的眼光看我，毕竟晚上带头猪上街，很容易被人注意的！
49. The moonlight tonight is truly beautiful, and I really want to take a walk with you on the streets. I love the feeling of walking side by side with you… However, I am afraid that people will look at me strangely, after all, taking a pig out on the streets at night is quite eye-catching!
50、最近一段时间老流行着老鼠爱大米，这让我不由自主地想起了你。你那柔若无骨的肌肤，你那弱不禁风的小身了，真让我提心吊胆：该死的虫子！不要再来祸害我家的米了！
50. Recently, the song “Mouse Loves Rice” has been very popular, which reminds me of you involuntarily. Your skin is so delicate and tender, and your body is so frail that it makes me worry: Damn bug! Stop harming my rice!
51、我好想你哟，什么时候才能见到你？你想得我晚上都睡不着，辗转反侧，难以入眠，夜不能寐。借我的钱该还了吧？
51. I miss you so much, when can I see you? You make me sleepless at night, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep, and unable to rest. It’s about time you returned the money you borrowed from me, right?
52、在我的眼里，你一直无忧无虑，吃饭是那么香那么甜，睡觉时都那么舒坦。有时候感觉：真羡慕你这样的小狗生活！
52. In my eyes, you have always been carefree, enjoying your meals so much, and sleeping so comfortably. Sometimes I feel: I really envy your dog-like life!
53、你长的很有创意，活着是你的勇气，丑不是你的本意，是上帝发了脾气，活下去，没有你，谁来衬托世界的美丽！
53. You have a unique appearance, and living is your courage. Ugliness is not your intention; it’s just that God was in a bad mood. Live on, for without you, who would highlight the beauty of the world?
54、你与我静静地走在家乡的小路上，你害羞地低头不语。乡亲们见了我都说：好孩子，打扮得干净又漂亮，可惜这么小年纪就出来放猪！
54. You and I walked quietly on the small path in our hometown, and you shyly lowered your head without speaking. The villagers saw me and said, “What a good child, so clean and pretty, but it’s a pity that you’re so young and already out herding pigs!”
55、公猪马上被杀，只听对主人苦苦哀求：杀我不要紧，只是求你们不要让我老婆看到，不要让她难过，不要打扰她，就让它在那里玩她的手机吧。
55. The boar was about to be slaughtered and pleaded with the owner, “It doesn’t matter if you kill me, but please don’t let my wife see it, don’t make her sad, don’t disturb her, just let her play with her phone there.”
56、难以忘记把你捧着手心的感觉，难以忘记吻着你时的丝丝心动，难以忘记你的特有的味道，让我再狠命的吮吸你一下吧——香烟。
56. I can’t forget the feeling of holding you in my palm, the tingling sensation when kissing you, and your unique taste. Let me suck on you hard once more – cigarette.
57、记得我那次真的狠下心了，扭头准备离开，身后传来了你无助的哭声与撕心裂肺的喊叫，突然之间我感觉到了我是多么地需要你。我一回身把你抱紧：“这头猪我真的不卖了！”
57. I remember that time when I really made up my mind to leave, turning my head and walking away. The sound of your helpless crying and heart-wrenching screams came from behind. Suddenly, I realized how much I needed you. I turned around and hugged you tightly: “I won’t sell this pig!”
58、真希望和你一起去看海，却一直没有去；真希望和你去登山，却因茫然而没有去；真希望和你一起去流浪，结果碰到了警察，说：逛街不许带狗！
58. I really hope to see the sea with you, but we never went; I hope to climb mountains with you, but we didn’t go due to confusion; I hope to wander with you, but we ended up encountering the police, who said, “No dogs allowed while shopping!”
59、你知道吗，今天癞蛤蟆向天鹅表白了，天鹅说：谁长成你这样子还不如去死！癞蛤蟆不服气：那隔壁的猪头还活得好好的呢！猪头郁闷地说：我只是在看短信，咋又中枪了？
59. You know, today a toad confessed to a swan, and the swan said, “If you look like that, you might as well die!” The toad was indignant: “But the pig head next door is still living a good life!” The pig head sighed, “I’m just reading a text message, why am I getting hit again?”
60、养在家里的是家猪，生在山中的叫野猪，读这信息的是蠢猪，如果在笑的是笨猪，生气的是肥猪，不理我的是死猪，不回复的连猪都不如。
60. The ones raised at home are domestic pigs, the ones born in the mountains are wild pigs, the one reading this message is a foolish pig, the one laughing is a dumb pig, the one getting angry is a fat pig, the one ignoring me is dead pig, and the one who doesn’t reply is worse than a pig.
61、说你是凤凰，我说你是乌鸦；你说你是玫瑰花，我说你是？]蛤蟆；你说你是活泼的小鹿，我说你是淘气的小猪！
61. When I say you’re a phoenix, I say you’re a crow; when you say you’re a rose, I say you’re a toad; when you say you’re a lively deer, I say you’re a mischievous pig!
62、沙和尚说：我有十八变，八戒说：我有三十六变，悟空说：我有七十二变。唐僧大怒：西去的路上也没见你们变个电话，你看人家妖怪还拿着手机看短信呢！
62. Sandy the Monk said, “I have eighteen transformations,” Pigsy said, “I have thirty-six transformations,” and Wukong said, “I have seventy-two transformations.” Tang Sanzang became furious: “On the way to the West, I never saw you guys transform a phone, but look at the demons, they’re even using mobile phones to read text messages!”
63、我和你的友谊，丰富了我的感情：你哭的时候我也哭；你笑的时候我也笑；你从高楼跳出去，我也会毫不犹豫地探出头去大声喊：哇噻！不死才怪！
63. My friendship with you has enriched my emotions: when you cry, I cry too; when you laugh, I laugh too; when you jump off a tall building, I will not hesitate to stick my head out and shout loudly: Wow! It’s strange not to die!
64、送你有屎以来，粪量最重的礼物，你一定会大吃一斤，如果不够，还请自便。
64. Here’s a gift with the heaviest weight of feces since you were born. You will definitely be amazed by it. If it’s not enough, please help yourself.
65、四只小猪地上坐，突然之间少一个。那个小猪在那里，原来在看短消息。
65. Four little pigs sat on the ground, and suddenly one was missing. Where was that little pig? It turned out it was reading a short message.
66、你表现出色立了大功，组织决定嘉奖你。你脖子挂着奖章坐在桌边，面对丰盛的宴席你不为所动，我疑惑间，却见你飞身越起，扑向一物，仔细一看：一根骨头。
66. You performed excellently and made a great contribution. The organization decided to reward you. You sat at the table with a medal around your neck, facing a sumptuous feast, but you didn’t move. I was puzzled and saw you leap up, pounce on something, and upon closer inspection, it was a bone.
67、一直想见到你，却因事忙不能和你想见，今天终于有时间了。所以我特意来狗窝看看你。
67. I’ve always wanted to see you, but I was too busy to meet you. Today, I finally have some time, so I came to the doghouse to see you.
68、你是江南第八怪，不回家总在外，不喝酒老吃菜，不谈情老做爱，做爱经常套不带，常拿小姐当被盖，不给钱竟耍懒，经常让人拿脚踹。
68. You are the eighth weirdo in the south of the Yangtze River. You never go home, always stay outside; you never drink but eat vegetables; you never talk about love but have sex; you often have sex without a condom; you treat prostitutes as quilts; you don’t pay and act lazy; you often get kicked.
69、你好可爱——可怜没人爱；你长得真不错——长得这样真的不是你的错；你是天才——天生的蠢才；你很气质——小气又神经质。
69. You are so cute - pitiful that no one loves you; you look really good - it’s not your fault to look like this; you are a genius - a naturally stupid one; you are very temperamental - stingy and neurotic.
70、清晨你轻轻地走近我的床前，深情地吻着我的脸，你那深遂的眼眸始终注视着我，实在无法拒绝你——“狗狗乖，带你去散步”。
70. In the early morning, you gently approached my bedside, kissing my face affectionately. Your deep eyes were always staring at me. I couldn’t resist you - “Good dog, let’s go for a walk.”
71、有一种思念叫魂牵梦绕，有一种爱情叫白头到老，有一种美丽叫花容月貌，有一种约定叫天荒地老，有一种问候叫小猪你好！
71. There is a kind of longing called yearning, a kind of love called growing old together, a kind of beauty called stunning, a kind of promise called forever, and a kind of greeting called “Hello, little pig!”
72、上厕所没带上纸，准备打电话叫人送，拿出手机一看，呃没信号，谁建的厕所！服了。
72. I went to the bathroom without bringing paper and was about to call someone to bring some. I took out my phone and saw that there was no signal. Who built this bathroom? I’m impressed.
73、你想出人头地吗？你想发财致富吗？你想光宗耀祖吗？你想大富大贵吗？你想升官发财吗？别胡思乱想了，洗洗睡吧，明天还得上班呢！
73. Do you want to make a name for yourself? Do you want to become rich? Do you want to bring honor to your family? Do you want to be wealthy and powerful? Do you want to get promoted and make money? Stop daydreaming and go to sleep. You still have to work tomorrow!
74、天空飘着小雨丝似在嘲笑我的痴，为何你那样自私狠心让我空相思，搅尽脑汁写诗满腹心酸有谁知，只见猪头和白痴盯着手机读此诗。
74. The sky is filled with drizzling rain, seemingly mocking my foolishness. Why are you so selfish and heartless, leaving me with unrequited love? I rack my brain to write poetry, but who knows the bitterness in my heart? Only a fool and an idiot stare at their phones reading this poem.
75、如果没有花的陪伴，春天就会孤单；如果没有四季的变换，生活就会平淡；如果没有我的阻拦，你已皮开肉绽；如果没有你的美艳，我顿顿素菜相伴！猪你节日快乐！
75. Without the company of flowers, spring would be lonely; without the change of seasons, life would be dull; without my interference, you would be bruised and battered; without your beauty, I would eat vegetarian dishes every meal! Pig, have a happy holiday!
76、你知道吗？我正急着到处去找你，有条惊人的好消息要告诉你：你妈拜托我件事，让我给你存了几个亿，借空亲自捎给你！那天抱钱去找你，见你睡得很甜蜜，真不忍心叫醒你！一窝小猪崽就属你最美丽！哈！猪你节日快乐！
76. You know what? I’m rushing around looking for you, with an amazing good news to tell you: your mom asked me to do something and let me save a few hundred million for you. When I went to deliver the money to you that day, I saw you sleeping so peacefully, and I really couldn’t bear to wake you up! Among the litter of piglets, you are the most beautiful! Ha! Pig, have a happy holiday!
77、孔子曰：“吾欲愚人而愚之。”，于是我问孔子，这句话是我想愚弄人就愚弄的意思吗？孔子曰：“NO”。你想知道是什么意思吗？笨蛋！我忽悠你呢，孔子怎么可能认识我呢！孔子更不会英文了！哈哈，祝你愚人节快乐！
77. Confucius said, “I want to fool people and fool them.” So I asked Confucius, does this mean I can fool people if I want to? Confucius said, “NO.” Do you want to know what it means? Fool! I’m fooling you. How could Confucius know me? He doesn’t even speak English! Haha, happy April Fool’s Day to you!
78、千万次地问自己，为何最近总想你，牵肠挂肚惦记你，梦中影像总是你，发条信息也为你，不好意思提醒你，鼓足勇气问问你：啥时候请我吃饭呀？
78. I’ve asked myself a million times, why I always think of you lately, worrying about you, dreaming of you, and sending messages for you. I’m embarrassed to remind you, but I muster up the courage to ask you: When will you treat me to a meal?
79、你真的想知道我喜欢你的哪一点吗？可是我真的不敢说出口，但是又不得不说出口。我就是喜欢你离我远一点。
79. Do you really want to know what I like about you? But I’m afraid to say it, yet I have to. I just like that you stay away from me.
80、刚才朋友聊天，有谈到你，知道吗？我和他们吵了起来，还差点动手，因为他们有的说你像猴子，有的说你像猩猩，实在太过分了！根本没有把你当猪看！
80. Just now, my friends and I were chatting about you. Do you know? I argued with them and almost started a fight, because some said you looked like a monkey, while others said you looked like an orangutan. That’s too much! They didn’t even treat you like a pig!
81、自从我第一次看见你时，就已经深深地被你吸引住了，你的那行为举止，让我忍不住实在想多看你两眼，现在我实在憋不住了，想对你说：你简直就是一只会两条腿走路的小狗。
81. Since the first time I saw you, I have been deeply attracted to you. Your behavior and manners make me unable to resist looking at you more. Now I can’t hold it in any longer and want to say to you: You are just like a little dog walking on two legs.
82、给马桶好好擦了身以后，马桶为了感谢我，问我有什么愿望可以帮我实现，我就说：希望你帮我照顾正在看短信的这头猪！希望他每次便便的时候都开开心心！
82. After cleaning the toilet thoroughly, it thanked me and asked if there was any wish it could help me fulfill. I said: I hope you can take care of the pig who is reading this message! I hope he is happy every time he goes to the bathroom!
83、今晚夜色很美，很想跟你分享，很想带你一起欣赏……不过，我怕别人用异样的眼光看我们，毕竟晚上带只蠢猪出门，是很难不引起旁人注意的！
83. The night is beautiful, and I really want to share it with you and take you to appreciate it together… But I’m afraid that people will look at us strangely, after all, taking a stupid pig out at night is hard not to attract attention!
84、夏日周末，酷暑炎热，骄阳似火，我很想你。一想你就浑身燥热，一燥热就特别想和你见面，一见面我就迫不及待地想扑进你的怀里…我亲爱的游泳池！
84. On a summer weekend, the scorching sun is like a fire, and I miss you so much. Thinking of you makes me feel hot all over, and when I feel hot, I especially want to meet you. Once we meet, I can’t wait to jump into your arms… my dear swimming pool!
85、请先摸摸你那红嫩的小脸，再摸摸你的小肚子！好！这次养猪知识讲座到此结束，明天见！
85. Please touch your rosy little face first, and then touch your belly! Alright! This pig-raising knowledge lecture ends here, see you tomorrow!
86、有了你以后，我相信命运的安排；有了你以后，我相信缘份的注定；可能这所有一切都是在冥冥之中牵引着你和我。真想生气地说：我上辈子我欠了你多少啊！
86. With you, I believe in fate; with you, I believe in destiny. Perhaps all these things are connecting you and me in the unseen world. I really want to say angrily: How much did I owe you in my last life?!
87、学语文就是为了发短信；学数学就是为了数钞票；学英语就是为了装洋气；学物理就是为了制造原子弹；学美术就是为了不用看二师兄的照片也能画得像你！
87. I study Chinese to send text messages; I study math to count money; I study English to pretend to be sophisticated; I study physics to make atomic bombs; I study art so that I can draw you without looking at the picture of the second brother!
88、夜已深，独自走在小巷，突然觉得好孤独，好寂寞，好害怕，我心中急切地想着你，念着你，盼着你，要是你在我身边该多好啊，我真的很需要你——手电筒！
88. Late at night, walking alone in the alley, I suddenly feel so lonely, so lonely, and so scared. I desperately think of you, miss you, and long for you. If only you were by my side, I would really need you – flashlight!
89、沐浴着微风，你潇洒轻松；沐浴着阳光，你玉树临风；你味道浓浓，鸡鸭鱼肉都需要你的调控，你是厨房里的英雄！我不能没有你，大葱！
89. Bathed in the breeze, you are relaxed and easygoing; bathed in the sunlight, you are as elegant as a tree. Your strong flavor is needed to regulate chicken, duck, and fish dishes. You are the hero in the kitchen! I can’t live without you, green onion!
90、最近流行老鼠爱大米，让我不禁想起你。你柔若无骨的嫩肌肤，你弱不禁风的小身体，真是让我提心又吊胆：该死的米虫！可别来祸害我家的米！
90. Recently, the popular song “Mouse Love Rice” reminds me of you. Your tender and delicate skin, your frail little body, really make me worried: Damn rice worm! Don’t come to harm my family’s rice!
91、新年到了，有四个字要对你说，虽然有一点不好意思，但这不是害羞的时候，不说出来，我会后悔莫及，所以我很真心地对你说，红包拿来！
91. The New Year is here, and I have four words to tell you. Although I’m a little embarrassed, this is not the time to be shy. If I don’t say it, I will regret it, so I sincerely say to you, give me the red envelope!
92、你拽，你拽，最会是当别人不存在，整天就只会到处去晒，也不怕把别人都吓坏，别以为自己长得很帅，其实你只是天蓬元帅！
92. You’re so arrogant, always acting as if others don’t exist, and showing off everywhere, not afraid to scare others. Don’t think you’re handsome; in fact, you’re just Marshal Tian Peng!
93、那个夏日的午后，我带你走进青纱帐。太阳高高地照着，微风撩起我的衣衫，我们一起度过了美好的下午：你低头吃草，我看小人书！
93. On that summer afternoon, I took you into the green curtain. The sun was shining high, and the breeze lifted my clothes. We spent a wonderful afternoon together: you ate grass with your head down, and I read comic books!
94、如果一定和猪比，我认为你最少有两点和它不同：一、你比它能吃。二、它比你聪明。
94. If I must compare you to a pig, I think there are at least two differences: 1. You can eat more than it. 2. It is smarter than you.
95、众水族给老龙王祝寿，席间龟丞相从怀中掏出一物，看了看，又放了回去。龙王忙问：龟丞相又有何事？虾兵蟹将赶紧答道：老王八又收到短信了。
95. During the birthday celebration for the Dragon King, the Turtle Prime Minister took out something from his pocket, looked at it, and put it back. The Dragon King hurriedly asked: What’s the matter with the Turtle Prime Minister? The shrimp soldiers and crab generals quickly replied: The old turtle has received a text message again.
96、你长得很有创意，活着是你的勇气，丑并非你的本意，如果没有了你，谁能衬托出世界的美丽！
96. You look very creative, and living takes courage. Ugliness is not your intention. Without you, who can set off the beauty of the world?
97、坦白说我很喜欢你，你的眼神，走路的姿势，快乐的神情，撒娇的可爱甚至你睡觉的样子，我都着迷！可最让我生气的是你不逮耗子，还老掉毛。
97. To be honest, I really like you. Your eyes, the way you walk, your happy expression, your cuteness when coquettish, and even the way you sleep, all fascinate me! But what makes me most angry is that you don’t catch mice and always shed hair.
98、你真是个天才——天生的蠢才，毕业于哈佛——哈尔滨佛学院，长得也不错——长得这样真的不是你的错。
98. You are a genius - a naturally stupid one. You graduated from Harvard - Harbin Buddhist College. You look good too - it’s really not your fault for looking like this.
99、曾以为有更好的，反反复复才发觉，最好的就在身边，就像你。起初对你出现，并不为然，随着时间流逝，才发觉你是最好……欺负的！
99. I once thought there was something better, but after going through it again and again, I realized that the best one is right beside me, just like you. At first, I didn’t care about your appearance, but as time went by, I found out that you are the best one to… bully!
100、我决心为全国人民做件大事：给珠穆朗玛峰修电梯给长城贴瓷砖给飞机安倒档；做件小事：给苍蝇戴手套给蚊子戴口罩给你喂点猪饲料。
100. I am determined to do something great for the people of the whole country: install an elevator for Mount Everest, tile the Great Wall, and install a reverse gear for airplanes; and do something small: put gloves on flies, masks on mosquitoes, and feed you some pig feed.
1、春天的花很艳，那是你明媚的笑容；夏天的太阳炽热，那是你的激情；秋天的硕果累累，那是你的收成；冬天的风吹来了，小青娃，你该冬眠了！
1. The flowers in spring are very beautiful, just like your bright smile; the sun in summer is scorching, just like your passion; the fruits in autumn are abundant, just like your harvest; the winter wind is blowing, little frog, it’s time for you to hibernate!
2、前天我送你回家，走到一幢豪华的大楼前，你深情地看着我说到了，你回去吧。我久久望着你的背影，看见上面写着四个字：精神病院。
2. The day before yesterday, I saw you off home. When we arrived in front of a luxurious building, you looked at me affectionately and said, “I’m home. You can go back now.” I gazed at your back for a long time and saw four words written on it: Mental Hospital.
3、萤火虫在黑夜里那叫一个闪亮，鹤立鸡群那叫显眼，马在驴中那叫出众，猪八戒在猪圈那叫俊俏，你和猩猩站在一起那叫……帅了个呆的！
3. The fireflies shine so brightly in the dark night, the crane stands out among chickens, the horse is outstanding among donkeys, and the Pigsy is handsome in the pigsty. You and the gorilla standing together are… stunningly handsome!
4、昨天有人在背后说你是猪，为了你，我和他大打出手，他妈的，哪能因为人家长的像什么就说人家是什么，你说对不？
4. Someone said behind your back yesterday that you are a pig. For your sake, I fought with him. Damn it, how can we call someone what they look like, right?
5、你像风轻盈，你像水温柔，你像雾朦胧，你像月浪漫，你像日热情，你像海宽容，你像牛健康，你像龟长寿，你像兔可爱，总之一句话：你没一处像人。
5. You are as light as the wind, as gentle as water, as hazy as the fog, as romantic as the moon, as passionate as the sun, as tolerant as the sea, as healthy as the cow, as long-lived as the turtle, as cute as the rabbit. In short, you don’t have a single human trait.
6、真的对不起，我只是跟你随便说说，天冷了吃驴肉火锅肯定不错，没想到你会生气地对我怒吼：我哥怎么得罪你了，你要残忍地把他放入火锅，那可是我亲哥。
6. I’m really sorry, I just casually talked to you. Eating donkey meat hot pot in cold weather must be great, but I didn’t expect you to get angry and roar at me: “What has my brother done to offend you? You want to cruelly put him in the hot pot. He is my own brother.”
7、我是一棵孤独的树，千百年来矗立在路旁，寂寞的等待，只为有一天当你从我身边走过时，为你倾倒，砸不扁你就算白活了。
7. I am a lonely tree, standing by the roadside for thousands of years, waiting in loneliness, just for one day when you pass by me, to fall for you, and if I don’t flatten you, my life would be in vain.
8、将这封短信转发次，你会走财运；转发次，你会走官运；转发次，你会走桃花运；转发次，你将花掉元钱！
8. Forward this message 8 times, and you will have good luck; forward it 6 times, you will have official luck; forward it 3 times, you will have romantic luck; forward it 9 times, and you will spend 9 yuan!
9、八戒化斋一直未归。这天，一个酷似八戒的人从远处走来，悟空说可能是妖精，唐僧说：发条短信试试，回的就是八戒，不回就是妖精！
9. Bajie has been gone for a long time to beg for food. One day, a person who looks very much like Bajie came from afar. Wukong said it might be a demon, and Tang Seng said: “Send a text message to try, if they reply, it’s Bajie; if not, it’s a demon!”
10、注意啦，夏季空调省电攻略送给你，我多年的经验，是朋友才告诉你：第一步，找到空调电源；第二步，拔掉电源；第三步，检查效果，看，电表转慢了吧。
10. Attention, here comes the air-conditioning power-saving strategy for summer, shared with you based on my years of experience. Only friends get to know: Step 1, find the air-conditioning power source; Step 2, unplug it; Step 3, check the effect. See, the electricity meter is spinning slower now.
11、夏天夜晚，你轻盈地钻进我的蚊帐，抚摸我的臂膀，亲吻我的脸庞，我被你撩拨的全身痒痒。将灯拉亮，拉住你两条长腿，该死的蚊子！我让你去见阎王！
11. On a summer night, you gently sneak into my mosquito net, caressing my arm, kissing my face, teasing me until my whole body itches. I turn on the light, grab your two long legs, you damned mosquito! I’ll make you pay!
12、我知道你喜欢我，但我真的不喜欢你，虽然你肚子里已经有了我的血肉，但还是请你不要再骚扰我了，否则我就对你不客气了，你个死蚊子！
12. I know you like me, but I really don’t like you. Although you have my blood and flesh in your belly, please stop bothering me, or I’ll be ruthless to you, you dead mosquito!
13、有一种默契叫做心照不宣，有一种感觉叫做妙不可言，有一种思念叫做望眼欲穿，有一种白痴会把短信看完！
13. There is a kind of tacit understanding called unspoken agreement, a feeling called unspeakable, a longing called yearning, and an idiot who reads the message to the end!
14、夜已深，独自走在小巷，突然觉得好孤独，好寂寞，好害怕，我心中急切地想着你，念着你，盼着你，要是你在我身边该多好啊，我真的很需要你——手电筒！
14. It’s late at night, walking alone in the alley, suddenly feeling so lonely, so lonely, and scared. I desperately think of you, miss you, and long for you. If only you were by my side, I really need you - flashlight!
15、自从我第一次看见你时，就已经深深地被你吸引住了，你的那行为举止，让我忍不住实在想多看你两眼，现在我实在憋不住了，想对你说：你简直就是一只会两条腿走路的小狗。
15. Ever since I first saw you, I was deeply attracted to you. Your behavior and举止 made me unable to help but want to see more of you. Now I can’t hold back my feelings and must tell you: you are just like a little dog walking on two legs.
16、给马桶好好擦了身以后，马桶为了感谢我，问我有什么愿望可以帮我实现，我就说：希望你帮我照顾正在看短信的这头猪！希望他每次便便的时候都开开心心！
16. After cleaning the toilet thoroughly, it thanked me and asked if there was any wish it could help me fulfill. I said, “Please help me take care of the pig who is reading this message! I hope he is happy every time he uses the toilet!”
17、今晚夜色很美，很想跟你分享，很想带你一起欣赏……不过，我怕别人用异样的眼光看我们，毕竟晚上带只蠢猪出门，是很难不引起旁人注意的！
17. The night is beautiful tonight, and I really want to share it with you, take you to appreciate it together… But I’m afraid people will look at us strangely, after all, taking a stupid pig out at night is hard not to attract attention!
18、刚听说你被拐卖，真的把我吓坏，你虽然从小痴呆，但对社会无害，谁人如此大胆，竟敢拿你去卖，我真替他担心，卖得掉才怪。
18. I just heard that you were kidnapped, which really scared me. Although you have been mentally challenged since childhood, you are harmless to society. Who would dare to sell you? I really worry about them, no one would buy you.
19、我一直想对你说三个字，可你知道它的份量，我怕一旦说出咱们连朋友都没得做。可我控制不住感情鼓起勇气对你说：你是猪。
19. I have always wanted to tell you three words, but you know their weight. I’m afraid that once I say them, we won’t be friends anymore. But I can’t control my feelings and must tell you with courage: You are a pig.
20、夏日周末，酷暑炎热，骄阳似火，我很想你。一想你就浑身燥热，一燥热就特别想和你见面，一见面我就迫不及待地想扑进你的怀里…我亲爱的游泳池！
20. On a summer weekend, the scorching heat is unbearable, and the sun is like a fire. I miss you so much. Thinking of you makes me feel hot all over, and when I feel hot, I especially want to meet you. When we meet, I can’t wait to jump into your arms… my dear swimming pool!
21、请先摸摸你那红嫩的小脸，再摸摸你的小肚子！好！这次养猪知识讲座到此结束，明天见！
21. Please touch your rosy little face first, then touch your belly! Alright! This pig-raising knowledge lecture ends here, see you tomorrow!
22、我要告诉你一件事哟，你千万不要告诉别人，听说城里人最近老打狗，不知道你主人最近打你了没有啊？老主人怀念你啊！
22. I want to tell you something, but you must not tell anyone. I heard that people in the city have been beating dogs lately. I wonder if your master has beaten you recently? Your old master misses you!
23、五脏属五行，肝属木，心属火，肺属金，肾属水，脾属土。我帮你算了一下，原来你五行缺火和金，难怪那么长时间不请我吃饭，原来你没心没肺啊！
23. The five organs correspond to the five elements: liver belongs to wood, heart to fire, lung to metal, kidney to water, and spleen to earth. I calculated for you and found that you lack fire and metal elements. No wonder you haven’t invited me for dinner for such a long time,原来是你没心没肺啊！
24、你真的想知道我喜欢你的哪一点吗？可是我真的不敢说出口，但是又不得不说出口。我就是喜欢你离我远一点。
24. Do you really want to know what I like about you? But I dare not say it, yet I have to. What I like about you is that you stay away from me.
25、阳光明媚，微风轻轻吹，杨柳多情地摇动着枝条，桃花吐着迷人的芳香，小溪在唱着欢快的歌儿，好一幅春天的画卷，我想说的是…好好工作，老板来啦！
25. The sun is shining brightly, the breeze is gently blowing, the willow branches are swaying affectionately, the peach blossoms are emitting a charming fragrance, the stream is singing a cheerful song, what a beautiful spring scene. What I want to say is… work hard, the boss is coming!
26、真是一件怪事？刚拨了一下你的手机，提示音回复：对方正在裸奔。怕听错了！又拨了过去，这时候提示音回复：对不起，所拨的用户已奔出地球。
26. It’s really a strange thing? I just dialed your phone and the prompt replied: The other party is running naked. Afraid I heard wrong! I dialed again, and this time the prompt replied: Sorry, the user you dialed has run out of the Earth.
27、你长的很有创意，活着是你的勇气，丑不是你的本意，是上帝发了脾气，活下去，没有你，谁来衬托世界的美丽！
27. You look very creative, living is your courage, being ugly is not your intention, it’s God who lost his temper, live on, without you, who will set off the beauty of the world!
28、你与我静静地走在家乡的小路上，你害羞地低头不语。乡亲们见了我都说：好孩子，打扮得干净又漂亮，可惜这么小年纪就出来放猪！
28. You and I walked quietly on the small road in our hometown, you shyly bowed your head and didn’t speak. The villagers saw me and said: Good child, you are clean and beautiful, but it’s a pity that you are so young and out herding pigs!
29、自我感觉良好的往下来，自我感觉幽默的往下来，自我感觉有魅力的往下看，自我感觉聪明的往下来，嗯，是挺不要脸的。
29. For those who feel good about themselves, scroll down; for those who feel humorous, scroll down; for those who feel charming, scroll down; for those who feel smart, scroll down. Well, it’s quite shameless.
30、大家注意了，智力大比拼：选手是象，猪和你。比赛结果已经出来了：第一是象要比猪强，你要比象强。最后的排名是：你象猪。好的，来点掌声！
30. Attention everyone, intelligence competition: The contestants are an elephant, a pig, and you. The results are in: First, the elephant is stronger than the pig, and you are stronger than the elephant. The final ranking is: You are like a pig. Okay, let’s have some applause!
31、有了你以后，我相信命运的安排；有了你以后，我相信缘份的注定；可能这所有一切都是在冥冥之中牵引着你和我。真想生气地说：我上辈子我欠了你多少啊！
31. With you, I believe in fate; with you, I believe in predestined relationships; perhaps all of this is being guided by some mysterious force between you and me. I really want to say angrily: How much do I owe you from my previous life!
32、说你是凤凰，我说你是乌鸦；你说你是玫瑰花，我说你是？]蛤蟆；你说你是活泼的小鹿，我说你是淘气的小猪！
32. If I say you are a phoenix, I say you are a crow; if you say you are a rose, I say you are a… toad; if you say you are a lively deer, I say you are a mischievous pig!
33、你好可爱——可怜没人爱；你长得真不错——长得这样真的不是你的错；你是天才——天生的蠢才；你很气质——小气又神经质。
33. You are so cute - pitiful that no one loves you; you look really good - it’s really not your fault to look like this; you are a genius - a naturally stupid person; you are very temperamental - stingy and neurotic.
34、清晨你轻轻地走近我的床前，深情地吻着我的脸，你那深遂的眼眸始终注视着我，实在无法拒绝你——“狗狗乖，带你去散步”。
34. In the early morning, you gently approached my bedside, kissing my face affectionately, your deep eyes always staring at me, I really couldn’t resist you - “Doggy, be good, let’s go for a walk.”
35、沐浴着微风，你潇洒轻松；沐浴着阳光，你玉树临风；你味道浓浓，鸡鸭鱼肉都需要你的调控，你是厨房里的英雄！我不能没有你，大葱！
35. Bathed in the breeze, you are relaxed and easy; bathed in the sunlight, you are elegant; your strong flavor, chicken, duck, and fish all need your control, you are the hero in the kitchen! I can’t live without you, green onion!
36、学语文就是为了发短信；学数学就是为了数钞票；学英语就是为了装洋气；学物理就是为了制造原子弹；学美术就是为了不用看二师兄的照片也能画得像你！
36. Learning Chinese is for sending text messages; learning math is for counting money; learning English is for pretending to be foreign; learning physics is for making atomic bombs; learning art is for drawing you without looking at the photos of the second brother!
37、听说那天你披了一个破麻袋，迈着怪怪的步伐；被当做小偷给抓起来了，还给你带上了狗牌？
37. I heard that one day you wore a tattered sack and walked with a strange gait; you were caught as a thief and given a dog tag?
38、你性感的小后背真的是让我想入非非。。。圆润、光滑，我真的好想上前。。。把你据为己有，可是不行呀！香喷喷的烤鸭，客人还没到齐，我也不能动筷呀！
38. Your sexy little back really makes me think about it… round and smooth, I really want to go forward… to make you mine, but I can’t! The delicious roast duck, the guests are not all here yet, I can’t start eating either!
39、公猪马上被杀，只听对主人苦苦哀求：杀我不要紧，只是求你们不要让我老婆看到，不要让她难过，不要打扰她，就让它在那里玩她的手机吧。
39. The boar is about to be killed, and he pleaded to the owner: It doesn’t matter if you kill me, just don’t let my wife see it, don’t make her sad, don’t disturb her, just let her play with her phone there.
40、实在有点想你了，很想和你一起见见面，就这样地看看你，可我真的又不想……我心里好乱—-每次看到你我都心里乱跳，精神病院检查结果出来了，你真的是脑残！
40. I really miss you a little, and I really want to meet you and just look at you, but I really don’t want to… my heart is so messy - every time I see you, my heart races, the mental hospital’s examination results are out, you are really mentally disabled!
41、我很希望能一定陪在你的身边，你睡得好吗？吃得饱吗？晚上会冷吗？我知道你总不会照顾自己。每次我一走开，你就会从猪栏里跳出来！
41. I really hope I can always be by your side. Do you sleep well? Are you well-fed? Do you feel cold at night? I know you never take care of yourself. Every time I leave, you jump out of the pigsty!
42、四只小猪地上坐，突然之间少一个。那个小猪在那里，原来在看短消息。
42. Four little pigs sit on the ground, and suddenly one is missing. Where is that little pig? It turns out it’s reading a text message.
43、你表现出色立了大功，组织决定嘉奖你。你脖子挂着奖章坐在桌边，面对丰盛的宴席你不为所动，我疑惑间，却见你飞身越起，扑向一物，仔细一看：一根骨头。
43. You performed exceptionally well and made a great contribution. The organization decided to reward you. You sit at the table with a medal around your neck, facing a sumptuous feast, unmoved. I am puzzled, but then I see you leap forward and pounce on something. Upon closer inspection, it’s a bone.
44、一直想见到你，却因事忙不能和你想见，今天终于有时间了。所以我特意来狗窝看看你。
44. I’ve always wanted to see you, but I’ve been too busy to meet with you. Today, I finally have some time, so I came to the doghouse to see you.
45、你是江南第八怪，不回家总在外，不喝酒老吃菜，不谈情老做爱，做爱经常套不带，常拿小姐当被盖，不给钱竟耍懒，经常让人拿脚踹。
45. You are the eighth weirdo in the south of the Yangtze River. You never go home and always stay outside. You eat vegetables instead of drinking alcohol, and you make love without talking about emotions. You often have sex without a condom, treat prostitutes like blankets, and refuse to pay, getting kicked by others. You really are something.
46、记得那天晚上，你梦到了自己拥有了一双梦寐以求的可以飞翔的翅膀，我就轻轻地扇动着翅膀然后轻轻地来到你的面前—-然后踢你一脚说：别做梦了，笨蛋！
46. I remember that night, you dreamed of having a pair of long-awaited wings to fly. I gently flapped my wings and came to you, then kicked you and said, “Stop dreaming, idiot!”
47、谢谢你春天陪我观百花，夏日伴我看夕阳，秋季陪我赏落叶，冬天伴我看雪景。如果没有你，再美的风景都是模糊的，真的谢谢你…眼镜！
47. Thank you for accompanying me to watch flowers in spring, enjoy the sunset in summer, admire the falling leaves in autumn, and watch the snow scenery in winter. Without you, even the most beautiful scenery would be blurred. I really appreciate you… glasses!
48、那个夏日的午后，我带你走进青纱帐。太阳高高地照着，微风撩起我的衣衫，我们一起度过了美好的下午：你低头吃草，我看小人书！
48. That summer afternoon, I took you into the green curtain. The sun was shining high, and a breeze lifted my clothes. We spent a wonderful afternoon together: you were grazing, and I was reading a comic book!
49、如果一定和猪比，我认为你最少有两点和它不同：一、你比它能吃。二、它比你聪明。
49. If you must compare yourself to a pig, I think you have at least two differences: 1) You can eat more than it. 2) It is smarter than you.
50、众水族给老龙王祝寿，席间龟丞相从怀中掏出一物，看了看，又放了回去。龙王忙问：龟丞相又有何事？虾兵蟹将赶紧答道：老王八又收到短信了。
50. All the sea creatures celebrated the birthday of the old Dragon King. During the banquet, the Turtle Prime Minister took out something from his pocket, looked at it, and put it back. The Dragon King hurriedly asked: “What’s the matter with the Turtle Prime Minister?” The shrimp soldiers and crab generals quickly replied: “The old turtle has received a text message again.”
51、你长得很有创意，活着是你的勇气，丑并非你的本意，如果没有了你，谁能衬托出世界的美丽！
51. You are very creative in appearance, and it takes courage to live. Ugliness is not your fault. Without you, who can set off the beauty of the world!
52、坦白说我很喜欢你，你的眼神，走路的姿势，快乐的神情，撒娇的可爱甚至你睡觉的样子，我都着迷！可最让我生气的是你不逮耗子，还老掉毛。
52. To be honest, I really like you, your eyes, the way you walk, your happy expression, your cuteness when being coquettish, and even the way you sleep. I am fascinated by all of it! But what makes me angry is that you don’t catch mice and always shed hair.
53、你真是个天才——天生的蠢才，毕业于哈佛——哈尔滨佛学院，长得也不错——长得这样真的不是你的错。
53. You are a genius - a natural fool, graduated from Harvard - Harbin Buddhist College, and you look good too - it’s really not your fault to look like this.
54、曾以为有更好的，反反复复才发觉，最好的就在身边，就像你。起初对你出现，并不为然，随着时间流逝，才发觉你是最好……欺负的！
54. I once thought there was something better, but after going through it again and again, I realized that the best is right beside me, just like you. At first, I didn’t care about your appearance, but as time went by, I found out that you are the best… to bully!
55、你天生脑袋带漩，脸黑五指不见，两片菜叶掩面，江湖飞壁走檐，闹得鸡飞狗唤，美女见了傻眼。自认丐帮老大，实住精神病院。
55. You are born with a swirl on your head, dark face with five fingers invisible, two pieces of vegetable leaves covering your face, and you roam the rivers and lakes, causing chaos everywhere. The chickens and dogs are in turmoil, and the beauties are stunned when they see you. You think you are the head of the beggars, but in reality, you live in a mental hospital.
56、师傅感冒了，念个经就好；大师兄感冒了，翻个筋斗就好；我感冒了，舞回铲就好；你感冒了，别出门才好。二师兄，你一感冒，全球发愁，真牛。
56. The master has a cold, and chanting a sutra will make it better; the eldest apprentice has a cold, and doing a somersault will make it better; I have a cold, and dancing with a shovel will make it better; if you have a cold, it’s better not to go out. Second apprentice, when you catch a cold, the whole world worries, you are really amazing.
57、你不苟言笑，却爱卖弄风骚；你嘴虽不甜，却讨人喜欢；你爱献殷勤，却无不轨之心；你天生还有看门的本领，看你瞪圆了双目，这块骨头赏给你了。
57. You are not talkative, but you love to show off; your mouth is not sweet, but you are likable; you like to be attentive, but you have no ulterior motives; you are born with the ability to guard the door. Look at you staring with your eyes wide open, here is a bone for you as a reward.
58、夜已很深，我从梦中醒来，在郊外的草地上，当你慢慢地向我靠近，我的心狂跳不止，这一切来得太突然，让我不知所措地大叫…老鼠！
58. It’s late at night, I wake up from my dream, on the grassland outside the suburbs. As you slowly approach me, my heart races uncontrollably. Everything comes so suddenly, leaving me at a loss and screaming… a mouse!
59、花果山被开发成旅游区，师父唐僧也和白骨精结婚了，没钱吃饭我把金箍棒也卖了，什么事都在发生。真怀念我们一起取经的日子，二师弟，你还好吗？
59. The Flower-Fruit Mountain has been developed into a tourist area, Master Tang Monk has married the White Bone Spirit, and I sold my golden cudgel because I had no money for food. Everything is happening. I really miss the days when we fetched the scriptures together, Second Brother, how are you?
60、早晨我吃不下饭，因为我想你，中午我吃不下饭，因为我更加想你，晚上我吃不下饭，因为我疯狂地想你，夜里我睡不着，因为…………我饿。
60. In the morning, I can’t eat because I miss you, at noon I can’t eat because I miss you even more, in the evening I can’t eat because I’m crazy about you, and at night I can’t sleep because… I’m hungry.
61、一种喜欢加上一种迷恋，汇成我对你火热的爱；生活的点滴日常琐碎，我都要紧紧把你依赖；不管风雨抑或坎坷，人生有你我就无所畏惧。真的需要你，钱！
61. A kind of liking plus a kind of infatuation, forming my fiery love for you; in the trivialities of daily life, I depend on you tightly; no matter wind and rain or ups and downs, with you in my life, I fear nothing. I really need you, money!
62、你总说我没出息，一棒子打不出两个屁，拉不出屎怨地球没引力，很是让你不满意，可是我也有情趣，来，赶紧把戒指戴上–K纯铁的！！！
62. You always say I’m good for nothing, can’t even make a sound when hit with a stick, and blame the Earth’s gravity when I can’t poop. You’re very dissatisfied with me, but I also have my charm. Come on, hurry up and put on the ring - it’s made of pure iron!
63、听说你最近变了，戒烟戒酒戒赌戒色，戒贪戒烦戒工作戒爱情，所以人们都叫你八戒。
63. I heard that you’ve changed recently, quit smoking, drinking, gambling, and lust, as well as greed, annoyance, work, and love. So people call you the Eight Precepts.
64、真不明白，为何每天晚上你总是尽量站在有光的地方，后来经人提醒我才明白，原来你是想当夜明猪呀！
64. I really don’t understand why you always try to stand in the light every night. Later, someone reminded me, and I finally understood that you wanted to be a night luminous pig!
65、温馨提醒：天气多变，小心穿衣！小雨是我想你，阵雨是心不移，刮风是送心意，阴天是很惦记，晴天是不分离，多云是有惊喜！如果下雪，那就是你没睡醒！
65. Warm reminder: The weather is changeable, be careful with your clothing! Light rain means I miss you, showers mean my heart is unchanging, wind sends my thoughts, over
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